19. Cassandra Walker
I’d warned the doorman that Theo would be coming and instructed him to let her up when she arrived.
This weird, jittery feeling coursed through me the entire time I waited for her to show up. I found I couldn’t sit still and kept adjusting random things in my condo in micro-increments. I was refolding my throw blanket for the fifteenth time when the elevator dinged, signaling Theo’s arrival.
I turned just in time to watch the doors slide open to reveal the woman herself, and my breath caught.
She was just so…so… Theo.
Even just standing there with her hands in the pockets of her usual men’s dry-fit shorts and t-shirt combo, it was clear that every inch of her body was carved in muscle.
Her deep brown hair was in its adorable little man-bun, and as soon as her dark eyes found mine, her full lips quirked up at the corner in that sly smirk that was uniquely hers.
She stepped out of the elevator, and even the way she moved was just so… cool. I didn’t know how else to describe it. It was like she was never in a hurry to get anywhere, yet there was so much control and strength in each step that you knew she could strike without warning.
Like a rattlesnake.
Though, as I watched her carefully step out of her black Nikes and place them neatly on the mat I had by the doors, I thought maybe a rattlesnake might be too cold a comparison for Theo.
As dangerous as I knew she was, there was a softness to her, too.
A softness she didn’t allow many to see… but it was there.
Maybe she was more of a mongoose.
Cute. Cuddly… but badass enough to take on a cobra.
I almost smiled at my own internal ramblings, but stopped myself just in time.
Theo had straightened from putting her shoes away, and now she was looking around my condo with mild curiosity.
“Nice place. I see now why you hated living with me so much. Must have been rough slumming it with me when you’re used to all this.”
She gestured vaguely to my 4,000 square foot luxury penthouse.
“I didn’t hate living with you, Theodora,” I found myself saying, my voice softer than I’d ever heard it.
Her eyes snapped to mine, and her eyebrows rose in surprise.
The shock was short-lived, and her lips quickly curved back into that easy smirk.
“Yes you did, Cass. You told me you felt like you were living in a closet.”
My cheeks heated.
I had said that… hadn’t I?
Jesus. I really was cuntzilla.
“Yes, well. I was just cranky because my life had been completely uprooted overnight due to my brother’s inability to make good life choices. That wasn’t about you.”
Theo just chuckled and stepped deeper into my space.
It was as if with each step she took, the walls shrank around us.
I was breathing weird, and for some reason, my ass was sweating.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
Theo stopped a foot away from me, her dark eyes darting over every inch of my face, as if she was trying to commit my features to memory.
I never understood why she looked at me like that. We’d known each other for months now. She knew what I looked like.
But whenever she studied me like this, it always made me feel exposed. Like she was seeing more than just the polished shell I presented to the outside world.
It was like she was seeing me.
The real me.
The me that no one else ever seemed to be able to handle.
As she stood there, watching me, the air between us began to feel hot and tight with anticipation, and I suddenly didn’t know what to do with my hands.
After a long moment–when it became clear I seemed to have lost the ability to make human words–Theo tilted her head toward my couch.
“Maybe we should sit?” she suggested, and my throat rolled as I swallowed, forcing myself to snap out of whatever weird waking coma Theo’s presence seemed to have forced me into.
“Uhm. Yeah. Of course. Please…” I gestured to the couch before turning toward the kitchen. “I’m gonna have some wine, you want something to drink?”
“No.”
I frowned at the abruptness of her answer and glanced back to find Theo flopping down on my sectional.
She tossed her arms over the back of the couch and spread her legs out in front of her, looking for all the world like some sort of pirate lord ready to lead their crew into battle.
“Okay. Not even water?”
Theo’s dark eyes followed me as I made my way to my wine fridge to fish out my half-empty bottle of pinot.
“Sure. Yeah. Water is fine,” she said, clearing her throat slightly.
I nodded and finished preparing our drinks before curling up next to her on the couch.
I kept a respectable distance, and after taking a sip of my wine, I placed it on the coffee table before turning to her and giving her my full attention.
She was leaning forward now, with her elbows on her knees, staring into the cup of water in her hands like it had the answers to life’s most meaningful questions. Her brow was furrowed, and I found myself reaching out to brush the tips of my fingers over the warm, smooth skin of her cheek.
