Chapter 13 – Luke
LUKE
Luke slept through the next day, and when he finally stirred around seven-twenty, he stretched in bed, his body pleasantly aching from yesterday’s exertions.
The bedroom was colder than he usually kept it, but he stayed warm under the covers.
He looked over at Marley’s sleeping spot and saw the dog comfortably curled into a ball.
He must’ve stepped out the doggy door for a pee and then come back inside.
No need to wake dad or go on a long walk today.
Thank you, Marley.
Luke stayed in bed for a few minutes, thinking about yesterday with Jack. A fun day of laughs, hot sex in bed, and family night with Mara and the kids.
Wow.
Full.
Was this what they meant by “emotional hangover”? Or was it just how it feels to be regularly getting railed by your long-lost first love with a big cock and perfect, dreamy lips?
Life had been so routine just two weeks ago, right before Hurricane Jack blew into town. So far, so good, but so much excitement could be as risky as the blues. He aimed to stay in the middle of the bed, so to speak.
He rose, prayed, meditated, journaled. He’d go to his normal Sunday meeting, too.
He looked outside and saw a good eight inches of fresh snow on the ground. It had stopped falling after blanketing his street in a dense quiet. Everything was so bright you had to squint even from inside.
It was the kind of dreamy white that shows up in tourism brochures and real estate listings: heavenly. It made Luke grateful, every time, that he’d come home to Calder Ridge instead of staying away.
After coffee, he’d make the neighborhood rounds to see if anyone needed help digging out, but this wasn’t much for the mountain folk of Calder Ridge, Colorado.
Dressed and layered up, he called Marley’s name at the door, but the pooch gave him a look of absolute disinterest.
Luke chuckled and headed out.
He checked with a few neighbors, and no one was worried about the snow, so he walked back home. He’d left his phone on the counter. Jack had texted sometime in the past hour or so.
“Good morning, Luke. You survive the snow?”
“Yep, all good,” he replied. “You?”
“Just shoveled around the hotel for Patty. That’s a lot of snow!”
“Great day yesterday,” Luke responded.
“Yes, it was, Uncle Luke.”
After the meeting, he drove over to The Ridge to check in. All good.
Feeling sated and content, he drove home and caught up on his favorite Housewives (Beverly Hills, natch) on the couch.
Marley settled at his feet, and Luke napped longer than he’d remembered in a long, long time.
He went to the farmers’ market for a few things and was surprised to see Jack there.
“Patty suggested it,” Jack told him. “I had no idea. This is great.”
The market was small—about a dozen vendors set up in the community center parking lot—but it served as the heart of Calder Ridge on Sunday mornings. Everyone came through eventually.
Luke bought him some ground coffee beans and a small pour-over pot from the roaster who’d been at the same spot for fifteen years. “I can’t let you keep drinking that instant stuff Patty provides.”
Luke introduced Jack to Mrs. Henderson, the woman who sold honey and slipped him an extra jar; the guy with sourdough bread and Harry Potter glasses; and the young couple who made goat cheese.
“You know everyone,” Jack observed.
“Small town.”
“No, it’s more than that. They light up when they see you.”
Luke said he needed to take his produce home before meeting his sponsor. Jack said he was going to hit The Ridge for a workout.
“Don’t forget to stretch,” Luke said.
“I survived combat. I can survive tight hamstrings.”
“Famous last words of the 42-year-old warrior,” Luke said. “Do it.”
The more small, ordinary moments Luke shared with Jack, the more he wondered whether things could really be different, whether the timing was finally right for them.
By late afternoon, Luke was at Suze’s place. They almost always met on Sunday afternoons. When she’d texted earlier to ask if he wanted to come over, Luke realized he needed to talk.
Suze handed him a cup of tea and settled into her favorite chair. “So. How was yesterday?”
“Good. Really good.” Luke smiled. “We went to the kids’ soccer practice, fucked like bunnies, and then went to Mara’s for pizza and Uno.”
“Jack and the whole family?”
“Yep. The kids, Julio. Mara giving him the protective best friend look.”
Suze arched an eyebrow. “And?”
“And he was great. Sweet with Nita, patient with Marco. But…” Luke trailed off.
“But?”
“But I could tell it was a lot for him. All of it. He needed space after.”
“Did he say that?”
“He didn’t have to. I invited him in when I dropped him off, and he said, ‘Rain check.’”
Suze sipped her tea. “How are you with that?”
Luke thought about it. He looked out Suze’s window at the snow-covered yard and the bird feeder where chickadees were landing and taking off. He thought about how to put it into words.
“To be honest, I was let down,” he said eventually. “I mean, the fundraiser is falling apart, and I needed some support.”
Suze waited.
“No. No, it’s not falling apart, but I am stressed about losing a major donor—and then, ‘Rain check.’”
She asked, “What did you expect?”
He thought for a moment, then said, “Yeah. That’s it, right? Expectations. We had a great day, we fooled around… and I still want him to give me more.”
“We can’t control other people.”
“Yep.” Luke set his tea down. “I feel like I’m 16 again, wondering if the boy I like actually likes me back.”
Suze watched him carefully. “Any fear?”
Luke was quiet for a moment. The chickadees kept coming and going. He could hear Suze’s clock ticking from the mantle.
“Yeah, a little. He gets close, then pulls back, and it makes me think he’s going to ghost me again.”
“He’s not eighteen anymore.”
“I know, and I’m not living in the past, except… except for this loop I’ve been on my whole life: Meet someone and like him, get left in the dust… Now, Jack’s job is temporary. His focus on me comes and goes…”
“So, what’s your part in this pattern?”
“Ugh! Can’t it be something that keeps happening TO me?” Luke said.
Suze raised her eyebrows, as if to say, “Uh, no. You know that’s not how it works.”
“I know. You’re right. I let them do it. Heck, I probably make them do it so the story repeats.”
“And now with Jack, you’re all in?”
“I know. It’s crazy.”
“Have you told him this?”
“Not yet. I don’t want to seem needy.”
“Did I ever tell you about Jenna, my first real girlfriend?”
Luke shrugged.
“She dumped me. Broke my heart. Oh! I thought that was it. We had this big blowout because she didn’t do something I wanted her to do. And when I chewed her out for it, she had no idea. ‘You never said anything about that, so how was I supposed to know?’”
“What was it?”
“You know, I don’t even remember. But the point is, she was right. She didn’t have a chance because I was waiting for her to figure it out. So selfish.”
“I’m being selfish?” Luke said. “For not nagging him… because I’m so important already that he should read my mind and cater to my every need…? Something like that?”
They sat in easy silence for a while, the midday light shifting across Suze’s living room.
“Was Jenna the one who almost made the Olympics?” Luke asked eventually.
“Yes!” Suze said, happy that Luke remembered. “What legs on her. Mean, though.”
“Molls is better.”
“Molls is better.”
They recited the Serenity Prayer together.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change / Courage to change the things I can / And wisdom to know the difference.”
When he left, Luke was hopeful, without expectations. This wasn’t his to control, and neither was Jack. But Luke understood that he still needed to find the strength to be honest about his own wants and that he wasn’t helping himself by suffering in silence.
And for now, that was enough.