The Longing

Chapter 46

I consider myself vigilant. Whenever I sleep and hear a sound, I get up, unable to go to sleep again.

When I sit down, my senses are on high, making sure no one would sneak up behind and stab me in the back.

As we stand at the corner of the room, we watch the monitor where the girls are shown sitting, a paper in their hands as they are given instructions on what they need to do to make it. I can't stop but phase, still my eyes are on the screen as I watch.

I've been restless since yesterday, I cannot explain why but I need to calm the fuck down. I don't remember losing control of my emotions this bad the following days.

Usually I'll just get angry and punch the wall. Other days, I'd hunt a rogue and kill for sport. It's how I release all of this energy inside me.

My guards are always up, and not just physically, I have my mental shield up. It eases me to know that I at least have that one last thing to me.

No one can take my memory of her, I'll kill them before they even go near my head. I'll feel it, and when they attempt it, they're gone.

They tried it once, they can only imagine doing it again. It'll kill them before they can get past it.

A certain seer made sure they turn to ash as soon as they try to access that side of my mind.

A melodic laugh echoes inside my head.

"Titus, you silly goose. Flowers are supposed to be pretty. Look at what you did to that poor rose!"

"Dude, look at the bright side, no gas leak and it's all about one's knowledge. Nothing to be alarmed of."

Derek pats my shoulder as reassurance. I rubbed my face in frustration. I know that, I also know there won't be a twist in the game any time soon. I made sure of it.

"Ah, Daniel. I almost forgot our little session." I chuckled darkly.

"P-please, Alpha. I beg of you-" I grabbed his collar, shutting him up.

"You do not get to beg. You lost that privilege when you disobeyed my orders and disrespected me." I growled at him, looking him in the eyes, seeing the fear grow behind it.

"I'll d-do anything, p-please." I shook my head.

"There's nothing you can do. You should've known what would happen if you crossed the line." I dropped him to the ground, turning to Derek.

"Show him what you learned while you were away." I said to him.

"You want me to deal with him?" I nod. He can torture the guy for all I care. I trust him enough to know he'll make it hurt.

My pack does not raise people to become disobedient, he did this to himself. And he will suffer the consequences.

Derek dragged him out of the room, spitting words into his face. Last I heard, he'll skin him alive for what he's done to the women.

"Is he dead?"

Derek smirked at me. "Soon he will be. I'm taking my time."

Sick bastard. I missed his constant imagination of how to torture people, like making them drown in their own piss or something like that.

I remember how Derek would treat her, as if she's his little sister, spoiling her with chocolates and the dresses she likes. No sign of his dark side whenever she's there.

I got jealous of it but he was my best friend, I treat him as a brother, I understood. But that didn't stop the scowl on my face whenever she smiled sweetly at him.

I wanted to burry him in the snow when winter came by. He knew of my intentions with her and teased me with it.

Little did I know it'll be someone else who'd get buried that winter night.

I groaned as she dragged me towards the dancing crowd. She giggles as she squeezes past the crowd, coming out the other end with me in tow.

"Where are we going, princess?" She shakes her head.

"It's a secret!" As soon as it left her mouth, she ran faster making me almost lose my balance. The little shit.

I chuckled as she stops, her hands on her knees as she dramatically takes in a lungful of air.

I rolled my eyes. "Stop skipping the pack runs so you won't get like this." She waves me away with her hands to which I snort in return.

That night, we enjoyed our favorite snacks and watch the beautiful fireworks come to life as winter grew.

She told me how beautiful it was to see fireworks shoot to the sky and explode in colors.

I remember looking at her that night, the bright smile on her face as her eyes light up in amazement.

Yeah, beautiful.

We were hugging each other the whole time, seeking each other's warmth. She sighs in contentment as we continue to eat our snacks and watch the stars.

We returned home with a smile on our faces, contented with how we spent the winter night together.

Her parents smiled down at her as she waved her goodbye, watching me walk down the road.

Even from afar, her smile shines brighter than the street lights. I've never been so mesmerized.

I can't stop thinking how beautiful she is that night. I wondered what it would be like tomorrow.

I planned on telling my parents once I got home. They chuckled at me and told me I'm too young to think about the bond.

But I knew, I knew deep down who she was to me. I just had to make sure she's mine as I am hers.

That fucker Derek better fuck off once I take her as my mate.

My mate.

A smile was on my lips before I could stop it. My parents laughed at me and told me to get ready for dinner.

"Silly little boy, it's too early. Promise me you will not force her into a bond." My mother says, holding my hands in hers.

I could tell she was serious but I was as well. "I promise mother, no harm will come to her in any form." She looks at me, really look at me and a warm smile formed on her lips.

She nods at me and told me to take a seat so we could finally taste what she cooked for tonight.