I must have surprised us both, because we jumped simultaneously as my fingers made contact.
Theo turned wide, surprised eyes onto me, and for a second, I was overcome with the nearly unbearable desire to squeeze the fuck out of her cheeks.
She was so damn adorable when she looked at me like that, which isn’t a word I ever thought I would use to describe an underground street fighter.
But she was.
Tucking my hand back into my lap so I wouldn’t give in to the urge to literally pinch her cheeks like I was an Italian Nonna, I bit my lip.
“You said you wanted to talk?”
Theo nodded. She took a sip of her water before placing her glass next to mine on the coffee table and turning to face me.
“Yeah. I have some questions.”
“Okay.”
She frowned, then pinched the bridge of her nose, before letting out an exasperated puff of air.
“I don’t know how I keep ending up having these conversations with people… but it’s way harder without tequila,” she muttered. Her voice was so quiet I wasn’t even sure I was meant to hear it.
“Uhm. I have tequila if you want some.”
She dropped her hand to her lap and pinned me with a glare.
“No, I’m fine. It’s just… awkward, and I’m not good at shit like this. I had a similar conversation with Ryan a while back… but, I got him kinda drunk first.” She smirked, and I cocked my head to the side, confused.
“What conversation?”
“Alright. I’m just going to say it.”
“Thank fuck, I don’t think I can take anymore anticipation.”
Theo’s lip twitched, but then she grew serious again. She reached out to place a hand over mine, and my entire body reacted to the warm feeling of her squeezing my fingers gently.
“Cassandra… Are you queer?”
I blinked at her as the words settled between us.
“Uh…” I said eloquently.
Theo didn’t push me; she just waited patiently, watching me with an intensity that made me shift slightly in my seat.
“I… I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it.”
Theo sighed.
“Cassandra, you’re asking me to marry you.”
“Fake marry me.”
Theo rolled her eyes and shook her head.
“Whether it’s fake or not, the world will perceive it as real. The world will label you as queer. I don’t think you’ve really considered what that entails and how it could affect your life.”
I blinked again, feeling completely taken aback.
This was the last thing I’d assumed Theo would have been worried about.
I honestly hadn’t considered what the world would think about me marrying a woman, which I suppose just went to show how much I gave a fuck what other people thought about me.
But… the fact that Theo cared more about how this marriage would impact me than about how it would impact her was incredibly touching.
My chest felt tight, and I found myself softening, probably more than I ever had for anyone in my life.
“I don’t care what people think about me, Theodora,” I said quietly. My hand reached for her again, and I found myself cupping the side of her face affectionately, loving the way such a simple touch caused those dark eyes of hers to widen.
Gently, she pulled my hand away from her face and cradled it in her lap.
“You say that now, Cassandra, but there’s a reason why coming out is a big deal for most people in the community.
We might have come a long way, but there are bigots everywhere.
You could be discriminated against if you ever wanted to look for a job at a new firm.
You’re a public figure, too. You have over a hundred thousand followers on Instagram because of that Steele case, for Christ’s sake.
It’s going to be even more challenging for you than it is for the average person.
I just want to make sure you understand what you’re getting into with this, Cass. This isn’t some small thing.”
I smirked at her, preening slightly.
“How do you know how many followers I have on Instagram? You really are stalking me, aren’t you?” I teased, but for once, Theo didn’t smirk or tease me back.
“I’m serious, Cassandra. Unless you really are queer and are ready to come out to the world, I don’t think this is a good idea.”
I frowned. I was having a really hard time understanding where she was coming from with this.
It wasn’t that I didn’t think coming out for people should be a big deal. I just didn’t think it was a big deal for me.
For me, it was all very simple.
If some law firm had a problem with me because they thought I was queer, I wouldn’t want to work there anyway. Their fucking loss.
The whole ‘facing discrimination from bigots thing’… well, I was already used to that. I was a woman. I’d been discriminated against my entire life.
I was literally trying to fake marry my future sister-in-law because I was being discriminated against for being an unmarried, single woman.
I knew it wasn’t the same thing, but I wasn’t any more afraid of homophobes than I was of misogynists.