Chapter Eighteen
Renegade
“These are for you,” I hand Whitney the flowers I brought over. I figured if we’re going to do the dating thing, I might as well pull out all the stops. Even if I did get her flowers last night. Every woman deserves to be wooed, and I will totally woo the fuck outta her.
She smiles as she dips her head down to inhale the scent permeating the plastic they’re in. “You always get me the best smelling flowers.”
“I wanted to be sure you remember this occasion. It’s our first date,” I remind her, following her into her house.
After being relegated to indoor dinners, I can’t believe I finally got her to agree to appear in public with me.
I’m happier about it than I probably should be, because it still doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things.
She’s still unsure of me, and I know that, but I’ll prove to her I’m the real deal.
“I’m excited about our date,” she says as she adds the flowers to the same vase with the ones from last night, before grabbing her purse and walking out of the house.
“I am too, but I do have to say, I never took you for a bingo player.”
When she told me she wanted to play bingo, I thought maybe she was pulling my leg, but after talking with Tank, I found out Whitney’s kind of a bingo aficionado.
It was hard, talking to him about her without giving anything away, but I asked in passing acting like I was taking another girl out on a date, wondering if Whitney liked it.
Imagine my surprise, when Tank told me everything I wanted to know.
“Oh no, I love bingo; especially since they outlawed cigarettes. Now my hair doesn’t smell like smoke when I go home.”
We get into the truck and I notice for the first time, she’s carrying a small bag along with her purse. “Whatcha got there?”
Her face turns a pretty pink, and I wonder what I’ve hit on.
She smirks, a twinkle coming to her eyes that I’ve never seen before. There’s an air of mystery there, and a little bit of sin if I’m being honest.
Her blue eyes cut over to me, I can see them in the dim light of the evening sky when I risk a glance at her.
She unbuckles her seat belt, scooting over to sit next to me on the bench seat, before she clasps the lap belt.
Whitney leans in closer, and my pulse quickens when I feel her breath, hot at my ear.
“Lingerie. I’m gonna proposition you in the ladies room between the second and fifth game, you won’t see it coming.
Nobody goes to the restroom during the game because they don’t want to miss out on any money.
We’ll be completely by ourselves, and given the noise of that bingo hall, we can probably scream as loud as we want,” she drops a soft kiss on my neck as she pulls back.
I’m clutching the wheel so tightly my knuckles are white, and as we come to a stop at a red light, I shift it in park before I lift up in my seat, adjusting my jeans. “Goddamn woman,” I’m speechless, I don’t even know what to say.
At a loss, I clear my throat. “What in the hell do you really have in that bag?”
She giggles, before she pulls it across the seat, putting it in her lap. Winking as she puts her hand into the opening, she pulls out a zip up hoodie.
“In case I get cold, and these,” she shows me five dabbers, all different colors. “They’re lucky and they help me keep my games straight,” she explains.
“You’re killin’ me, smalls,” I joke. I roll the window down, wishing it was winter weather, but enjoying the cool breeze as much as I can, hoping like hell it cools my libido before we get there.
We’re quiet as we drive along the streets of a town that could be confused with Mayberry, but on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights it looks like NASCAR’S come to town with the amount of cars and trucks parked along the sides of the roads.
Judging by how far back I’m going to have to leave my truck, we probably should have left for this particular bingo hall around noon.
“Will they still have a place for us to sit?” I tease her as I sling my arm over her shoulders, checking the road before we cross and making sure I walk next to the traffic.
“Yes,” she laughs. “It’s just popular. You’ll see, once we get inside, it’s huge. I mean we could probably fit a football field in there if we truly wanted to.”
“I had no idea this many people loved bingo,” I whistle through my teeth, gazing at the couples, ages ranging from teenagers to about ninety, make their way towards the front doors.
“Me neither until I started going,” she admits.
Tugging on the ends of her hair, I make her look up at me as I look down at her. She rests her head on my shoulder as we continue walking slowly. “Why did you start going?”
“Loneliness mostly,” smiling in the sad way she does sometimes. “After the divorce, I needed to be around people, and bless his heart, I couldn’t take hanging out with Tank anymore. So I lied and told him I joined a singles group.”
I chuckle loudly. “Instead you started playing bingo?”
She laughs so hard she has to stop for a second. “Yeah, but what can I say? I got good at it and ended up making enough money to help finance part of my business.”
“And you go to church on Sunday with that sinning heart,” I tease her again.
Whitney moves in front of me, turning to face me. Leaning in, she goes up on the tips of her toes to kiss me softly. “Sinning here is nothing like what I’ve done with you. The world needs more sinners like us.”
