29. Foster
29
FOSTER
R aina? I asked. Raina? Can you hear me?
Mmph… a garbled mumble came from her throat.
Oh my God. Fumbling, I found the call button and pressed the shit out of it before gripping Raina s hand and squeezing. That s it. That s the way, darlin . Open those eyelashes. Wake up now.
She made another sound and her fingers shifted within mine.
Yes, I encouraged. Hold onto my hand. I m right here. Come back to me . I m right here, waiting for you.
Her fingers squeezed back, and tears clouded my eyes. Good. Good job. You ve got it. You re doing it. You re doing so good.
What in tarnation? Darlene s voice exploded from behind me.
I spun to smile at her, wiping at my wet cheeks as I said, She s doing it. She s waking up. She s making sounds and squeezing my hand.
Well, I ll be. Nearing the bed, Darlene looked down at Raina just as her eyes opened briefly, only to close again. Then, with a smile, she lightly punched my arm. I knew you d bring her around.
My chest swelled with joy. Reaching out to smooth back Raina s hair, I asked softly, Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes again?
When she did, I whooped and then pressed my hands to my mouth. That s it, I encouraged with a nod. That s it exactly.
She blinked at me slowly before licking her lips and opening her mouth.
Hurts, she managed to rasp from a croaky whisper. When she tried to lift her hand toward her throat, I caught her fingers.
Your throat hurts?
She nodded slowly.
I imagine it does, the nurse announced sympathetically. After being intubated for that long, it s got to be as raw and sore and swollen as all get out.
Do you need a drink? I asked Raina before lifting my gaze to the nurse. Can she have a drink?
While Raina nodded, letting me know that a drink sounded good, the nurse said, I ll get some ice chips. And she hurried from the room.
When Raina struggled as if trying to lift herself, I gripped her arm, asking, Do you want to sit up?
She collapsed back against the bed in relief and closed her eyes briefly as she nodded her head.
Okay. I think it s okay for you to sit up. She didn t have any spinal damage to prevent it. So I found the button and started to tilt her bed up. Just tell me when.
Once she made it to about a sixty-degree angle, she lifted her hand an inch, and I stopped her there.
Does anything else hurt? I asked, taking her fingers.
She tugged them out of my grip, making me swallow in dread, but then she shook her head to answer me before opening her mouth and hoarsely asking, What…happened?
You were in a car accident, I told her.
Her eyes widened, and she started to breathe heavily as if about to have a panic attack.
But you re okay, I assured her, smoothing my hand over her hair. You re okay. You still have both arms and both legs and no broken bones. There were a couple of scrapes and bumps and bruises. You just hit your head hard enough that they had to put you into a coma for a few days to let it heal. But you re fine now. You re going to be okay.
She nodded and seemed to settle down with that explanation.
When she opened her mouth again, I had a feeling she was going to ask about her sister. She d been pissed the first time when I hadn t told her immediately that Kinsey had died. But I couldn t tell her immediately this time either. She d just woken up from a fucking coma.
I was never so relieved as when Darlene re-entered the room with a cup. Here, you feed her while I check her stats, she offered as she handed the ice chips over.
I nodded and took the cup. As I fished a sliver of ice free, Raina watched me from drowsy eyes. Smiling encouragingly, I brought the piece to her lips, but a melted droplet of water ran down the side of my finger and landed on a bare patch of skin at her shoulder, making her jump.
Goodness, Darlene cheered as she took the stethoscope from around her neck and plugged it into her ears. Just look at those nice, sharp reflexes. That s what I like to see.
Raina slowly slid her gaze to the nurse and then back to me.
Sorry, I offered with a timid smile and then touched her lips with the ice. She watched me uneasily before opening her mouth and accepting it.
Meanwhile, Darlene listened to her heart and chest, telling Raina as she worked, So my name is Darlene. And I m going to take care of you, alright?
O-okay, Raina rasped.
