Chapter 36
She saw the headlights again. They were so bright. And everything hurt. Everything.
The headlights swished before her. Left, right. Up, down.
Someone was holding her eyelids open. She wanted to close them and sleep away the pain. But, at least, she was lying somewhere soft and warm. People were talking nearby.
Wait . . . what?
She was not where she had been a few seconds ago. Josie snapped open her eyes. A doctor was putting a small flashlight in her pocket.
“Ah, Josie. Welcome back. Second time in one year, and again a cycling accident.” Her tone was stern, her smile unfeeling. Josie didn’t know her, but the doctor clearly recognized Josie.
Did it work?
Josie made a small, strangled noise. It felt like she hadn’t spoken in a week. She looked around and saw she was in a bright, private room. The doctor held a cup of water with a lid and a straw to Josie’s mouth.
“You’re at Bellevue,” the doctor explained, sounding a little kinder. “You’ve been here since last night. You broke your ankle and several ribs, and you were unconscious for some time. You remember me from last year? Dr. Lin.”
Josie croaked again, taking in the fiberglass cast on her lower right leg, which lay above the sheets. And her ribs — she couldn’t move a muscle without screaming agony in her torso. Dr. Lin gave her more water, and Josie nodded when the thirst started to dissipate.
“Thank you,” she whispered in a hoarse voice.
The doctor moved to the end of the bed, writing something on a chart. Behind her, the door opened. Dr. Lin turned, obscuring Josie’s view.
“Come in,” she said to whoever had entered. “She’s awake.”
She stepped aside, and Josie’s world fell away.
Rob.
Standing at the foot of the bed, taking up her entire field of vision.
Her husband. Her real husband, whom she hadn’t been with in a whole year.
He seemed tired, drawn, older — but he beamed a huge grin of relief and rushed to Josie’s bedside. He pulled up a chair and grabbed her hand. Her pain almost disappeared, she was so overjoyed to see him — and for him to be so happy to see her, after all this time.
“Baby.” He leaned down to kiss her hand, reaching up to stroke the hair from the side of her face. “I was so worried about you. What did you do? You had me terrified . . . Thank Christ you’re okay. I love you so much.” He kissed her hand again, burying his face in it.
“I’m okay,” she whispered. “I’m back, for good. I’m never leaving you again. I’ve missed you so badly.”
Rob looked up, staring at his wife with an expression she couldn’t translate. “Missed me? I thought you were leaving me, baby . . . but I’m so glad you’re still here, and you’re not more badly hurt.”
“What . . . Rob . . . It’s me, Rob. It’s me. Josie. Your wife. I’m back.”
He sat up, his skin draining to a sickly pallor.
“Rob, I’ve been gone a whole year. I haven’t seen you in a year. Please, tell me you know this already.”
He faltered and creased his brow. “Josie?”
“Yes, baby, it’s me. It’s me.” She didn’t understand why Rob had been so overjoyed to see her and was now being so weird.
“You’re back? Is that really you?” His voice was weak.
“It’s really me,” she told him. “Aren’t you pleased to see me? Didn’t you know I was gone?”
He stared down at his hands, now lifeless over hers. He shook his head ever so slightly, dazed. “I . . . wasn’t sure it was you. I didn’t realize you were back, baby, I’m sorry.” He looked like he was going to pass out.
Josie twisted, the pain in her ribs and leg now acute. Her mind raced.
He wasn’t happy to see her. He was happy when he thought she was Other Josie.
She opened her mouth to speak. “Did you and . . .”
That was when her world went dark again.
* * *
She woke sometime later, people fussing around her. Suzie was beside her bed, Rob standing at the window. The sky was dark; she had been at the hospital the whole day. Her stomach growled.
Suzie immediately started speaking. “What happened, Josie? With the bike? Again? The doctor said the ambulance picked you up in the same spot as last time. The exact same accident, how is that even possible? Jose, you have to take better care of yourself.”
Josie opened her mouth to say she was sorry, but no words came. She was dehydrated. She tried to pull herself upright to drink some water, but the pain was excruciating.
Suzie grabbed the water, lifted Josie’s head and held the straw to her lips.
“Thank you,” Josie croaked. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry, hon. As long as you’re okay. Rob’s going to take you home in a few days, when you’re on crutches. He’ll take care of you, and you’ll be fine.”
Josie looked over at Rob, standing in silence by the window. He gave Suzie a small, weak smile.
A nurse entered with a tray of food. “Hungry?” She nodded. “Someone might want to help you with this. You’re pretty banged up.” He left it on the bedside tray.
“You want me to?” asked Suzie to both Josie and Rob. Josie nodded. “Thanks.”
She offered Josie a forkful of chicken. “I brought you some trashy magazines,” Suzie said. “Enjoy the extra time off work, and the painkillers. Rob’s told the office you won’t be back for a while, haven’t you, Rob?”
“Huh? Yeah. I called Mike. Whenever is fine.”
Suzie did her best to keep Josie occupied with snippets of celebrity gossip for the next hour, then finally rose to leave.
“I have to help Donald get the twins to bed, but you’re in good hands.
