Chapter 1 #3
‘I think it was my birth mother’s way of wanting to show she loved me, despite the way I arrived into the world.
’ Hope took a deep breath; it was always easier if she got all of it out in one go.
‘She gave birth to me in the toilets of the sixth-form common room at her school. She was a week off her seventeenth birthday, and she’d strapped her bump up and worn as many layers of clothes as she could to disguise it, all the way through her pregnancy.
She hadn’t told a soul, because she was so terrified of what would happen, and I arrived headfirst in the toilet bowl.
According to what my parents were told, she was devastated and just kept saying she hoped nothing she’d done was going to affect me when I grew up.
She kept repeating “I just hope she’s okay”, and that’s what she decided to call me for the brief time we were together.
Hope. And it seems I’m destined to make surprise appearances in the toilets.
’ She gave a small laugh, hoping the insight into her life had made things a bit less tense for Danni.
‘It does, and what an incredible story.’ For the first time Danni smiled, but then her face clouded again.
‘That poor girl, though, not being able to tell anyone. At least I’ve been able to share the news with my husband and a couple of other friends.
I’m not sure I could cope with carrying that secret all on my own, never mind at sixteen. ’
‘I think she even tried to convince herself it wasn’t true, but babies always make their presence known in the end, no matter how hard anyone tries to hide the fact they’re on the way.
’ The last thing Hope wanted was to sound judgemental, but she was genuinely worried about the stress that keeping this secret might be putting Danni and the baby under.
‘If you can’t bring yourself to tell your friend about the baby, do you think you could talk to your brother about it and see what he thinks you should do? ’
‘Maybe.’ For a moment Danni continued to look doubtful, but then she nodded slowly. ‘Joe’s a consultant psychiatrist and he ought to be more than qualified to work out what to do for the best, but it’s different when it’s about the people you love, isn’t it?’
‘Does Joe work at St Piran’s too?’ Hope was doing her best to sound casual.
Both Danni and her friend had mentioned the name Joe, which was common enough not to mean anything, but his job title could be far more significant, especially if he did work at St Piran’s.
Her heart was thudding in her ears as she waited for a response, and Danni’s eyebrows shot up so quickly they disappeared behind her fringe, her eyes widening in what looked like fear.
‘He does, but oh God, please don’t tell anyone what I’ve said, will you? St Piran’s can be like a village sometimes and gossip spreads like wildfire. I’d be absolutely heartbroken if Esther and Joe heard the news about the baby from anyone but me.’
It was the first time Danni had used her best friend’s name.
Esther. She’d called her Essie when they’d been talking, but Hope knew for sure now that her suspicions were right.
Esther and Joe. The chances of there being two couples with those names working at St Piran’s were tiny, even if Danni hadn’t already confirmed Joe’s speciality.
Hope was struggling to think straight, a hundred questions waiting to be asked, but she knew she couldn’t voice any of them.
Looking at Danni again, all she could do now was reassure the other woman that this wouldn’t go any further.
‘Of course I won’t say anything. You’d be amazed at the stories I’ve been told since I became a midwife and I never share any of them, unless it directly affects a patient’s care.
Midwives are like priests that way.’ She smiled, hoping it didn’t look as forced as it felt and that it would give Danni the reassurance she so clearly needed.
‘Anyway, you know I arrived in the world face down in a toilet bowl and I don’t really want the whole of St Piran’s knowing about that either.
So how about we make a pact to keep each other’s secrets? ’
‘Absolutely. Shall we shake on it?’ Danni’s smile had returned and she stuck her hand out towards Hope.
‘It feels like we’re in a secret society,’ Hope said, trying to stop her voice from shaking and giving away just how big the secret between them really was.
‘I suppose we are.’ Danni was still smiling, clearly not picking up on the tension that felt as though it was radiating from Hope. ‘And I want to say thank you, not just for agreeing to keep this to yourself, but for allowing me to tell someone about the baby at a moment when I really needed to.’
‘I was in the right place at the right time, that’s all.’
‘I think there was more to it than that. Even the way you speak is soothing, I could listen to you talking all day and I’ve always loved Welsh accents.
’ Danni’s voice was warm and for a split second that was almost enough for Hope to say the words that were bubbling up in her throat, but that she knew she had to push down.
Adopting the most casual smile she could muster, even as an invisible battle raged on inside her, Hope reached out to touch Danni’s arm.
‘Thank you and, who knows, maybe there was more to me being here than coincidence. Either way, I just really hope it all works out okay for you and Esther. I’m sure it will in the end.
’ Maybe it was over familiar for Hope to have physically reached out, but Danni didn’t seem to mind, and she wasn’t sure she could have stopped herself if her life had depended upon it.
She’d needed to comfort Danni and make a tangible connection to this person who’d been a total stranger to her less than twenty minutes ago, but who she was now almost certain was her biological aunt.