Chapter 44 #2
‘I’ve seen The Good Place ,’ she explains but is ignored because no one else knows what that is.
‘Anyway, Seb darling,’ Audrey continues, ‘it’s a philosophy I happen to be a big fan of.
It says not everything is universally good or bad.
’ She directs this at Seb, though Pauline is also listening intently.
‘So our choices should be more dependent on the context. It’s all relative!
Who are we to judge!’ She side-eyes her friends.
‘For example, just plucking this out of thin air, is killing evil rapists always wrong?’
‘Kill them all!’ Tilly says jovially and Teddy raises her eyebrows, looking amused.
‘I happen to agree,’ Audrey replies casually.
The group makes their way into the open-plan kitchen. Audrey fetches more glasses and they drink champagne together, chatting warmly amongst themselves.
Pauline watches Seb gravitate to Ivy, eyeing them as they shyly talk in low voices by the kitchen island.
‘Anyway,’ Audrey continues breezily. ‘If we’re not really allowed to kill bad people,’ she says, coughing lightly, ‘I think we should talk about how else we can help women who need us.’
‘I’ve had an idea for that,’ Ivy pipes up. She grins around the room, bright-eyed and excited.
Pauline takes in her friend, standing across the room, beaming.
She’s so different from the Ivy she met that first day at her house.
Unrecognisable from the broken and small young woman who barely whispered one-word answers and couldn’t make eye contact.
She speaks up without encouragement now and has this shimmying confidence about her.
She even seems taller these days. But she’s also kept all the sweetness, the kindness and compassion she always had.
She has kept all the good egg about her.
The Lottery Winner Widows Club might not have managed to murder any evil, abusive men together, Pauline realises, but what little they have achieved has obviously been enough to truly help Ivy with her pain.
Pauline doubts she’ll ever fully recover from what she went through with her husband, but it’s clear she is doing so much better. It warms her heart.
Ivy reaches down to stroke Paula the Dog, who squats loyally at her side.
‘So here’s my plan,’ she begins with enthusiasm.
‘I want to open a dog therapy centre for survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence.’ Her voice is eager.
‘I’ve been doing a lot of research into it, and trained dogs have been hugely helpful for those who’ve suffered abuse or have PTSD.
About a third of abuse survivors have post-traumatic stress disorder, did you know that?
Having a dog around provides emotional support and reduces anxiety.
Petting a dog releases oxytocin, which helps with stress.
The evidence shows having a dog around actively relaxes people and can encourage them to open up.
’ She takes a deep breath, finding her stride.
‘And I’m thinking we could also offer therapy on site, and maybe legal advice.
’ She nods at Teddy, who looks surprised, then nods with excitement.
‘We could even have rooms above the centre. A safe house for those who need it.’
‘That’s such a great idea,’ Tilly tells her with enthusiasm. ‘If there’s anything me and my wife, Misha, can do to help, I’d love to get involved.’
‘Me too!’ Seb says with enthusiasm. ‘I’m about to start training to be a therapist, you know!’
Pauline thinks of how sweetly Ivy dotes on Paula the Dog, how she gives the pet more attention than her owner, Audrey. Of course dogs had to be part of her big idea to save womenkind.
Pauline smiles. ‘Our twenty million is at your disposal, Ivy. Minus a bit for some luxuries, of course. I think it’s high time I spent some money on myself.’
‘Quite right,’ Teddy nods. ‘It’s about time you really enjoyed being rich.’
Audrey snorts. ‘I’m in, of course.’ She pauses. ‘Does it mean killing the odd narcissist is totally off the table?’
Tilly finds this hilarious. ‘I’m also up for getting involved in all that if needed,’ she jokes as the majority of the room hard-eyeballs one another.
Ivy continues to talk animatedly about her plan and about how she’s going to train Paula the Dog as a service animal, even as Paula the Dog zooms around the room chasing a fly that she is trying to swallow whole.
As the others chat and drink, Tilly crosses the room to sit beside Pauline and pull her close. ‘Are you OK?’ her daughter asks softly.
Their conversation at the kitchen table the other day has wholly changed things between them.
Over the years, Tilly had started to mother her mother.
