Chapter 5
five
ZOE
By the time they headed home, it was dark outside, and I was exhausted.
I wasn’t sure what Connor was thinking or feeling, so I excused myself quietly and went to my room. After I changed into a pair of comfortable bike shorts and a thin tank top, I flipped the lights off and padded over to the bed.
Slipping beneath the blankets, I wrapped myself up in soft fabric and stared up at the ceiling, inhaling. They smelled faintly of laundry detergent, and not anywhere near enough like Connor.
Though I was tired, I wasn’t comfortable enough to fall asleep.
A few minutes went by.
Then a few more.
I huffed softly in frustration.
Then, there was a quiet knock at the door. I hadn’t locked it, but I didn’t think Connor would waltz in if I didn’t answer.
I considered my options.
Pretend I was already asleep and ignore him.
Answer the door to find out why he was knocking
If I didn’t know what he was going to say, I wouldn’t have time to decide how I felt and what I was thinking before we talked.
But if I didn’t talk to him, I wouldn’t know what he was going to say.
Definitely a conundrum.
I didn’t really want to lie about sleeping, and I wanted to know why he was knocking, so I went with option b.
Hauling my blanket onto my shoulders so I could keep it wrapped around me, I headed to the door. When I opened it, I had to tilt my head back a little to meet his eyes.
I’d already forgotten how tall he was.
Geez, he was huge.
His wavy hair was a mess, but looked insanely soft. I had to resist the urge to put my hands in it.
“Hey,” Connor said with a small smile. His hands were in the pockets of his basketball shorts.
“Hi.” I pulled my blanket tighter around me, my arms over my chest to hold it in place. A sudden burst of self-consciousness had me seriously questioning my choice to go with plan b.
He was ridiculously gorgeous.
“Do you have a minute?”
“I think I can spare two or three. What’s up?”
His lips curved a little more. “I’m not really sure how to do any of this.” He nodded toward me a little.
Obviously, he was referring to the mate bond situation.
“You didn’t have a relationship with your first mate?”
He shook his head. “Shaina was engaged when I met her, and deeply in love with her human fiancé. My wolf bit her, and hers rejected me the same day. Her wolf bit her fiancé a week after that, and they moved to Moon Ridge together after their wedding a few months later.”
“Wow. Do you have hard feelings, or…” I trailed off, not sure what else to ask him.
“No. She was straight-up about how she felt from the beginning, and there was never anything between us. It was a clean break, and it happened too quickly to really care about her. The rejection wasn’t that hard on me or my wolf. It could’ve been a lot worse.”
“Are you friends at all, now?”
“No. We’ll say hi if we run into each other at the grocery store, but that’s only happened twice in the six years since she rejected me. I don’t have her phone number or anything.”
“I guess that’s kind of ideal, if you’re going to be rejected.”
“It is.” He nodded. “If your wolf might not reject me, it changes things a little.”
“Does it?”
“Yeah, Gorgeous. I’ve got to win you over now.”
“I thought that’s what you were doing when you cooked for me.”
“That doesn’t count. I’d do it for anyone.”
My chest warmed. “What about when you kissed me in your closet?”
“I did that for me.”
My face flushed. “You got me off and didn’t even ask me to touch you, Connor. I don’t know how that could’ve been for you.”
“I get to jerk off to the image of you coming on my fingers for the rest of my fucking life. Selfish to the extreme.”
“You are so full of it.”
He cracked a grin. “Maybe.”
“Definitely.”
“Since we’ve established that, I want to know what I can do for you. What do you want? What makes you happy? What makes you feel loved?”
The flush on my cheeks morphed into a burn. I pulled my blanket up higher. “I don’t know.”
“You haven’t made a list for that yet?”
I laughed a little. “No. When would I have needed it?”
“With a boyfriend or something.”
“Now you’re fishing for information.”
“Of course I am. I’m full of it, remember?”
“Right. How could I have forgotten?”
He grinned. “Beats me.”
“I dated someone for about four years. Josh. We broke up about two years ago. I thought we were going to get married, honestly. Emmy hated him from the beginning, but she never said that, of course. That’s not really something she would do.
I thought we were deeply in love, until the day I broke up with him. ”
“What happened?” Connor didn’t look angry, necessarily, but there was something in his eyes. Jealousy, maybe? Uncertainty? I wasn’t sure what to call it.
“It’s kind of a long story.”
He lifted his arm, acting like he was checking his watch. “Looks like I’ve got time.”
I shook my head, but couldn’t fight my smile. “Still full of it.”
“At least you remembered, this time.”
I laughed.
My humor faded as I launched into an explanation,.
“Josh and I both worked for the same big finance company. That’s where we met, shortly after I graduated college.
We were in the same department, and we became friends quickly.
He asked me for help with his work sometimes, and I didn’t mind.
He’d been struggling to move up for a few years, and I felt bad.
His constant attention made me feel like I mattered, and I never felt that from my family, or anyone else. ”
Connor’s eyes darkened.
I hesitated. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“Fucking positive, Gorgeous.”
