Chapter Twenty
With a satisfying pop, I uncork the bottle and pour silver-gold liquid into two glasses.
It’s funny, just over a month ago, I was avoiding even just a drop of alcohol, for fear that I might overdo it and begin blubbing over Nathan, like I always did. Now I can enjoy a glass of wine or two with a friend without feeling guilty or worse, use it to numb my sadness. Lily Vale truly has been a sanctuary for me, a safe place to recover and grow, just like Rosemary’s once-ruined garden.
Humming tunelessly, I carry both glasses into the living room, the wine bottle tucked precariously under my arm. Lucy and I are indulging in a girly night in - we’ve got the vino, we’ve ordered an absolute feast of a takeaway (which should be here any moment now) and we’re ready for a big old gossip.
‘Have you heard anything from your ex at all?’ Lucy asks as I pass her a glass.
‘Nope.’ I sit down beside her on the sofa, my legs curled beneath me. ‘Not so much as a text message since the sale closed on the townhouse.’
‘Damn, that’s got to be rough. I’m sorry, hun.’
‘I won’t lie, it was rough, but I’m feeling sort of okay about the whole thing now. Clean breaks can hurt like hell, but they give the wounds a better shot at healing, you know? I think if we were in constant communication, all those scars would keep reopening and I’d be living in false hope that we might get back together. I probably wouldn’t have come to Lily Vale, either.’
‘Well, I’m glad things have panned out the way they have, then.’ Lucy clinks her glass against mine. ‘So, you think there’s no hope for the two of you working things out?’
Running a finger around the rim of my glass, I mull it over for a spell. Not so long ago, there’s nothing I’d have wanted more than to give it another go with Nathan, despite the fact our marriage had been in tatters for years and a couple weeks separation was never going to change that. I guess I sort of kidded myself that if we were to try again, it’d magically work out - he’d somehow see the error of his ways and treat me kindly, suddenly I wouldn’t be so clingy and we’d click the way we were supposed to.
But as I sit opposite Lucy on the big, soft sofa in my cosy cottage, I see that fantasy for what it is - a fantasy.
‘No, not now. If you’d asked me a month ago, sure, I’d still have my fingers crossed, but he’s shown me he doesn’t give two hoots about us. And … neither do I.’
The stark statement from my lips takes me aback, and I’m even more astonished to find that it’s true. When I think of him, I don’t feel that familiar yearning ache in the pit of my stomach, it’s more like a visceral disgust in the back of my throat, scratchy and sour, as if I’ve vomited up something unpleasant. I’m done with Nathan, for real this time.
Dear God, am I actually over him?
With a huge whoop of delight, Lucy kicks her legs gleefully. ‘Right, let’s get you on the dating apps, then!’
‘Whoa, hold your horses! I don’t think I’m the dating app type.’ Clearing my throat, I push a lock of hair behind my ear. ‘Besides, I think I might have met someone -’
Lucy gasps, almost spilling her wine over herself.
‘Kind of,’ I quickly add, though it’s too late. Lucy’s already bombarding me with questions.
‘Where did you meet him? What does he do? Who is he?’
‘In my front garden, he’s a gardener, and his name is Shaun.’
‘Wait, you’re talking about Shaun Henley?’ Lucy nods her approval. ‘Brooding, tall, strong silent type - yeah, I see the appeal.’
‘I know. Except he’s not so silent once you get to know him.’ I feel a smile appearing and I bite my lip, unable to contain it. ‘He’s actually really passionate and so enthusiastic, when he wants to be.’
‘Ooh, get you, bringing the village’s hot curmudgeon out of his shell!’ she cackles, glugging the last of her wine. ‘So, have you been on a date yet?’
‘No, not exactly. I mean, we’ve worked on the garden together and hung out at the park, but that’s it so far. And I’ve not exactly told him how I feel.’
‘Why not?’
‘Well, you said it yourself, he’s quiet and reserved, it’s impossible to tell what he’s thinking. What if I open myself up and he rejects me? I’m not sure my fragile heart will be able to hack it.’
‘I get that, it’s tough to let yourself be vulnerable again. But it’s the only way you’ll know for sure.’
And isn’t that just the hardest part? I wish I could muster the courage to let my vulnerability show without seeing it as a weakness. Shaun is the most stoic person I know, and yet, he’s let his guard down a little at times. Even so, I just know there’s more to his story than he’s letting on, I just wish he would let me in.
Still, who am I to talk? I’m also holding back - too afraid to confess the truth within my heart. When I first started to recognise that spark, I pushed it aside, telling myself it was nothing more than a crush. But it’s blossomed into something much more than that, something I truly believe could be special, if only I was brave enough to take the plunge.
‘Speaking of relationships, how’s things between you and Alex?’ I ask as I refill Lucy’s glass to the brim with sparkling wine. ‘Did you guys end up having the big conversation?’
She groans and presses her fingers to her forehead. ‘Well, I tried. I made a really nice dinner, coq au vin, fancy red wine, the works. I even lit candles, for God’s sake.’
‘And?’ I press her. ‘What happened?’
‘I waited and waited for him, the food was getting cold. When I called his mobile, it went straight to voicemail and he wouldn’t reply to my texts. Finally, he turned up, and instead of having a civil discussion over a nice meal, we ended up arguing half the night.’
‘Oh dear.’ I stroke her arm sympathetically. ‘Still, all couples have arguments, you can brooch the subject another time.’
‘Maybe.’ A single sigh escapes her as she toys with the stem of her wine glass. ‘The truth is, I’m a bit worried about us.’
I almost spit out my drink. ‘What, you and Alex?’
Those two are the picture of a perfect couple, what could Lucy possibly be worried about?
She gives a pained nod. ‘I just get the feeling he’s hiding something, you know? Coming in late, not taking my phone calls when normally, he can’t answer quickly enough. And he’s been very cagey about his mobile lately, he won’t even leave it on the coffee table when he goes to the loo.’
Shaking my head, I can’t help but snicker. ‘I’m sure that’s not unusual, plenty of people scroll through their phones or play games when they’re on the loo.’
Her mouth twists from side to side, worry painting her features. ‘It just feels like there’s some sort of secret between us, and until I figure out what it is, I’m not going to even consider having the conversation about moving in together.’
I peer over the rim of my glass, frowning. ‘You don’t think he’s cheating do you, Luce?’
Again, she sighs. ‘I can’t imagine him ever doing something like that, so I want to say no. Oh God, what if he is?’
‘No, there’s no way.’ I shut that theory down fast. ‘Alex is totally devoted to you, I could see that clear as day within five minutes of meeting the guy. He’s for sure not the type to be unfaithful.’
‘I hope you’re right, but if it’s not that , then what is going on with him?’
‘Maybe the secret is a good secret?’ I suggest with a lame shrug.
Lucy raises an unconvinced eyebrow. ‘Come off it, Ruth. In situations like this, it’s never a good secret.’
Unsure what else to say, I try out another shrug and sip my wine.
All these secrets! Who’d have thought a sleepy little village like Lily Vale was harbouring so many skeletons? And as much as I’d like to help Lucy figure out what’s going on with Alex, I’ve got my own mysteries to ponder.
I just hope Maude is in the mood for visitors tomorrow …