Chapter 35 #2
Palm up, he looked at Colleen and Moore just as Kell and Rachel wandered over from the pool table area, holding hands. They took empty seats he now understood weren't so empty.
“Listen. Whatever Mom thinks she's up to, I want none of it. I am here to have a beer and play some pool. That's it. Don't need a bunch of you yahoos trying to therapize me.”
“Therapize?” Rachel laughed.
“Yahoos?” Kell seemed offended.
Luke drank more and kept his mouth shut. He'd said what he'd said.
“Is therapize even a real word?” Rachel asked Kell, who shrugged.
Watching his little brother and his girlfriend holding hands at the table as they sipped their drinks made something in Luke twist a little, the pain almost physical.
Kylie should be here with him, his hand on her knee, hanging out, playing pool.
Just being together.
Instead, he drank more beer.
“Mom was right,” Colleen said.
“Them's fightin' words,” Luke said in a fake drawl, but he growled a little at the end.
“How much beer did you drink before you came here?” Moore asked, giving Colleen a conspirator's look.
“None. I'm just sick of other people telling me how to live my life.”
“Who, aside from Mom, is doing that?” Kell asked.
“Everyone. Kylie decides she's just going off to New York, and doesn't bother telling me–”
“That's not quite what's happening,” Rachel tried to respond, but Kell wisely shook his head at her.
“You talked to her, didn’t you?” he barked at Rachel, who shot Kell a look that asked, How much do I say?
“They’re friends, Luke,” Kell intervened.
Great. Rachel and Kylie were talking behind his back, and Rachel was feeding it all to Kell, which meant his mom was in on whatever they were sharing.
“Mom's pushing me to come here. The chief wants me to be chief when he retires–”
“He does?” Colleen squealed. “That's great! Why didn't you tell me?”
“–and Anne Petrinelli thinks I should paint my front door red instead of the blue I painted it last year, because it 'pops' more and blends in with the town.
Annabeth keeps coming over with baked goods like she's Kylie's rival, and you two,” he added, pointing to Kell and Rachel, “are the epitome of Love You, Maine, and all the lovey-dovey b.s. the town represents.”
“Uh oh. He's ranting,” Kell murmured in Rachel's ear.
“Is that a Luke thing?” she asked him.
“You should know all about ranting, Ms. Hot Microphone,” Luke said sharply, earning a blush from Rachel and a glare from Kell.
Back in February, right before the Valentine’s Day festival, Rachel had been caught on a live microphone at the gazebo stage, going on and on about all the flaws she saw in the town.
Luke was pretty close to finding his own hot mic and giving the people he’d known his entire life a big old piece of his mind.
One shaped like the heart Kylie had just broken.
“Why not take Annabeth up on her offers?” Moore asked with an impish grin, knowing it would just provoke Luke.
“Shut up.”
“I think,” Kell said pointedly, standing, “it's time for another round of pool. Moore, come join us.”
“I'll be the odd one. Can't play with three.”
“You can keep score. Or we can ask Ollie to play with us.”
“Ollie's so drunk, I don't want to be bent over anywhere near him when he has a pool cue.”
“Moore.” Kell gave him a flat look that made it clear he needed to come.
“Why don't you two play?” Colleen said to the men. “Rachel and I will sit here and let Luke be grumpy with us.”
“Why would Rachel want that kind of abuse?” Kell asked genuinely.
Colleen shot him a look.
“Fine. Okay.” He kissed Rachel's cheek. “Be back soon.”
“After I wipe his ass,” Moore challenged.
“Hah. You wish. Last time we played, I killed you,” Kell replied as they walked away, voices fading.
“This isn't going to work,” Luke told his sister, though the beer was loosening him up.
“I want to talk to you. And I want Rachel here because she has some unique insight into what you're going through.”
“I do?” Rachel squeaked.
“You're a city girl who fell in love with my stupid lumberjack brother and uprooted your life and dreams to stay here. Which either means you're one brick shy of a load or you're deeply in love.”
“It might be a little of both,” Rachel joked. She turned to Luke. “I think you and Kylie need to go swim in the hot springs and let the water do its magic.” The smirk she shot him made it clear she was joking, but it just made him more depressed.
And instantly serious.
“I didn't need a dip in the hot springs with her. That's for people who want love but haven't found it. I found love, damn it. I just...”
Colleen touched his arm. “You just what?”
“I can't believe she'd rather live in New York City by herself and work there than be here in Luview with me and Harriet.”
“Maybe she's thinking she can't believe you broke up with her and fired her just because she wants to try something you don't.”
“There's no way I'm living in New York. Do you have any idea what crime is like there? Rural Maine is a paradise compared to that.”
“Did she say she's definitely moving?”
“She wouldn't go there for a job interview if she weren't serious.”
“Luke.” Colleen's reproachful tone made him sigh. “She can want to try something and also want to stay here.”
“That's not how real life works. People have to prioritize. I didn't rise up high enough on her priority list.”
“You make it all seem so simple. So black and white.”
