Chapter 26
Late May
“To being here with you, on Memorial Day.” Peter raised his flute of prosecco.
Josie clinked glasses with him, trying to enjoy the moment. “Cheers. Happy birthday weekend.” They both took a sip and dug into their tiny quinoa and beet salads. The huge glass doors leading to the hotel’s terrace were open, and a balmy breeze drifted in.
“It’s beautiful tonight.” She finished the salad with the fourth bite.
“Yeah, we could wander the grounds after this,” he replied, looking out at the warm spring evening.
Josie scanned the room. Virtually all the guests were couples on similar retreats.
Two beefy guys feeding each other oysters were still in their spa robes, as were a few others.
But she couldn’t face eating a fancy dinner in a bathrobe, so she had worn her new green shift dress.
It was the first time she’d ever seen Peter in a shirt and tie.
“Although,” he continued, “I may be so relaxed after dinner that I want to go upstairs and veg out.”
“Yeah, screw the gardens. A spa is the perfect place to do nothing,” Josie agreed. “And I got us a late check-out for tomorrow, so we can stay in bed awhile.”
But the truth was, as pleasant as this mini-break had been with its treatments and hot tubs, Josie was itching to return to the city.
She hated taking time off the radio show, and she didn’t want to miss rehearsal with the show coming up in a few weeks.
Being holed up with Peter in a big hotel should make her happy. So why didn’t it?
Peter raised his eyebrows at her. “You don’t seem very relaxed for someone who spent the day being massaged, bathed, caressed and made love to.”
Josie inhaled deeply. She studied his face. He really was lovely. “Sorry. I guess I’ve been having a hard time unwinding. Work is super-busy. Plus this whole couples retreat thing — I’ve never been comfortable with it. But I am having fun.”
Peter nodded slowly. “I’m not sure what your issue is with coupledom, Josie. I can’t figure out how you see me — whether as a boyfriend, a casual lover, or a friend with benefits. It’s been a couple of months since our first date, but I’m not sure what’s happening here.”
The entrée, a miniature portion of ling cod on top of six green beans, arrived to break the awkward moment. Josie looked down at it. She’d be starving again in a half hour.
“I don’t know,” she told him truthfully.
“I’m not very good at this. I don’t know how to be with anybody new.
But I’m trying. You’re so lovely, and I do care for you.
I definitely don’t want this to stop.” She took a sip of the prosecco.
“You’re a lot more than a friend with benefits.
More than a casual lover. But it’s hard to label it. ”
“Not for me.” Peter put down his fork. He reached out and laid his hand over Josie’s.
“It’s not hard for me. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I know how I feel.
” He paused. “I’m in love with you, Jose.
Totally in love with you. I realized this even before I broke up with Michelle.
I know it’s harder for you, because you don’t remember us from before.
But for me, it’s easy. I want to be your boyfriend, and one day your partner.
I want to call you my girlfriend and take you to visit my family, who you haven’t met, even though I jumped at the chance of meeting David and Anna.
I want our relationship to develop, and someday live together. ”
He squeezed Josie’s hand. “We’re so right for each other, but you have to let go of whatever is holding you back. It’s you and me now, okay?”
Peter didn’t wait for an answer, or seem to expect one, letting go of her hand and digging into his dinner, as though he had said what he intended, and could now relax. Josie pushed her plate away, no longer hungry.
“I’m sorry. I haven’t been fair.” She hesitated. “It’s partly the amnesia. There’s this whole period missing, so it feels like there are unresolved feelings I don’t have closure on. But it’s not your fault, and I’ll try not to let it affect us.”
Peter finished a mouthful. “It’s the last guy, the married guy? You never got closure on that?”
Josie shrugged. “It’s tough, because for me, it never ended. There was no break-up, no falling out of love. One moment we’re together and the next, I wake up and . . . he’s no longer around. It screwed with my head. No matter how much I care for you, I feel conflicted.”
“I get it,” he replied. “But it’s not like, even if you had all your memories, he was a viable option for you.
Whatever the circumstances of your breakup, it was the right thing.
You probably ended it yourself. You know you deserve a man who loves only you.
” Peter took her hand again. “That’s what I’m offering you, Jose. You and me.
“Let the past go. Hey, if you want to get in touch with this guy to find out what happened, get closure — do it. I trust you. Hell, invite us both for dinner, we’ll talk it out, the three of us, like adults.”
Josie almost laughed at this. Peter’s confidence was so unwavering.
He was so convinced he was right for her, and his love would win the day.
Then again, he didn’t know the whole truth — that the man she was struggling to get over wasn’t an affair, but her husband.
She felt so sorry for Peter, being so disempowered without all the facts. She leaned over the table to kiss him.
“Not a good idea. But you’re right, I need to move on. I’m working on it. And you’re helping.”
After a delicious but tiny dessert, they went up to their room and raided the mini-bar for candy. They pigged out on overpriced chocolate, watched a slushy romantic comedy, which Peter admitted he enjoyed, and made love in the way they’d gotten used to. He fell asleep almost immediately.
Josie tossed in bed, unsettled. The sugar high diminishing, she drifted in and out of sleep, with the occasional unconscious fondle from Peter preventing her from going under for long.
She must’ve dozed off, because sometime later she awoke, bolt upright in bed, sweating. A split second earlier, she had been in some beautiful city, with hundreds of people in lavish clothing, and extravagant buildings. Also water, so much water, all around.
Venice.
But in her dream, it hadn’t been present-day Venice — it couldn’t have been, as everyone was in period outfits, huge ballgowns with ruffles, men in courtiers’ clothing. All wearing masks.
Then she had turned to a giant, gold-framed mirror, and she too was wearing a huge dress and a wig, and a full-faced mask. Rob was beside her, smiling, so happy, so in love. She had stepped toward the mirror and lifted off her mask. And that was when she woke.
Josie wiped the sweat from the back of her neck.
Was it her, under there? Or Other Josie? And why was she dreaming of them in Venice?
It was a city she’d never visited, though she knew Other Josie had, with her mother.
But she and Rob had only talked about going, after watching The Wings of the Dove.
The one where Linus Roache has to choose between two women who love him, and he hides with Helena Bonham-Carter from the other woman, and has sex with her, in a dark corner, during the carnival.
Josie stayed upright in bed, nauseated. And it wasn’t the candy.