We were laughing the whole night, mainly due to my father scolding me about being possessive over her and my mother scolding him back for scolding me.

Nevertheless, that night was the best night of my life.

Until it wasn't.

A groan cut through the screen, making me look back at it. I fight the smirk on my lips and force my face to remain blank.

Katie's head was resting on the table, her paper still blank, no letter or anything on it. She's playing with the pen on her left hand, and she's thumping her fingers on the table with her right hand.

I noticed that the first time I tackled her. She's left handed, her left leg is dominant as well.

I've always been watching her, I'm not sure why but I've always been getting this pull from her. It's like she has this string and pulls it when she feels like it.

For example, now. I can't look away as she pouts and leans on her hands at the table. I can tell she's upset the way her brows are furrowed.

I look at the clock. Twenty more minutes.

I drank from my cup, feeling the warmth flow through me. The weather's getting colder by the day, it's almost winter.

Again.

By then, this fucking game better finish. Just one more. One more of this torture and I'll bond with whoever wins this fuckery.

If she heard me, she'll have my balls.

God, I want to hold her once more.

The speaker booms as Chris speaks through it. "You look lovely tonight, ladies. Wouldn't want that to go to waste, correct?" He hums. I frown.

"Submit your answers now, and you keep your dresses. If you manage to lose and wrongfully answer the riddle, you will face the next challenge naked."

I inhaled through my nose.

I look at Derek, nodding back at me, a cruel smile on his lips.

"Just when I thought it was getting boring." Cracking his knuckles, he stepped out the room to get the soon to be dead motherfucker.

I might've agreed to their armor getting taken away as consequences of losing and being stupid, however I did not agree to have anyone participate with no clothes on.

I gave those High Society fuckers a chance to behave, now they act like perverts. Once I get what I need, I'll tear that whole system down and make them kneel beneath me.

I was behind them for months, watching their moves and hearing their voices talk about the women as if they're toys.

This is my last straw. They do not, in any way, demand this of them. They already sacrificed their lives for this position.

For her position.

I shook my head when it got too deep. I missed her, I always do. I can always feel her touch, hear her voice and her laughs.

As the days come to pass, I'm losing it all, I'm losing her. I can feel it slip a fragment. Once it all falls, this world will fall with me.

And I'd finally be in her arms once more. Just like how we held each other that night.

I'd trade anything to hold her one last time. Anything. I'd rip my whole fucking heart from my chest for a second with her. Even if it means the end.

Only then can I finally rest.

"Ladies, you have twenty more minutes to write down your answers in front of you." The speaker booms, snapping me out of my thoughts.

The fucker also had the balls to tell us that whoever loses, will walk naked all day in the final game.

I was fucking focusing on finding the answer. Once I get out of this room, I'm heading straight for that guy's head. I'll make it slow, let him bleed til' tomorrow and end his pathetic existence.

God, what is wrong with me. I need to check in with a therapist ASAP, I'm losing it.

I need to calm the fuck down. I'm practically having a panic attack because I can't solve the fucking riddle.

I'm gonna crush that kid's face and make it hurt.

Still, my answer sheet is blank. I don't know what to write down, not even a clue. I know the riddle, I just am not sure what to put.

It's the same riddle all right, the one that talks about the dark secrets of the forest and the fight for the throne.

It just doesn't make any sense to me. This is more of a warning than a riddle, this is meant to keep people away, not want them to look into it.

Why didn't I get a fucking math problem or some science experiment shit, I'd have fun in those than solve fucking riddles, it's much easier.

I sighed for the nth time, my eyes wandering around the room. So far, two people have something written on their papers, with this much distance between us, it's hard to read the contents.

It doesn't help, really. All of us were given a different riddle, it's not some exam that we can just look at our seat mates and copy their answers.

A life and death situation is what this is.

I always thought of myself as smart. I graduated every single school with not a slip of my grades. I worked with one of the smartest scientists in the world and I'm leading an army for fuck's sake. I won a war already and won hundreds of fights.

That takes tactics and skills, something that's hard to learn. Only the best of the best, the most talented and intelligent get to have that privilege of leading.

I was trained to be a weapon, one who will always win.

Now I'm losing because of a damn riddle.

Inhale. Exhale.

Okay, let's get this over with. I'll treat this riddle as a poem. Surely, they're close to each other. Because if I write down the wrong thing, I'm screwed.

I un crumpled the paper from my hand, spreading it on the table.

'Beware, beyond the forest lies dark secrets.'

I see it as a warning, everything is a red flag here.

Fucking beware all right.

Dark secrets must be the world of the supernatural. It makes sense since we ventured too far, too deep. We found the werewolves, or rather, we got caught sneaking in.

