Chapter 26
26
At work, Iris was the elephant of every room that she walked into. She could feel her coworkers’ stares following her as she moved through the halls or took her seat at a meeting. No one outright asked her about Angel. Instead, when people spoke to her, they made a point to congratulate her on her new role. It was like there was an unspoken rule around the office. Iris probably had Dominique to thank for that. First thing Monday morning after the photo fiasco, Iris had officially accepted the promotion, and Dominique had sent an email to the entire company, sharing the news. She’d written, Iris has been an impeccable member of the Save Face Beauty family for nearly a decade. Her dedication and loyalty to this company are unmatched.
Her dedication and loyalty were the reasons she’d forced herself to let go of Angel, and in turn, she’d left a gaping wound in her chest. She missed him. Missing him had become a physical burden that she carried daily. She felt lethargic and unfocused. Miserable.
Shortly after Dominique’s email went out, Iris’s inbox filled with congratulatory replies. She didn’t have the energy to respond to anyone yet. She walked to the bathroom on her floor and paused as she overheard two women discussing her in their respective stalls.
“How long do you think she’s been messing around with him?” one woman asked. “You think they started hooking up during the meet-and-greet tour or after?”
“Who knows,” the other woman responded. “But either way, I don’t blame her. That man is fine , okay? I’d risk it all for him too.”
They laughed, and Iris stood frozen in place near the sinks. By the time she snapped to attention as the toilets flushed, it was too late to move without being seen. The women stepped out of the stalls and startled at the sight of her. Faye and Meena. They were on the advertising team. Awkwardly, they glanced at each other, and Iris tried her best not to look mortified.
“Oh, h-hey, Iris…” Faye said, clearly fumbling. “Congrats on your promotion, lady!”
“Yes, girl, congrats! So amazing!” Meena said.
“Thank you.” Iris forced a smile and hurried past Faye and Meena, escaping into an empty stall. She heard them whispering to each other as they left the bathroom.
That continued to be the way of things over the following days.
Online, it took only a little over a week for the buzz around their photos to die down. Mostly because another celebrity, a pop singer named Meela Baybee, had announced on a red carpet that she was pregnant by one of her backup dancers.
But in Willow Ridge, the interest didn’t fade so quickly. Janet and Viv reached out multiple times, asking Iris if she wanted to get lunch or coffee, to which Iris responded that she was too busy with work. When she picked up Calla from karate, she noticed that some of the other parents who usually didn’t say more than a passing hi or bye tried to go out of their way to make small talk with her. Even Dahlia’s hairstylist drilled Dahlia with question after question during her most recent appointment. But Dahlia, being the loyal mother that she was, didn’t give up any information, which annoyed the ladies at the hair salon to no end.
Angel hadn’t called or texted. Not that Iris expected him to. She’d asked him to respect her decision, and that was exactly what he was doing. In a way, not hearing from him made things easier. If he came after her, she didn’t know if she’d have it in her to turn him away. And their separation was probably for the best. Most likely sooner than later, he’d meet a woman who lived a similar lifestyle, one who didn’t have a borderline panic attack when pictures of them appeared in the press. A woman who had a little less at stake. And when the moment arrived that Angel met someone new, Iris would steer clear of the internet so that she didn’t have to see him being happy with someone else.
Marie had encouraged Iris to keep a journal to write down her thoughts and feelings about the breakup. She told Iris to write about the good parts of her relationship with Angel and the reasons why she felt they’d need to separate too. She said it was normal if Iris felt like her emotions were all over the place. Breakups were a different form of mourning, something that Iris was familiar with.
Iris figured that her feelings for Angel would ebb and flow until they receded into her periphery. Eventually, they’d shift out of focus so that they weren’t constantly at the forefront of her mind.
This was what she told herself as she lay in bed at night, not sleeping. Staring silently at her ceiling, trying not to remember how it had felt to turn over and feel Angel’s presence in the bed beside her.
—
In her new role, Iris’s first order of business was to lay out new goals for the season’s fourth quarter. The skincare bundles had sold out online during their Fourth of July sale, and after restocking, they’d almost sold out again. Now it was time to officially focus on the holiday campaign. They were adding a unisex mint-flavored lip balm to the skincare set.
