Chapter 27
27
After another day of being surrounded by people for hours on end, Angel welcomed the silence around him as he sat at his piano. Well, it wasn’t completely silent. Maxine snuggled on the floor against his foot, squeakily chewing on her newest toy victim. She usually clung to him when he was home, but lately, she’d made a point of cuddling with him whenever she could. No doubt, even his dog could sense his downcast mood.
He plucked absently at the piano keys, building a melody and jotting down lines as they came to him. Even if this was another song that his label inevitably rejected, he didn’t have to record or release this song. Tonight, he was seated at the piano for catharsis.
It was the wrong time, wrong place. I wish I could see your face.
He sang quietly to himself, fingers brushing against the keys.
I knew it wouldn’t last, but I wish she could get past…
He trailed off and leaned his forehead against the smooth hardwood of the piano.
“Okay, I’ve officially had enough of this,” Leah said.
Angel jerked his head up and looked at his sister. She had her hands on her hips, frowning at him. Her black lipstick was fierce and severe.
“Huh?” he said.
“Come on.” Leah tried to pull him to his feet, but he resisted. “You’re coming with me and we’re going for a walk to get you out of your funk.”
“I’m not in a funk.” Angel turned back to the piano. “I’m working.”
“No, you’re sulking . There’s a difference,” she said. When Angel sighed, she added, “You’ve been like this for weeks. I understand that you have a certain creative process as an artist, and I respect that, and you. But if you play that same sad melody one more time, I’m gonna call Iris myself and beg her to come over here and talk to you. And Max needs to go for a walk anyway.”
At hearing her name and the word walk used in the same sentence, Maxine scrambled to her feet and raced to the door.
“Can’t you walk her?” Angel asked.
“Yes, but I want you to come with me. If not to get some fresh air, at least for protection in case someone tries to mug me.”
Angel gave her a look. Leah walked around the neighborhood by herself all the time.
“You won’t leave me alone until I say yes, will you?”
She shook her head. “Nope.”
Angel released a weary breath and slowly pushed away from the piano. The sooner they walked Maxine, the sooner he could come back and be left in peace. He grabbed Maxine’s leash and slipped on a baseball cap, pulling it low over his face.
Outside, the mid-July evening air was thick and humid. They walked their normal route down West 20th Street toward the High Line. Maxine wagged her short tail and sniffed along the sidewalk. Multiple times, Angel and Leah had to stop her from ingesting an unidentifiable object.
“Okay. I have to be honest. I have an ulterior motive for asking you to go for a walk with me,” she said, looking at Angel sidelong. “A few of my friends from church are getting together tonight for game night. You’re welcome to come with me if you don’t want to be alone.”
“Nah, I’m cool.” He shook his head. “But thanks for asking.”
“You know, my church is really chill,” she said. “It’s just a bunch of us meeting up to sing and talk. Some of us met through school, and other people connected with the group through a friend of a friend. We’re all from different denominations too, but we don’t think about that. Everyone just comes together to hang out, and it’s really nice. And they already know that you’re my brother, so they won’t be weird about asking for pictures or anything. We’re meeting at my friend Imani’s. She doesn’t live too far from here.”
Angel realized that he hadn’t known any of these details about Leah’s church because he’d never asked her. Honestly, he hadn’t wanted to know. He’d envied that Leah found a new church that she liked and attended every week and that she could do so without hearing their mother’s voice in her ear, picking her apart. Because that was how Angel felt every time he’d tried to go to church over the past few years, and it was what had stopped him.
He hadn’t talked to his mom since the ceremony in Maren. She’d called and left voice mails, trying to guilt Angel into calling her back. He wasn’t sure when he’d return her call, but he’d texted to say he’d reach out to her when he felt ready. What Iris said to him that night had been true. He didn’t deserve the way that his mom treated him, and until she could treat him with more respect, he needed time and space from their relationship.
“I’m not sure if I’m in the mood for game night,” he said. “But I’ll walk you.”
Leah’s expression turned hopeful. “Okay.”
