Chapter Nineteen
All morning, I’m stuck to the living room window, watching and waiting for Shaun to arrive.
He’s supposed to come and do the back and front gardens today, Victor marked it on the kitty-cat calendar in the kitchen. My knuckles turn white as I grip the windowsill, all I can think about is what I’m going to say - do - when Shaun gets here. Am I supposed to be friendly? Moody? Act like nothing happened at the Spring Festival?
But something did happen. We danced together - okay, maybe the polka isn’t the most romantic of dances, but when his rough fingers were laced through mine and his strong arms held me close, I truly felt something. A ember long since doused, one I thought I’d never be able to ignite again. And after seeing all he’s done in the garden, well, it’s hard to stay cross.
Sure enough, at ten on the dot, Shaun turns up, dressed in his baggy blue overalls and thick leather gloves. Pulse racing, I dash to the kitchen and brew up a quick cuppa - milk, one sugar - then amble nonchalantly down the front garden’s path.
As I approach, Shaun looks up from his task of weeding out stubborn dandelions, but his face doesn’t change. ‘Hi.’
‘Hi.’ In a slightly inelegant gesture, I hold out the mug and shake it lightly from side to side. ‘Made you a tea.’
‘Thanks.’
And just like that, we’ve reverted to four weeks prior, when we were strangers and the only responses I could coax from him were brusque and consisted of either one word or a grunt.
I can’t leave it like this , not after everything we’ve been through together.
‘I visited the garden yesterday.’ I gabble to keep up the conversation, picking at a hangnail on my thumb. ‘You’ve done so much work on it, it looks wonderful.’
His shoulders tense for a moment, but then they rise in a languid shrug, as if all that labour was was no big deal.
‘There’s still lots left to do. I’m only on Phase Three, and there’s four phases.’
A fond smile tugs at my mouth. ‘I saw the poppies too.’ Coming over all coy, I play with the ends of my hair. ‘They were beautiful.’
‘I thought you’d like them.’ He brings his attention to me, his stony expression softening. ‘It’s harder to get on with stuff without you there, though.’
With a splutter, I shake my head. ‘I doubt that. You’re a professional, you do this sort of thing in your sleep, and I’m not exactly Miss Greenfingers, am I?’
‘I don’t know, you’re learning fast. Besides, it’s not just your gardening skills I’ve missed.’
We stare at each other, lips tight shut and yet our wordless gazes say more than we dare to. But Shaun stiffens his jaw and curtly turns away, his focus back on weeding the path.
‘Still, it won’t be too long until we’ve got the garden back to rights, and then you can leave Lily Vale. You have nothing to stay for, right?’
His voice is impassive and wooden, but he can’t quite disguise the hurt in his eyes. Crap. I guess he did overhear my conversation with Preet after all.
‘I didn’t exactly mean that.’ Sheepish, I drop my chin to my chest, wishing I had the courage to speak my truth. ‘It’s … complicated . Anyway, you can’t be mad at me, you’re the one who ran off at the Spring Festival without a word since.’
That shuts him up, at least temporarily. He drops his gauntlets to the ground and trails his fingers through his dark locks, letting loose a long and doleful sigh.
‘Yeah. I’m sorry about that.’
‘Well, what happened?’
Again, he falls silent, his face contorted as if in pain. I think I’ve lost him until he fixes his eyes on mine.
‘It’s complicated.’
Now it’s my turn to sigh. We’ve reached an impasse, one that we’re both too stubborn to offer answers to. My fingers dig anxiously into my palm - despite everything, I care about him too much to leave things like this. I can’t stand that we’re at odds over something neither us of are brave enough to face.
But maybe we don’t have to face it, at least not right now. I’ve been avoiding problems and emotions since I got married, I’m pretty much the queen of avoidance, so what’s one more little issue?
‘Look, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, as long as you don’t make me tell you either.’ I mime spitting on my palm and doggedly hold it out to him. ‘Deal?’
‘Ah, repression - has that ever worked out for anyone before?’ Smirking, he shakes my hand. ‘Deal.’
As Shaun continues his work, I fill him in on all I learned from Maude, and how I almost got the whole story out of her. As he listens, his eyes flicker with that rare boyish curiosity I’ve been lucky enough to witness several times.
‘R.C. is the key to all of this,’ Shaun concludes. ‘If we find him, we might get some real answers.’
‘But who knows who he could be? He might not be alive anymore, I mean, Rosemary must be almost in her seventies about now, who’s to say R.C. isn’t the same age? Or older?’
‘True, but even if we can’t actually find him, we’ve got to find out who he is.’
‘Maude definitely knows more than she’s letting on.’ I flick my eyes upward in thought. ‘I’m certain she knows who R.C. is, she completely freaked out when I mentioned him.’
