Chapter 36 #3
Raffy did not stop chattering. ‘Did you know that in Ancient Egypt, if you were blind they used to mash up pigs’ eyes and put them in your ear?
How gross is that? And the poor pigs! Imagine if that happened to Podge and Perkins!
Also, if you wet the bed, you’d have to wear a bag of mouse bones around your neck to stop it happening again! ’
‘My goodness! Where did you hear that?’
‘We’ve been learning about the Egyptians at school. When they died, they used to pull their brains out through their nose with a metal hook and wrap the body in bandages to make a mummy!’
‘How revolting!’ Helena laughed. Raffy warmed to his theme, racking his brains for more interesting facts to tell her. He was like a walking, talking Horrible Histories book. It never ceased to amaze Helena what random snippets of information he had stored away.
As her watch edged closer towards half past twelve, Helena suggested they start making their way back to Lavender Cottage. She didn’t dare be late. ‘What are you reading at the moment?’ she asked, hoping that the enthusiasm he had found had not dwindled.
‘Beast Quest. Nana gave me the whole first series for my birthday. It’s absolutely brilliant.
You’ll never guess what happened…’ Helena sighed with contentment as she listened to him recount the plot.
It felt unbelievably good to be spending time with him again.
She felt as though a huge part of her had been restored, and she vowed to appreciate every moment she was able to spend with Raffy from now on, as much as she possibly could.
She had no idea how long she would have with him.
That much was out of her control. Each second of his company would be an unexpected blessing to be treasured.
She felt lucky to have this opportunity, and reasoned that putting up with Noah’s reappearance in her life was a price she would have to pay for the chance to see his son.
‘Ready for some lunch?’ Noah asked as he opened the front door, beer in hand. ‘I’ve got some steak on the barbeque. Helena, would you like to join us?’
Her stomach rumbled – Noah had always cooked a perfect steak – but she instantly shut down the part of her that was tempted to accept the invitation. ‘I can’t,’ she said, deliberately keeping her answer vague.
She crouched down, at eye level with Raffy. ‘It was wonderful to see you,’ she smiled, kissing his soft, rounded cheek.
‘You too Helly,’ he said, wrapping his arms around her for a hug, squeezing her so tightly she could hardly breathe. God, how she had missed those cuddles.
‘Good luck at school tomorrow. Everyone will be so excited to see you!’
‘Will I see you soon?’ Raffy asked.
‘Same time next week?’ Helena suggested, looking to Noah for approval.
He nodded. ‘Sounds good.’ Again, she waited for the ‘but’, but nothing followed. His seemingly easy manner didn’t sit well with her. She could tell it was just an act.
They waved her off as she walked down the path and out of the gate.
She walked around the corner, making sure she was out of sight before she stopped.
Overcome with emotion, she felt the familiar tugging and tightening sensations in her chest. She took in one long, slow breath, then exhaled.
She did this again and again, waiting for the feeling to pass.
It was over. She had been through her first encounter with Noah, by herself.
And it had been bearable. Strange, extremely uncomfortable, yes, but it was over.
He had been civil, there had been no huge explosions.
Suddenly desperate to discuss it all with Nathalie, knowing that she had been waiting all morning for Helena to call from the messages that kept pinging through on her phone, she decided to head for Stable Cottages.
It had been an emotional rollercoaster of a morning, and she needed to talk it through.
She noticed that there had been a message from Johnny too.
Here for you any time, just call. Hope you are okay Xx
She felt a warm glow in the pit of her stomach as she read the words. It felt good to have friends. She was glad that she didn’t have to deal with this all alone. She typed her reply,
Thanks Johnny. It means a lot. See you later xx
He was expecting Margery and Helena for a roast at his house at around three that afternoon, their Sunday tradition.
Helena rapped on the door of Stable Cottages.
Nathalie answered it, somehow managing to pull Helena in for a hug while simultaneously turning to yell at the kids.
She instructed them to get downstairs and clear the kitchen table so they had somewhere to eat their lunch.
