Chapter 24
24
With sweaty palms, Iris walked through the Save Face Beauty halls. Her footsteps echoed throughout the empty space. A ball of anxiety ping-ponged in her stomach. When she reached Dominique’s office, she found Dominique leaning against her desk, wearing a purple tennis dress and a matching visor. Dominique played in a tennis league on Sundays. Iris had taken her boss away from her favorite pastime. Dominique looked up.
“Iris,” she said, eyeing her. “Come in.”
Heart hammering, Iris squared her shoulders and stepped inside. She glanced at the life-size cutout of Angel and her stomach squeezed. She quickly averted her eyes.
“Your personal life is none of my business, Iris, truly,” Dominique said, folding her arms across her chest. “But these photographs of you and Angel…He’s our brand ambassador . You are a representative of this company. How did this even happen?”
During the drive into the city, Iris thought about what she’d say to Dominique, how she’d explain herself. In the end, she decided that there was no point in lying. Dominique wasn’t stupid. The truth was plain to see in the photographs. As complicated as it was, Iris was just going to tell the truth.
“While on the tour, Angel and I got closer and”—Iris briefly squeezed her eyes closed, hating that she’d have to admit this unprofessional truth—“things did turn romantic between us. It was completely unplanned. I was going to tell you once I figured out the right approach, but the pictures surfaced before I could say anything. We’ve been so careful, but last night was the one time that we weren’t. I’m so sorry.”
Dominique watched Iris silently. The silence was so loud and pointed, Iris wondered if Dominique could hear the sound of her frantic heartbeat. Then Dominique emitted a long, weary sigh.
“You’re the last person who I’d expect to be caught up in something like this,” she said. “You came up with this fabulous rollout plan that turned things around for the company. It was amazing work, Iris. But now all that anyone will be able to think about is that you had an affair with our brand ambassador. What if people assume that he only agreed to work with us because he’s involved with you? It could jeopardize the legitimacy of our products and our reputation again .” She shook her head, so sad, so dismayed. “When I saw you talking to him in the hall all those weeks ago, something told me that the two of you looked a little too friendly. But I thought, No, Iris wouldn’t cross the line . I thought that you knew better.”
“I do .” Iris couldn’t take seeing her boss and mentor so utterly disappointed in her. She ran an agitated hand through her hair. Suddenly, now face-to-face with Dominique, Iris realized the true idiocy of her actions. She’d been so starved for affection, she’d let herself get swept away by the idea of romance—with a celebrity , of all people—and along the way she’d lost sight of reality, thinking that somehow things would turn out okay in the end. She’d wrapped herself in a web of delusion. And now look what happened. It had all blown up in her face.
“I do know better,” she said hoarsely, stomach sinking. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so sorry.”
Dominique uncrossed her arms as she continued to look at Iris, pressing her hands flat on her desk. “I was planning to tell you this tomorrow, but I’ve been talking with Pat and Ed,” she said. “We’re creating a new VP of strategic initiatives position particularly for the online space. Unanimously, we decided that the role should be yours.”
Iris blinked. It was mental whiplash. Her mouth opened and closed. She was so thrown, she didn’t know what to say.
“Again, I was going to talk to you about this tomorrow ,” Dominique continued. “But given this current situation, I thought it would be best to let you know what’s at stake. I can’t tell you who you should or should not be involved with in your personal life, but what I will say is that the choices we make in our private lives can be held against us when they become public. My advice to you is to look at the bigger picture and determine what does and doesn’t fit. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices that we regret in the moment, but we’re thankful for them later. I’ve had to make many sacrifices to be in this position, believe me.”
Iris wrung her hands together, harried and anxious as she looked at her boss. She remembered her ambitions from her early twenties, before Terry and Calla, before life had thrown her the sharpest curveball. She’d wanted corporate world domination. She imagined seeing her headshot on the company website with Vice President of Strategic Initiatives printed below her face. The mental image didn’t bring on an effusive rush like it might have in the past, but…she had to be realistic. She was good at her job. Really good. She’d be good at this new position too and it definitely would come with a bigger paycheck. After what she’d done, it was a miracle that the job was even still on the table.
She’d spent the last few weeks living in a fairy tale, one where a seemingly untouchable prince had found a maiden and they’d fallen for each other despite the odds. But she wasn’t Cinderella. She had a child and a mortgage. As much as it killed her, there were sacrifices that she’d need to make too. It was time to wake up and accept her reality.
