Chapter fifteen
Nathan and I woke thenext morning and after a quick breakfast, got in a limousine and went to the airport to go home.
I was feeling a little disappointed to be going home, I’d really enjoyed myself and loved the relaxing feel of a holiday I clearly needed. I also knew that I had a big decision to make on whether I was going to go home or continue living with Nathan.
Part of me couldn’t wait to get back to my old life and my family and the other half of me wanted to be with Nathan. The past week in Hawaii had shown me what a wonderful man he could be. Our sex had shown a softer, tender side of Nathan and I didn’t regret a second of it, I was glad my first time had been with him.
But I wondered if I could live with Nathan on a purely sexual basis. Would I really be happy stopping myself having a real relationship by waiting around for Nathan? I just wasn’t sure if he could ever love anybody again because his heart was so badly broken.
Nathan and I found our first-class seats on the plane and again Nathan let me have the window seat, but this time it didn’t excite me like it had the first time. I missed Hawaii already and I missed what we’d had here. We were both quiet until the plane took off, lost deep in our own thoughts.
“You know, Rose,” Nathan said softly as the plane levelled out. “I was serious about you staying with me when we get back to Sydney. I really like having you around. You can still go back to your old life, just come home to me every night.”
“I really don’t know what I’m going to do, Nathan. I like you and lately we’ve had a lot of fun together. But I don’t know if that’s enough for me. I want to settle down with someone, get married and have children, that’s what I’ve always wanted from my life. I just don’t know if I’m willing to just give up the chance of finding someone who wants the same, to be with you and your commitment-free relationship. It’s a big ask and a huge sacrifice.”
Nathan nodded, his face expressionless. “Maybe you’re right. If that’s what you want out of life, then I’m not the man you should be with and I couldn’t ask you to give up everything you want just for me.”
I turned to look out the window and didn’t respond to Nathan. Maybe he was right, I couldn’t give up the chance at real happiness for someone that couldn’t love me.
I spent the rest of the flight watching movies or sleeping, while Nathan worked on his laptop or read on his iPad. There was very little conversation between us. I didn’t know what to say to him. My thoughts were a mess. I was feeling confused and angry with Nathan for putting me in this position. For not wanting me the way I wanted him.
After we arrived back in Sydney and had cleared customs, Nathan and I walked outside to find Sam waiting for us with the SUV. He helped us load our luggage into the back and then he walked around and got into the driver’s seat. Nathan helped me into the backseat and he closed the window between us and Sam so we could talk in private.
“So, are you going home, Rose, or coming to stay with me?” Nathan asked as the car pulled away from the curb. He voice was soft and I’m sure I saw a look of hope flash through his eyes. I knew he wanted me to say that I was going to come and live with him, but I felt that he was just asking too much of me.
I looked down at my skirt, picked off a piece of lint and absentmindedly dropped it on the floor. I was trying to avoid looking at Nathan, because it felt too painful. “I have decided to go home. I tried to live like this, all carefree and casual while we were away, but I can’t. It’s just not for me and I want more than that.” I looked up at Nathan, into his eyes, and I was surprised that I could see the sadness there. “I want it all. I want Prince Charming.”
Nathan sighed. “You know I can’t give you that. I’m through with relationships. I’m not after that sort of life anymore.” Nathan put down the window that divided us from Sam. “Change of plans, Sam. Miss Sommers is going back to her own place.”
Sam glanced in the review mirror and I could see his eyebrows rise slightly, but Sam knew better than to question his boss. “Ok, Mr Davenport.”
The SUV pulled up out front of my house and Nathan and I stepped out. Sam got out and took my luggage inside for me.
“I’ll have Sam bring the rest of your things over later,” Nathan said, his voice tight and strained. I knew he was having a hard time letting me go, but the thought wasn’t enough to make me want to stay with him. And his feelings clearly weren’t enough for him to offer me more.
“Thank you, Nathan.”
“This is my business card, it has all my phone numbers on it if you ever want to reach me.” Nathan handed me the small white card. “For anything, even if you just want to hang out or you want to argue with someone,” he teased, clearly trying to lighten the mood between us.
“Thank you again, Nathan, for everything. We did have some really good times together.” I smiled. “Maybe I will come over and have a dip in your swimming pool one day.”
Nathan laughed. “Anytime, just remember that black bikini.” He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. “I’ll see you later, angel.” He turned and then glanced back at me, hesitating before he went to get in the car. I grabbed him on the arm.
“Think about your life, Nathan. Really think if the life you’re living is truly what you want. Throwing it away over something one woman did to you is crazy. We’re not all the same and I would never treat you like that.” I released Nathan’s arm and turned and walked into my house. I couldn’t look back, I didn’t want him to see the tears that were welling in my eyes. My heart was breaking more with every step I took away from him.
I managed to control my tears until I heard Nathan’s SUV take off down the street. Once he was gone, I sat down on my lounge and cried until I had no more tears left. My heart felt as though it was broken into a million pieces. I had fallen completely in love with Nathan and I’d just let him go from my life.