Chapter 6
six
CONNOR
Zoe curled up against the arm of the couch, her feet out toward me as she held her blanket around her shoulders and chest. She’d wanted to take notes, so I offered to do it.
Mostly so I had something to keep my hands busy.
Otherwise, they were going to find their way back to her body. God knew they were itching to.
I wrote MATING PLAN across the top of the page.
“Alright. What would make you want to be mated to me the most?” I asked, underlining the title.
“What a question.”
“I know. We’re jumping right in.”
“Unfortunately, I forgot my life jacket.”
“You can have mine.” I feigned unbuckling it and handing it over. She accepted the imaginary flotation device with a smile that made her eyes insanely bright.
Fuck, she was gorgeous.
She buckled the invisible life jacket. “Honestly, there weren’t many things I missed about having a partner after things ended with Josh. Emmy filled most of them. Other than the sex thing, obviously.”
“I’m going to need more details before I can add that to the plan.” I tapped the paper with the tip of my pen.
She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide the smile that lingered in them. “Of course you do.”
“It’s only logical.”
“Mmhm. Well, I wasn’t screwing Emmy. Neither of us were interested in that. I always liked the intimacy of sex, and the way it relaxed me… if it went well.” She rubbed the back of her neck, her face red with heat.
I wrote on the page.
GOOD SEX.
“That sums it up, yeah,” she agreed sheepishly.
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m definitely in favor of this one.” I underlined GOOD SEX too.
“You can’t underline something that’s not a title, Connor.”
“Watch me.” I underlined it again.
She snorted. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Thanks for noticing. What else do you want in a mate?”
“Friendship, I guess. Fun, too. I have a tendency to take things too seriously. I get really panicky sometimes. The attacks can be brutal. Distraction is helpful.”
I added those things to the list.
FRIENDSHIP
FUN
DISTRACTIONS FROM ANXIETY
“How often do you have panic attacks?” I asked.
“It depends what’s going on. Sometimes I make it a few weeks or months before something happens, and I have a bunch of them in a few days. They were better when I was spending a lot of time with Emmy. I’m happy that she has Finn now, but being alone more hasn’t been good for my anxiety.”
That went on the list too.
COMPANIONSHIP
“What do you want me to do when you have a panic attack? Back off? Give you space? Hold you? Turn on a movie?” I checked.
“That’s a really thoughtful question, Connor.”
“I aim to please.”
She gave me a small smile. “Hugs help the most.”
“You’ve got it.”
LOTS OF HUGS
Zoe smoothed the top of her hair. Her face was redder than before.
“You’re thinking something,” I said, pointing to her with my pen. “What is it?”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s obviously something, Gorgeous.”
She sighed. “I was just thinking that it would be nice not to sleep alone anymore. When I was with Josh, I always slept better when he was there. Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.”
“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It just makes me want to kill him a little,” I said as I scribbled the latest addition.
SHARING A BED
“Oh, a little murder wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Exactly what I was thinking.”
“What do you want from a mate?” she asked me.
I underlined GOOD SEX a third time, followed by FUN and COMPANIONSHIP.
“These would be my top things, but I like everything on the list. Anything else to add?”
Zoe was quiet for a moment.
I studied her, waiting for the answer she was clearly considering.
“I don’t know. I guess the most important thing to me is feeling safe.
I had to walk on eggshells as a kid, and when I was with Josh too.
I just want to stop worrying about everything all the time.
I know that will take more time and therapy, but I feel like having a safe relationship could help a little. Is that crazy?”
“No, it’s not crazy. You should absolutely be able to feel safe with your mate,” I agreed, putting that on the list too.
SECURITY
CONFIDENCE
SAFETY
“I don’t know how we would start with all of that.” Zoe gestured to the paper.
I numbered them, folding the page in half from the bottom and quickly remaking the list.
1. COMPANIONSHIP
2. FUN & DISTRACTIONS
3. SHARING A BED
4. FRIENDSHIP
5. HUGS
6. SECURITY/CONFIDENCE/SAFETY
“You forgot the sex.” Zoe gestured to the page.
“Nah, I figured it would seem too forward to put it in front of something.”
“I guess it technically came before FUN & DISTRACTONS.”
“I guess you technically came before FUN & DISTRACTIONS.”
