Chapter 27
Ivy
I am still reeling from what just happened. Damien is in the front giving his speech while I sit and pretend to listen as though I was not rattled by earlier events. It’s not so much what Nicole did, but what Damien did. Or rather said. The love of my life. He called me the love of his life. And what makes the words weighty is that he wasn’t talking to me when he said it. Nicole came here uninvited and fell down to her knees in front of Daemon and begged him to forgive her. At first, I was confused and even angry, but the longer she spoke, the more sorry I felt for her. She clearly was in love with him and did all she could to keep other women away from him. Her tactics had not worked, and now she was out of a job she had sacrificed her life for. If I were in her position, I too would go a little crazy. Damien instructed her to stand up and asked Nolan if there was a private room close by. Damien took my hand and Nolan directed us to a small room with stools piled up in the corners.
“What’s the meaning of this?” Damien asked her. Now that it was just the three of us, Nicole seemed to gain back some of her sanity. “She needs to leave,” she gestured at me.
“She stays,” Damien replied and squeezed my hand. Nicole’s gaze fixates on where my hand and Damien’s make contact. “What do want, Nicole?” he asked.
“I love you. That’s what I wanted to tell you. I love you will all my heart and even though you’ve said before that you don’t know what love is. I don’t care. I did everything I did because of my love for you. You have to know that I did it all for you. All I did…” she stepped forward, nearly lunging at us as she tried to reach for Damien’s hand. He was too quick for her, however, and she held air instead.
“Nicole, stop.”
She froze and took a step back. “I am sorry.”
“You need to know something, and I hope you take it to heart. As much as you love me. I don’t have the same feelings for you. I don’t love and never will. The love of my life is Ivy. I hope you understand that. She’s the only person I’ve ever loved, and that has never changed and it never will.”
I was too shocked to speak. He said it for Nicole’s ears; I told myself. To dissuade her from ever thinking she had any future with him. That was it, I thought, but after Nicole was finally taken away by a merciless security crew, and everyone had taken their seats at their respective tables, he whispered to me, “I meant it. What I said.” It was as though he was saying it to himself than to me, but before I could ask further, he got up for his guest-of-honor speech.
And even though he’s still talking, making everyone laugh, I can’t concentrate on what he’s saying. The love of my life. It has to be something he was saying to ward off Nicole. I am not capable of love. That statement had to be the truthful one, surely.
The room erupts into another bout of laughter as Damien lands another of his jokes. Everyone seems enthralled by him and his speech, including Nolan, who’s sitting next to me. He has been the one person outside my father who hated Damien, but that seems to have changed now. Or?
“Are you really laughing at his jokes or is it all for show?” I say to him.
“Both.”
“Oh.”
“We have to put on a united front for them.” he nods at the press corp that’s in a pen at the edge of the room. “I don’t want them printing some stupid story. I can see it. ‘Nolan hates his new corporate overlord.’ On the other hand, your husband is funny and I don’t have to pretend.”
“You have to let the beef go,” I respond. “It wasn’t his fault.”
Nolan raises his eyebrows. How do I delicately tell him what really happened without dishing out all the embarrassing details? “I was the one who seduced him, not the other way round.”Nolan turns to me and then to Damien. “Why didn’t you say sooner?”
I look down, unable to face him. “Dad.”
Nolan immediately understands without me elaborating any further. “My only choice was not to say anything at all, or he would have done more than he did to destroy Damien. At that time, it seemed like that was the only option. Now I know I should have been braver.”
“You were brave. The only coward here was me for not trying my best to defend you. I should have done more and instead, I was scared. I’m sorry.”
I am touched by his speech. I think this is the first time in eight years we’ve even spoken about this. Throughout the years we’ve both tried to act like none of us were affected by that moment, but it seems like Nolan lost something too that day. He lost a friend.
“I am sorry too. For taking your friend away from you.”