Great, Darlene smiled encouragingly as she kept checking Raina s vitals. Can you hear me alright? Am I talking too loudly or too softly?
I hear you, Raina managed to answer, her voice slurring sluggishly.
Good, good, Darlene murmured with a nod as she took Raina s temperature. How re you feeling, kiddo? Do you have any pain or discomfort?
I… Raina shook her head as if confused before glancing at me as if seeking an answer. I don t know, she finally mumbled.
Alright. No worries. How about this? Darlene carried on, undeterred. Can you move your arms or legs?
Raina looked up at her, and nothing happened.
A moment later, the nurse asked, Did you try?
Raina nodded her head once.
Heart stopping, I glanced at the nurse, worried she was paralyzed. But Darlene didn t seem too alarmed yet.
What about this? she persisted. Can you feel this? Moving to the foot of the bed, she took her pen and poked the bottom of Raina s foot, through her booties.
With a gasp, Raina jerked her foot away from the prod.
I drew in a deep breath, glad she could still feel.
Great! That s great, Darlene praised. How about we start smaller? Do you think you can wiggle your toes?
When her toes didn t move, Darlene wondered, Your fingers?
Raina jerked her hands ungracefully and then her knee bent as if she d just had a spasm under the sheet.
So coordination isn t working the best yet, Darlene murmured to herself as she scratched out a few notes on a clipboard. That s nothing that can t be relearned, which is better than the alternative.
What happened? Raina finally asked, speaking up again.
I swallowed, hoping her short-term memory wasn t shot.
But Darlene remained patient and calm. You were in a car accident, hon, and your brain got a little damaged, but you re okay. Everything is okay, and you re safe now. Alright?
Raina swallowed thickly but then nodded her compliance.
Okay, good, Darlene soothed. Let s see what you can remember. Can you tell me your name?
Ra… Pausing to lick her lips, Raina glanced at me, and I shifted quickly forward, fetching another cube from the cup.
Do you want more ice? I asked.
She nodded gratefully, and I fed her another piece.
Once she had it down, Darlene returned to her interrogation. Now, how about that name? Can you remember your name?
Raina, Raina croaked, making me sigh in relief. Raina Bollen.
Good. And do you know where you are?
Raina glanced around at the walls. At the hospital, but I don t know why I m here.
You were in a car accident, sweetness. What about this fellow here? She pointed at me. Do you know this person?
Raina focused on me, and I held my breath. Even if we d never technically met, she should at least know who I was.
But she shook her head, unable to place me, and I swallowed hard, not sure what to think of that.
My hair was still damp from the shower I d taken at her apartment where she d gone down on me, and now—barely an hour later—she was looking at me with no recognition at all.
My chest went tight with pain as Darlene told her, That s okay, dear. We won t worry about it too much yet.
Relief swam in Raina s eyes, and she nodded her thanks.
What about your age? Darlene asked. Do you know how old you are?
Tw-twenty? she asked with a slight squint to let us know she was unsure.
But Darlene nodded, praising, Very good. And your birthday?
Uh… Raina looked up at the ceiling as if trying to wrack her brain, but then she slurred, September. September 17th?
Perfect. Do you know what town you re in?
Raina started to shake her head before asking, Westport?
Yes, Darlene congratulated. That s right. And were you born in Westport?
With a wince, Raina shook her head. No. Just going to college here.
Where were you born?
Gal… Raina hissed out an aggravated sigh and jerked her hands as if she was trying to throw them up in frustration. Galves… she tried to answer again, only to lob her head back and forth to shake it no. I don t wanna do this anymore.
Okay, alright, Darlene said calmly, in a soothing voice. We ll stop for now. You deserve a good rest after all that. You just call for me if you need anything. Okay, hon? Do you remember my name?
Raina jerked her head back and forth, not remembering the nurse s name.
I m Darlene. I m your nurse at the hospital. You ve been in a car accident and hurt your head, so everything s going to feel confusing and muddled for a while, which is totally expected. But we re gonna get you better, ya hear? We re going to take the best care of you, and you ll be out of here in no time.