“Must be a Luview family trait,” Rachel muttered, until Colleen’s sharp glare made her quickly add, “Male trait. Male.”
Colleen turned the glare back on Luke. “Maybe Kylie wanted your support as she job searched in New York and she wanted to stay in Luview.”
Rachel nodded. “Colleen has a good point.”
“You stayed, though,” he said to Rachel, his voice filled with more raw pain than he wanted. Couldn't help it. It was leaking out.
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You came here, all career oriented, bulldozing your way through a work thing. Trying to save your job and go back to L.A. and be some corporate hotshot. But you changed your mind and stayed.”
“I did.”
“Then why won't…”
…Kylie do the same, he almost said.
“Because I chose. I had two good choices, Luke. Kell didn't tell me I had to choose him, because that's not a choice. That's an edict. Free will means being free to exert your will. Once I knew I loved him and loved being here more than my life in L.A., I knew this was what I had to do.”
A heavy weight settled in his stomach, pinning him to earth.
Colleen pressed her fingers against her mouth, looking down, blinking. The silence between the three of them felt like he was being sentenced before a judge.
And rightly so.
For a crime he did commit.
The crime of not giving Kylie the benefit of the doubt.
“Is that why she didn't tell me about the interview?” he asked Rachel, their eyes meeting, hers full of kindness and caring. She'd only been in town for less than a year, but he knew she and Kell were together forever. In his mind, she was already his sister-in-law.
“Maybe. Maybe she was afraid you'd freak out, and she needed time. Maybe she didn't want to say anything in case she didn’t get offered the job.”
“But I want her to trust me. She didn't have to hide that kind of news.”
“She did, though,” Colleen interjected. “Sounds like she was afraid to upset you. Carrying that kind of secret must have been hard.”
It hadn't occurred to him to think about how Kylie must have felt about her secret. That maybe she couldn't trust him.
Didn't feel safe sharing her truth.
“Damn it,” he muttered. “I'm the person in her world she's supposed to trust the most. Supposed to be safest with–always. I want her to feel free to share, even when it's something that hurts me, because I want to know everything about her. Share everything. Be everything for her. And I–oh, geez.”
Leaning forward on the table, elbows resting on wet coasters, he shoved his fingers in his hair, gripping his scalp.
“I blew it.”
When neither woman rushed in to argue, his stomach sank even further.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Colleen tap Rachel's hand and motion for her to leave. Very soon they were alone, Luke focused as much as possible on his own breathing as he beat himself up for being such an ass.
A soft, breathy sound from his sister made Luke look up.
“I said something to her, too.”
He frowned. “To Kylie?”
“Yes. At Mountain Dragon. We were both there picking up takeout before Christmas and I... well...”
“What did you say?” he demanded, voice turning to iron.
“I told her not to hurt you or Harriet. That she had to make sure she was serious if she kept going with you.”
“You what?”
“I was trying to protect you!”
“You invaded my life! Did you threaten her?”
“With what? The fried egg on top of her bi bim bap? Of course I didn't threaten her, Luke! But I warned her. Warned her that you're a serious guy and she needed to make sure she was serious, too, if she was going to fall for you.”
“No wonder she hid her New York stuff from me. I made it so she didn't trust me, and you just added to it.”
“I'm not sorry, Luke. I said what I said because I care. And she took it just fine.”
He snorted. “Just fine. Between what you said to her, and me firing her and ending the relationship on Christmas, we turn out to be one hell of a 'loving' family.” His finger quotes made Colleen flinch.
“It's not too late to fix this.”
“How? How, Colleen? How do I fix this?”
“Go to her.”
“To New York?”
“Yep. Go there. Tell her how you feel. Do this thing they call talking. You know, talking?”
“Oh, you seem to know plenty about talking, Colleen. You talked plenty to Kylie.”
“And you can, too. Go. Listen. Keep your mouth shut and let her be herself and tell you what she's thinking. What she's feeling. What she wants out of life.”
“Then what?”
“Then do whatever comes next. You're a smart guy. You can figure it out. Just don't shut her out like you did. You two can find your way through this together if it's meant to be.”
“You are the most aggravating big sister ever.”
“Just doing my job right.”
Luke stood, knowing Rider put the beer on his tab, and grabbed his outerwear as Kell shouted, “Where you going?”
“To fix my mistakes.”
“See you in ten years!” Moore joked, but Kell elbowed him hard enough for Moore to fold over a little, giving Luke a wave.
The chill of being outside cleared his mind just enough to stop, hands on hips, and think.
Colleen was a meddling busybody, but she wasn't wrong.
Go find Kylie. Listen to her. See if he could salvage things.
New York, huh?
Grabbing his phone, he dialed his mom's number. It would be easier to do this by phone than face to face.
And he'd need the walk home alone to brace himself.
“Hello? Luke? Everything all right?”
At the sound of her voice, he grinned, heart lifting.
“Yeah, Mom. Everything's great. But I need you to do me a big favor.”