Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
ANYTHING BY DODIE
Sienna helped me finish packing up what I would need for the next few months that I’ll be gone.
I felt wrong leaving which is a feeling I’ve never had when leaving campus to go home to my parents.
I think it’s because I’ve never in my life left feeling unresolved.
That’s what I feel right now. I feel like I was lied to.
I don’t know if I should be mad at Bellamy for the picture.
I never gave him a chance to explain, but whatever that was mixed with his lie…
It’s enough to lose my trust. Especially after I told him everything I did about barely having trust in the first place.
My mom picked me up from the bus station, and it’s been silent since she picked me up. I feel like I haven’t opened my mouth to talk in ages, and I’m glad because I don’t feel like talking at all right now.
My mom seems like she can’t sit still. More than normal as she drives us back to my childhood home.
She looks pretty right now. Her dark hair pulling back into a tight bun, her glasses resting on the bridge of her nose.
She’s got on her normal red lipstick, and pretty makeup.
I swear she looks like she hasn’t aged in years.
I don’t know what’s gotten into her, but I know she knows there’s something wrong with me.
Her hands have been tapping the wheel, and she keeps looking at her phone that’s propped up on her dashboard.
She keeps looking at me too, like she’s waiting for something.
She knows me better than anyone else, and she can read me as easily as a children's book. She knew there was something wrong the minute I wanted to come home early, she just hasn’t asked yet, and I know she will.
“Why are you so fidgety?” I finally speak.
My voice sounds like a phantom, like it isn’t me talking at all.
“I’m not fidgety... Why are you so quiet?” She asks and I shrug. “Does it have anything to do with the fact that you decided to come home a few days early?”
I shrug again.
“And does coming home early have anything to do with your so-called friend Bellamy?” She pushes.
I keep my eyes out of the window, not looking at her once as I watch everything pass by us.
There’s really not much out here. It’s barren compared to the city.
I hate how my mom always has an intuition about what’s going on in my life.
I hate that she knows even when I’ve never told her anything.
The minute I mentioned a boy to her without her forcing it out of me she knew he was more than a friend. I thought he was at least.
“That’s all he is,” It’s the truth despite the feelings I have inside.
All he is now and ever will be is a friend. Lesser than a friend at this point.
“That sounds like a lie,” Her voice trails off.
I know when my mom doesn’t want to push me for answers. She doesn't want to right now, but in normal mom fashion, she’s going to do it anyway.
“Bellamy and I had a silly little fling, and it didn’t mean anything, and that’s it. It was a mistake, and it was stupid.”
It was a mistake, but it wasn’t stupid, and it wasn’t silly, or little in my head.
It was special to me. Bellamy’s words ring in my head, telling me not to diminish my own feelings to make everyone else feel comfortable.
I push it away, he lied to me, I shouldn’t be thinking of any of the things he said, good or bad.
“Why do you think that?” She asks and I don’t respond, relief crashing through me when I see the familiar home.
My mom pulls into the driveway, and I still keep my mouth shut.
“Kamryn…” My mom tries once more and I shake my head.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Mom. I don’t want to think about Bellamy, that’s why I left. He wasn’t who I thought he was, and he just… He’s just not what I need.”
I watch as she presses her lips together. The words taste bitter in my mouth, but I force them out because they’re more than true.
She shuts off the car, looking disappointed as she looks around us.
I look around too, trying to understand what she’s looking for and disregard it when I see nothing.
I grab my things from the back of the car, and my mom helps, both of us approaching the side entrance of the house, and walking up the brick stairs.
I hear a car behind me, tires screeching to a halt, and both my mom and I turn at the loud sound.
“Oh, he made it,” My mom sounds relieved, but I feel everything but relief.
My eyes rest on the beat up Jeep, and Bellamy getting out at the bottom of the driveway.
He slams his door, and he looks disheveled as if he just raced three hours to get here.
I have no idea how the hell he got ahold of this address but I have a feeling it has to do with my mom which only leads to more questions.
I feel anger, I feel nauseous. I turn away from him and don’t wait for him to make it to the top of the driveway despite his jogging.