Iris met with the marketing team, and they shared proofs from Angel’s recent photo shoot. He was dressed in a shiny white bubble coat and white jeans, wearing fluffy white earmuffs. His lips looked smooth and moisturized as he displayed the new lip balm in his hand.
Iris stared at the photos for so long, her vision started to blur. She’d been trying to force herself to be strong and move on, but looking at his pictures, it hit her all at once just how much she hadn’t moved on yet. She missed this face. She missed him .
She was aware that her coworkers were watching her, not only waiting to hear her opinions on the photos but secretly gauging her reaction. Iris knew that she should care about how she appeared in this moment, but her heartbreak eclipsed everything else.
“I think these look great,” she said finally. She tapped a close-up photo of Angel. He was smiling with a mirth in his eyes that he used to direct toward her. “This one’s a winner.”
After the meeting ended, Iris slipped away into her office. She was supposed to meet Paloma for lunch because Paloma was officially on pregnancy leave and Iris probably wouldn’t see her again until after the baby was born. But Iris knew that she’d be crappy company today. She almost wanted to cancel, but Paloma was meeting Iris near the office and she was coming from Long Island City. She was probably almost at the restaurant.
“Hey, Iris?”
Iris glanced up. Bree stood at her door, holding a stack of papers in her hands. She walked toward Iris’s desk. “You left these in the conference room. Marketing said these proofs are yours to keep.”
Bree slid the images toward Iris, and her heart squeezed as she once again glanced at Angel’s smiling face. Iris looked up at Bree. “Thanks so much.”
Bree lingered by the desk. “Can I get you anything before your lunch?”
“No, that’s all right.” Iris managed a smile. “Thank you.”
Bree backed away slowly. When she reached the doorway, she turned around and quickly doubled back. “Iris, I just want to say thank you for keeping me on as your assistant instead of finding someone new when you got promoted. I really appreciate it, and I think you’re a great boss.”
Bree was so bright and chipper, bubbling over with energy. In contrast, Iris felt like a dying energy vampire. She needed some of those good vibes.
“Want to come to lunch with me and Paloma?” she asked. Bree was the perfect person to distract Paloma from Iris’s sucky mood.
Bree blinked. “Seriously?”
“Yep. It’s on me.” Iris grabbed her purse and stood. She flashed her company Amex card. “Or it’s on SFB, I should say.”
“Of course!” Bree said.
“Great.” Iris closed and locked her office door behind them.
They met Paloma at Harry’s Italian. She was sitting in a corner booth, wearing a soft pink nap dress. She was positively glowing.
“Oh my God, you look even more gorgeous than the last time I saw you,” Iris said as she hugged Paloma. She gingerly placed her hand on Paloma’s slightly larger belly. “I’m so jealous. You know I looked like a hot mess when I was pregnant.”
“You did not,” Paloma said, snorting. “And anyway, I know you’re just being nice. I feel like Mrs. Puff.”
Iris ignored the prick in her chest at Paloma’s SpongeBob reference. Had Angel continued watching the show without her?
“I invited Bree,” Iris said, shaking thoughts of him away.
Paloma and Bree hugged hello, and then everyone sat down. The server came to their table and they ordered pizza and salad. After he returned with their glasses of water, Iris smiled at Paloma, grateful that seeing her friend had managed to lift her mood.
“How’ve you been feeling?” Iris asked.
“I’m fine. Switching to remote work was so much easier on my body. The baby’s healthy, and my feet are swollen.” Paloma took a long sip of her water and waggled her finger. “But I don’t want to talk about me. I want to talk about you and Angel . I can’t believe you held out on me like this!”
Iris’s cheeks heated. Maybe if it were just her and Paloma having lunch, she’d spill. They’d been friends for years. But Bree was here too. Iris glanced at her assistant, who looked back at her in wide-eyed silence. Clearly, Bree wanted to know about Iris and Angel too. Iris felt the need to set an example.
She returned her gaze to Paloma. “I don’t know if it’s appropriate to discuss that.”
“I’m with Ray now,” Bree blurted.
Iris balked, whipping her head to look at Bree. “You mean Ray, Angel’s bodyguard ?”
Bree nodded. To her credit, she looked a bit sheepish. “We hooked up during the tour…and now we’re together.”
Iris’s mouth fell open. She’d noticed that Bree and Ray had been getting along fairly well…But how had she missed the beginning of their relationship when it had happened right under her nose?
