Chapter Four #2
Finn was smiling, too, by then. The boys had it right. They’d played their best, and they would only get better from here on out.
He thought of his dad. Finn Sr. only ever counted the wins. And for way too long, Finn had cared far too much about his father’s opinions.
Not anymore, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time in the past several years.
Yeah, wins mattered. But so did playing your heart out. These sweaty, cheering guys around him had done just that tonight.
He put up a hand. The locker room fell silent.
“Bronco Valley High took the win tonight,” he said. “Those boys outplayed us. But we are just getting started…”
The Titans erupted in shouts of “Yeah!” and “Truth!” and “You said it, Coach!”
Finn nodded. “You guys worked your butts off tonight, and every day for the last two weeks of preseason practice. And take my word for it, you will work even harder. And you will win…and win again. Every setback offers a chance to come back stronger. And you will do just that. I know it. And I know you know it, too. Be proud, Titans.”
There was whistling and stomping.
Finn couldn’t suppress his smile as he reminded them, “And please be on time for recovery practice tomorrow.”
* * *
Finn was the last to leave the gym that night. And the last person he expected to see as he went out the door was standing in the shadows a few feet away.
“Hey.” Kenzie rolled her medical bag closer and stood it upright at her feet. “Good game.”
He looked at her sideways. “Bronco Valley would definitely agree.”
“The Titans seemed pretty happy with the outcome,” she replied.
“I know.” He grinned down at her.
“And they should be happy, Finn. They did their best. What more can you ask?”
“A hell of a lot.” He grinned even wider. “And I will. Just watch me.”
She tipped her head toward the dark sky.
He followed her gaze. Up there in the heavens, a narrow wisp of cloud drifted across the almost-full moon.
“Nice night,” she said. At his nod, she asked, “How about some coffee? I even have decaf at my place if you’re worried that the real thing will keep you awake. ”
He studied her upturned face. Her skin glowed in the light of the moon and her changeable eyes were jade green rimmed in deepest blue.
She frowned. “So, that’s a no, then?”
He grinned down at her. “Are you kidding? I would love a cup of coffee at your place.”
* * *
At her house, Kenzie made decaf for both of them and they settled on the sofa in front of the unlit fireplace. She kicked off her shoes and he did the same.
They sipped in silence. In the quiet, Finn could hear the ticking of the antique gold clock on the mantel.
“I don’t believe it,” he said. “Your mom gave you her precious mercury clock.”
She nodded. “She passed it on to me right after she and dad broke up, said that she’d always planned for me to have it.”
“It was your grandmother’s, right?”
Kenzie nodded. “And my great-grandmother’s before her. My grandmother used to tell the story of how my great-granny and her siblings would take the mercury out of the tubes and play with it when they were kids.”
“But that stuff is dangerous.”
She laughed, a low, husky sound. “Yep. ‘It was a different time,’ my granny used to say. When my great-granny was a youngster, most people had no idea that mercury could actually harm them.”
Finn just stared down at her, smiling. He really did like looking at her, watching her eyes change color and her pretty smile come and go.
“Finn?”
“Hmm?”
“What are you staring at?”
“You. Your eyes always get to me. They change color depending on the light.”
“My eyes, huh?”
“Among other things.” There was a silence. Neither of them broke eye contact. He was thoroughly enjoying himself.
Finally, she asked in a careful tone, “So then, how are you doing?”
He shifted on the sofa and took another sip of decaf. “In what way?”
She tipped her head to the side. He recognized the cautious look on her face. She was trying to decide how much to say. Finally, she went for it. “Finn, I know how you feel—or how you used to feel, anyway—about losing. And tonight, the Titans lost.”
He thought of the women he’d dated in the past decade and a half, of how none of them ever really knew him. Because he hadn’t let them. But Kenzie knew him all too well. “Yeah,” he said. “The Titans lost. And I hate losing.”
She made a small sound in the affirmative. “I remember.” She knew why, too. But she didn’t say it. She left it to him to be truthful. Or not.
“I’m thirty-three years old,” he said. “And still, sometimes, I get the feeling that I’m in trouble. That I haven’t lived up to my father’s expectations, and for that, there will be hell to pay. And that makes me furious.”
“Furious at yourself,” she added, because she really did understand how his mind worked.
“He was pretty awful to you a lot of the time.” Her voice was so soft now.
She knew that this was an uncomfortable subject for him.