Nathalie looked radiant in an electric blue jump suit with matching dangly earrings.
‘Going somewhere nice?’ Helena asked. ‘Hot date?’
‘Unfortunately not.’
‘But you look so glam!’
‘I felt in need of cheering up today. I’ve been trapped in one long bickering match between one child or another all morning. MEG, MAISY, TED!!! GET DOWN HERE AT ONCE. YOU HEARD ME!’ She hollered up the stairs. ‘LUNCH IS NEARLY READY.’
As Ted lolloped down the stairs, she reiterated her instructions. ‘Right Ted, the table needs to be cleared and laid in ten minutes. Helena and I are going out into the garden to talk, by the time I come back it needs to be done. Get your sisters to help you.’
He looked less than impressed. Nathalie ignored him and flounced through into the garden, stopping to grab a bottle of rosé out of the fridge and two glasses from the dresser. She sighed loudly as she flopped onto a deck chair, slugging rosé into the glasses and handing one to Helena.
‘No doubt you are in need of this,’ she said as she took a slug.
Helena did the same, sitting in the chair next to her and closing her eyes, enjoying the sun on her face. ‘You are too right,’ she sighed.
‘So, have you seen him? Spoken to him?’
‘I’ve just come from his new home.’
‘Oh god.’ Nathalie squinted at her, shielding her eyes with her hand. ‘How was it?’
‘Awful. Weird…’
‘I can imagine. What did he say?’
‘That he wants me back. That he’s changed.’
‘And? How do you feel about it?’
Helena shook her head. ‘Confused, if I’m honest. It’s everything I ever wanted to hear. But I know it would be crazy to just suddenly change my mind and fall into his arms.’
‘Thank god for that.’
Helena took another sip of her rosé, feeling her muscles begin to relax and realising how tense she had been.
‘It’s so weird. Like being in a time-warp.
It’s strange seeing them in a different house, seeing how they act without me, how they even survive.
I used to do absolutely everything… but it seems that Noah can manage just fine. ’
‘Well, it’s good to know that he’s capable of pulling his finger out when he has to.’ Nathalie snorted in derision. ‘He probably has help.’
‘I think he must have done in London.’
‘Is that where they’ve been?’
‘Yes. They went to New Zealand, but apparently they came back. He says he’s changed job. He said he’s even having therapy, that he’s a changed man.’
‘Oh please!’ Nathalie rolled her eyes. ‘The oldest line in the book.’
‘I know.’
‘Did he let you see Raffy?’
‘Yes. That was the weirdest thing. I was expecting him to kick up a massive fuss but he didn’t, he let Raf come with me, asked me to bring him back in time for lunch.’
‘Wow. So odd. It’s probably all part of his game plan, to convince you that he isn’t a raging control freak anymore. Luckily for you, we know a leopard doesn’t change his spots so easily.’
‘I know.’
Nathalie was peering quizzically at her. ‘What is it?’ she asked, sensing an element of doubt.
‘Nothing.’
‘Helena. Tell me.’
‘It’s just… he can’t have actually changed, can he?’ She hated herself for even asking the question.
Nathalie sat up and took her hand. ‘Helena, that is exactly what he wants you to think. It’s too easy to show up here, a year later, acting all reformed and innocent, dangling his insanely gorgeous son in front of you like a carrot on a stick.
Offering you the chance to become a happy family again.
But it’s all bullshit. Men like him, like Mike, they never change.
I’m sure he’d be all romance and sweetness and light to begin with, but wait until that initial burst of effort has worn out…
The first time he loses his temper again, who will be the one he takes it out on?
Who will be the one to bear the brunt of it all? We all know what he’s capable of…’
Helena nodded, blinking back tears. ‘You are right, I know all that. Thank you, I needed someone else to say it. I needed to hear it out loud. It’s all been such a headfuck.’
‘I know. And you are bound to feel confused. It would be impossible not to. But you’ve got us now. And we love you way too much to let that shitbag worm his way back into your life. You are far, far too good for him. And one day, you will find someone who actually deserves you. A decent, kind man.’