I let out a soft breath. “He asked me to dinner one day, joking about it being a date. I was flattered, and excited. We talked about work the whole time, and I loved it. I thought it meant we were passionate about the same things. Numbers, ideas, investments, and whatnot. I loved it so much that I went home with him that night. That date turned into another, and another, until we were together every night and most mornings. It went on for a year before I blurted out that we should move in together. He agreed, and moved into my place.”
I had Connor’s complete attention.
Suddenly, I regretted starting the story anyway. What if he thought I was a bitch after he heard it? What if he thought I was gullible or stupid or something? “I don’t think you want to hear this.”
“I think if you don’t tell me the rest of this story, I’m going to knock on your door all fucking night until you’re annoyed enough to finish it.”
I sighed. “Just don’t judge me, okay?”
“Deal.”
I leaned against the doorway, holding my blanket tightly around me. “We both went for the same promotion right after we moved in together. I wasn’t surprised when he got it—sexism was a big problem in that company—even though I had the best numbers in the department.”
“Josh got the next promotion, too, and continued moving up over the next few years while I was stuck in that same position. He had the power to sway someone into promoting me, but he said he didn’t want to risk his job, and I understood.
He was travelling constantly on the company’s dime and making a little more money, and the company had him driving a luxury vehicle.
I didn’t blame him for wanting to keep that security. ”
“One night, I had to stay late to finish something. Instead of texting him to let him know, I figured I’d stop by his office.
I picked up food for both of us, since I always handled dinner.
And breakfast. And lunch. When I reached his office, the door was open, and he was talking to one of our bosses. ”
“They didn’t see me. Before I stepped inside, he said something specific about an idea I’d mentioned to him a few days earlier.
I stopped and listened to him suggest my idea, word for word, as if he had come up with it.
I waited for him to give me credit, but instead I listened to him negotiate another promotion and a pay raise for himself. ”
“Fucker,” Conner said, the words gravelly.
“Yeah. I had all of his passwords, so I went through his emails and realized it was far from the first time he’d used my ideas.
And that he was getting paid a lot more than what he’d told me.
We were splitting the bills fifty-fifty while he made more than ten times what I did.
I texted him that I’d be home late, and when I went home to confront him earlier than I said I’d be back, he wasn’t there. ”
Connor’s jaw clenched.
“Like a truly crazed girlfriend, I texted his sister to track his phone—he shared his location with her but not me—and found him at a luxury apartment that he owned. The door had the same code as our place, so I unlocked it, and found him in bed with a model.”
“Tell me you at least yelled at the bastard.”
I gave him a sad smile. “I left, ended things over text, packed my stuff, quit my job, and moved in with Emmy. She was taking a break from kindergarten at that point, so we lived like tourists for a while. I found the young professor applications, and we moved here a few months later.”
“You never confronted him?”
“No. I just wanted it to be over. He used me and cheated on me, and I felt… worthless. I just needed to get out.”
“He better have begged you to come back.”
“He did. Twice. He just wanted me to help him with work.”
“I hope you told him to fuck off.”
“Emmy did for me. I was busy crying on the couch, in a blanket nest.”
Connor dragged me into his arms and hugged me. The gesture caught me off guard, but not in an unpleasant way.
My arms were trapped between us, so I couldn’t hug him back as he held me.
“I’m sorry, Zoe.”
“It’s okay. I moved on. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was always doing everything for him, and he never did anything for me.
Breaking it off was for the better. I was never really happy with him.
I just thought that was what relationships were.
After we broke up, Emmy and I started to joke that she was a better boyfriend than he was. ”
“But you haven’t dated since then.”
“No. So I don’t know how to do healthy, happy relationships any better than you do. I’m not sure where that leaves us.”
Connor considered it. “I think it means that we just need to go for it. Try new things. Make it up as we go.”
“Connor, I am horrible at making things up as I go.”
He chuckled. “Then we’ll make a plan.”
“A dating plan?”
“A mating plan. I’ve got to convince your wolf that I’m worth biting. I’d make the plan alone, but something tells me you want to be involved.”
“Something tells you correctly.”
“Alright. Do you want to brainstorm together, or do you want to sleep on it?”
“I’m fine either way.”
Connor pulled away and looked down at me, studying my face. “You’re lying to me.”
I bit my lip. “No.”
“Then you’re telling me what you think I want to hear, which is bullshit. Hit me with it, Gorgeous. I’m a tough cookie.”
I sighed. “Fine, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep right now. I’m not comfortable enough in your guest room. It smells weird.”
“Some women are sensitive to scents after mating. Or drawn to their mate’s scent. Sleeping in my bed would probably solve that. I can take the guest room.”
I hesitated.
Connor waited. His arms were still around me.
“I think I’d rather brainstorm,” I admitted.
“Thank fuck.” He kissed my forehead spontaneously, and I bit back a grin.
Rather than pulling me into the hallway, he swept me off my feet and carried me toward the living room. A laugh escaped me as I leaned my head against his chest.
Maybe I didn’t just need a werewolf for the sake of a wedding.
Maybe I wanted one, too.