We’ll celebrate your recovery, and your belated birthday, another time.
I’ll visit you this weekend.” She walked over to Rob and startled him out of his thoughts with a hug. “Take it easy, big guy.”
After she left, Josie was filled with dread. Now they’d have to talk to each other.
Rob went back to staring out at the city, where he’d been for at least an hour. It was almost like Josie wasn’t in the room.
“Rob.”
He turned to Josie, crossed the room and sat in the wide armchair beside her, arms crossed over his chest. Pressing his lips together, in that gesture that was so familiar, he shook his head. “I . . . don’t know what to say.”
“Well, maybe we need to discuss the fact you thought I was the Other Josie, the one who’s been living with you for the past year, the one you were pleased to see when you thought I was her?”
“Yeah. I guess we need to talk about that.”
She nodded, dread tensing her already agonized body.
“So. The Josie who has been here, presumably living with you, as husband and wife, for the past year . . . you were fully aware this Other Josie was not me, that we are in fact two different versions of the same person. Am I right about that?”
“I knew.”
“And when I came back, you thought I was her, and you were happy to see her until you realized it was not her at all. That it was your boring old original wife. Please, correct me if I’m wrong.”
Rob looked up at her. “I knew she was not you — that she was an alternate version of you. But she was still my wife, and she was still you, right? And of course I’m happy to see you, baby.
It’s just a shock, that’s all. I had no reason to believe she was going to — to change back.
At least, I didn’t think she’d actually do it. ”
Josie tried to shift position and winced. “Well, she did. We did. I came back for you because you’re my husband. My husband. I guess she left because she knew she didn’t belong with you, and that I would come back for you.”
The sobs that had been building finally escaped her, and only increased her rib pain. Josie struggled for breath, unable to believe her deepest fears had become reality — despite, perhaps, their inevitability.
She exhaled. “Okay. I didn’t really expect you wouldn’t have been sleeping together. I figured you would have been — she’s still me, like you say. I’ve been thinking about it, imagining you and her together, for the entire year I was gone. But actually knowing it happened still hurts. So badly.”
She paused. “Still, I’m guessing she wasn’t happy with you. Otherwise she never would have gone through with the bike crash.”
Rob seemed puzzled. “That’s how you did it? That was ‘The Plan’? Recreating your bike crash?”
“You knew about the plan?”
He nodded. “I read her journal. There’s a journal, which she wrote for you, in case you ever made it back,” he added.
Josie took this in. “I guess there would be. I mean, I wrote one for her, too.”
He surprised her by taking her hand in his.
“Josie. Clearly, I messed up spectacularly here. But you have to try to understand, there’s no rulebook for what to do when your wife who is living with you isn’t really your wife, but a different version from a different reality .
. . I mean, there’s no precedent for this shit.
Was I supposed to not live with her? Send her away?
She was still technically, legally my wife, and still, basically, you.
I made the best out of what I thought was an irrevocable situation. ”
Josie tilted her head. “Did you? Or did you fall in love all over again? That’s my biggest fear, Rob.
I mean, let’s face it, we’d been having a hard time ever since Hawaii, after David.
Then, along comes a new version of me who I’ll bet was all chirpy and happy, whose brother didn’t die, who held no resentment against our marriage because of it. New and improved Josie. Am I right?”
His silence was all the answer she needed. She pulled her hand out from beneath his.
After a moment’s pause, he asked, “David is alive, then? Have you seen him?”
“I saw him alive and well a few days ago, at his house in Sydney, with his new Australian wife and their baby girl. My niece.”
Rob shook his head in disbelief. “Wow. That’s — David alive, and with a wife and daughter.”
“Yes. None of whom I’ll ever see again, because I came back. For you.”
“Is that where you’ve been this past year? Australia?”
“For their wedding only, these past couple of weeks. No, I’ve been living your new Josie’s life, as she’s apparently been living mine. I’ve been in her flat in Brooklyn, doing her job at the radio show, and spending as much time with David as possible. Before he moved to Australia.”
Rob looked thoughtful. “She’ll be so happy to see him and meet her niece,” he murmured, almost to himself.
“Honestly, Rob, considering she’s been screwing my husband for the past year, I don’t really care about Other Josie being happy right now.” Josie was aware she sounded petulant, but this wasn’t what she’d expected.
What had she expected?
Rob raised his eyebrows. “I get it. I do, Josie. But I have no idea what to do or say here. What would you have done, in my — or her — position? We know what you’d have done in her position, because you are her. You’d have done exactly squat different.”
Josie sighed. He was right, of course. And there was Peter.
Still, she muttered, unreasonably, “But you should have realized I would come back for you.”
He pressed his lips together again. Nothing more to say.
The cheery nurse returned, clearing the dinner tray and giving Josie strong pain medication. He sensed tension in the room and backed out quickly.
Rob used the interruption as an excuse to leave, picking up his coat. “I’d better be going.” He looked down at Josie, leaned down to kiss her on her forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Josie lay alone under the harsh lights, sobbing from her pain and heartache, until the meds kicked in. Then, mercifully, she drifted into sleep.