She thought of Angel’s face this morning, so peaceful and content as he’d slept with his arms wrapped around her. Her chest ached as she took a deep breath and nodded.
“I’m interested in the promotion,” she finally said, swallowing hard.
Dominique’s eyebrows raised as she tilted her head. “So, you understand what I’m saying.”
It wasn’t a question. Dominique leveled her eyes at Iris.
“I understand,” Iris said. “My personal life won’t be an issue moving forward.” She cleared her throat and met Dominique’s gaze head-on. “I’d love to talk more about the position tomorrow.”
Dominique’s lips curved into a satisfied smile. “First thing tomorrow, come see me and we’ll go over details.”
—
The streetlights were beginning to cut on as Iris looked out her living room window and watched Angel’s car pull into her driveway. During her meeting with Dominique, Angel’s team had put out a statement saying that Angel had no comment on the pictures and that he’d asked everyone to respect his privacy. The photos were still circulating online. Luckily, it seemed that people were more curious than anything. The discourse hadn’t turned malicious. A few more people had recognized Iris from the Refine meet-and-greet tour, but so far, no one had come forward and identified her by name. That might have been the only saving grace.
Janet and Viv had seen the pictures, because of course they had. They’d blown up Iris’s phone with text after text.
I knew that guy I saw you with last week looked familiar!!! Janet messaged. Why did he tell me that his name was Tom???
They were trying to keep things a secret, obviously! Viv texted. Iris, you have to tell us *everything* about him!! Dinner soon?!
Iris had groaned and immediately closed out of the group chat. Now she’d have to worry about the other parents in town gossiping about her. She prayed that their children wouldn’t overhear them and say something about it to Calla at day camp.
At this point, Iris wasn’t even angry with whoever took and sold the photos. Like Angel said, it could have been anyone. He was a public figure. It was expected that people would want documentation of having seen him in the flesh. The only person that Iris was angry with was herself.
Angel got out of his car and walked up the driveway. Iris’s stomach twisted and turned.
She glanced at the staircase, confirming that Calla was still asleep upstairs in her room, and she met Angel at the door before he could ring the bell. He stood there, waiting, looking impossibly handsome as always. But he also looked haggard and exhausted. She let him inside and glanced up and down her street, making sure that they weren’t being watched before swiftly closing the door behind him.
“Hey,” Angel said softly.
He reached for Iris and she let him wrap his arms around her. He leaned his face against her shoulder and breathed deeply. She held on to him and cataloged his scent and the rhythm of his breathing, the tight, firm feeling of his embrace. She took a mental picture of it all, trying her best to commit everything about him to memory.
“Hey,” she said, barely above a whisper.
She led Angel over to the couch and they sat down. He rested his hand on her knee, as if he couldn’t keep himself from touching her.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here,” he said. “How are you?”
Her voice shook slightly as she said, “I’m okay.”
He tilted his head, looking at her more closely, like he didn’t believe her, waiting for her to be honest.
“Well, I guess I’m not,” she said, tugging her bottom lip between her teeth. “But how are you ? Have the pictures negatively affected you in any way?”
He shook his head. “No, of course not.”
He rested his palm against her thigh and shifted closer to her. His gaze was focused, direct. “I know that you were really worried about your privacy, and I feel so damn horrible that it was compromised. I’m really sorry, Iris.”
“I know you are,” she said softly. “But you don’t have to apologize. It wasn’t your fault.”
He reached for her hands and held them firmly in his own. “I’m still sorry. Your privacy—your happiness—is so important to me.”
The feeling of their hands pressed together, combined with his intense, tender stare was too much. It was making it harder for her to do what she knew she needed to do, what she wished that she didn’t have to do. She took a sharp, deep inhale and forced herself to speak.
“I met with my boss today,” she said. “She wants to promote me to a VP role.”
Angel’s face broke into a surprised smile. “For real?”
Iris nodded, beginning to feel miserable.
“That’s so dope! Congratulations.” He leaned in to hug her but paused as he observed her tight expression. “You were worried about how your boss would feel about our relationship, but if she’s promoting you now, that’s a good thing, right?”
“She wasn’t thrilled about the pictures,” Iris said quietly. “I didn’t have the chance to tell her about us like I wanted to. She had to find out along with everyone else.” Iris stared blankly at her lap. She couldn’t look at him as she spoke again. “It was already risky enough with me being a director, but especially now at the VP level, I really have to be careful with the decisions that I make moving forward.”