That seemed to settle her before she glanced over at me and winced in confusion. Wh—why is Foster Union in my hospital room, though? she asked sleepily. Am I hallucinating?
I stepped forward eagerly, thrilled that she finally recognized my face. No, I m real, I assured her, taking her hand, only for her to pull it right back out of my grip.
Meanwhile, Darlene chuckled. Finally remember his name, huh? Good. That s good. That brain of yours is working hard to put itself back together again.
But Raina didn t seem to appreciate the praise. Shaking her head, she moved her arms, but they didn t seem to do what she wanted this time, and her agitation spiked. What s happening? Why can t I move right? I just want to go home. What happened ?
When she tried to roll out of bed to escape, both Darlene and I dove forward to catch her. Whoa, whoa! What re you doing there, Raina? Darlene demanded as I scooped her into my arms and helped her back onto the bed.
I want to go home, Raina cried from her hoarse voice. I don t like this. Why can t I move right? What happened to me? Burying her face into my shoulder, she wept. I don t like this.
I know, I know, I soothed, petting her hair and then kissing it. But it s going to be okay. You re going to be just fine. We re here to help you, and soon your body s going to work the way you want it to. I just know it will. It just needs some time to heal.
Her tears soaked through my shirt, as she sniffed and said, I want the captain.
Okay, I assured her. We ll get him here. I ll call him right now.
She nodded her thanks and clung to me with her face firmly plastered in my shirt, and we stayed like that for the longest time. I glanced over her shoulder at the nurse, who nodded at me to let me know I was doing okay.
When Raina went limp against me, falling back to sleep, I swallowed the knot in my throat and laid her back down on the bed.
More hospital staff arrived, and Darlene filled them in on Raina s prognosis as I backed away from the bed, looking at the sleeping girl I d fallen for.
The girl who didn t remember our time together.
I thought the worst-case scenario would be that she d never wake up, and her dad would unplug her, but having her look at me without remembering the past two weeks had been devastating.
Pressing a hand to my chest, I sat in the chair next to her bed and tried to catch a decent breath while doctors and orderlies swarmed the sleeping patient.
It took me a minute to calm down and think straight again, but when I did, I pulled out my phone to let my friends know she was awake. Then I rang Raina s father and told him she was out of the coma but napping at the moment.
He made it sound as if he d leave Galveston immediately, so it should only be a couple of hours before he hit town.
I also had to work today, so I called in, letting them know I wouldn t be able to make it. And finally, I checked in with my family to make sure they didn t need me for anything for the rest of the day.
And then I sat, waiting for Raina to wake up once more.
Oaklynn, Damien, and Jaylani showed up first, but Raina slept through their visit, and I had to promise them that she was truly and honestly out of the coma. When I touched her fingers to prove it, Raina jerked her hand away but kept sleeping.
After they left, her main physician stopped by, and he was monitoring her vitals when she stirred again.
Hey, there, he greeted with a soft smile. It s nice to finally meet you. I m Dr. Shannessy here at Westport Medical. You ve just woken from a two-week coma. Can you still remember your name?
Raina nodded and tried to sit upright, but he caught her arm. Let s wait a minute to do that. Alright, kiddo? Your muscles have atrophied after not using them for so long. It s going to take some work, but you ll regain the ability to walk again soon enough. I think we ll try standing you up tomorrow to see how you do.
Consulting his notes, he added, Looks like your small motor skills are a little skewed as well. And I m sure your equilibrium is off, which will affect your balance. But those are things that can heal. Can you tell me what the last thing you remember is?
I… Raina winced and shook her head. I don t know. Her voice was still so rough and hoarse, it made me wince in sympathy just to hear it.
Alright. How about we start broader? Do you know what year it is?
2024? she guessed.
He smiled and nodded. Yes, ma am, it is. What about the month? Do you know the month or maybe even the season?
