82. Theo Fairview
Cal was in the garden, exactly where Ryan said I would find him. He didn’t seem upset. He was laughing with Iris, looking like a happy little shadow demon crouched in his usual all-black attire amongst a bright patch of lilies.
My hope that Ryan had been wrong and Cal was over our altercation fled my mind as his gaze fell on me.
The smile dropped right off his face, and Iris glanced up, pursing her lips as I arrived.
“I’ll go put on some tea,” she said quietly, billowing away to head inside, as if her witchy senses told her that we needed a minute alone.
She paused as she passed me, gently touching a hand to my arm.
“I am glad to see the darkness in your aura has lifted.”
“Uhm… Thanks, Mom.” She gave me a soft smile and stood on her toes to kiss my cheek.
“Your brother was waiting for his dark angel to come… but it seems you were waiting for your monster.” I cocked my head to the side, baffled by the fact that she seemed to know about the voice in Cassandra’s head, but she didn’t elaborate.
She just drifted back to the house, running her fingers over the soft petals of the lilies that lined the garden path as she went.
Once she was gone, I cleared my throat awkwardly and gave Cal a head nod.
“Hey,” I said gruffly, jamming my fists into my pockets as Cal got to his feet.
He glared at me, slipping his own hands into the pockets of another ridiculous hoodie. This one said: Certified slut for gingers.
If he weren’t so mad at me, I would have laughed.
“What do you want?” he snapped, and I flinched, not used to him being so cold to me. Cal and I had become really close. I would consider him one of my best friends, and the way I had treated him the night before wasn’t okay. I’d been a complete asshole.
“I came to apologize,” I said honestly, letting him see how sincere I was.
“For what?” he challenged me, and I sighed.
“I’m sorry for antagonizing you like that. I was trying to pick a fight with you, and I know you’ve been trying to avoid violence. That wasn’t fucking cool, man. I feel like shit about it.”
He glowered at me, his brown eyes dark with anger.
“I’m less pissed about that and more pissed that you threatened Ryan. If you ever threaten my fiancé like that again, I will fucking kill you. I don’t give a fuck if you’re his sister. Consider this your one and only warning. Do you understand?”
My eyebrows raised in surprise. A death threat from Callum Walker was never made idly. If he said he was going to kill me, I believed him.
Instead of feeling threatened and afraid, a burst of warmth erupted in my chest.
Ryan had spent his whole life being bullied and ostracized by people. For him to have someone love him so much that they would literally kill for him made me so fucking happy for him. Call me fucked up but… I thought that was beautiful. Ryan deserved to have someone love him that much.
Softening, I gave Cal a small smile and nodded.
“That’s fair. I understand. It won’t happen again.”
Cal stared at me for another long moment, then it was like someone flipped a switch, and he was grinning again.
“Cool. Glad we have that sorted.” He smirked.
Suddenly, he was in front of me and had me in a chokehold.
“What the fuck–”
He noogied the shit out of my head, and I flailed in his arms, surprised at the sudden burst of affection.
“How you feeling now, you little fucking psycho? Get it out of your system? The whole house heard you screaming Cass’s name while she made you come, you know that, right?”
“Get off me!” I complained, squirming out of his chokehold.
“Cass, Cass! Don’t stop! Please, Cass, let me come!” he mocked, letting me go. He laughed openly at my flushed cheeks.
“Nothing like some loud ass orgasms to keep all the crazy at bay.” He winked at me, and I scowled at him, though my lips were twitching.
“You’re welcome, by the way.” He grinned.
“For what?”
“For hooking you up with my sister. Say: Thank you, Callum.”
I snorted, rolling my eyes. “Thank you, Callum. You fucking nutcase.”
“Takes one to know one, apparently,” he snarked, shooting me an amused wink.
“Yeah, well… It’s complicated,” I grumbled, and he cocked his head to the side, frowning.
“What is?”
“Everything. I… uhm. I clearly have some fucking issues, man. Last night was a perfect example. I’m…
confused. I’ve been trying to kind of… self-destruct my whole life, and I’m tired of it…
I don’t… I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to even fight anymore,” I admitted.
“At least not until I work through some of this shit and get myself back on track.”
Remembering how I’d argued with Jerry when he’d told me I was suicidal…
I now felt like maybe he’d been right. I knew if I pushed Cal hard enough, he would eventually snap, and he might actually kill me.
Cal had worse triggers than I did. The fact that I’d been trying to use his own issues with mental health against him to get him to end my life was… so many levels of fucked up.
If I thought I’d hit rock bottom before… I’d been wrong. This was rock bottom.
My whole life suddenly felt like one giant lie. Did I even actually like fighting? Or did I just do it because I needed the pain?
Did I only do it because I was hoping that if I did it long enough… it would eventually kill me?
I shuddered and shook my head, unsure what I was supposed to do with all these dark thoughts.
Maybe I had been suicidal before… but I didn’t think I was anymore. Not now that I had something to live for. Cass made me feel like maybe, if I worked hard on myself, I could eventually heal from what had happened to me. She’d healed from what her mother had done to her…
For the first time, a future didn’t just feel possible… It felt like something I might actually want. But… that meant the ring I’d spent so much of my life fighting in might not make sense for me anymore, and I didn’t really know what to do without it.
Cal was watching me, looking thoughtful.
“You know, before I met Ryan, I thought violence was the only thing I was good for. Your brother helped show me that there’s more to life than blood and pain,” he said, his tone soft.
“I still need to hurt people sometimes, but Ryan is the person I go to now when I need to let my demon out. He… He helps me keep the bad thoughts under control. Maybe… Maybe Cass can be that person for you? Maybe you don’t need that ring anymore.
Maybe you just need someone you can count on to fight alongside you when the monsters come knocking. ”
My flesh rolled with chills, and I unconsciously rubbed my thumb over the silver Q-Tip that was now a permanent fixture around my neck.
I swallowed.
“Yeah. Maybe… It’s just…”
“It’s just what?”
“I have that big fight tonight. The payout is enormous, and it’s been so hyped up…
I’ll feel like a jackass if I back out now.
Plus, I don’t want the Russian to think it’s because I’m afraid of fighting her…
I don’t know. It’s stupid. Like a pride thing or something.
” I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, and Cal nodded, looking pensive.
“So, what if we make this your last big fight? You can kick some serious Russian butt, get your final yaya’s out, then focus on figuring out what you want to do with the rest of your life. That way, you can get closure, end your career on a high note, and start the next chapter of your life.”
He made it all sound so simple…
The more I thought about it, the more the idea appealed to me.
“You know… you’re smarter than anyone gives you credit for, rock star.” I smirked at my brother-in-law, and he gasped in mock offense.
“I’ll have you know that Cass might have the looks, but I’m definitely the brains in this operation.”
“Tell that to her Harvard degree.” I laughed, shaking my head, and Cal’s eyes twinkled in amusement.
“So, are you heading to training or what? Need a sparring partner?”
I brightened at this.
Cal was an absolute weapon. Sparing with him was easily the best way I could train to fight someone as lethal as the Russian.
“Yeah, I’m headed there now. If you want to come, be my guest.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Muscles.” He grinned, shoving me playfully in the shoulder.
“Should we take the hearse?” he asked, and I chuckled and nodded.
“Sure, I know how much you love the hearse.”
He rubbed his hands together gleefully.
“Fuckin’ right. To the spooky mobile we go!” he chirped, and I laughed again, following him to the garage, feeling lighter than I had in years.