She didn’t even notice she was doing it, but Pauline saw it happen and hated it.
She had become so weak and submissive around John, and she’d let herself be the same small, incapable child for the rest of the world.
As Tilly grew up, she had to be the grown-up. The mother.
But that has shifted in these last few days. Tilly has stopped seeing her mum as a one-dimensional, useless, silly old woman and started trying to understand her. She sees her mum’s trauma and her coping mechanisms. She sees her. Which is all Pauline ever wanted.
But of course, it will take some time for them to forgive one another.
Their relationship took a dark turn there for a while, and it can’t all be swept under the carpet.
They’re going to keep seeing Gerald, the counsellor, in an effort to work through some of the deeper issues.
It will take time and effort, but for now, they’re treating one another with softness and kindness.
Which is pretty much all anyone can ask for from their loved ones.
‘I’m fine, sweetheart. Are you OK?’
Tilly nods. ‘Did you think any more about what we talked about?’
After Pauline confessed the truth about her marriage, she, Tilly and Seb sat around for a while longer, talking.
It didn’t take Tilly long to accept the truth about her father and realise she’d been in denial for a long time.
In fact, Tilly was the one who’d told Pauline she should visit the police and report her dad for abuse.
So he can’t do it to another woman, she’d said, and it had made Pauline worry about Bridget the secretary.
‘I did think about it, sweetheart.’ Pauline nods. ‘And I went to see the police today.’ She doesn’t expand. She doesn’t tell Tilly how she is in the process of helping fit her dad up for murder. That conversation can probably wait.
Tilly’s eyes widen. ‘You did? Wow.’ She puffs out her cheeks.
‘God, you’ve really done it? That’s so .
. . so brave !’ She turns to fully look at her mum.
‘I’m really bloody proud of you. Never mind proud, actually, I’m in awe of you.
I don’t know anyone who could be so strong, not after all you’ve been through. ’
‘Well, goodness.’ Pauline feels herself swell with pride. ‘Thank you.’
Tilly continues looking at her with admiration, then glances around the room.
‘It’s these women, isn’t it?’ she says quietly.
‘It’s your new friends. They’ve given you so much confidence.
They’ve helped you loads, I can see that now.
I was an idiot for trying to warn you away from them.
They’re clearly so good for you. I think they’re probably magic.
’ She pauses, eyeing Audrey, who is trying to persuade Teddy to have an arm wrestle.
‘I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re all still a bunch of weirdos . . .’
Pauline arches an eyebrow. ‘Aren’t all the best people?’ she asks and they both laugh.
‘And have you noticed . . .’ Tilly nudges her mum with her elbow, nodding towards the corner sofa across the room. There sit Ivy and Seb, their heads almost touching as they speak in such a familiarly intimate way.
‘Oh yes.’ Pauline grins, taking another sip of her drink. ‘I have noticed indeed.’
‘It’s about time my little brother got his act together.’ Tilly sounds amused. ‘And I’m getting the impression she’d be well worth upgrading from the shed for.’
‘I can tell you,’ Pauline says, smiling again, ‘she very much is.’
They snuggle into one another for a moment before Tilly speaks again in an urgent tone.
‘I really am so sorry about everything, I hope you know that. I was so stubborn about seeing what you were going through.’ Tilly sighs.
‘I feel like it was some kind of temporary blindness, like I was wearing blinkers, and couldn’t see what was right in front of me for so long.
’ She looks down at her own lap. ‘It was like your life with Dad was a magic eye picture. Everything was so blurry and confusing – a big blur of a photo – and then when you explained it all, it suddenly came into focus. I thought I didn’t really know you all this time, but it was him I didn’t know. I misunderstood you both completely.’
‘I’m sorry, too, Tilly,’ Pauline tells her. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping you in the dark. By staying with him and putting up with it.’
‘I know, I get it. It’s not your fault, Mum. And I hope they throw the book at him,’ Tilly says darkly. ‘I hope he gets everything that’s coming to him.’
‘I hope so too, my love,’ she says, thinking of that plastic bag of evidence she’d passed across the desk at the police station. She wishes she could see his face when they brought him in.
After all, if framing someone for murder doesn’t even the score for a faked death, what does?