Chapter 18
Before
Addie’s first Christmas is everything we hoped it would be. Tons of presents from Santa, the cutest pictures, and an adorable outfit that Jess stressed herself out over for nothing.
Joyce went all out decorating, a massive tree, garland, bows everywhere. Addie has no idea what it means, but she looks around at all the decorations with the wonder of a baby seeing it all for the first time, and maybe I get a little teary-eyed looking at her.
Jess is in the kitchen, helping her mom with the sides, while Frank tries to teach me about football even though he knows I don’t know a thing about sports.
But with this being my first Christmas without my parents, I don’t mind the distraction. And I think he knows that too.
Even Will is here, and it’s going well.
At first.
He lets himself in, a surprise to everyone, considering he’s been out of touch for the last year. Off doing who knows what. But he’s all smiles and hugs his mom, and everything seems alright. He even looks nice, in a worn leather jacket I’ve seen him wear throughout the years.
Smells nice too.
He’s good with Addie when he meets her for the first time. He holds her carefully, and she doesn’t even cry the way she usually does when strangers try to hold her. His hands support her head, and she grabs his finger, giving him a little smile that would melt anyone’s heart.
“Hi there, baby,” he says to her. “I’m your uncle Will.”
I watch from across the room, and I think, okay, maybe everything will be good this time. Maybe we were worried for nothing.
We weren’t worried for nothing.
By dinner, he’s had too many of Frank’s beers and something else, from the way his eyes look. His words get loose, and when he knocks over a full glass at dinner, he laughs. The table goes quiet one by one, as we all start to realize that this is not one of his good days.
Frank breaks the ice, asking his son if he’s alright. Will says he’s never been better and gets up for another beer.
When Jess is putting Addie down for a nap in her childhood bedroom, Frank takes Will out to the garage for a talk. I’m in the kitchen helping Joyce with dishes when I hear them. Frank’s steady voice and Will’s getting louder.
“I’ll go,” I say when Joyce starts toward the garage door.
I find them in an obvious disagreement, Frank with his arms crossed and Will with his jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed, ready for a fight. “Will,” I start, walking down the stairs to stand beside Frank. “Maybe it’s time to call it a night.”
“Stay out of this, Nolan,” he grumbles back. “Why do you always gotta ruin everything?”
That doesn’t feel good to hear, but I push on, telling myself he’s drunk. “Nobody’s trying to ruin anything. We think—”
“We.” He laughs that mean laugh. “It’s we now. That’s cute. Y’all are one big happy family.”
Frank scoffs, shaking his head at his son’s antics. “Will—”
“You love it, don’t you?” He takes a step closer to me, jabbing a finger at my chest. Frank puts a hand on his arm, but he shakes it off. “Coming in here, playing the good son. Must be nice, taking somebody else’s family.”
“Boy, that’s enough,” Frank says.
There’s something beneath the anger in his eyes, another emotion hidden there, but I don’t know what, and I don’t care right now. His words still hurt.
This is the only family I have left.
“You think they actually care about you? You’re a replacement for me. Their real son left, so they need you to fill the spot.”
“What’s gotten into you—” Frank argues from my side, but I talk over him, my narrowed gaze locked on Will’s.
“You need to leave.”
“If anyone needs to leave,” he steps closer. “It’s you. This is my home. My parents.”
Frank steps between us before I can say anything else, his hands on Will’s chest, pushing him back away from me. “That’s enough, son. I’m calling you a taxi. You can wait outside.”
Will doesn’t say goodbye when he leaves. Doesn’t say anything else. Just leaves the same mess behind that he always does.
Now
“I told you not to wear something stupid.”
“What’s wrong with this?” I look down at my sweater. Joyce got it for me a few weeks ago as an early Christmas gift. It’s maroon. Has Christmas trees on it arranged in neat rows. It’s festive, and I think it looks nice.
Will shakes his head, a look of disbelief on his face, before he steps forward, takes my face in both hands, and kisses me, right in the entryway.
When he pulls back, leaving us both slightly out of breath, he looks back down at my sweater with a scoff. “You’re just lucky you have a good ass.”
“I don’t know why you keep saying that. It’s not true.”
“For someone who’s supposed to be smart, you’re kind of an idiot, you know that?” He pulls the front door open, nodding his head toward the car parked in the driveway. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”
It’s not too cold for a December night in Rosehill. Enough to see your breath and wish you had worn a thicker coat, but not bone-chilling. The market has taken over the town square, with Christmas booths everywhere, selling all those last-minute decorations no one needs but will buy anyway.