“Well,” Nolan reaches out for his champagne flute and toys with the stem. “It’s not as though you made Damien and I not speak to each other. So much was left unsaid and so many assumptions were made. But that’s all water under the bridge. At least you’re with someone you love now.”
I feel my mood darken and my mind immediately goes to what he said to Nicole. “I may love him, but he doesn’t love me. Or at least I don’t think he does. And besides, Carey and Thalia aren’t the only couple getting a divorce.”
Nolan frowns and then chuckles. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s happening.”
“I can’t be in love with someone and have them not love me back.” She is the love of my life.
Nolan laughs even louder, catching the attention of a few people at the adjoining table. “Let me tell you something. All this; everything that Damien did? It was because of you. It didn’t make sense to me at first. I thought he hated you. I thought he hated us the Hawthornes, but then the board meeting happened and everything clicked into place. All you needed to do to change his mind was say a few words, and he did. Damien was never going to destroy Hawthorne Inc. and sell it for parts. He was never going to destroy it from the inside. The only person he cared about was you. He doesn’t hate you. He loves you.”
“That can’t be true.”
“Are you sure?
She’s the love of my life.
“That man,” he says, pointing to Damien as he makes his way back to our table while the room erupts in applause. “Has loved you for a long time and I doubt he even knew it himself. You were meant to be together and someone like him. He’s not going to take a divorce lying down.”
Damien approaches us just as Nolan finishes talking and Nolan congratulates Damien on his speech.
“As if you heard a word, Hawthorne. I saw you two cackling like witches.”
“Laughing at your funny speech,” Nolan says. He stands up as the host introduces Nolan, “I doubt my own is going to be an improvement.” The light focuses on him and everyone claps for my brother as he makes his way to the stage. My mind is still on what he said to concentrate on anything going on around me. I turn my attention to Damien and whip my gaze back when I see him staring at me.
“Did you like it?” He says.
I nod.
“So, what were you two talking about?”
I feel like the spotlight is on me now even though it’s squarely at the stage. There’s no way I can tell him about what Nolan says. If Nolan’s wrong, I might feel like a fool. “Nothing. Just sibling stuff.”
“Huh.” He can tell I am lying, but he doesn’t pursue the issue any further. Instead, he puts his hand around my arm and moves his chair closer so that we’re sitting side by side. If one were to look at us from the front, they’d think we’re sitting on a bench. My body, like clockwork, reacts to his proximity. First with electric pulses when his hand touches my nape, and then with a dull constant fire inside me that refuses to die down. Hope rises within me, and I clamp it down as hard as I can. The thought of being heartbroken again makes me sick to my stomach. But still hope persists.
After the speeches and the dinner is over, everyone goes to the dancefloor and Damien drags me to it. “I want to dance with you,” he says as he brings me to the center of the floor. I can’t refuse him and part of me doesn’t want to. The music is slow and we sway around the floor together with other couples. My heart is beating like a drum throughout the dance and my mind can only focus on two things. His hands on my waist as they hold me like I am the most expensive piece of art known to man, and his lips are dangerously close to mine. I can’t stop fixating on them as though I don’t know what they feel like. What they taste like.
“Think about how good we look to everyone. We must be the envy of this room,” he says.
“Narcissistic much?”
“Is that a lie?”
I turn my gaze away from him and to the crowd. More than a few eyeballs are concentrated on Damien and me in a way that makes me immediately turn back my attention to him. “They must be wondering if you were sold to me by my brother in a deal.”
He laughs. “Are you saying it’s impossible for you and I to just be naturally into each other? I think the existence of a certain someone puts that theory to dust, don’t you think?”
“I thought Lake was a mistake.”
His mood darkens, and I already want to take my words back. It came out without thinking and I didn’t want to change the light and cordial atmosphere where had found ourselves in. He bends his head and looks directly into my eyes. His movements slow down. “Lake was never a mistake. I love him with all my heart and I am sorry I ever implied so. I would love to have m--” he pauses as if looking for a better word and then he says, “I would love to get out of here. Wanna leave with me?”