She laughed. “Or maybe that was part of it. It got me through shifting the first time, so it could belong even before companionship.”
“What do you mean?”
She flushed redder. “Maybe we should move on to the next step? Sharing a bed? Since we’ve already started the first two.”
“You’re avoiding the question, Zoe.”
“Am I?”
“Yeah. I’ll let it slide because you’re so fucking pretty.”
Her blush spread down her neck, and she pulled her blanket over part of her face. “I don’t know how to react when you say things like that. I’m not used to being complimented.”
“I’m not looking for a response. Just stating a fact.”
“Fine.” She covered her eyes with the blanket for a moment. “I may have imagined us having sex to get through my first shift. And on that note, how likely is death by embarrassment?”
My cock had been hard before, but it was a fucking rock after hearing that. “If you’re looking for statistics, you’re asking the wrong person. I know a math professor who’d be a good resource.”
“She sounds difficult,” Zoe said.
“Nah.”
She lowered her blanket from her face entirely, still blushing.
“Do you want to start step three tonight, or do you want time to get used to this?” I gestured between us.
“Tonight.” The decisiveness in her voice made my cock throb some more.
“Good. I was hoping to get a head start on the hugging thing.”
“You’re going to do everything out of order, aren’t you?”
“Probably.” I stood up and offered her a hand.
She let me pull her to her feet as she said, “I should hate that.”
“You don’t, though.”
“No, I don’t.”
I pulled her into my arms, hugging her around the blanket while we shuffled toward my bedroom.
“This whole situation is so bizarre,” she mumbled into the fuzzy fabric.
“You’re the one who planned it.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t picture it like this.”
“How did you picture it?”
We made it to the bed, and I pulled her onto it with me.
A soft laugh escaped her. “I don’t know. More… serious.”
“I can be serious.”
“I can tell. You’re a strange combination of easygoing, fun, and deep at the same time.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You should.”
I pulled her into my arms. “This position would be a lot more enjoyable for both of us if we ditched the blanket, Gorgeous. Just saying.”
“You’d prefer being cold?” she teased.
“Yup.”
“Tell me something about you, first. Something vulnerable. Like my story,” she said.
I brushed her hair off her face. “My childhood pack and my family disowned me after the rejection. The pack called me unfeeling and unnatural for not being more devastated by my loss. My parents and brother thought I didn’t try hard enough to make it work with Shaina.
They were right. I didn’t try. It could’ve killed me, too. ”
“Who would want to convince an engaged woman to leave the fiancé she was in love with just to give them a chance?”
“Most werewolves. Family is supposed to be everything, and fate determines your family.”
“Enough for them to disown you?” Zoe asked.
“I guess. I think they mostly did it to protect themselves from losing me in the future. They’re all convinced that being a bachelor will kill me.”
“Will you want to try to rebuild the relationships after my wolf bites you?”
“I’ve never thought about it,” I admitted. “Yes. No. Some of both, I guess.”
“Do you miss them?”
“Desperately, sometimes. Most of the time, I just try to enjoy what I built here. The Feral Pack is a mess, but we’re family. And I guess the mess has been clearing up, with everyone finding mates.”
“Except Ethan.”
“Yeah. I don’t know how well he’s going to cope with being the last unmated guy. He was in a pretty deep depression when some of our mated pack members dragged him over here, and he still deals with more than he’ll admit. All of us can see it in his eyes.”
“Damn.”
“He’ll be alright. We’ll make him couch surf for a few weeks if we start to worry. Nico was over at his place when I stopped by to grab the milk, and he won’t leave unless he knows Ethan’s alright.”
“It’s cool that you guys take care of each other.”
“Like I said, we’re family.” I wrapped my arms around her a little tighter. “On that note, I’d like to hear about your family.”
“That’s pretty much just a mess. There was a lot of emotional and mental manipulation. Some of it was abuse. I don’t know that I’ve really worked through it all enough to say, but I didn’t feel safe.”
“What was it like?”
Zoe explained the tension, threats, and cruelty she’d experienced. When she asked for more details about my family to change the subject, I shared as many as possible.
The sun had started to rise when we finally dozed off.
I’d never spent so many hours talking to someone before—and somehow, I still wished it hadn’t come to an end.