It couldn’t be a pleasant one for her, either.
Finn Sr. had treated her badly, too—even before he learned she was pregnant.
Finn’s dad had never approved of Finn’s relationship with Kenzie. From the first, the old man had considered her a distraction for Finn. It got a lot worse when his dad learned she was pregnant. And he’d made no secret of his relief when she lost the baby.
Finn tried to think of something good to say about his father. “Hey. At least he never once hit me.”
Kenzie wasn’t buying it. “Well, except for with words.”
“Words don’t count.”
She leaned a fraction closer. “You don’t believe that—or at least, you don’t behave as if you do. I’ve seen you on the field every practice the past couple of weeks, and tonight, too. You never beat up your players with words. You’re tough and demanding, but you don’t tear them down.”
What could he say? She had his number. “You’re right. My dad was hard on me. And not always in a constructive way. He’s still difficult to deal with, to tell you the truth. I try not to be like him.”
“Well, you’re doing a great job of that.” She gave him a teasing smile.
“Thank you.”
“So…” She studied his face for a moment. “Back to my original question. How are you doing?” She waited, giving him a chance to reply. When he said nothing, she teased, “You really don’t seem upset about tonight’s loss, at least not right now.”
He chuckled. “I was upset at first. Truth is, I was disappointed, and I blamed myself and I was mentally beating up on myself. But then I got schooled.”
“By…?”
“The Titans. They’re proud of how they played tonight.
And they should be. I walked into the locker room and every one of them was smiling.
They reminded me of the main lesson I’ve learned in the past fifteen years.
I don’t have to live my life by my father’s rules or his expectations. I get to decide what matters to me.”
“Wow.” She held up a hand and he high-fived it. “Good for you.”
They grinned at each other. He wanted to kiss her so bad.
Those shining eyes of hers said she knew it, too. “I’ve been thinking…”
“About?” he asked.
“About that kiss last Saturday night…”
He braced himself. He knew she would say it couldn’t happen again.
But the woman was full of surprises. “Our friends-only rule is ridiculous,” she said. “I mean, who are we kidding?”
His breath caught and his heart started racing.
Could there be more between them, after all?
Or was this the moment she said how she shouldn’t have kissed him, that she couldn’t trust him to keep his grabby hands to himself?
Was this where she said they needed to cool it, that they couldn’t be friends, after all?
She met his eyes directly. “I honestly am not looking for a relationship, Finn.”
Uh-oh. This was bad. “Got it.”
“Me and my little girl, we are a family.” She rested her hand on her sweet baby bump. “Just the two of us. I will never count on a man. Not ever again. Do you under-stand?”
“I do. You’ve made that very clear.”
“I’m not getting married again. Not ever.”
“Kenzie, I hear you. I honestly do.”
“And you and me, Finn, well…” Her words trailed off. The seconds crawled by as he waited for the ax to fall.
When he couldn’t bear it one second longer, he prompted, “Well, what?”
“Oh, Finn. I’m only trying to be honest, to put the truth right out there so we know where we stand with each other.”
“Okay,” he replied in a low, frustrated rumble. “I get it. So do it. Put me out of my misery, damn it. Say what you’re going to say.”
She straightened her shoulders. “Alright then. It’s like this. I don’t want a relationship.”
“That’s fine,” he replied, though it wasn’t.
“But it’s still there,” she added.
He blinked. “What’s still there?”
“That…special something, that energy between us.”
How the hell was he supposed to respond to that? Should he deny the clear truth of it in the hopes that she’d believe him and not ask him to leave?
No. She knew him too well and she wouldn’t believe him. And besides, dishonesty sucked.
So he laid it right out there. “Yeah, Kenz,” he admitted glumly. “At least the way I see it, that fire between us? It’s hotter than ever.”
She nodded…slowly, as though he’d said something much more profound than the simple truth. “We need to stop pretending that there is no fire. We’re not kids anymore. We can certainly behave like the adults we are.”
Where was she going with this? He’d thought she was just about to show him the door…and she probably was. Then again, she didn’t look like she intended to ask him to leave. He gritted his teeth and reminded himself not to get his hopes up.
Then she said, “As long as we both understand that we’re not going anywhere serious, well, what’s the harm?”
“What exactly are you getting at, Kenzie?”
“Uh. Well, I can’t help thinking that we could just, you know, play it by ear. Be friends and be honest, and if we end up in bed together…”