January, she answered, her voice still rough and hoarse. Winter. She eyed the cup of melted ice chips and I shot to my feet to help her drink. Her gaze lifted to mine when I stood, however, and she pointed at me in recognition. Football, she said. There was a game. We won. National Champs. Second year.
My smile spread. That s right. We did win. My gaze shot to the doctor s. That game was on the eighth. Just four days before her accident.
This was great. She remembered the game. It was a start that gave me plenty of hope.
The doctor nodded and kept watching Raina. But she furrowed her brow in confusion as she asked, What accident? I don t remember an accident.
You were in a car accident, Dr. Shannessy informed her.
And she hissed in frustration before snapping, I know that ! Everyone keeps telling me that. But where was it? When? What happened ?
How about we figure out what you remember first.
No! Raina shouted. I m tired of questions. I want answers. I want to get out of here. I want to go home. I don t like hospitals.
When she tried to climb out of her bed again, I was too far away to stop her this time. Leaping forward, I saw my life flash before my eyes as her feet hit the floor and knees immediately buckled, unable to support her even a little.
Raina! Diving, I caught her just in time to keep her from face-planting. Then I scooped her into my arms and settled her back on the bed.
Now, Miss Bollen, the doctor scolded sternly. You can t keep doing that. Do you want to be restrained to the bed?
No, she wailed, shaking her head as tears rained down her cheeks. I don t want to be here at all. I want the captain.
The doctor shook his head. Who s the captain?
Her dad, I answered, which made Raina snap her attention to me. He s coming, I assured, glancing at my watch. He could actually show up at any moment now, so I told her, He ll be here within the hour.
She nodded as if reassured but then looked at me through her tears, asking, But why are you here? I don t know what you re doing here. Am I dead?
I… My heart started to pound hard. No, you re not dead at all. I was here visiting when you woke up, so I ve been keeping you company until your dad arrives.
And he ll be here soon? she asked, sniffing down some tears.
I nodded in reassurance. He s on his way right now.
Miss Bollen? the doctor broke in. Can you tell me what color the walls are?
I spun to him, narrowing my eyes. Does she really need more questions right now? Questions are clearly agitating her.
He sent me an irritated sigh. We need to determine her brain function and what she s capable of in order to properly measure our next course of treatment. I d like to get her off as many drugs as soon as possible, but if she can t even?—
Blue, Raina broke in weakly, looking exhausted and beaten. The walls are light blue.
God. She was such a trooper. I could only imagine how the world looked to her right now. Everything had to be so disorienting and scary. But she just kept hanging in there.
I reached for her fingers and squeezed supportively.
Except she immediately pulled them away.
As she looked up at me as if condemning me for daring to touch her, I eased a submissive step back and tucked my hands into my pockets, cursing myself for trying to be so fucking familiar.
She clearly didn t remember anything about me. I was just a stranger she d seen in pictures. I had to keep reminding myself of that.
Nodding appreciatively, Dr. Shannessy flipped a page on his clipboard and wrote something down before murmuring, Alright. You re doing great. Now, I m going to show you a sheet of paper with some words I just wrote on it. Do you think you can read them for me?
As he turned the clipboard around and showed it to her, I was able to see that he d filled the entire page by writing, The quick, brown fox jumped over the lazy dog .
But when Raina looked at it, she hissed out a pained groan and turned her face away, grimacing.
No, she said. I—I can t. The words are too blurry. They hurt.
Okay, the doctor murmured, taking note. What about?—
Please stop, she begged. I don t—I don t want to do this anymore. I don t feel well.
Just a few more questions, Miss Bollen.
But I ground my teeth and growled, No. No more questions. Not right now. He glanced at me as if to tell me off, but I lifted a stern eyebrow and said, She needs a break.
I could tell he wanted to push but when he turned back and took in Raina s face, he knew she was done. Rest was her number one priority.
I ll be back, he said quietly and nodded once before turning away and leaving the room.
