Chapter 8 #3
‘Hey, we agreed!’ Esther gave Joe a playful dig in the ribs. ‘Emergency medicine gets first dibs, if Hope ever fancies a change.’
‘That’s very flattering.’ She couldn’t help smiling, despite the disquiet she still felt about having so much praise heaped upon her, never mind the huge secret she was keeping from Esther and Joe.
It was impossible not to smile at the idea that she was wanted by these people who would never know the tie that bound them together.
‘But as exciting as emergency medicine must be, I’ve wanted to be a midwife for as long as I can remember and everything I’ve experienced in the job so far has convinced me of that even further.
Although I have been talking to Anna, who heads up the midwifery unit in Port Agnes, about doing the perinatal mental health module at Plymouth University, once I’m a bit more established in my role.
Today felt like all the more reason to consider it. ’
‘You definitely should.’ Joe’s smile broadened even further, his mouth levelling up completely, so that the tiny trait they shared was no longer visible, even to her.
‘It would have been almost impossible to challenge Elena’s capacity to make her own decisions in time to ensure the baby was kept safe, and obviously it’s never ideal to have to go down that route.
The approach and actions you took avoided us even having to try.
You’ve got the kind of insight that can’t be taught, but becoming a specialist will allow you to help a lot more women and there’s a huge need for it in both perinatal and antenatal care.
We’ve been able to put some plans in place to monitor and support Elena once the baby is here, because of how things were managed today. That’s a huge win in anyone’s book.’
‘I still don’t think I did anything special.’ Hope was doing her best to minimise the role she’d played, but there was a warm glow in her stomach that not even her own protestations could extinguish.
‘And that says it all really. The fact you see it as all in a day’s work shows just how lucky St Piran’s is to have you, in whatever capacity you choose to work here, especially as Adriana told us you’d already finished your shift before you volunteered to come down and see Elena.
’ Joe was so kind and Hope had an almost overwhelming urge to stand up and hug him, just once, to know what it would feel like to be held in her biological father’s arms. She and Laura had embraced when they’d met and that had been enough for her.
It hadn’t felt the same as being hugged by her mother.
Alison had been the one who’d hugged Hope thousands of times across the course of her life, to comfort her in times of hurt, to celebrate moments of joy, or just to exchange affection.
Hope was sure that if she hugged Joe it wouldn’t compare to hugging her father, Dave, either, but the difference was, she was never going to be able to find out.
She was never going to get the kind of closure that meeting Laura had given her, knowing that each of their lives was a little bit richer for having had that experience, but also feeling satisfied it would be enough if they decided not to build on that.
That was why she wanted to hug Joe, but unless she was willing to explain who she was, that would definitely be crossing a line.
‘Can we get you another drink as a thank you, or something to eat?’ Esther asked. ‘We’re grabbing a quick break before Joe’s clinic.’
‘Thank you, but I’ve already had a huge piece of cake courtesy of Gwen, and I’d really better get off home soon. Now that I know Elena is okay.’
‘Are you sure?’ Joe looked at her, the very slightly crooked smile back on his face and the recognition jolted her spine, almost like a physical pain.
‘Absolutely, but thank you so much.’
‘I’d better go and have a chat with Gwen then, before she abandons her post and comes over here.
I can see her craning her neck.’ Joe laughed.
‘Her nephew, Louie, started work in my department last month and she grills me for an update on his progress every time I see her. Luckily, he’s doing brilliantly. ’
‘HR are obviously doing a good job of recruiting the right people lately.’ Esther shot another smile in Hope’s direction.
‘Hopefully we’ll see you around the hospital and we certainly know who to consult if we need any advice about pregnant patients.
And of course, I’ll see you at the infertility support group. ’
For the first time Esther’s smile wobbled ever so slightly, which served to remind Hope exactly why she needed to push her own wobbles down, where she wouldn’t have to acknowledge them.
She couldn’t waver on her decision not to tell Joe and Esther who she was, but she needed a hug from her parents more than she could ever remember needing one.
So she knew exactly what she was going to do with the stretch of four days without a shift that she had coming up. She was going home.