Chapter 5
Sasha
Denise danced her way back to our booth with our drinks. Lucky Lady wasn’t a place we’d normally go, but I wasn’t in the mood
for the crowds at our usual spots. Denise wasn’t a fan; she complained it was too laid-back and “uppity.” I actually liked
the laid-back vibe, which was why I brought us here, though it was better when I was here with Courtney a few months back
and had access to the VIP. Regardless, we’d have a good time, and I needed that tonight.
“Whew, girl, the bartender did right by this round,” Denise said, taking a sip from her glass as she handed me mine. “As she
should, since we both know this shit is overpriced and damn near watered down. A problem we wouldn’t have if we’d just gone
to the club.” She twisted her lips to the side and rolled her eyes before downing more of her mojito.
I darkened the screen of my phone, then took a swig of my Moscow mule. She wasn’t wrong—I shivered a little after my taste.
The vodka was vodka-ing for sure. Denise had to have pulled out all the flirting stops with the bartender, which had loosened
the pour. That was just what I needed. The stronger the better.
Denise took another pull of her drink, puckering up when the liquor hit her tastebuds.
She did a full body shake before sitting down.
“She blowin’ you up wondering where you are?
” Denise asked, jutting her chin toward my phone.
“Cuz, girl, you hit a fuckin’ nerve today.
” She put her hand up for a high-five, which I completed.
“You could see her nostrils flaring and shit.”
“Good. She was already keyed up, blowin’ me up after the game. I left her on read.” And then muted notifications from her
out of fear of losing my resolve.
The biggest game of her life and she’d not wanted me there because of something as trivial as the cost of a plane ticket.
I sucked down almost half my drink to force the memory away. It was bullshit, all of it. She liked seeing me in the stands
as long as it didn’t cost her anything, otherwise she didn’t need me around.
“I know that’s right. Let her ass stew.”
I made a noncommittal noise and focused my attention on swirling the remainder of my drink around in the mug. Denise was all
too happy to cosign whenever I was doing a tit-for-tat with Courtney. If I needed validation, reassurance that my feelings
weren’t misplaced or too much, Denise fed that beast. Court was pissed today, but she’d also looked . . . hurt. And I hadn’t
been expecting that.
“Hey, bitches,” Nish said as she walked up. “Ooh, I like this place. How we end up here?”
“Where the hell you been?” Denise asked.
“With my man,” she answered with the roll of her eyes and a flip of her sleek bob. “He got back early from his last long-haul
trip and well, he missed me,” she finished with a smirk and a shrug.
Denise frowned and smacked her lips. “Well, yo ass gotta catch up. Whatcha drinkin’? Sasha opened a tab. This was her pick,
so she’s payin’ for these expensive-ass drinks.”
Tanisha looked between me and Denise. “Say less. I ain’t turning down free drinks. How far in are y’all?”
I tapped the screen of my phone again. Still no messages or missed calls. Courtney always tried to reach out. It was her thing
because she was a fixer. She was supposed to fix this . . . us. Yet she’d been as radio silent as I had. Her last text had
come around one a.m., two words: alright then.
In one gulp, I finished off my drink. “Not far enough.”
“Oh, shit. What I miss?”
Denise started waving her arms. “Ooh, ooh, ooh, let me tell ya, it’s been good.” She gleefully rubbed her hands together.
“Our girl has been standin’ on business.”
I excused myself, heading to the restroom. I didn’t need or want to hear a recount of everything. Then she’d had the nerve
to make that bullshit comment about flying economy as a “compromise.” Yet she had the nerve to be upset . . . be hurt . . . And she was hurt? Coming off the big win I expected her to be all smiles and
excitement, but when I saw her, there was no joy in her eyes. Had I gone too far by ignoring her messages?
A laughing group of ladies entering the bathroom interrupted my thoughts and I shook off any second-guesses that were trying
to form. It was over and done now. Nothing could be changed.
After taking some time to collect myself, I weaved my way back out, stopping at the bar to get another drink before rejoining
Tanisha and Denise, though when I got to the booth it was only Tanisha.
“Where’s D?”