Angel fell quiet. Lowly, he murmured, “What are you saying?”
Iris swallowed thickly. The words felt too painful to speak. She briefly squeezed her eyes closed and reminded herself to be pragmatic, to be reasonable. She felt tears gathering at the back of her eyes.
“I think it would be best if we decided to just be friends,” she said.
Angel stiffened. Iris gazed at his crestfallen face and hastened to fill the thick silence that had blanketed the room.
“I told you from the beginning that it wouldn’t look good for me to be involved with you,” she said. The words tumbled so quickly from her mouth, she could barely catch her breath. “I said it could only work if we kept this between us, and for a moment, I thought maybe if we had time to tell people, that wouldn’t have to be the case, but now those pictures are out there, and everyone at my office has probably seen them. It’s a miracle that my boss didn’t decide to fire me, and instead, she remembered that I’m valuable to the company. But I’m not valuable if I’m involved in a relationship with someone we’re paying to represent us. In a few months, you’ll have to start promoting our holiday campaign, and—”
“So I’ll stop being the brand ambassador,” he said.
“ What? ” Iris cried, jumping to her feet. Angel stood as well. “No, no . You can’t do that. There’s a contract in place. You can’t decide that you don’t want to be the brand ambassador anymore right before our most important season. And you can’t decide that you want to do that because of me .”
“You’re way more important to me than this ambassador deal,” he said fiercely.
“Breaking your contract would only make things worse . Not just for me, but for the whole company. This ambassador deal was supposed to save us.” She brought her hands to her temples. Voice cracking, she said, “We have to be sensible.”
“I can’t be sensible about you breaking up with me.” Angel stepped closer to her. “I’m sorry for what I said about breaking my contract. I won’t do that. But I finally have you, Iris. You can’t really think that I’d be willing to let you go so easily. There has to be a way that we can make this work. If me being the ambassador is a problem, let’s do what we said originally. We’ll lay low until my contract is over. They won’t care after that.”
“Angel,” she whispered. She closed her eyes again and wrapped her arms around her torso, physically pained. He’d made her so happy for a short time. She hated to give him up, but she had to. “It’s not just about my job. Our lives are too different. It will be too hard. Please.”
“Look at me,” he said with a soft fierceness that made her open her eyes. He held her face in his hands. Goose bumps spread over her skin. Her brain was misfiring, fighting a torturous battle with her heart.
“I still mean everything I said last night,” he said. “I’m yours and I want you to be mine. I want to come to your house and spend the weekend with you. I want to take baths with you at night and help you at your parents’ shop in the morning. I want to get to know your family better, especially Calla. Yes, our lives are different right now, but we aren’t different from each other. Not in the ways that matter. I see you and you see me.” He lowered his voice, slowly bringing his mouth down to hers. “Think about it. Think about how happy we could be.”
He kissed her with such passion, her knees buckled. She leaned into him and clutched at his arms as she kissed him back. Her natural response to him only increased her panic.
If she didn’t push him away now, she never would. She’d end up compromising her place at Save Face Beauty and who knew what else. No matter how much she cared for Angel, she had to think rationally. She allowed herself these last few moments to kiss and hold him. She’d never felt such deep joy and sadness at the same time.
Finally, she forced herself to back away. “I’m so sorry,” she said shakily. “I wish things could be different. Please listen to what I’m saying.”
Angel stared at her fixedly. His hands opened and closed at his sides.
“I think you’re making a mistake,” he said finally with an air of defeat. “I really do. We’ve got something special. I’ve felt that since the first day we met, and I ran after you to give you the flower that fell out of your hair. I just wish you could see it too, but you won’t let yourself. Why? What are you so afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid of anything,” she said hoarsely, wanting so badly to believe that to be true.
He shook his head, gaze intent on her face. “I thought you said you’d always be honest with me.”
She stood in silent agony as he bent down and kissed her on the forehead before he turned and walked out the door.
Iris held her breath until she heard his car start and pull out of her driveway. Then when she was sure that she was all alone, she placed her face in her hands and finally allowed herself to cry.
Tomorrow, she promised silently as tears ran down her cheeks. I’ll pull myself together and move forward with my life tomorrow.
She didn’t have any other choice.