Chapter 17 #2
‘Of course not.’ Hope turned to face in the same direction as Danni, and they began to walk; the turquoise sea in front of them seeming to stretch into infinity.
It really was a beautiful day, where almost anything seemed possible.
She hoped so, because right now it still felt like the situation with Joe and Esther had no solution.
‘So was it Laura who told you where to find Joe when you met her?’
‘Not exactly. She gave me his details, and I tracked him down myself, because he’d moved back from Australia by then.
’ She hesitated for a moment, wondering if what she was about to say would make her look like some kind of stalker.
‘I found out he was working at St Piran’s and I was planning to come and speak to him, when I saw the job advert for a midwifery role here. It just felt like it was meant to be.’
‘Maybe it was.’ Danni turned her head to look at Hope as they continued to make their way along the path.
‘I know you’re worried about telling Joe, because it could hurt Esther, but have you thought about what you want, and what kind of relationship you’d want with Joe if you do decide to tell him? ’
‘That’s the trouble, I don’t know. One minute I want to tell him and the next I think it would be better left unsaid.
I’ve had the chance to get to know what kind of man he is, which is all I wanted when I took the job here, but I don’t feel like I’m ready to close the door on the possibility of something more yet.
With Laura, I think we both felt like we got the closure we needed.
The door is open for us to have more contact in future, but I don’t think either of us have a burning need for it right now.
Maybe it’s because I don’t know what Joe would want that I’m finding it hard to be any way near as pragmatic with him. Do you think he’d want to know?’
‘I’m absolutely certain of it.’ Danni’s voice was steady, but Hope could still hear the unspoken caveat hanging in the air. It looked like it was going to be up to her to voice it.
‘But he’d hate the idea of Esther getting hurt, wouldn’t he?’
Danni sighed so deeply it was like a breeze blowing off the ocean. ‘It would be the last thing he’d want.’
‘So do you think it would be wrong for me to tell him?’
For a moment Danni didn’t answer, but then she shook her head.
‘Esther loves Joe so much and she’d want him to have something that made him happy, even if it came at a cost to her.
’ She stopped again then and clasped Hope’s hand.
‘And discovering that you were his daughter would make him happy. I’m sure of it, because it’s how I feel.
Discovering I’ve got a niece I never knew existed is wonderful and, even though I love Esther so much, I’m really glad I found out.
When I realised how worried I was that you wouldn’t be able to prove that Joe was your biological father, I knew how much I wanted him to be. ’
‘Thank you.’ Tears choked in Hope’s throat, because she’d suddenly realised how glad she was that Danni had found out too and that she did want to tell Joe who she was.
It was like trying out the technique that Louie had suggested to her, she could feel the right thing to do in the way her body reacted.
Danni hugged her, before pulling away again to look Hope in the eyes. ‘I promised Esther there’d be no more secrets, but this isn’t up to me and I won’t tell them if you don’t want me to. I’ve got no right.’
‘But if I wanted you to tell them, you would?’ Hope searched Danni’s face this time, willing her to nod.
When she did, Hope’s whole body sagged with relief.
Maybe it was a cop-out, but as Danni wrapped her arms around her again, she felt the same sense of coming home she usually only experienced when she was in Tenby with her family.
She’d always thought she didn’t need or want a connection with anyone whose DNA she shared, as though that would somehow diminish the wonderful relationship she had with her parents and sisters.
Yet standing here, on a clifftop close to where her biological parents had met, with the sun warm on her back, she knew that wasn’t true.
She had more than enough space in her heart for these new people and all she could do was hope that Joe and Esther would feel the same way.
Danni had been acting like a cat on a hot tin roof ever since she’d arrived at Joe and Esther’s house, two days after the baby shower, seeming unable to settle and getting up to pace backwards and forwards across the kitchen like she was training for some kind of walkathon.
‘If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were already in labour.’ Esther narrowed her eyes for a moment. ‘You aren’t having pains or anything, are you? You would tell me if you were worried about anything?’
‘Of course I would.’ Danni’s response should have been reassuring, but there was something about her expression that told a different story.