'Do not enter, if you wish to surrender.'

From what I can tell from this line, it's another warning to tell people to back off.

It's not for the faint of heart, I'll tell you that. I snort at my own joke.

This is what happens when one's life is on the line, I'm losing my goddamn mind.

'Fight for your throne and you shall be known. Only one Queen may remain, and the other will experience eternal pain.'

I guess this one is as it is, nothing to interpret, just something to understand properly. I need to connect all these lines into one and write it down and get out of this room. I bite my lip in contemplation.

A warning, a secret, and a fucking throne.

What is it?

"Five minutes remain." The ladies panic, hurriedly writing down whatever they think is the answer.

I want to take a shit.

It's got me thinking though. If we were to be pressured, we'll be forced to think of the fastest way to finish this game. Anything.

They'll write whatever down so long as the countdown is still there. They're playing into the High shitheads hands.

I'm not that stupid. I focus back on my paper, still thinking how it should make sense. What's the bridge that connects them?

A throne.

A warning.

A secret.

What's so dangerous about a throne that a warning is handed out, and a secret might get revealed?

My hands tremble as I raise it at the top of the paper, unsure if I'm right. I'm barely right.

Shit.

"Two minutes."

Titus' voice booms from the speaker, startling me out of my mind.

It makes me calm down a bit, the annoying voice of the other fucker gone.

Wonder what happened to his ass. But if it's Titus that's speaking, I already know he ain't in a good place.

Wait.

Titus.

It clicks then. Fucking Titus was the answer all along. I'm one lucky motherfucker. I write down my answer as soon as the clock hits zero.

Something with power, so dangerous that it uncovers even the darkest corners of the world, a warning to those who go against it, and whoever sits on the throne controls it.

The crown.

A man in his suit enters, an empty tray on his right hand.

He carefully picks up our papers and place them each in his tray, making sure it has space.

I frowned at the man but he didn't notice as he bowed and closed the door behind him, leaving us locked inside the room once more.

My heart raises, my mind going to things going wrong. If my answer is wrong, I'd have my armor taken away.

I can't let that happen. It shouldn't happen. My armor is my own, it is made to fit me, to hold my weapons and shield me.

If it's gone, I'm gonna die in the final games. And it's a future I cannot afford. Not now.

My hands sweat by the time the man comes back with nothing on his hand, just himself.

He looks at us one by one, observing us. Then his eyes land on me.

Something passes by his blue eyes before it disappears.

Those eyes...

My own widened in realization. Oh fuck no. That's the guy who I saw outside my window.

The hairs on my arms stood up, a shiver running through me. I inhaled through my nose, attempting to breathe.

All of the sudden, my head throbbed, a headache is probably gonna form next.

What a shock it was when it wasn't a headache.

I just knew I fell to the ground as I lose my consciousness in front of thousands of people.

I showed weakness as darkness took me from the light.

"Katie." A voice whispers beside me.

I swat it away, angry at it for disturbing my sleep. It smacks me back which makes me open my eyes.

I looked around and groaned, lying flat on the wet grass as I look above me.

Hm, it's beautiful tonight. I wonder how many more stars I'll see if the trees weren't in the way.

I've always loved looking up, seeing the stars shine down on us as the moon graces us with her light.

A lot of stories I've heard about the moon and the sun, all of it ending in a heartbreak. No happiness, nada.

"The same destiny will be placed upon you soon if you do not wake up."

I sit up and sighed. "Look, lady. Whatever the fuck you want me to do, I'm not gonna fucking do it." I spat.

"I'm tired. Leave me alone."

I can hear her sigh heavily as her presence comes closer. I don't flinch as I feel a chill on my right.

So this is what it feels like to be beside a literal ghost. Cold and unnerving.

"She was tired once too. She didn't fight as the light took her from this wretched world." She says beside me.

I know who she's talking about, she's always been the hidden topic, the one everyone is afraid to speak of.

"Was she a goddess?" I asked.

"No, my dear. She was not. But she is comparable to one."

"She looked like one too." I whisper, a wind blowing cold behind us.

"One would praise her for her courage, her determination and her beauty all in all. She's what this world would call a perfect creation." She hums.

"Of course, some people took offense that a mere child can come close to a goddess. The blasphemy." She chuckles.

"A lot of people treated her as if she was a monster sent by the devil himself."

"Who?"

"They brainwashed a lot of people, those skinwalkers. They're nothing but vile creatures, they will do anything to obtain any kind of power as long as they can control it."

"That's what they're willing to die for? A power that isn't theirs to begin with."

"Aye, you are correct. Greed is one of the greatest sins that can take over oneself. Once it is in control, it is hard to come out of it."

"I know." I shook the images away, afraid I'll start to do something with my hands, preferably pull a trigger.