‘Well, then let’s go talk to her,’ Shaun says determinedly.
‘We can’t, she refused to tell me anymore. I think she’s afraid of hurting Rosemary’s reputation.’
Dusting himself off, Shaun stands up straight, his tall figure casting a shadow over the freshly mown grass. ‘Well, are there anymore leads we can look into?’
‘Only her journal.’
‘Her journal?’ He blinks, confused. ‘You never mentioned that.’
‘Well, we haven’t properly spoken since I found the key, because you ran away.’ I poke a chastising finger into his chest. ‘I’ve been reading it nightly, and it’s been really cool to get an insight into who she was. I feel as though I know her, somehow.’
‘Makes sense, you’re both artists, you both love nature. You’d probably have been friends.’
Blushing, I duck my head and glance up at him through my eyelashes. ‘I never knew I loved nature until I came here.’
‘Lily Vale will do that to you.’
I long to tell him that it’s not just the beauty of Lily Vale that stoked my love of nature, but something deep inside tugs hard and hinders me. A bitter tether around my heart, binding me to a past I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to shake.
Clearing my throat, I push those feelings way down beneath my feet. Maybe if I trample them hard enough, they’ll stop rising to the surface.
‘Anyways, I’ll let you know if I come across anything else tonight. I’m more than halfway through the entries, there’s got to be something that will give us a clue.’
‘Cool. And we should keep searching the shed, just in case there’s anything else in there.’
‘You know, I never really thanked you properly for all you’ve done - on the garden, helping to uncover Rosemary’s past.’
‘Well, gardening is my job, and you hired me.’
A half smile dancing over my lips, I raise an eyebrow. ‘Come on, Shaun. You and I both know you’ve gone above and beyond what I originally hired you to do. Besides, no one paid you to play detective with me.’
‘Yeah well, what can I say? I enjoy a new challenge.’ He chuckles. ‘What do you say we put the mystery on hold today and just grab a coffee? My treat.’
We order two salted caramel lattes to go and end up wandering around the park. The ducks quack jovially as we stroll by, and a flock of birds sail by over our heads. A fleeting thought that Colin might be amongst them crosses my mind, but it’s unlikely, he usually travels alone. Besides, I think he prefers simply hanging out in the garden, or on my kitchen windowsill.
‘I know you might not stay in Lily Vale forever,’ Shaun begins, ‘but you’ve got to admit, it’s not half bad here, is it?’
‘It’s lovely,’ I say, my tone wistful. ‘There was a small kids park where I used to live, nothing like this one, it was little more than a scrub of grass, to be honest. All it had was an ancient climbing frame, a swing set and a couple of benches surrounding it. I used to sit for hours drawing, just watching the kids play.’ I sniff sharply and release a shaky breath. ‘I thought I’d have had children by now, but I suppose it wasn’t meant to be.’
‘There’s still time. Plenty of time.’
‘I know.’ Sweeping my gaze around the park, I smile softly. ‘Did you ever want kids?’
‘Oh yeah, I always wanted to be a dad. But I never met the right person, and my job keeps me so busy.’ He pauses, then lets out a melancholy laugh. ‘Or maybe those are just excuses I tell myself. Life gets in the way, doesn’t it?’
I’m surprised and touched by turns that he’s sharing such personal thoughts with me, and I reach out to squeeze his arm.
‘Like you said, there’s still time.’
We circle back on ourselves and sit side by side on the bench by the duck pond. Sipping our coffees in tandem, we sit in comfortable silence, just enjoying the gentle sounds of nature and the warm presence of each other’s company.
It’s something I’m not used to, I never felt at peace when I was alone with Nathan, even in the very early days of our relationship. I was always as jittery and wired as one of those little yappy dogs, like I had to fight to keep his attention. It felt like a blessing whenever he looked at me, and when things between us soured, even a glance in my direction made my heart skip in pathetic joy and relief.
Despite the tranquillity of our surroundings, I just can’t shake thoughts of Rosemary and her disappearance.
‘I know Maude’s got more to say,’ I insist, passing my now empty coffee cup from palm to palm. ‘But now we’ll never find out.’
‘We’ll go together.’ His sudden enthusiasm sends a spark of warmth through my heart, it’s rather endearing seeing him so amped up and eager. ‘If the two of us confront her, she won’t be able to dismiss us.’
‘Well, she still might dismiss us, and if she turns us away, I doubt I’ll be able to convince her to talk again.’ Glancing up from the ground, I beam at him. ‘But we can try.’
‘Work is really busy tomorrow, but what if we go round at lunchtime the following day?’
Grinning, I extend my arm and we share yet another firm handshake. ‘It’s a date.’