“Dancing,” she replied after taking a sip of her own drink. “So, you deep in your petty huh?”
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ ’bout.”
Nish simply pursed her lips and tilted her head. “Now, you know damn well.”
I sighed and sucked down some more of my Moscow mule. Tanisha, the voice of reason. “I went to the lil’ welcome back thing,
didn’t I?” And saw the smiles and patience she had for her fans, especially the young ones. It made me a little envious. Courtney
had so much to give to everyone else. Everyone but me.
“Like I said, petty. How are you sittin’ over there downplaying your wife’s accomplishment? I get your feelings are hurt because
you didn’t go to the game.” Her attention drifted to where Denise was grinding on someone.
The place wasn’t super busy, which wasn’t surprising for a Thursday night, so it was easy to spot her. She and the woman were
pelvis to pelvis, dancing so close it was border-line obscene. She was having a time, and I needed to be doing the same. Too
much uneasy energy I hadn’t been able to shake.
“You g’on let her gas you right on up out of a relationship.”
I snapped my head back in Tanisha’s direction at the comment. “What?”
She raised a brow as she sucked down more of her drink. She had a way of saying a lot without uttering a word. Although in
this case she didn’t have to. It wasn’t like she hadn’t voiced her opinion before.
I shook my head. “It’s not . . . She’s not doin’ nothin’ but keepin’ me from losin’ my shit.”
“Really? Whose idea was it to come out tonight?”
I cut my eyes back to the dance floor. “Please, us goin’ out ain’t nothin’ new.” I sucked down more of my beverage. The tingling
lightheadedness that signaled the move from tipsy to drunk was the forgetfulness relief I was chasing.
“Uh-huh. Look, I get it. Courtney not letting you go to Phoenix hurt, and I’d probably be pissed too.”
I rolled my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “But?”
Tanisha settled back against the leather booth and crossed her legs. She stared at me for a moment before shaking her head
and waving her hand. “You know what, never mind. We’re here for a good time. Let’s do that. And I’mma let you handle you and
your relationship how you see fit.”
Sometimes with the two of them it was like having the little cartoon devil and angel on my shoulders. I needed that balance
in my life, and she and Denise got along well enough for the most part. Depending on the day.
And the situation.
But the two of them weren’t likely to hang out together unless it was some sort of group setting. And I liked being the nucleus
that kept our circle together. Each of them had clicked with me when I’d danced at The Candy Shop and we’d formed our tentative
friendship that had sustained over the years, for the most part.
Tanisha thought Denise was fine for a night out, but had said more than once she didn’t like how Denise always seemed to seek
out mess. Because of that, Tanisha shared very little about her personal life with Denise, especially where her relationships
were concerned. Unlike me, who shared everything. Every time Courtney pissed me off, no matter how slightly, I was telling
anyone who’d listen.
I narrowed my eyes at her, equally annoyed that she wouldn’t just say whatever the fuck it was she wanted to say and grateful she was dropping the subject.
“You’re right, we’re here to have fun, so let me go do that.
” I drained the last of my drink before pushing to stand.
The fast movement made me wobble, so I had to steady myself on the back of the booth ’til the dizziness passed.
Once the wooziness subsided, I made my way to the dance floor.
Courtney was sitting at the island when I entered the house. The early-morning sun shining through the window made her smooth
brown skin glow. I was surprised she wasn’t still in pajamas given the time. Instead, she was fully dressed as if she had
plans for the day. Her short locs were secured on the top of her head in a small bun, which gave a full view of her fresh
line-up undercut. She glanced at me briefly, giving me a once-over with her honey-golden eyes, before returning her gaze to
her phone as she finished up her cereal.
Vuitton ran up, jumping at my legs for attention. I set my purse on the bench then picked him up. Meanwhile, Courtney got
up, rinsed her bowl, then headed upstairs. She didn’t even speak. Didn’t express any concern about the fact I’d been out all
night.
“Hey, baby, at least you missed me,” I cooed to my happy pup.
I adjusted him in my arms and made my way to our room. She wasn’t there.