I walk through the doors, drop my bags, and slam the door behind me, leaving my mom outside too.
“Kamryn...” My mom opens the door.
“What is he doing here?” I ask as she steps inside, closing the door behind her softly.
“Why don’t you stop acting like a little girl, and come out here, and find out?” She calls me out and I hate that she’s doing it.
“Because he hurt me, and I want nothing to do with him anymore,” I feel odd arguing with her. I don’t fight with my mom.
Not now, not ever because she would… Because she would never do something if it wasn’t for my benefit. Never. I stop. I think, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Dammit.
“How did he even figure out where I live? What did you do?” I ask, and she raises her eyebrows, probably at my tone, but I’ll get the lecture on that later.
“Sienna gave him my number, and I gave him our address because I think you jumped over too many important details and left without explanation. From him, or to him,” She argues, her hands on her hips.
I keep my arms crossed over my chest as I look at my mom.
“He drove all the way here, just to talk to me?” I ask, and she nods.
“Just give him a chance to explain himself,” She looks at me with warm eyes, and I don’t say anything as I open the door.
My mom would never tell me to do something unless she thought it was right.
“Don’t snoop,” I warn her, knowing she’d press her ear to the door, waiting to hear everything.
Though she really doesn’t need to. I’ll probably cry to her tonight after I force him to leave. I walk outside, Bellamy already standing at the door, waiting.
“Cross my heart,” My mom gives Bellamy a thumbs up.
I take a second before I look at him, and when I do I still feel like the breath in my lungs might get knocked out of me. I deserve an explanation. That’s all this will be, and then I can get over it.
“You skipped out on me…” His voice is so soft.
Looking at him, it looks like he’s got a million things going through his mind like he doesn’t know which one to say first. I’m nervous to see what he chooses.
“You lied to me, and you used me,” I watch his eyes shut, and his head shakes slowly.
“I didn’t use you Kamryn. Sienna told me about the picture, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry you saw that, and I’m sorry for everything. I am not with Leah, I never wanted to be. This wasn’t some ploy to get her back or make her jealous, and it never was. It was always about you, always.”
My brain is now a jumbled mess of mixed emotions. That makes no sense in any capacity unless…
“What are you talking about? I saw the picture of you two, you holding her like you had... Like you were kissing her, and-”
“No. I didn’t kiss her. I don’t want Leah.
I was at the coffee shop on my own, she happened to be there, and she wanted to talk to me.
I let her talk, I forgave her for acting the way she has the past few months to me.
She asked to apologize to you and I said it was up to you.
I hugged her, she held on, and I backed away, I told her she needed to stop acting the way she has to me.
I told her she needed to leave you alone while you and I are together.
That picture just makes it look far worse than what it was.
Because it was nothing. She’s my past Kamryn; I didn’t use you.
And I said a few words to your ex too for fucking all of this up. ”
I cross my arms over my chest. Half of me wishes I could have seen the confrontation between Bellamy and Dylan, and the other half of me is yelling to stay on track right now, and not think of anything else but the problem standing right in front of me.
“You drove all this way to make sure I knew you didn’t use me?” My heart betrays me as I feel it warm my entire chest, a burst of energy spreading throughout me.
Just as Sienna said, it’s something right out of a movie scene.
“I drove all this way to tell you what I was going to tell you if you had stayed and come to the beach. I came all this way because in every stupid cheesy romance movie, there’s always a big confession, and a big scene at the end where everything is laid out on the table.
It wasn’t on the list, but the list doesn’t matter anymore.
I couldn’t just go the rest of the summer thinking what if.
What if I did it, what if I didn’t. You might hate me, or be mad at me, or never want to speak to me again after and that’s fine, but I came all this way to tell you it was never about a list to me,” Bellamy pauses, and my heart stops.
I have no words, my mouth is dry.
“It was never about sleeping with you, and it was never about anything but getting the opportunity to be near you, and spend time with you Kamryn. That’s all this ever was. It was me being an idiot and hoping for something more with you. I knew the rules. I was still dumb enough to hope.”
I’m shocked. I don’t hate him, but I still feel a subtle hint of betrayal.
“So the tutoring?” I ask him.