‘I hope so,’ Helena smiled, sniffing loudly and draining her glass as Ted came out into the garden.
‘The girls won’t come down,’ he said. ‘I’ve cleared the table though. And I can smell burning.’
‘Shit! The quiche.’ Nathalie wrenched herself out of her chair and raced inside, muttering expletives as she flung open the oven door and searched for the oven gloves.
‘I’m going to love you and leave you,’ Helena said, skirting around the chaos that ensued as Nathalie fanned the blackened quiche with a baking tray while shouting once more up to Meg and Maisy to get their ‘arses downstairs NOW’.
‘Are you sure you don’t want to stay for lunch?’ Nathalie asked, laughing in the full knowledge that it looked about as unappetising as was humanly possible.
‘Thanks for the offer,’ Helena grinned. ‘But I’m off to Johnny’s with Marge.’
‘Oh of course! It’s Sunday. Lucky you.’
Ted sighed longingly at the prospect. ‘Unfair,’ he groaned.
‘Oi, you. That’s enough!’ Nathalie gave him a playful shove as she came to the door with Helena. ‘Call me later. If you freak out, you know where I am.’
‘Thanks Nat,’ Helena said, laughing to herself as Nathalie stormed up the stairs spouting a torrent of ‘how dare yous’ in an attempt to persuade Meg and Maisy to finally stop their game and join her and Ted for lunch.
Her stomach started to rumble at the prospect of Johnny’s cooking.
It had been quite a morning. She had built up an appetite after her run and was looking forward to a couple more glasses of wine to calm her nerves and hopefully forget all about Noah’s reappearance in her life.
She wondered if Margery wouldn’t mind driving.
*
They sat outside on the newly repointed patio in front of the kitchen, surrounded by the spoils of Johnny and Helena’s planting earlier in the year: jewel bright poppies, roses, lavender and agapanthus fought for supremacy in the bed that ran alongside the paving stones.
Butterflies fluttered their gossamer wings as they danced around the blooms. Helena noticed an admiral butterfly, flitting around her.
She thought of her mother again. She felt as if she could hear her mother’s voice in her ear, reassuring her that she was right where she was meant to be, that everything was working out just as it was meant to. She clung onto that thought.
It was the best reward for all their efforts, watching as the beds began to fill out, new shoots sprang up, flowers unfurled and insects lolled happily from plant to plant.
Johnny seemed extra attentive towards Helena, complimenting her on her new dress, making sure her wine was topped up, that she was sitting facing the sun.
The stresses of the morning ebbed away as the heady combination of wine, sunshine and delicious food began to work its magic.
‘I thought the fete was a great success,’ Johnny said, ‘despite Noah’s attempt to ruin it for you.
’ The disdain in his voice was only too clear in his enunciation of the word ‘Noah’.
It made Helena smile. They had already discussed that morning’s visit in great detail.
Johnny had grilled her intently to find out exactly what Noah had said, testing the waters to see how she was reacting to it all.
She felt stronger after Nathalie’s pep talk, she didn’t mention the tiny part of her that had wanted to believe his lies.
She could tell Johnny was relieved to hear that she was standing firm, that she had told him in no uncertain terms that she was not interested in getting back together.
‘We couldn’t have hoped for a more glorious day,’ Margery agreed. ‘There was a real buzz. It’s the first time I can remember such a large gathering around here. People seem really excited about the launch of the café.’
‘I’m so pleased. I just can’t wait for it all to happen now.’
‘How much did you raise?’
‘Nathalie and I went through it last night. ￡1,570 in total profit. Not bad at all.’
‘That’s brilliant!’ Margery smiled.
‘So with the Just Giving page you have enough to cover all your costs?’ Johnny asked.
‘And some to spare.’
As they soaked up the late afternoon sun, Helena talked through the last steps that she needed to complete before the café’s launch on 23 July.
It felt overwhelming but at the same time incredibly exciting.
It was hard to believe that in a few short weeks her dream of running a community café would finally come true, and there was no way she was going to let Noah’s reappearance affect any of it.