I can feel her gaze on me, but I don't turn to her. I can't. I know she can see what I'm thinking, what's happening inside my head.

"You need to talk to your friend." I scoffed in response.

"She's not my friend anymore, she broke that bond when she chose him over me. I lost everything that day."

"It was my last mission before I was to be promoted. Thanks to her, it all came crumbling down because of the puppy love she had with the bastard." I chuckled, no amusement in my tone.

"Little did she know, she was being used so he can escape us, escape me, and leave the country to change his identity and life.

I lost it, I lost him, and I lost my promotion all thanks to the shit they call love.

So no, I will not talk to her. If I do, I'm gonna punch her in the face and man, I'll make it hurt. "

She chuckles, the sound floating around us. "You spite her so, yet you still remember everything that day. You remember something about her and you refuse to follow your anger because deep down, you know you still have her in your heart."

I flinch. Maybe. But I'm not risking it, Kali sabotaged me once, who knows if — no — when she does it again?

"Your mind, Katie. You forget you are in control. There's so much anger in there that you are blinded and cannot see what is in front of you." Her tone is full of pity, and I despised it.

"Do not pity me."

She sighs. "Learn to control your emotions, your heart is broken enough to be abandoned once more. Open your eyes and see."

I tut. I want to go back to my Uncle and tell him all about this and my near death experience. My Aunt would freak and would feed me her delicious homemade cake if I come visit.

I miss them, I miss home. But it feels so different around here, I feel, almost comfortable.

At least there's that instead of staying on my feet twenty four seven.

"Why don't people say her name?" I blurted.

I can feel her shake her head, a no to my question. Huffing, I ask another.

"Why is she a sensitive topic? I thought it was only Titus who forbade everyone in his pack to not talk about her."

I've always been curious on how they treat the conversation as taboo once it comes to her.

"It is something you should find out for yourself, Katie. Not all answers will be right in front of you. Sometimes, you have to look deeper." I groaned in frustration.

"How the fuck am I supposed to find it out if everyone is tight lipped about it?" She chuckles hauntingly.

"Stop that."

The chill beside me was gone, replaced by the howling wind as darkness rose.

I looked up, the moon no longer there as the clouds surround her, stopping her light from reaching down as darkness finally takes over.

I'm unable to see anything, my eyes blinded by the dark. For the first time being here, I'm not afraid.

"Eagerness leads to nothing, Katie. The time will come." A ghostly finger touches my back. I turned around, expecting a kiss of light, but nothing is there.

It was the last thing I felt before I woke up.

Disappointingly so.

Glad she didn't end me in my dream this time. I wanted to ask her so many questions, ones that won't trigger a tight lipped response.

I was so close to an answer, so close. But when it comes to her, people suddenly flee by the mere mention of her.

Just who is she?

I want to find out more about her. What she was like, what she loved to do, how people adored her.

I want to see how beautiful she is, as they say.

A comparison to a goddess, now that's a goddamn compliment.

The only person who holds any answers is Titus, the same man who started all this.

That said man is standing in front of me, his face blank as Derek talks to me. But I tune him out, unable to focus on anything but Titus.

The last I saw him was the meeting. He looked roughed up and his eyes were tired. Yet he sat at his seat, his back straight as if it's second nature to him.

Everyone in that room felt the shift in power, they all sat once he took his. Us participants were to stand, having no chair to sit upon.

So we stood, listened to their banters, they toss the topic around as if it's nothing but pure entertainment to them.

Titus sat there and just watched, his eyes bouncing around observing everyone and everything. They might not see it but I noticed the twitch in his jaw.

I always see the smallest changes about him, and I don't like it. I hate it.

"Katie, you there?" I snapped out of my thoughts when Derek snapped a finger in front of my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm here." I manage to respond.

I didn't look at Titus back again after Derek pulled my attention from him, but I can feel his eyes on us.

"What's he doing here?" I boldly point at the man in question, now sitting on my bed.

"He wanted to see if you're okay, so I allowed him to come with me." I stared at him blankly.

I smacked his head and hissed, "You stupid idiot, who cares what happens to me? Do you not think?"

He furrows his eyebrows at me, in which I return with a roll of my eyes.

"If he gets caught being inside one of the participants room, rumor will spread and things will go wrong. You're adding an element in the equation where it shouldn't be."

We both look at Titus, a smirk plays on his lips as he looks at us in mischief, the whole situation not affecting him in any way.

I snarled at his direction then faced Derek.

"Get. Him. The. Fuck. Out."

They both got up and Derek but all shoved him out of my room, a deep chuckle leaving a trail behind them.

I want to smash his throat.

Kiss it, you mean.

I groaned inwardly. This day is just not it.