Chapter 18 #2
He rolls his eyes, dropping my arms, and I hate that I can’t take his hand. Or kiss him. But there are people everywhere, and this conversation was already too much for the location. “Alright, let’s find something to do before I remember I don’t like you.”
“The ice skating is over there,” I say, pointing toward the rink set up.
He follows my gaze. “You any good?”
“I’m decent.”
“I haven’t skated since I was a kid,” he says. “Probably like riding a bike though, right?”
“Probably.”
Neither of us can skate.
That becomes clear seconds after we step onto the ice. Will grabs the wall, catching himself right before he falls, and I slide three feet in the wrong direction before stopping myself by bumping into a stranger.
“You’re decent, huh?” Will says, from the wall.
“At least I can stay upright,” I challenge, trying to figure out how I can get back over to where he is.
“You almost took out that old lady.”
“She was in my way.”
He lets go of the wall and tries to skate in my direction, and it goes better than his first attempt. Until he’s right in front of me and his feet nearly go out from under him. I grab his arm before he goes down, losing my own footing.
That leaves us in the middle of the ice, trying to stand up, but slipping and falling again, and suddenly, we’re both laughing harder than we ever have.
We make it around the rink twice without falling, barely, mostly by holding on to each other.
He catches me by the back of my ridiculous sweater, and I save him twice.
By the time we’re skating back to the edge, we’re both flushed from the cold and out of breath, and I can’t remember the last time I had fun like this.
Laughed this much.
We find a bench to take off our skates, and Will gets up to return them while I sit in the cold with numb fingers.
It was worth it, I think.
The pain, the rejection, it was all worth it to get to this moment.
“Hey, Doc!”
I look up to find three men I recognize from around town standing in a circle, holding cups of steaming drinks. The one who called out gives me a wave that I return, prompting the group to walk over to my bench. “We haven’t seen you around lately.”
“Last minute,” I say, standing once I’ve finished tying my shoes.
“You know,” he says, quieter. “I get that he’s family and all. But I gotta say, Nolan, it ain’t a great look hanging around somebody like that.” He nods behind me. “The people in this town are supposed to trust you.”
I start to respond, no clue what to say to that other than ‘mind your own business’, but I don’t get the chance when I hear footsteps behind me, crunching on the gravel.
Will is right there, his face flat, closed off again. The same as before. At the grocery store. At the church. Like he’s trying not to let it bother him, but I know it does.
“Ready?” he says to me, avoiding the other men’s judgmental looks. I nod, starting toward the parking lot without saying a single word to the group of men.
Neither of us say anything on the drive back to my house. I sit with the words the man said, the same Will probably is too, and as much as I hate to admit it—
They’re not wrong.
I know what it looks like. I know what it means for my family and my business. It’s bad, simple as that. I’ve seen what’s happened if you’re gay in a town like this. Not to mention the fact that he’s my brother-in-law who just got out of prison.
But my heart wants Will Davis, no matter how much I know this is a bad idea.
“Will,” I start when he pulls into the driveway.
“Don’t,” he says, sounding more exhausted than I think I’ve ever heard him, rubbing a hand over his face.
“I was going to say I had fun,” I tell him, reaching for his hand, pulling it from his face. “I had a really good time.” He keeps his gaze on the windshield. “Even if you are a terrible skater.”
The corner of his mouth twitches as he rolls his head to look at me, a vulnerability on his face that I rarely see. So with a surge of bravery, I reach over and take his face in my hands, and I kiss him.
He’s still at first, surprised, but then he kisses me back, his hand finding the hem of my sweater, sliding underneath to rest his cold hand on my bare skin.
I feel like a teenager, kissing my crush in the front seat of his car. But he’s warm, and he smells good, and for all the times we’ve messed around, I don’t feel like I’ve kissed him enough.
When we pull back for air, neither of us let go.
“Kids aren’t home,” he says, his thumb moving against my skin.
“I don’t put out on the first date.” I move out of his grasp, sitting back in my seat and adjusting my sweater while he looks at me with a flat expression.
“You gotta be kidding me.”
“I’m not. I’m a very serious person, you know this.”
“It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?” he says, clearly thinking I’m being unreasonable. “I mean, we’ve fucked just about everywhere but your bed at this point.”
“That was before we went on a date.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Yes, it does. I have standards.”
He drops his head back against the headrest. “Wow. Okay.”
“I had a really nice time, though.”
“Great. I’m glad you had fun. Don’t worry about me. Thinking I was gonna get laid all day and having to go home to an empty, lonely, dark motel room instead.”
“Will.”
He lifts his head, giving me an annoyed look, but I’ve seen him annoyed. This isn’t it.
This is almost…
Affectionate.
“I’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Okay.”
Christmas this year is loud and full of spirit, the way we all agreed it would be without saying so, to fill the space that Jess left behind.
Joyce brought enough food for the entire neighborhood after I told her not to bother with it. Frank came in carrying arms full of presents for the kids, even though Joyce and I already went out multiple times over the last few weeks to gather enough presents for a small army.
Addie still cried a little this morning after she opened her presents, and her mom wasn’t there to see what she got. And seeing that, after everything was cleaned up from the morning, I went to the bathroom and shed a few tears myself.
The kids shouldn’t have to spend Christmas without her.
Now that all the presents have been opened, Ollie is in the middle of the living room floor surrounded by toys I’m going to regret buying when I have to pick them up later. Frank is in the armchair resting his eyes while Joyce is tidying up.
Will is… somewhere. He’s been quiet all day, watching the room, smiling when the kids show him something and when they give him gifts. Ollie made him something at school, and Addie got him a book he seems excited over.
I didn’t realize he liked to read.
I’ve been watching him all afternoon, half preparing for the old Will, but it never comes. He’s nothing but pleasant, and I spend the next hour feeling like the world’s biggest asshole.
We’re sort of dating now. I need to learn to trust him.
“Dad.” Addie appears at my side, wearing her puffy coat. “Can I go give Emmett his present?”
“It’s Christmas.”
“I know,” she says in a voice that means ‘duh’. “That’s why I want to give him his present.”
“You don’t need to intrude on Christmas with his family, Addie.”
“His dad is there. I’m sure Emmett would rather have me there than not. You’ve met that piece of—”
“Addie, don’t use that language in front of your grandparents,” I chide. “You can give Emmett his present tomorrow.”
She groans, sitting down with a huff, crossing her arms over her coat. “You’re ruining my Christmas.”
I go outside for air after dinner, when everyone is busy doing their own thing, and the sun has set, leaving behind a cold winter night. I wrap my hands around the back porch railing, looking at the yard, when I hear the sliding door open and shut.
Will comes to stand beside me, looking out at the yard too, not saying anything for a long while.
And I don’t know why I do it. I never talked about Jess with Karen. You don’t talk about your ex with the person you’re dating. Especially when that person is their brother.
“She loves Christmas,” I say anyway.
“Yeah,” Will says. “She does.”
There’s another stretch of silence before he speaks up. “You gonna tell me what happened or do I gotta drag it out of you?”