Well, actually, she had the answer to that question. She’d been too busy paying attention to Angel.
Iris’s knee-jerk reaction was to find fault with Bree, but what harm was there in dating a famous person’s bodyguard? Ray wasn’t the brand ambassador. Bree hadn’t done anything wrong, really. And because Bree had come clean about her and Ray, Iris figured she didn’t have much left to hide. Ray was Angel’s best friend, so Bree probably already knew the truth anyway.
“Angel and I were seeing each other,” she admitted. “It started on the tour and continued for a few weeks after.”
“Iris!” Paloma clapped gleefully. “I have to be honest, I didn’t know you had it in you, babe! But why are you speaking in the past tense?”
Iris cleared her throat. “We broke up.”
Paloma gaped at her. “What? Why? ”
“Because we didn’t make a lot of sense together when it really came down to it. And it was unprofessional.” She looked at Bree. “I know everyone is still talking about it. I bet people think I was promoted because of Angel’s influence or something crazy like that.”
“People are pretty curious about whatever happened between y’all. Those pictures were all over the Slack channels for days,” Bree said. “But never, and I mean never, did anyone assume that his involvement had something to do with your promotion! You got promoted because you’re amazing. You just happened to also be secretly hooking up with one of the sexiest celebrities alive. Both things can be true.”
Of course, the server arrived with their pizzas at that exact moment. He looked at Iris curiously before serving each of them a slice and darting away. Iris’s face was officially on fire.
“Okay, can I say something?” Paloma asked, dabbing her mouth with a napkin.
Iris nodded as she chewed.
“Do you even want to be VP of strategic initiatives?” Paloma asked. “You don’t seem excited about it at all.”
Iris shrugged half-heartedly. “It’s a new opportunity and it’s more money. Dominique handpicked me for it. She thinks this is the right next step, and she’s never steered me wrong before.” She glanced out the window, releasing a heavy sigh. “She was so disappointed when she found out about me and Angel. I wanted to crawl under a rock.”
“Okay, you know I love Dominique,” Paloma said. “Love her to pieces. But her being disappointed in you is kind of extra. I know we went through the whole Turks and Caicos drama earlier this year, and that shit sucked, but if I were the CEO and you, with your amazing self, as Bree said, were on my team, I would not care if you were dating the brand ambassador as long as you kept things professional in the office. You know why? Because he’s only gonna be the brand ambassador for a limited period. Then we’ll choose someone else. That’s how these things work. You know this.” Paloma paused, picking up another pizza slice. “It’s obvious that Dominique has been grooming you for years to take her place one day. And I’m sure that your being involved with someone like Angel threw a huge monkey wrench in her plans of finding a successor who would have no desire for a personal life, just like her.”
Iris blinked at Paloma’s bluntness. But she remained silent, because she realized that Paloma wasn’t wrong.
“And listen, I’ve been with SFB just as long as you have,” Paloma continued. “Sometimes I think about leaving, but for now it works. I have all the respect in the world for Dominique. She’s a wonderful leader and a great boss, and I know she loves having her life revolve around the company. That’s cool. SFB is her baby. But my question for you is, Do you want to adopt her baby?”
Bree snorted at Paloma’s analogy and Iris couldn’t help laughing too.
“I’m serious, though!” Paloma said, smiling. “You’re the kind of person who can do anything that she puts her mind to. If you decided that you wanted to run for president, I’d be like Yeah, okay. That makes sense . Why stay with SFB?”
Iris’s laughter died down. Paloma’s question was something that Iris had seriously thought about over the last couple weeks. Why stay if she wasn’t happy or fulfilled? Her initial reasons for staying had been her salary and the stability, which were still very true. But she could find stability and good pay with another company too. So what was the reason?
“After Terry died, my life turned upside down,” she said. “So much had changed. I was a new mom and I was a single parent. But what stayed the same was being at SFB. It was a relief to show up every day and throw myself into the next task without having to think about everything that was happening in my life. I’ve given so much to Dominique and this company.” She twirled her straw in her glass. “I know SFB. It’s all I’ve ever known. I thought accepting the promotion would make me feel excited again, but mostly I feel like I’m wearing a pair of pants that used to be really comfortable, and now they don’t fit me anymore.” She looked up at Paloma. “Sorry, I’m not as good at analogies as you.”