I shove my fingers into her hair, cupping the nape of her neck with my fingers. “Sinning with you is my favorite thing to do.”
Her eyes close and she leans her forehead against my nose, because that’s as far as she gets, even on tiptoe. “Mine, too.”
My dumbass heart swells, and I bite back all the romantic words I want to tell her, because I know she still isn’t ready. I disentangle my hands from her hair, running them down her back, until I let them rest on her ass. “C’mon,” I give her a tap. “Show me what all the fuss is about.”
“Get ready, Ryan,” she says over her shoulder as she drags me towards the door. “You ain’t never seen anything like this before in your life.”
Whitney
I wonder if I looked the same way Ryan does right now when I walked through the doors of this place for the first time.
It’s overwhelming to say the least, all the noise and people.
And did I mention the noise? Tables are as far as the eye can see in the main room, and then in other rooms there are different games of bingo going on.
He leans down so I can hear him. “Holy fucking shit, Whitney. This is bananas.”
“I know,” I laugh. “I love it! Let’s go get our game cards.”
As we stand in line, Ryan lightly touches me, his arm over my shoulder holding my back to his front.
It feels good, knowing he’s here with me, letting him touch me this way.
This is what I’ve missed more than anything.
Having someone who stands behind me and supports me.
With this guy, I know I never have to worry if he’s going to support me.
He’s made me believe it with everything he’s done.
It’s hard for me to put those words out into the open, but I know one day I will.
One day I’m going to tell him how I feel, but until then I’ll show him.
My hand grasps his where it rests against my chest. When he mindlessly begins rubbing my fingers, I nuzzle my chin towards our clasped hands. If I’m not careful, this man could be big trouble for me.
“How many do you want Whitney?”
The cashier recognizes me and I’m trying not to show my embarrassment. He already knows I come here a lot. “Let’s get four,” I tell him. “Two for me, and two for my friend.”
I’m reaching into my purse to grab my wallet, when Ryan’s hands stop me. “Don’t even think about it, Princess.” It’s weird, even in my marriage, I paid for things. Not that we didn’t have a joint checking account, but it was always up to me to take my card out and pay for things.
I like Ryan taking care of me, love the fact he treats me like someone special. I’m not just a good time to him, and I think above everything I’m truly learning that, if nothing else.
We grab our game boards and thread through the crowd, waving at people we know along the way, trying to find a place to sit.
One thing about this man of mine – and I do admit he’s mine, at least for right now – he doesn’t let go of my hand in a crowd.
He brings me along as he looks for some empty seats.
“Over there,” I point to him, gesturing towards the back of the bingo hall.
It takes us another ten minutes to get over there, but once we do, the loudness of the place has been cut in half.
Over here, out of the way, it isn’t nearly as bad as in the thick of everything.
“We’ll have to wait for the new game,” I explain as we get our stuff set up.
Glancing over at him, I notice he doesn’t have his own dabber.
“Do you want to use my blue one?” I hold it out to him, almost as if I’m offering him a sacred piece of a puzzle.
“You sure?” he quirks an eyebrow at me. “These are lucky and all, what if some of the luck rubs off on me?”
Turning my head to him, I smile. “Maybe you need some luck, Ren-e-gade,” I tease him the way I did when we met at the bar.
“Please pew pew for me,” he ruins it and makes me stick my tongue out at him.
“I’m never going to live that down.”
“No,” he agrees. “Not in a million fucking years. That’s okay though, it was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen someone do.”
We’re quiet for a few minutes as we watch the comings and goings, ebbing and flow, of the crowd. “You want something to munch on while we play?” he asks, motioning towards the concession stand.
“Nachos and whatever drink they have that’s lemon lime would be amazing.”
As I watch him walk away, I realize other women watch him too, and I want to scream out he’s mine.
I have a claim on him, and for one of the first times since this all started, I truly realize I want the claim.
I want him to tell people about me, I want to tell others about him.
And with great clarity, I realize I’m also the one that’s been holding us back.
It’s hard, but as I sit there in the crowd of people, I vow I’m not going to hold us back anymore.
Whatever happens is going to happen, and if it’s good, I have to be open to it.
If it’s bad, I’ll live through it the same way I’ve lived through all the other shit in my life.
But it’s very clear that if I do nothing, I’m going to lose out on something amazing.
And I refuse to lose out on a chance at happiness. I’ve gone through enough loneliness and sadness in my life. Happy is where I want to be, and if this man walking back towards me now with a goofy smile on my face is my happy – I’m going to hold on with both hands and never let go.