20. Foster
20
FOSTER
I choked on the rest of my juice and tore the bottle from my mouth as I coughed and sputtered, gaping at Raina in shock.
You okay? Mom asked, stepping forward to slap me on the back.
All good, I managed to gasp with watering eyes as I coughed the horror from my system. Just went down wrong. Sorry.
Brey blew back into the kitchen with Kacey. Okay, Fos. We re ready to go.
Don t forget your lunch, Mom reminded, holding out a bag for Brey.
As Brey accepted it, Kacey glanced toward Emma who was still stalled in the doorway, not leaving.
Did you make me a lunch?
Wincing, Emma shook her head. Oh, honey. I m sorry. It completely slipped my mind.
I got it, Mom spoke up, opening a cabinet and pulling down a spare lunch box.
Covering her mouth with both hands, Raina shook her head as she continued to gape back and forth between me and Emma. But she s a mom . And so much older than you.
Unable to take this, I snatched a blueberry muffin to distract her. When her eyes widened with glee, I told Brey, I ll be out in the truck, waiting. And I hurried toward the exit.
Except Emma was there, still just…lingering.
Our eyes met, and I faltered a step, but she rushed to the side saying, Sorry.
I murmured a lame, Excuse me, and then inhaled a rush of fresh air as I exploded outside.
Oh my God! Raina repeated, keeping pace with me as I marched toward my truck, realizing I d basically just left without telling anyone goodbye. She s got to be a dozen years older than you.
Nine, I bit out, sending her a harsh, please-shut-up glance.
But there was no quieting her. Eyes bugging even bigger, she screeched, So it s really true? You had sex with her? Is that boy your son?
What ? Oh my God, no !
When I sent her an outraged glance, she only shrugged. I mean, he has your blond hair.
No, I argued, shaking my head. He has his father Robbie s blond hair. Not mine. Besides, the kid was, like, already two years old when we— Wondering why I was telling her this, I lifted my hands. Never mind.
She opened her mouth again, so I took a big bite of the muffin to distract her, but she only scoffed. That s not going to work now , I hope you know.
I rolled my eyes as we reached my truck just as a voice called from behind me, Hey, Foster. Wait up.
Raina and I paused and glanced over together to see Emma jogging down the walk toward us.
Oh, look, Raina snarked dryly. It s the cougar.
Shit, shit, shit, I muttered under my breath, glancing around for a grand escape plan but finding none.
Next to me, Raina folded her arms over her chest a little too smugly for my taste. Well, this should be interesting.
I sent her a dark glance and tensed as Kacey s mother drew close.
Hey, she greeted in a much more intimate tone as she reached me, then went as far as to set a hand on the side of my arm.
My jaw bunched, but I said nothing, feeling sick as she stepped close and said in a low voice, I just wanted to thank you for the other day.
I squinted at her with no idea what she was talking about, while Raina popped her face over Emma s shoulder, asking, What happened the other day?
At the soccer game, Emma clarified with a lowering of her chin as she kept eye contact with me.
I lowered my chin as well. O…kay, I answered slowly. What did I do at the soccer game?
She laughed as if I were being cute. With Robbie, she said, lifting her eyebrows encouragingly. Then, when I still didn t seem to catch on, she finally flat-out said, You didn t tell him about us.
Oh! I straightened, glad to figure out what she meant, only to shake my head. But why the fuck would I tell her husband that I d had sex with his wife while she wasn t his wife? Yeah, I mumbled lamely and glanced at Raina, who was watching me in confusion as if trying to figure out when I would ve been with her if she was still with Noah s dad.
It s just… Emma went on confidentially. Our marriage is rocky enough right now as it is…
Next to me, Raina exploded, Oh my God! She s still married?
I could feel my face heat into a flaming, red-hot fireball, and I lifted my hands to shut Emma up right there. You know what, I told her. Your marriage is none of my business. I don t need to know anything about it.
She nodded. Right. Right. Sorry. The back door opened, and both Brey and Kacey started out the back door, carrying backpacks and lunch boxes.
Well, I ll see you around, Emma whispered and hurried away.
I cringed, hoping that never happened. Then I glanced toward Raina, but she was just standing there, avoiding me and looking shell-shocked. The two fifth graders reached us before I could tell her anything about Emma, and she remained standing there as Brey and Kacey piled into the backseat of the truck. She didn t bother to pop inside when I climbed behind the wheel and started the engine, either.
I glanced at her through the windshield, and when she didn t take a step toward my truck, I exhaled roughly and geared the engine into drive .
As I started down the street, I kept glancing toward the passenger seat, waiting for her to appear, but she never did.
A block later, I finally noticed her sitting in the back between Brey and Kacey as they talked and gossiped, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. She had to be sitting on Little s booster seat, which told me just how displeased she was with me.
Fifteen minutes later, after I dropped my sister and her friend off in the elementary school drop-off lane, the cab of the truck went eerily quiet.
I huffed out a breath and swore, I didn t sleep with a married woman.
Silence greeted me for five seconds before she turned to stare out the window, mumbling a stiff, It s none of my business.
But fuck, she was acting as if I d cheated on her .