Raina hiccupped a sob and lifted both hands to cover her face, probably not even realizing she hadn t been able to do even that small of a motor function only hours ago.
You okay? I asked quietly, but before she could answer, Darlene swept into the room, followed by a familiar figure.
Hey, hey. Look who I just found roaming the hallways, darlin . Stepping to the side, she revealed Captain Chum in the doorway.
Raina s cheeks immediately flooded. Captain, she sobbed, lifting her arms toward him.
Oh God. Pookie ! He rushed toward the bed, and I stepped back to let him pass. You re awake. You re really awake. Sitting on the mattress beside her, he pulled her into a hug. I was so afraid you d never open your eyes again.
Captain, was all she could choke out as father and daughter wept openly together.
I glanced toward Darlene, who met my gaze briefly, and silently, we exited the room together to give them some privacy.
But as I went, I could hear Raina ask, Did Kinsey come with you?
Pain welled in my throat like a bubble. I clutched my chest as I hurried toward the stairwell for privacy. But dammit, I knew this feeling. It used to plague me constantly as a kid. The surging anxiety. The uncontrollable stress. The never being able to stop it.
Breathe, I ordered myself with a teeth-gritting growl as I closed my eyes and forced air into my lungs.
I told myself I was okay. Raina was okay. She was going to live, and no one was in danger. Everyone was safe. Everything was fine.
I exhaled again and then opened my eyes, feeling dizzy and drained. Clutching the banister, I stumbled down the stairs and out of the hospital.
Once I d climbed behind the wheel of my truck, however, and shut the door, my gaze slid to the passenger seat, and it hit me all over again when I didn t see Raina there.
Panic returned in a flood because I knew I d never get to see her sitting in that seat again.
Oh God. Oh God, I gasped, trying to calm myself but only growing more upset when I realized my time with her was over. The girl I d spent the last two weeks with and probably grown closer to than anyone else was gone. She hadn t even really existed. The person she was now saw me as a stranger and—and she was learning about her sister at this very moment, probably going through the worst heartbreak of her life.
It killed me that she had to be told about Kinsey twice.
But the part that affected me the most, the part I couldn t seem to get past?—
My vision blacked out and sweat coated my face.
The fact that she didn t remember our time together meant it had basically never happened.
Raina Bollen had survived, yes, but my Raina was as good as dead.
Reaching out to grab the steering wheel, I tried to ground myself to something real and mentally pep-talk myself out of the attack, but it seemed determined to stay.
By the time it finally passed, I felt drained and exhausted. My shirt was soaked from the amount of sweat that had poured off me, and my vision was still blurry and taking its time to clear.
Spotting vague outlines of people walking through the parking lot toward the hospital, I decided that I should get out of here before?—
A knock on my side window had me jumping hard. I swallowed, then heaved out a breath as I glanced over. I could tell it was a guy, around my age, but it took me rolling down the window before I was able to focus enough and recognize Connor Resson.
Hey, man, he greeted, looking worried. You okay?
I nodded and swiped my hand over my damp hair. Yeah, I m fine.
He wasn t convinced. Glancing toward the hospital, he asked, You need some help getting inside?
No. I shook my head. I jus came from in there. I m okay. Thanks for checking, though.
You sure? Because you don t look so?—
Connor, I said I was fine !
He pulled back in surprise and blinked at me, never having heard me get short and snippety before.
I hissed in regret and closed my eyes briefly before running a hand over my face and wincing when pain resonated through my temples. Sorry, I mumbled. I m jus … I flailed out a helpless hand and finished by merely saying, I gotta go.
I reached down to turn on my truck. See ya, I told him as I rolled up my window, cutting the conversation off there. He stepped back, giving me enough berth to pull away from my parking spot, but he remained watching me as if he was seeing an alien.
I rolled my eyes and started home. And every time I glanced over toward the passenger seat and didn t find Raina there, pain gripped my lungs all over again.