Paloma smiled softly. She reached forward and patted Iris’s hand. “You’ll figure it out. A new pair of pants is out there waiting for you. You just have to want to go shopping.”
Iris laughed. “You need to write a book of analogies or something.”
“Ooh, that’s an idea.” She drummed her fingers against her belly. “Maybe a children’s book. I should call your sister.”
“Wait,” Bree said, interrupting them. She turned to Iris. “If you start your own beauty company, please take me with you.”
Iris and Paloma laughed, but Bree looked at Iris, straight-faced. “I’m not kidding.”
“I’m not sure if that’s what I want to do,” Iris said, answering honestly.
Just weeks ago, she’d told Dominique that she wanted to continue moving up the SFB ranks. But now she could see that she’d answered under duress. She’d mostly been thinking about the pictures of her and Angel, and she’d wanted to enact some kind of damage control over her life. So she’d latched on to her job, just like after Terry’s death.
She didn’t know what would come next if she decided to leave Save Face Beauty, but she didn’t want to rush that decision.
If you leave, maybe you can be with Angel.
The thought suddenly took root in the back of her mind, but she squashed it before it could fully take shape. Because she also wasn’t sure if she was truly ready for a life with him, out in the open for everyone to see now that they no longer had the option to take things slow.
And he’d looked so hurt after she’d broken things off. He probably didn’t want to hear from her anyway.
“I’m glad I came out to lunch with y’all instead of moping in my office,” she said.
Bree smiled. “I’m glad you invited me.”
“And I’m glad to get free lunch on the company.” Paloma raised her glass. “To Dominique.”
“To Dominique,” Iris and Bree repeated.
—
After work, Iris drove to pick up Calla from Greenehouse. These days she’d taken to driving with the radio off, afraid to hear any of Angel’s songs, which were played constantly.
Her parents were closing up when she arrived. The last handful of customers trickled out the door, armed with their new purchases.
“Hey, hey,” Iris called as she walked through the aisles toward the register.
Calla beamed and hopped down from her stool to give Iris a hug. “Hi, Mom.”
Today at day camp, they’d gone to the lake. Calla’s skin was browner, and she smelled like sunblock and childhood. Iris hugged her close.
Her parents sported exhausted but satisfied smiles.
“Was it a good day?” Iris asked.
“A great day,” Dahlia said. “We’re making out like bandits since the Flower Studio closed.”
Iris glanced around the store. She remembered how exhilarated she’d felt weeks ago when she’d ran things for her parents. There was potential here to do more.
“Have you thought about buying the Flower Studio’s location?” she asked.
Dahlia and Benjamin paused, glancing at each other.
“We have thought about it,” Benjamin said.
“But we just don’t have the time,” Dahlia said.
“Or energy,” Benjamin added.
“Huh,” Iris said, nodding.
I could do it, she almost told them. But would that be crazy? Would that be an instance of her overestimating her abilities, adding another responsibility to her already full plate?
Iris continued pondering this on their way home.
“Hey, mind if we make a stop on our way home?” she asked Calla.
In the backseat, Calla quirked an eyebrow. “No. Where are we going?”
“To look at a building.”
Iris took the thirty-minute drive to Bridgewood and pulled into the Flower Studio’s parking lot. A For Rent sign was in the window, and the outdoor greenhouse structure was still set up.
“Hey, wanna get out and look at this store with me?” she asked Calla.
Calla nodded, curious. “Okay.”
They walked up to the large windows and Iris shaded her eyes as she peered into the store. It was a nice size, a little larger than Greenehouse. Iris could see where they’d add shelves and hang pots. She pictured rows and rows of colorful, beautiful flowers.
Somewhere along the way, she’d forgotten about her potential. She’d lost sight of the woman who’d moved to the city with big plans and big dreams and the grit and savvy to achieve them. Years ago, she’d eagerly started a marathon, then life had pushed her down. She’d gotten back up, but instead of continuing her race, she’d started running in place. Was she going to continue running in place forever?
“What are we looking for?” Calla asked, mimicking Iris and peering inside the empty storefront.
Iris turned to her daughter. “I’m wondering if Grandma and Grandpop should put another store here. What do you think?”
Calla scrunched up her little face, seriously considering Iris’s question. “I think it could be fun.”
It was such a pure, innocent response, Iris laughed and hugged her daughter.