Feeling like shit, I left the elementary school and drove to campus. And I hated every second of silence that passed until I parked near the biology department.
Killing the engine, I just sat there before twisting in my seat to look into the back.
I m going to tell you the whole story, but after that, I don t want to talk about it again. Okay? I said. I hate every part of it, and I wish that week of my life never happened, but it did, and I can t handle you giving me the silent treatment because of it.
Her expression started to crumble before she caught herself and sent me an annoyed glare. Foster, really . You don t have to explain anything to me. It s your life.
Raina—
So what s your first class of the day? she asked, refusing to let me talk. That lab you were geeking out about, right? Great. Let s go.
She popped from the truck and started marching determinedly across the parking lot. But I remained sitting behind the wheel, just watching her through the windshield. A few seconds later, she appeared back in the passenger seat, only to growl in frustration.
Why aren t you getting out of the truck?
I just sat there, saying nothing.
Finally, she groaned and gripped her hair. Okay, fine, she muttered, twisting in her seat to face me. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she hugged them tight and rested her cheek on them before admitting, It was disappointing to learn you sleep with married women who are nine years older than you and have children. But you know what, I had you up there on this very high pedestal, so?—
Yeah, I choked out, shaking my head. I definitely don t deserve to be on any kind of pedestal. I am the most flawed person I know. But I don t want you to hate me either. I swiped a hand over my hair aggressively. Or if you re going to hate me, I d rather you have all the correct facts to back it up, at least.
You really don t have to tell me, she said primly as she turned her face aside to peer out the front windshield.
I lifted my brows. Okay. But aren t you even the tiniest bit curious? She was curious about everything else. I would ve thought she d be frothing at the mouth to know every little detail. You d be the absolute only person I ever told, I coaxed, sweetening the pot.
She turned her head to send me a suspicious glance. You didn t tell any of your seven?
I shook my head slowly. Nope. Not a single one of them.
Her brow furrowed. Then why would you tell me?
Because you figured it out, making you the only person who actually knows now, and... I winced before admitting, I ve kind of wanted some advice about how I should ve handled the situation from the beginning, but I couldn t go to any of my friends without admitting what I d done. I motioned toward her helplessly. Since you do know, though, maybe you can at least give me your takeaway.
In that case… Turning back to me, she demanded, Tell me everything. I m absolutely dying with questions. Like when, where? How many times? How did it start? How did it end? Did it end? And why?—?
Alright! Alright. I lifted my hands, pausing her there. I ll get to that. But I want you to know from the beginning, I did not sleep with a married woman. Okay?
Then what the hell happened? She rolled her hands to get me to talk faster.
Right... I closed my eyes briefly, then exhaled and opened my lashes.
Raina was nervously biting her fingernails.
Emma and her husband, Robbie, were high school sweethearts, and she ended up pregnant with their daughter, Kacey, right after graduation, so the two got married. And then they had their son, Noah, about three years ago. Last summer, Kacey showed up at our house, all upset and crying because her mom and dad had this huge fight, yelling and throwing things until her dad stormed out, announcing it was over. Within a few weeks, he d moved out, and Emma filed for divorce. Kacey was pretty upset about it, so my parents let Brey spend as much time with her as she wanted. And one of those times she went to see Kacey, I had to be the one to pick her up. This was about eight months ago, which was a good month or two after the divorce was finalized.
When I paused to send Raina a meaningful glance, ensuring she was fully aware of that fact, she nodded. Okay.
I nodded too and then continued. Emma was drunk and slurring badly, unable to walk a straight line. She assured me that she was okay and didn t usually drink around the kids, but it was the date of her wedding anniversary, which hit her hard. She showed me her signed divorce papers in her drunken stupor. I saw both of their signatures. They were divorced.
Raina bobbed her head with more certainty. I believe you, she said.
I exhaled in relief. So I took Brey home and then went back to sit with Emma and make sure she and the kids were okay until she passed out. And that s all I did that night… I just sat with her.
Kind of like what you did with me the other night, Raina provided in understanding.
Right. I motioned toward her thankfully for getting that connection. Emma asked me not to tell anyone how bad off she d gotten, so I agreed not to say anything, but I gave her my number in case she ever needed help, right? I mean, this is my sister s best friend s mom. I didn t want her to do anything to hurt herself or the kids.
Of course, Raina said softly, agreeing with me. That sounds like the you I know.
I cleared my throat and got to the worst part. So she called one night, asking me to come over. I guess Robbie had the kids that weekend, and she was feeling extra lonely. For some reason, I had the word suicide stuck in my head, so I rushed over there, thinking I was going to have to hide all the weapons and talk her off the ledge, but?—
She was wearing something super slinky and slutty when you showed up instead, Raina guessed.
I sighed. Yeah… Wincing, I asked, I m really lame, aren t I?
She only shrugged. So far, it just makes you a typical male. But keep talking.
Okay. So she gives me this whole story about how Robbie cheated on her multiple times, and yet he was the only guy she d ever been with. She told me she felt like a failure as a woman, and she just really needed something to help her boost her confidence again.
