54. Cassandra Walker
When it rains, it fucking pours.
Of course, work was a shit show after almost two consecutive nights of zero sleep.
Nolan and I had been holed up in my office for hours, dealing with crisis after crisis. Three more girls had come forward against the reverend overnight, and the case was quickly spiraling out of control.
It didn’t help that my heart wasn’t really in it.
With each new amended complaint, I found myself losing more and more control over my monster.
I wasn’t the only one who was clearly not doing well with this case. Nolan looked almost green as we dug into the workings of the ‘church’ that the man we were supposed to be defending had founded.
The more we learned, the clearer it became that he was running some sort of ‘conversion camp’ disguised as a mentorship program.
It had all the markers of a cult, and with each new file came new horrors. Slowly, I began to feel sicker and sicker.
The newest alleged victim of the reverend’s mentorship program was only fourteen years old. As I read through the list of ‘tactics’ she was subjected to, my coffee churned in my stomach.
Memories of being locked in a cage in my mother’s basement were brewing to the surface, summoned by the long list of despicable accusations these women were placing against our client.
“Cassandra!”
“What!?” I snapped, jerking my head up to focus on Nolan, who was looking frustrated. One of our administrative assistants was standing next to him with her phone out.
“Trish wants to know if we want anything from the cafe. She’s doing a run.”
I glared at them and raised my cup, indicating that I was all set and the interruption was not welcome.
I didn’t miss Trish’s exaggerated eye roll or the muffled ‘cunt’ as she made her way out of the office.
Anger flashed across Nolan’s face, and it looked like he was going to say something about it, but I held up my hand to stop him.
My head was fucking pounding.
I pinched my nose and let out an exasperated sigh.
Everything was fucked.
“No, Cass, I’m going to say something. She can’t just say shit like that without any repercussions.”
I leveled him with tired eyes and sighed.
“You think I give a fuck if Trish from administration thinks I’m a cunt, Nolan? We have bigger problems. We’re going to lose this fucking case, and what’s worse is I’m honestly fine with that. This guy is a monster.”
Nolan stared at me, his mouth a firm line.
I leaned back in my chair, squeezing my eyes shut against the abrasive overhead lights. Spinning my blood red ring on my finger, I thought of Theo curled up and alone on the couch at home…
I knew she hadn’t disappeared again. She’d kept her word and texted me every hour, and I hadn’t heard from the doorman, which meant she hadn’t left… but…
I was missing something here.
She’d disappeared on me twice now.
Once after that work event, then after the whole pasta bowl fiasco.
They had to be connected somehow, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how. The settings had been completely different…
There was something I wasn’t seeing. It was this frustrating little tickle at the edge of my mind. Like… something was on the tip of my tongue, or looming just in my peripheral…
What was I missing here?
“What’s going on, Cass?” Nolan asked, his tone uncharacteristically gentle.
I opened my eyes and looked at him, taking in the concerned pinch of his brow.
“Come on. You can tell me. No matter what you think, I’m not your enemy here. We’re a team. I’ve never heard you sound like this while working a case before. Something is bothering you.”
My leg was bouncing, and I was still nervously spinning my engagement ring on my finger. Nolan’s gaze dropped to my ring, and his frown deepened.
“Is it because this man is obviously a sexist pig? Or is it more than that?”
I looked Nolan up and down, unsure if I could trust him, and he waited patiently for me to answer.
Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or the out-of-control levels of stress I’d been dealing with lately, but I found myself telling him some version of the truth.
“It’s more than that. I’m… I’m going through some shit.
Theo got hurt yesterday, and this guy is…
Even if I wasn’t going through what I’m going through with Theo right now, my brother is gay.
My mother was a religious nutcase, and I have a lot of fucked up trauma around shit like this.
Everything about this case is triggering me, and I honestly don’t know if I can do it. ”
I expected Nolan to look triumphant or to throw it back in my face, but he didn’t. Instead, he softened and nodded.
“Okay. So what do you want to do?”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
What did I want to do?
“I… I don’t know.”
His lip twitched.
“It must be a cold day in hell,” he responded dryly.
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I never thought I would see the day that Cassandra Walker didn’t know exactly what she wanted.”
I scoffed.
“Yeah. Tell that to Theo. She seems to have a very different opinion of me and my ability to know shit about myself.”
“You mean… sexually?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Any juicy details?”
I made a face. “Gross, Nolan. No. I’m not talking about my sexual exploits with you.”
He chuckled, shrugging.
“Hey, if my hot as fuck bestie has decided she’s going to be a lesbian, at least give me something to fantasize about.”
“One, we’re not besties. Two, don’t fetishize us. And three, people don’t decide to be gay, Nolan. God. You’re such a red pill douchebag.” I wrinkled my nose, and his brow pinched again.
He leaned back in his chair, looking baffled and upset.
“Okay, that was a bad joke. I seem to keep saying the wrong things.”
“Yeah. You do,” I growled, still annoyed with him.
He sighed. “I’ll try to do better… But, in the meantime, why don’t you take a few days off, Cass? Go home, be with your wife. I have things handled here. When you figure out what you want to do, I’ll follow your lead.”
“I can’t take days off, Nolan. In case you forgot, we’ve both been assigned to this case because we’re competing for partner. If Edmund and Vivian find out I’m not helping, they’ll pass me over for sure.”
“I’ll just tell them you had a bad case of diarrhea or something. No one ever thinks twice about a case of the runs.” He smirked.
“Ew, Nolan!”
He ducked to avoid getting smacked in the head by the pen I threw in his direction.
“Easy, no need to take it out on the pens, that was a Montblanc!” He gave me a mock expression of horror. However, when I made it clear I wasn’t in the joking mood, he turned serious again.
“Cass. I’ll handle it. I promise I won’t make you look bad.”
I narrowed my eyes on him, still not convinced.
He sobered further, and that concerned crease formed again on his brow.
“Look. I meant what I said in your condo, Cass. I think you’re incredible. You’re clearly not into me like that, and I’m not desperate enough to keep chasing someone who obviously has it bad for someone else. I do have some self-respect.”
I rolled my eyes, muttering a bitchy ‘could have fooled me,’ but he continued.
“That doesn’t change the fact that I respect the hell out of you and think you deserve to have your name on that wall.
“There will be other chances for me to make a partner. I’m young, hot, talented, and I have a huge dick.
The cards are stacked in my favor. We may not be besties, but I do consider you to be a friend.
Probably my only friend. Consider this me trying to make up for being a bigoted asshole and saying that out of pocket shit about your wife. ”
He looked so sincere that I found the corner of my mouth twitching, but I hid it behind my coffee cup under the guise of taking a sip.
“First of all, your dick isn’t that big. I’ve seen it. I’ll give you average at best.”
His own lip tilted up in amusement as I continued to eye him suspiciously. “And honestly, if I’m your only friend, that’s a massive red flag, Nolan. I hear I’m a huge cunt.”
He burst out laughing, and I grinned as he wiped a literal tear from his eye. Shaking his head, he made a shooing motion with one of the legal pads he’d been scribbling in.
“Go home, Cass. Leave Reverend Dickwad to me.”