Chapter 1 #2
‘I just need to talk to Joe.’ Tears were streaming down Esther’s face now and suddenly she knew she needed to be with her husband.
She hadn’t wanted to burden him with another negative test, but she wasn’t going to be capable of keeping this to herself, even though she already knew that nothing he said or did was going to magically make this any better.
Nothing could. She didn’t just want to run out of this room, she wanted to outrun the body that was failing her month after month, but she couldn’t.
Even as Danni called out again, begging to at least be allowed to make sure that Esther got to Joe okay, she couldn’t stop.
She had to keep moving, or she might allow herself to think about the possibility that this was always going to be the outcome, and that was something she just couldn’t face. Not now, not ever.
Hope had been sitting on the lid of the closed toilet seat for what felt like an eternity, but it must have been less than ten minutes.
She’d nipped into one of the toilets at the far end of the row, just before the two women had come out of cubicles farther down the line and begun their conversation.
It had been such an intimate moment as they’d clearly waited to discover the result of the pregnancy test one of them had taken.
She hadn’t wanted to make any sound in case they realised someone else was there.
Thankfully she hadn’t even really needed a wee, she’d just gone in as she was passing, in case her shift got busy and she didn’t have time to stop.
The last thing she’d wanted to do was cause anyone any discomfort by letting them know that their very personal conversation had inadvertently been overheard, even before the obvious devastation of the woman who’d just rushed out, slamming the door behind her.
Hope was still trying not to make any noise, barely even breathe, and considering whether she could just stay here until the other woman left too, to save causing any more upset, no matter how unintentional, but then she heard the sobbing start and she just couldn’t sit there and listen while another woman stood outside alone, in so much distress.
She wasn’t wired that way, she never had been, and helping other women when they needed someone most was all she’d ever wanted to do.
She’d known she wanted to be a midwife from the moment she’d accidentally happened across an episode of One Born Every Minute, long before, at the age of fourteen, she’d finally heard the full story of her own arrival into the world.
She’d always known she was adopted, so much so that she couldn’t even remember her parents telling her, and they were her parents in every sense that mattered.
David and Alison Masterson had three biological children – Hope’s sisters – and she’d never felt any less a central part of the family than her siblings.
If anything, she’d felt even more special as a result of having been adopted.
She’d been chosen, and her sisters, as much as she loved them, had far more boring backstories than she did.
The four of them were all different enough physically for Hope not to stand out in that sense, even with the halo of chestnut-brown curls that made her look positively cherubic in the many childhood photographs displayed around the house.
All four girls had been so well supported by their parents and given every opportunity to succeed.
Annie was at medical school, Tabitha was a curatorial researcher for the National Museum Cardiff and Bea was studying for what were fully expected to be straight As in her A levels.
Hope could have chosen any career, but she’d never wavered from her choice, and she still felt, even now, that she’d been born to be a midwife.
So there was no way she could even consider sitting it out, waiting for the woman outside the cubicle door to leave, telling herself this was all just someone else’s problem.
Standing up, Hope pushed open the cubicle door which creaked like something out of a horror movie, making the woman at the sink whirl around to face her, her mouth dropping open.
‘Oh God, I had no idea anyone was in here.’ She clutched her chest and Hope kept her voice low.
‘I’m really sorry. I came in when you and your friend were in the cubicles and then when I heard you talking it just felt wrong to come out and interrupt, so I decided to wait it out, but then your friend left and I heard crying.
’ Suddenly Hope wasn’t sure what else to say.
The woman in front of her was a complete stranger and she’d probably freak out if Hope tried to comfort her.
Instead, she turned away for a moment to wash her hands.
‘Oh, please don’t apologise. It was so nice of you to be so thoughtful.
’ The woman looked to be in her mid-thirties, about ten years older than Hope.
It could have been more than that, or less, because she was classically beautiful, with a lean, almost gazelle-like physique and it was hard to place her age.
Then, as she turned towards Hope, the loose top she was wearing caught on the edge of the sink, and pulled slightly against her stomach, revealing the outline of a small, but distinctive bump, which on a woman built like her almost certainly meant one thing.
She was pregnant. Hope hadn’t meant to let her gaze rest on the bump, but her jolt of recognition had clearly been obvious.
‘I’m not going to be able to hide this for much longer, am I?’ The woman rested a hand on her stomach. ‘But how can I tell my best friend that I’m pregnant for a second time, when she and my brother would give anything to have a baby? I just can’t do it.’
‘That must be so hard, but I can’t imagine she’d want you to put yourself under any kind of additional stress when you’re pregnant.
’ Hope shook herself, aware that it must have sounded to this complete stranger like she was hugely overstepping the mark, and she needed to explain herself.
‘Sorry, it’s none of my business, but I’m a midwife and the idea of any pregnant woman feeling like they need to hide their pregnancy is hard to hear. ’
‘Honestly, there’s no need to keep apologising and I’d say exactly the same to someone else, even though I work in the emergency department and not midwifery.’ She smiled at Hope, brushing a tear off her cheek with the back of her hand. ‘I’m Danni, by the way.’
‘It’s nice to meet you, Danni, even if it isn’t in the best of situations. I’m Hope.’
‘What a beautiful name.’ Danni was cradling her bump now, as if relishing the opportunity not to have to hide the pregnancy.
‘I haven’t even wanted to find out the sex of this baby, let alone start to think about names.
Not when I can’t share the news with some of the people I love most. But I really like the name Hope. ’
‘Thank you.’ She looked away for a moment, unsure if she should share her story with this complete stranger, but Danni had confided in her and, in the circumstances, the idea of revealing something she didn’t normally share with people didn’t seem that odd after all.
‘It was the name my birth mother wanted to give me and my adopted parents decided to keep it.’
‘That’s so lovely.’ Tears sprung into Danni’s eyes, but she hadn’t heard the half of it yet.