Chapter 35
Josie awoke alone in the dark, well ahead of the alarm.
It was her birthday, and the day of The Plan.
She’d lied to Abby, saying her return flight wasn’t until Sunday, so the next live radio show was still a few days away.
She had guests lined up for the next few weeks, which meant if this worked, and Other Josie wanted her job back, she’d be set.
She had left a comprehensive handover guide for Other Josie to find, and Other Josie should be up-to-date on real estate news, assuming she’d been working at H&F this past year.
For that matter, how did she even know Other Josie hadn’t been badly injured on the other side the first time? Maybe she was dead, she’d been dead all along, and she wasn’t coming.
Josie forced herself to breathe calmly. There was no point dwelling on any of those possibilities.
Today, Josie had one last thing to do before leaving on her bike. She had to finish the journal of events she’d been writing for Other Josie.
Since I left them standing on that porch in Australia, I’ve realized it is the complete happiness David found there that makes me able to give up seeing him, and Daisy, ever again.
Because this time, I got to say goodbye, as opposed to having him ripped away in a horrific accident, which is how I lost him before.
If anyone had told me then that I could have another year with him, and see him marry and become a father, I’d have been overwhelmed with joy.
And I am — I’m so very grateful for the extra time we’ve had.
I won’t get to see Daisy grow up, and one day have a baby brother or sister — but you will. That will have to be enough for me.
I realize the chances are high you’re in love with my husband.
After all, you’re me, and there was nothing that could have stopped me from loving him.
But I remain hopeful you told him you’re not me, because that’s what I would have done.
I have to hope he understands this, and believes it, and still loves me.
If I make it back to him, I’ll do all I can to make it work.
I’m sorry that, if and when you get here, you’ll find in this world Rob is with someone else. Perhaps the “me” in this life wasn’t meant to be with him. All I can do is wish you love and happiness. And you should keep doing the radio job. It’s the best.
I guess we’ve both learned a lot about ourselves (ourself?
!) in the past year. I’ve learned it is possible to sacrifice a huge amount, even the prospect of seeing family ever again, for a great love.
But more than that: being true to who you are is essential for peace of mind.
Without that, you’re lost. Perhaps Whitney Houston had it right about what the greatest love is!
Good luck, and please, when you see David again, and meet Daisy, please give them huge hugs and kisses that are secretly from me. Tell them you love them, but also please tell them I love them forever.
Gotta go — it’s time. Good luck to us both today. And, assuming this works and you’re reading this — thanks for giving me my life back.
J
Josie had been writing so long, it had gotten dark outside. She looked around the small living room. It was bizarre to be planning on leaving a place forever but having absolutely no need to pack a case.
She put on her puffy winter coat, grabbed her purse and helmet, and locked the apartment behind her. She touched the brass 3C on the door before making her way downstairs to retrieve her bike.
It was sunny but bitterly cold as she rode Jean Grey along her street, down Bedford, and onto the Williamsburg Bridge.
The frigid air was a useful distraction from what was about to happen, although Josie feared she’d wipe out on hidden ice before she even got to Third and 25th.
She rode with care. She had plenty of time, and it was imperative she got there in one piece.
Before deliberately riding headlong into traffic.
By the time she made it to the junction of Third and 25th, it was already 6.13. Less than four minutes to go — too close. Fortunately, she had already worked out the direction she needed to head from.
They were recreating the accident of one year ago, but in reverse — which meant Other Josie would be riding north from the H&F office, the direction she herself had been going to meet Rob at the Midtown gallery.
That meant she needed to come as if from the Talk New York station, riding south to meet Suzie in SoHo.
Josie waited on the curb, thinking only about the logistics.
At exactly 6.17 she would have to turn left, whether she had a green light or not.
When her phone told her it was 6.16 and thirty seconds, she pulled across the traffic and waited in the left lane, ignoring the honks from drivers swerving round her when she didn’t move on the green light.
It was too soon.
She checked the clock on her phone again. The moment it turned to 6.17, she put it back in her pocket, didn’t even look up at the lights, started pedaling and turned left.
Josie saw a flash of bright headlights ahead, heard a shout, and shut her eyes.
An image came into her mind: her brother, with his wife and baby, standing in the sunshine on that Australian porch.
Then, nothing.