And in the center of town, is a massive Christmas tree that the entire town is here to watch light up.
“Addie’s not coming?” Will asks, scanning the crowd as we walk, close enough to bump into each other, our hands hanging empty at our sides.
“Emmett’s sick, so she decided to go make him more miserable by forcing him to watch cheesy Christmas movies.”
“And Ollie?”
“Frank and Joyce brought him by earlier to do the kid stuff.”
He nods, his hands going into his pockets, and I notice the jacket he’s wearing for the first time. I recognize it. Brown leather, worn a little soft, smells like him… “I remember that jacket.”
He glances down. “I found it at my parents’. They kept some of my old stuff. Used to wear it everywhere.”
“I like it. You look good.”
He smiles, different from the usual smirk, as his hand comes up to rest on my back. “So do you.”
I meet his eyes, and I could kiss him right now except—
I nearly bump into someone. His smile melts off his face at the realization of where we are, looking around for anyone who might have seen. But thankfully, no one is watching.
“We can’t—” He starts to say, and I nod quickly.
“I know.” It’s the logical choice to hide. Rosehill is a small town, and Will’s reputation is still… what it is. The last thing either of us needs is to be the subject of whatever that scandal would look like.
It’s only our first date. Maybe someday…
But someday doesn’t feel like enough right now, when I’m finally walking down the street with the man I’ve been pining for, and I can’t hold his hand or give him a compliment.
Moving through the market, we keep a casual distance. Family doing a Christmas activity together. That’s all we are to anyone looking.
Will stops at things that catch his eye, picking out something for Addie and his mom, paying with cash he brought for this.
And I know he’s changed. He hasn’t given me any reason to believe he’s the same Will from before.
But watching him spend his money on his family for Christmas heals something in my heart that’s been hurting for a long time.
I’ve never been more sure that he’s going to be okay.
“Man,” he says, stopping to look around at all of the Christmas decorations and the tree. “This was a lot less fancy the last time my parents dragged me here.”
“When was that?” I ask, stopping beside him.
“I don’t know. High school? Maybe before.” He takes a drink of his hot chocolate that he bought a few rows back. “Now I got you dragging me.”
“You planned this.”
He shrugs. “Based on what I figured a nerd like you would want to do.”
“That’s sweet,” I say, even though he obviously meant it as an insult. It doesn’t feel like one.
He scoffs. “It’s called being practical. I needed a plan, and this was going on, so.”
“Okay, whatever you say.” The smile on my face would have to be surgically removed to make it go anywhere. Especially when a pink that wasn’t there before blooms on Will’s cheeks.
He thought about this.
He can deny it all he wants. He thought about this, and he wanted it to go well.
We walk past a booth selling Christmas wreaths, and a woman, one of my patients, waves. Her eyes slide over to Will, filled with nothing but curiosity.
I wave back, while Will makes a point not to look at her. Or anyone.
Until we walk past a man with his family, who comes right over to him, patting him on the back. “Hope you don’t plan on staying out too late, son. You’ve got work bright and early tomorrow morning.”
Will gives him a smile that seems a little forced. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“That’s the spirit!” He leaves him with another pat, never looking my way. When he tries to continue like that didn’t happen, I turn, stopping him with a hand on his arm.
“What was that about?”
“Oh, uh—” Will keeps his eyes pointed at our feet, rubbing his neck. “I sorta got a job.”
“What? What about the practice, you’re not finished—” I can’t hide the panic in my voice. It’s not that I don’t want Will to have a job. But he has one. With me. Where I can see him every day. I didn’t realize he was looking for something else.
“See? This is why I didn’t tell you, man. Now you’re looking like I ran over your dog. I know you want me around because of this.” He gestures between us. “But I’ve done everything I can at your place, and Dad got me a gig that actually pays decent, and—”
“I’m sure we could find you something else to do.”
“Nolan.” He rests both hands on my biceps. “I’ll still be around. Your house has the good TV with all the channels. And food. And my favorite niece and nephew—”
“And me?” I ask, hating the way my voice sounds.
“I guess so,” he says with a shrug, softening his words with a smirk. “And I’ll have more money, so maybe I’ll take you out to a fancy restaurant for our next date.”
“If I decide I want to go out with you again.”