I nod. Parties were never my thing, anyway. We leave the dancefloor and then sneak out while everyone is busy liaising and networking. The apartment is dark and quiet when we return. I go to Lake’s room out of habit and find him asleep. When I return to the living room, Damien is holding two glasses of cognac in his hand. “Want one?”
“A drink, just the two of us?”
He shrugs and waves a glass at me. Curious at this different mood of his, I take it and he goes to open the sliding doors. The buzz of the city enters the room and I follow him outside. I have never been on the terrace before and I am surprised by how beautiful it is. It is a little garden paradise in the city with a lot of hanging plants, green lawn that surrounds black tiles, and a couple of sitting areas dotted around. The discreetly placed lighting makes it even more magical. I’ve only seen his gardener come and go and I’ve never wondered what he was up to, but it looks like he knows what he’s doing.
Damien strolls over to a swing chair and sits on one side. I take a deep breath and sit on the other end. I put the glass of the dark liquid to my lips as I watch the glittering buildings and enjoy the bustling peace of the city.
“Do you like it?”
“Surprisingly, yes.” Even though it’s fiery when it goes down the throat, I like how the drink warms my insides and brightens my mood. “I’m loving the Dutch courage it’s giving me.”
Damien smiles and sips his drink. We sit like this for some time. Neither of us saying anything and just enjoying the night. It feels comforting and casual. Just two people enjoying each other’s company.
“It’s beautiful out here,” I say, looking up at the dazzling stars. They all twinkle above us.
“Why did you run away?”
I stop drinking and look at him. There can only be one thing he’s referring to. The thing I accidentally said at the gala. I wonder if I should tell him the truth or not. It was a painful process to go through and the wounds from that have still not healed, but still, I think it’s about time I ripped the bandaid off.
“I didn’t run away. My father told my brothers I ran away and commanded them to cut ties with me.” I take another sip. I need that Dutch courage now. “My father was a very manipulative man, as you yourself know. After he found out I was pregnant, he demanded I get an abortion. I refused. He threw me out of the apartment he was renting for me, canceled all of my credit cards, and told me never to contact my family again. When I called Nolan, Seb, and Carey. All of them had the same story. My father had convinced them I told him I no longer wanted to live on family income and if I ever called them asking for help, they were to refuse me. And he also threatened them with cutting them off his will. Only Raine rebelled against him and would visit me, but he was in high school.”
“Is that the same time--”
“I came to your office and apartment trying to tell you I was pregnant? Yes.”
“Oh, Ivy.”
“I survived. But it wasn’t as hard as other people in my situation. My father allowed me to finish school. As much as he hated me for keeping the baby, he hated the thought of a Hawthorne dropping out of college. So I deferred school to have Lake, and I was able to finish a year later. Nolan would help from time to time and when I told him I wanted to start my bakery, he doubted me, but he still gave me startup capital. By then, I think even he knew the story of me running away was bullshit, but I doubt my other siblings ever questioned it.”
Damien’s hand snakes around me, and he draws me to his side. His embrace is warm and comforting in a nonsexual way that I appreciate. “You don’t have to feel sorry for me. Things turned out okay, and look, there are plenty of people in my position who have it worse than I do.”
“But you shouldn’t have gone through that.” His voice is rough with emotion. “I should have been there for you. I should have done all that I could to take care of you and Lake. God, I am such a fuckup.”
“There are worse people. My dad, for one.”
“And may he rot in hell.” He shakes his head. “And to think I saw myself as the victim. You should hate me. No wonder you want a divorce.”
That. The more I thought about what Nolan said, the less I became convinced of the divorce. If what he said was right, that Damien loves me, then shouldn’t I give him a chance? “About the divorce.”
Damien’s body goes rigid.
“I was thinking maybe we should give our relationship another try. Maybe we could—
His mouth closes mine with a kiss. A sweet whiskey-tasting kiss. “Yes. Thank you for giving me the chance. I won’t let you down.”