Leah led them in the direction of her friend’s apartment on Eleventh and West 23rd. They slowed their walk as they reached her friend’s apartment building.
“You sure you don’t want to come too?” Leah asked. “We can leave after an hour if you get bored. I just hate the idea of you sitting alone, being so sad!”
Angel smiled softly at his sister. He appreciated her concern, that she wanted him to be happy.
“How about this, I’ll come up for a bit and leave after thirty minutes, and I’ll take Maxine with me.” He paused. “Wait, does your friend care if we bring Maxine?”
Leah shook her head. “Imani has three cats and they love Max.”
They rang the buzzer and entered Imani’s apartment building. A short guy with dark brown skin and bright green hair answered the door. He had a septum piercing and thick silver hoops in both ears. For a moment, Angel wondered if he’d just willingly agreed to surround himself with Leah and her fellow Gen Z goths.
“Hey, Leah!” the guy said, throwing the door wider. He looked at Angel and his smiled widened. “Oh, and she brought her brother! And the dog!”
Maxine jerked herself free from Angel’s hold and dashed into the apartment, barking excitedly. As he followed Leah inside, he was greeted by a handful of her church friends. Some looked to be around Leah’s age, but others seemed older, in their late twenties or early thirties. They were a blend of smiling, welcoming faces as they urged Leah and Angel to grab some pizza and find a seat. Imani was one of the people around Angel’s age. Chin-length braids framed her face, and as she hugged Angel hello, he remembered to take off his baseball cap.
“Do you know how to play Uno?” Imani asked him.
“He doesn’t,” Leah answered.
Angel elbowed her. “I don’t.” Another thing he’d missed out on growing up. “But I can learn quickly.”
Imani smiled at him. “Perfect.”
It was strange, really, how smoothly the night flowed from that point. They played multiple rounds of Uno (which Angel lost each time), and then they switched to Taboo, then Jenga. Like Leah had said, everyone was chill about Angel being there. Imani’s cats made an appearance and surrounded Maxine, purring loudly like little engine motors, and Imani’s girlfriend, Janay, plopped one of the cats into Angel’s lap, swearing that he didn’t know true joy until he cuddled with their tuxedo cat, Chester. Janay was right. Chester was good at cuddling.
After a while, Imani turned on some gospel music, and everyone started to sing together. From the way their voices harmonized, Angel could tell that they did this a lot. Jeremiah—the one with the green hair—in particular had a strong tenor voice. Imani and another woman named Vee were perfect altos.
At first, Angel sang along quietly to himself, keeping his voice no higher than a slight mumble. He was content to listen to everyone else. He loved the power and strength in their voices. Hearing them and witnessing this was like a gift. They were happy to be together with no sense of judgment. They were completely accepting of one another. And they’d so easily accepted him.
Angel began to sing louder. Singing was his gift too, and he’d been given an opportunity to share his gift with the whole world. It didn’t matter what kind of music he sang, whether gospel or pop or soul. Despite what anyone said, his music would still have meaning, whatever he chose to do.
For too long he’d carried the burden of seeking acceptance. He’d fought for his mom to accept him as he was. He’d been struggling to get his label to let him record the kind of music that he wanted to make.
He’d even fought for Iris’s acceptance. He’d wanted her to love him despite their many differences. He couldn’t help that he lived the life that he did. He had little privacy and sacrificed normalcy most days. But he couldn’t change who he was. He was doing what he loved.
He just had to hope that maybe Iris would come around to accepting him. But it was more important that he accept himself first.
And in that moment, he finally began to.
He ended up staying until game night was finished. Leah’s friends hugged him goodbye and Imani forced him and Leah to take home extra slices of pizza wrapped in aluminum foil.
“Before you go,” Jeremiah said, tapping Angel’s shoulder, “I just wanna say that I’m a big fan of your music. The gospel and the R & B. I can’t wait to hear what’s next, bro! Keep doing what you’re doing.”
Maybe this was another one of those otherworldly, divine interventions. Angel didn’t know. But it was exactly what he needed to hear.
“I will,” he said.