Chapter 4
Drenched in Crimson
Paul
The rain beating down the track eased into a steady drizzle as I ran, pushing myself to the limit with each stride. I was dead set on making up for missing the entire football season. Football didn’t solve the cause of my problems, but it at least served as a distraction. In the offseason, Coach Wood still tortured us with practice while he checked out new talent to replace the outgoing seniors. We trained every day after school, even in the rain.
As I completed another lap, Coach called, “Paul, that’s enough for you today! Everyone else, keep running, it’s not the weekend yet!”
I reluctantly slowed my pace to a steady walk, wincing as I took the weight off my sore foot. “But Coach Wood, my foot is fine!”
He met my plea with an unyielding stare. “You wanted to come back and I agreed, despite you leaving the entire team hanging. But I won’t stand for you pushing too hard on that foot. Either you start listening to me and take it slow, or you can walk away again.”
“Fine,” I grumbled. I slumped down on the bench to stretch my legs. Leni and Brandon shot me envious looks as they trotted past, not even trying to show their best performance.
Coach was right: now that I was seated, my foot throbbed like hell. Sweat mixed with rain trickled down my nose and dripped onto the ground. I took a long swig of water and wiped a towel across my forehead. My temples pounded from lack of sleep.
Don’t come to me. I’m done.
The words I’d said to Emily replayed in my mind like a broken record. I’d tried so damn hard to move on. But every time I saw her, the desire to touch her, just to talk with her, grew stronger. It was impossible to avoid her when she was living in my house, spending time with my parents, even cooking us dinner.
And Jon was coming home tomorrow.
I locked my hands at the back of my neck and glared at the ground. While Jon went to rehab and Emily got a counselor, I was left to grapple with all the bullshit that had unfolded on my own. No one asked me why I had bruises and scarring on my knuckles, why I suddenly had posters all over my walls.
The rain was like blood dripping down my face. The numbness in my fists—everything was drenched in crimson. The thunderous pulsing of my veins drowned out every other sound.
I sprang to my feet. “Coach, I’m gonna go hit something.”
Coach Wood’s brows furrowed. “Okay, but no footwork.”
I nodded and bolted across the field for the punching bags in the weight room.
“Paul!” Jamie’s voice broke through my stride. I glanced up to see the entire cheerleading squad, hands firmly on their hips, staring at me. With Jamie as their captain, they also trained in the rain. Kiki stood behind her with a softer expression.
“Hey.” I gave a nonchalant shrug.
“You don’t look so good,” Jamie said. “Did little Paul get his heart broken?”
“Let it go, Jamie.” I kept walking but she fell into step with me, following closely.
“It hurts, doesn’t it? To think everything’s fine, only to find out you got cheated on out of the blue?”
I quickened my step. Was I to Emily... what Jamie was to me? I balled my hands into fists. No one would belittle what I used to feel—what I still felt for Emily. It had to be real. I couldn’t have been so wrong.
I felt Jamie’s breath on my neck. “You know what? This is karma. You deserve everything she did to you.”
“Shut up!” I spun around, anger boiling inside me, and she nearly banged into my chest. “You have no idea what happened between us. Don’t you dare compare our situations!”
She hesitated for a moment, studying my face. Then an ugly smile crept onto her lips. “I have to say, I was never so worked up over you. You’re right. You can’t compare our situations, and—”
“Jamie, enough!” Kiki appeared behind her, pulling her back by the shoulder. “The girls are waiting for you.”
Jamie rolled her eyes and turned on her heel without another word. I tilted my head back to look up at the sky. My veins were throbbing so intensely, I might have to throw up.
“Are you okay?” Kiki’s hand landed gently on my shoulder and glided up and down, as if she was petting an animal.
I inhaled deeply before meeting her gaze. “Are you?”
Her hand stopped moving, and her gaze fell to the ground.
“You want to grab a coffee?” I blurted, immediately regretting it. But the words were already out, and I needed to talk to someone if Emily wouldn’t talk to me.
Kiki glanced over her shoulder, where Jamie was already directing the team through their steps. “Can we go now?” she said. Her cheerleading uniform clung to her like a second skin, emphasizing her athletic figure.
