Chapter 43
HELENA DIDN’T HEAR from Noah for the rest of the day.
She went back over to Lavender Cottage late in the afternoon, with Johnny by her side.
He was still furious with Noah for hitting her.
There was no way he was going to let her go anywhere near him by herself.
Even though Johnny was so gentle in temperament that he wouldn’t hurt a fly, she knew how protective of her he was and wondered what his reaction would be if he saw Noah, but she needn’t have worried – there was no sign of him.
The door was still unlocked, there was no car in the drive, the house was exactly as they had left it.
She packed a bag of overnight things for Raffy and a change of clothes for the next day.
Raffy was confused but happy to be with Helena, and the dogs, and Margery and Johnny.
On Saturday night, after Raffy had fallen asleep on the futon, Helena popped out to see Nathalie for a drink.
She told her the whole story. Nathalie was horrified to hear that Noah had punched her, muttering expletives and assassinating every aspect of his character.
She couldn’t believe he would just abandon his child like that; as a parent it was completely unthinkable to her.
That he still hadn’t contacted Helena was just unforgivable.
Helena was beginning to wonder whether he had done something stupid in his anger, like drive his car into a tree.
Nothing would surprise her at this stage.
When Helena told Nathalie about Johnny’s declaration of love, Nathalie’s reaction had almost surpassed Margery’s, both of them had been overjoyed for Helena and Johnny.
Nathalie was shocked at how badly Helena had got the wrong end of the stick.
She confessed that her mystery man was a single dad at the kids’ school.
They were keeping it secret for the sake of their children, both having been through acrimonious divorces.
Later that day, when the morning rush of customers had calmed down and Helena checked her phone, she saw a missed call from Noah.
Flooded with a mixture of hatred and relief that he wasn’t dead, she called him back, steeling herself.
‘Noah?’
‘Helena. Is Raffy okay?’ His speech was slurred.
‘Where are you?’
‘How is he?’ he mumbled.
‘He’s at school. He’s okay.’
‘I didn’t want him to see me like that,’ Noah said. She could hear the shame in his voice. She waited for an apology, but nothing came. Helena didn’t know what to say.
‘He’s been staying with me these past two nights. You need to tell him where you are. It’s not fair on him that you just disappeared like that.’
‘I know,’ he sighed. ‘I just needed to get away. I’m not cut out for this.’
‘For what?’ Helena snapped, suddenly impatient with his self-pity.
‘It’s a lot, looking after him full-time.’
‘You’re telling me.’
There was silence down the line.
‘Have you spoken to Sandra? The poor thing was out of her mind with worry this morning. You didn’t tell her anything.’
He paused. ‘I’ll call her now.’
‘Jesus Noah, this is just not good enough. Poor Raffy, he doesn’t deserve this. After everything he’s been through.’
‘I’ve been through a lot too,’ he replied quietly.
She fumed. ‘Haven’t we all?’
‘Look, Helena,’ he sighed. ‘Can you have him for a while?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Can he stay with you?’
‘For how long?’
‘I’m not sure yet. A few weeks. Maybe a few months, maybe longer. Look, I know I’m not what’s best for him. I have a lot of shit to deal with,’ he slurred. His voice broke, ‘I love him.’
Helena found herself nodding, she blinked back tears for Raffy. She knew that it was true, in his own warped way he did love his son.
‘I just don’t think I can do this anymore,’ he said. ‘I’m not ready to come back. I need to get away for a while. Sort myself out.’
‘I can look after him,’ Helena said. ‘Of course I will. But this time, I need some assurance you won’t take him away again. I need paperwork. Something that gives me the right to act as Raffy’s parent whether you are here or not.’
There was a long silence. ‘I’ll sort it,’ he said.
She waited to see if there was anything else. Nothing. Then eventually, ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered, before the call disconnected.
*
That afternoon, leaving Dawn to lock up, Helena left the café and drove to Johnny’s.
She had spoken to Sandra who had just had a phone call from Noah.
She had agreed to carry on with her hours looking after Raffy, which was essential now that Helena worked full-time and did not have the capacity to do it herself.
As she parked outside his house, she checked the time.
She had an hour before Raffy would be dropped off at hers.
She found Johnny in the garden, stoking the bonfire.
That pang of longing at the sight of him twanged like an elastic band deep inside her.
She crept up behind him and wrapped her arms around him.
He turned in surprise and pulled her towards him, kissing her, the crackle of the burning wood and the heat of the flames mirroring the sensations he stirred within her.
She couldn’t tear herself away from him.
But she had to. She had to tell him what she had agreed to.
It might change things for him, her having temporary custody of a seven year old all of a sudden.
She didn’t know how long for, whether it could even be forever.
‘I wasn’t expecting you,’ he smiled between kisses. ‘What a nice surprise.’
‘I need to talk to you,’ she said. ‘Noah called; he was a complete mess. He had clearly been drinking. He’s asked me to have Raf, he said it’s too much for him and he can’t do it anymore.’
Johnny raised his eyebrows and nodded. ‘Nothing about that man could surprise me anymore,’ he said. ‘Poor little Raf.’
‘I know. I don’t know how I’m going to explain it to him.’ Helena winced at the thought. ‘I just wanted to say, I understand if this changes things. What you said to me on Saturday, about the future… I know it didn’t have Raffy as part of the plan…’
Helena couldn’t ask him to take on a child that wasn’t his. If he wanted marriage and babies, it wasn’t fair to assume he’d accept the baggage it seemed she may now come with.
Johnny’s eyes softened; he pulled her into his arms once again.
Drawing back, he looked intently at her and smiled that irresistible, crinkly eyed smile she loved so much.
‘Helena, there is no one in this world I would rather be with than you, and if Raffy is part of the package, then that’ll be the icing on the cake.
I love you, and nothing you could possibly throw at me, possibly say or do will ever change that. I am all in.’
Helena felt lightheaded with relief and happiness.
Finally alone, knowing they didn’t have long before she would have to leave again, they just about managed to make their way inside before tearing off each other’s clothes.
He slid the straps of her dress over her shoulders and it fell to the floor.
Johnny stopped and stared at her, as if mesmerised, tracing his hands slowly down the curves of her body, before picking her up as if she were lighter than air and carrying her up to his bedroom.
They fell into each other’s arms, exploring every millimetre of each other’s bodies, lost in a trance, until they could no longer tell where the very edges of one began and the other ended.