Slowly, I put down Vuitton while looking at our bed, my side of the bed. All the packages I’d purposefully left out were arranged
neatly, lined up from the pillows to the end. I pushed a few out of the way so I could sit and grabbed the satchel Louis bag
in the checkerboard pattern. I ran my hand along the silky peony lining.
It, like everything else laid out, was a comfort purchase. A pretty thing to make me feel better. Vuitton whimpered, pawing
at me to be picked up. I obliged, placing him on the bed. I ran my hands through his soft fur, letting the smoothness calm
my nerves.
Courtney still wasn’t trying to fix this.
She always fixed. Called the truce, broke the silence, offered the olive branch. But she didn’t even speak to me.
I glanced to the doorway as Courtney appeared. Holding a suitcase. I looked at it, then back up to my wife. She didn’t leave
for her overseas team for a couple of weeks. It was the time of the year I looked forward to the most because she was home
for an extended-ish period of time. So seeing her with the luggage confused the fuck outta me. “Where you off to?”
Courtney let out a heavy sigh, shook her head, then strolled to her side of the bed, setting the suitcase down before unzipping
it. “I’m heading to Tina’s for a couple days. I waited to make sure you got home safe before I dipped.”
I rubbed my ears. Surely I hadn’t heard her correctly. “Excuse me?”
Over to the closet she went and grabbed a few things. “It’s just a few days. I need to think.”
Slowly, I rose to standing. The familiar unease and anguish crept in, setting off tiny explosions of self-doubt and fear.
“About?”
She dropped the clothes beside the suitcase then scrubbed her hands down her face. “I don’t want to fight, Sasha. It’s just
a few days so I can sort through some things.”
My breath was slowly being squeezed from my body, and her nonchalant delivery tightened around me with each shallow exhale
I managed. “Always ’bout what you want, right? And I’m supposed to just be okay with my wife abandonin’ me for ‘a few days’
without question or discussion.”
Another heavy sigh, with a roll of her eyes.
“Stop with the dramatics. It’s not abandonment.
I have told you where I’m goin’ and how long I’ll be gone.
It’s not like I just stayed out all night, without so much as a phone call or text to let my spouse know I’m okay.
” She leveled a direct gaze at me. “I wouldn’t be that inconsiderate. ”
Her words were a direct hit, but I refused to flinch. We were in a stare down and the tightness in my chest intensified. She was leaving me . . .
I crossed my arms and widened my stance. “If you were so concerned, you could have called. My phone does work.”
Courtney huffed a laugh as she started folding the clothes and placing them neatly in the suitcase. The longer she said nothing,
the more frustration spread through me and made my mind spiral, like a body snatcher taking over.
She was leaving me.
“Oh, you ain’t got nothing to say to that, huh?”
Slowly, she closed her eyes and let out a long exhale. “Your phone works, huh? You coulda fooled me.” Again, she made eye
contact, holding it as she spoke with deliberation. “My wife, the person who should be goin’ the hardest for me, for what
was accomplished, hasn’t so much as uttered a fucking ‘congratulations.’ Yet you expected me to call and chase up behind you?
For what, Sasha? For-fuckin’-what? When you made it abundantly clear you don’t give two shits. So, yeah, I’m headin’ out for
a bit because right now you, us, it’s feelin’ real fuckin’ transactional and I don’t like that.”
It wasn’t just the words she spoke that knocked the wind out of me; it was also the delivery. She didn’t raise her voice,
like during some of our other arguments. That was how we were, loud and passionate in our viewpoints. But not this time. No,
these words were spoken with an underlying heartache and disappointment coated in bitterness.
I’d fucked up. Tanisha’s words from last night repeated in my head . . . maybe I had gone too far by going radio silent.
She held eye contact for a few more seconds before she laughed quietly to herself and shook her head. I pulled in a shaky breath as I watched her continue to pack.
Yes, I could have handled things better. But instead of talking it out, she was leaving me . . .
I scooped up Vuitton and left the room. If she wanted to go, she could go. I wouldn’t stick around just to watch her walk
out on me. And I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of seeing how much her desertion was breaking my heart. Because if she
expected me to beg and plead for her presence and attention, I wouldn’t.