A small smile spread over my face. “Gladly.”
I caught Coach’s eye and gestured toward the exit. He nodded in acknowledgment. I was finished for the day. Maybe a coffee with Kiki was exactly what I needed.
After a cooling shower and a change into fresh clothes, I hurried outside. Kiki was waiting on a bench by the school entrance, dressed in a white blouse and engrossed in a book. Her silky hair fell to her chest. It looked impeccably dry, as if she hadn’t just done flips in the rain.
“You didn’t shower?” I asked as I approached her.
“I never shower at school,” she replied, closing her book and standing up. “Why? Do I smell?”
I wrinkled my nose, took a step closer and pretended to sniff her. She laughed, bringing her hand up to her mouth. I expected to catch the sweaty aftermath of cheerleading practice, but to my surprise she smelled like flowers, not at all repulsive. “Actually... you smell good.”
Kiki blushed slightly, hugging her book closer to her chest.
“He didn’t do that.” I crossed my arms and eyed Kiki in disbelief.
“I’m telling you, he did. My parents can’t stand him for ruining their favorite orchid.”
“Sounds just like Jon,” I said, “climbing through the wrong window into your parents’ bedroom and wrecking the flowers.”
Kiki laughed and savored a bite of the apple pie we had decided to share, a dessert Emily adored.
We were sitting at a booth at the Fresh Biscuit, the diner close to my place. I was on my second cup of coffee, and despite the caffeine kicking in, I felt way calmer than I had on the field. Our conversation had started with the Fam and school, but naturally gravitated toward the topic we had the most in common.
“You know,” Kiki said more somberly, “I always wondered what was going on in his head. Why he could switch from the most caring guy to the biggest jerk in the blink of an eye.”
I took a bite of pie with my fork as I mulled over my thoughts. I knew exactly what she meant. There were days when he was fully on your team, ready to confront anyone who had wronged you. But then there were days when he was closed off or lied, leaving you thinking you had done something wrong.
“I don’t think he ever stops caring... He’s... uh, I don’t know.” I dropped my fork.
Kiki studied my face intently. “I thought you knew what’s up with him, but if you don’t either... that’s kind of a relief.”
I nodded in agreement. Emily always seemed to understand Jon in a way that I couldn’t. It gave me a small sense of reassurance to know I wasn’t the only one who didn’t get him.
“You know what I just realized?” Kiki leaned in, resting her elbows on the table. Her amber eyes were set on me like she didn’t want to miss a thing.
I raised an eyebrow. “No, but I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.”
She smiled, her nose wrinkling in the process. “You and me, we’ve never hung out alone before.”
She was right. In all those years of being part of the same friend group, Kiki and I rarely found ourselves alone in a room. She had always been with him.
I threw her a little smile myself. “About time we got to know each other then, hmm?”
Okay, that was... more intimate than anticipated. Kiki’s gaze briefly darted away. She nodded. “Yeah, definitely. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”
“So, um...” I scrambled for something to defuse the tension. “What else do you like? Apart from cheerleading and hanging out with us.”
She wrinkled her nose again, but in a frowny way. “I like to go to the library on campus,” she said finally.
“The library?” I said. “Really?”
“Yeah, it’s a great place to study. Really quiet, and they have great books.” She sipped the rest of her coffee, and I nodded up and down like a freak. “What about you?”
“Oh, you know it all. Football, running... the usual.” I waved it off. On paper we knew everything about another already, but the deeper stuff felt like a line I wasn’t ready to cross.
“I see.” She cleared her throat.
When a gum-chewing waitress waltzed out of the kitchen, I signaled her over. “Can we pay, please?”
The waitress nodded and I turned back to Kiki, draining my coffee to cover the awkwardness. The waitress brought the bill and Kiki reached for her purse.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, picking up the slip of paper. “It’s on me this time.”
Kiki raised an eyebrow and asked, “This time?”
“We just said we have a lot of catching up to do, remember?”
She smiled, a freaking cute smile. Despite the rocky end of the conversation I found that I did hope to do this again. Because for the first time in weeks, I hadn’t only thought about Emily and Jon. I wanted more of that.