‘There is something wrong, isn’t there?’ Esther got to her feet too and put a hand on Danni’s arm to stop her pacing.
‘No, I’m fine…’ She shook her head then and sighed deeply. ‘My back’s just twinging a bit, that’s all. My body seems determined to remind me that I’m of advanced maternal age.’
‘It could be worse, you could be a geriatric mother.’ Esther grinned and for the first time since she’d arrived, Danni laughed.
Esther had to admit that the new way of labelling older mothers wasn’t that much of an improvement on the previous terminology, but she’d be willing to be called anything as long as she was pregnant.
She wasn’t going to think about that right now though.
She’d made a promise to Danni that she was ready to celebrate the upcoming arrival of the baby, and she had no intention of breaking that promise.
‘I may well be a geriatric by the time my brother gets home, the way things are going.’ Danni rolled her eyes, but at that exact moment, Joe opened the door that led from the back garden into the kitchen.
It was the way he always came in after work, to the heart of their home, where he and Esther would cook together and talk about their days.
Her heart lifted every time he came through that door, and on the days when he came home first, greeting her with a hug when she arrived and immediately offering to make her a drink.
It was a simple thing, but it meant so much to her, and she’d made a vow to notice and appreciate those little things more often.
She and Joe might not have a baby, but they already had so much to be thankful for.
‘Well look at this, my two favourite women in the entire world in one room.’ Joe kissed Esther warmly, holding her in the way that always made her feel so safe.
Afterwards he turned towards his sister and gave her a hug too.
Danni looked awkward and another frisson of apprehension made Esther’s scalp prickle, but she shook it off.
It was just Danni’s baby bump coming between her and Joe, making her look as stiff as the Tin Man, that was all.
But then Danni said something that made the prickling sensation on Esther’s scalp intensify.
‘I need to talk to you both.’
‘I knew there was something wrong. Is it the baby?’ She went cold at the thought of it.
‘No.’ Danni shook her head, her hands tightly balled into fists and her face blanched of colour.
Esther was really starting to panic now.
‘Whatever’s wrong, sis, you know you can tell us, don’t you?’ Joe’s eyes were as filled with concern as his voice; Esther clearly wasn’t the only one who was worried.
‘I don’t know where to start and I’m scared, when I do, that it’ll change everything. In fact, I know I will.’
‘Danni, just tell us, please. You’re really scaring me.
’ Nausea churned in Esther’s stomach, her mind going to all kinds of places she didn’t want it to go.
Was Danni seriously ill? Thoughts of cancer or some other kind of life-threatening illness were already filling her head.
Maybe it was Charlie who was ill, or having an affair, but the idea of that seemed unthinkable.
Holding on to whatever it was she needed to say looked as though it was causing Danni pain and Esther would do whatever it took to help her friend release that burden.
‘If you tell us, we might be able to help.’
‘I’ll tell you, but I need you both to sit down first.’ Danni waited for them to do as she’d asked.
‘Okay.’ It was Joe who answered first, and all Esther could do was reach out and grab his hand as they both took a seat, certain that whatever it was Danni was about to say would be easier to hear with her hand in his.
‘I’m sure you remember this girl, Joe. Her name was Laura.
’ Danni slid a strip of passport photographs across the table towards them.
As Esther stared at the photographs, the unease she’d been feeling seemed to treble, but she couldn’t have explained why until she looked up at Danni again and saw the expression on her best friend’s face.
It was the kind of look she got when she had to deliver life-changing news to someone at the hospital, and what she said next certainly fit that description.
‘When Laura left Cornwall at the end of her holiday, she was pregnant and the baby was yours.’
For a moment, it was as if the whole world seemed to stop and Esther tried to hold on to the possibility that Danni was wrong.
This couldn’t be true; Joe barely looked like more than a kid himself in the photos.
Her mind whirled. It would mean he had an adult child, if Laura had kept the baby.
No, that couldn’t be right. It was all she could think as the nausea in her stomach continued to swirl. Joe was a father. No. No. No.