Raina lifted her eyebrows as if impressed. Wow. Super smooth lines. I m going to have to remember those for when I get out of my coma. Fanning her face, she started to dramatize what she d say in her own situation. Oh, my poor confidence, Foster… It s just—it s so low right now. I don t even know what it feels like to be alive anymore. If you could just give me one night of amazing, life-affirming sex…
I rolled my eyes. Hilarious, I deadpanned. But strangely, that was very close to what she said.
I ll bet, Raina muttered with a disgusted snort. The lucky bitch.
I mean, she was in a really low place. And I kind of—I kind of used her too.
When Raina glanced at me with a questioning squint, I heaved out a reluctant breath before admitting, I m not—I don t have a lot of experience, okay? In the bedroom. Rushing my words now, I explained, I just feel extremely…awkward and inept when it comes to sex. I mean, the whole subject of it just kind of…scares me. So I was hoping—I mean, she d been married for years. I thought she could teach me some things to help me out going forward, you know, so I could boost my own confidence.
Raina s mouth had fallen open, and she stared at me as if I d turned into some alien being she d never seen before. Finally, she burst out, What do you mean you don t have a lot of experience? How can you be afraid of sex? You re Foster freaking Union.
Exactly, I growled. Girls expect… experience when they meet me, and I just—I don t have much, okay ?
But—
Bowing my face, I plowed ahead with my story. Anyway , neither of us went into it looking for some grand love story. We each needed our own jump-start, I guess.
And did you get one? Raina asked quietly.
I scoffed and glanced toward the ceiling of my truck. I really don t know what I got. I mean, I thought it went okay, but two days later—before we could even talk again, much less hook up anymore—she texted me to let me know her ex had come back, begging her to give him another chance. So she did, and now they re back together and remarried.
Raina blinked at me once, her mouth gaping and eyes flared with disbelief before she whispered, Whoa.
Yeah, I muttered, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. I hadn t seen her again until Saturday when I took Brey to a soccer game, where I ran into both of them—together—at the concession stand. Robbie decided we were suddenly best friends, and he wanted to talk about football and cars and everything else under the sun for the rest of the afternoon. I had to smile and chat back, pretending I d never slept with his wife. It was awful and uncomfortable, and I kind of never want to have sex again, ever . I only seem to fail at dating and romance. And I wish the whole thing had never happened.
Finally done talking, I waited for Raina to tell me what I d done wrong, but she just sat there, looking thoughtful and almost...worried.
Unable to take her silence past five seconds, I demanded, Well?
She glanced at me in surprise. Well, what?
What re you thinking? I had to know. Where did I go wrong? What should I have done differently?
I don t— she shook her head, looking as lost as I felt. I don t know if you did anything wrong. Your good-guy syndrome got you caught in a tight, impossible situation, and no matter how you had handled it, I think you d still feel shitty today.
Good-guy syndrome? I wanted to ask what that even was , but instead, I blurted, You really think I d feel this guilty and wrong if I d just turned her down that night?
Well, I mean, yeah, she answered. I d like to think I m starting to learn you a little, and you hate to disappoint people. You hate to tell them no. You re, like, the people pleaser extraordinaire. It would ve eaten at you if you d been the asshole who rejected her when she was feeling so low and questioning her own existence as a woman. And you know what—if you hadn t given her that night, maybe she still would have felt low and crappy when her ex came crawling back. Maybe she wouldn t have had the self-confidence she needed to let him back in. Those kids might not have gotten both parents under one roof again, if you hadn t given her that inspiration she needed to boost herself into being the woman she wanted to be.
I winced. So you re saying I saved their marriage by having sex with her?
Well… I don t know about that . But, you know what? Maybe.
When I furrowed my brow, she winced. Okay, that might be taking it too far.
Slightly, I agreed.
Yeah, she grumbled glumly. Sorry. I was mostly just trying to make you feel better.
I shrugged. Thanks for trying, anyway.
She nodded. If it helps, I honestly doubt your one night with her has any bearing on their relationship at all.
I nodded, liking that answer the most. Hopefully.
Great. She smiled brightly. So let s get you to class, then. A whole new semester awaits.
I blinked at the abrupt change of subject. But— Except when I checked the time on my wrist, I yelped, Oh shit! Because she was right. We were running late.
Grabbing my book bag, I hurried from the truck and started jogging toward the biology building.
But as soon as I reached it, I paused to glance over at the girl who d kept pace with me.
Hey, Raina? I said, swallowing thickly with emotion.
She looked up in surprise. Hmm?
Thank you, I said. Thanks for being so chill about this. It s been eating at me for eight months, and I d convinced myself I had to be the worst person in the world. So thanks for not looking at me as if I were the devil incarnate.
You re not the devil, she assured, reaching out as if to try to touch my arm. You re not even a bad guy, she added as she dropped her hand. You re just you, and I still think you re a good person. And, sending me a soft, gracious nod, she said, thank you for sharing your story with me. I know it was hard for you to talk about. I m honored that you trusted me with it. Sending me a self-deprecating roll of the eyes, she added, I mean I am in a coma, so who am I going to tell, but still, thanks for making me feel important.