CHAPTER 22 #3
Relief, as he sighed into my mouth, whispering my name like it belonged to a deity he was about to pledge fealty to.
I wanted nothing more than to continue kissing him. To let my hands skate over his shoulders, for the clothes he wore to disappear, but I couldn’t switch my brain off. The thoughts I had been trying not to let consume me over the past few days re-emerged with ferocity.
I pulled away slightly, “Lana? Moric?”
Kilian’s hands stroked my arms. “Safe. Keila, Nox and Mattieu did not make it, though.”
There was relief amidst the ache for the other candidates. “What happened to them?”
“Rayna convinced Lana not to enter Cosanus. Moric and Keila did enter but didn’t make it very far before stepping into sinking sand. Keila was too far in. Moric wasn’t able to pull her out.”
“Gods.” My eyes shuttered as I imagined how traumatic it must have been for the both of them.
“As for Nox and Mattieu, neither returned. I searched the border for days, they weren’t anywhere.”
Which had to mean they had either fallen prey to the geysers, or they hadn’t made it back to the boundary within the hour and the land had drained them of all magic and lifeforce.
“We have elven still searching the border,” Kilian said. “But when Calendula found me, I left them there to fetch you. Although, unless they also fell into another scry, there’s no likelihood of survival.”
An anvil weighed me down and I nodded.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked softly. “The Trial?”
The memories flashed through my mind. An eerily still cavern, thirteen desiccated fae, sweat rolling down my neck, the heat of a dagger being siphoned of magic, a sprite’s head being torn from her neck.
How foolish you have allowed yourself to become.
I glanced down. “It was terrifying. I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared before. The fae… one of them woke. He spoke to me. Like he knew me.”
He nodded. “Caleb and Calendula briefed me.”
“And the land, I felt it split me open. Did it…? It can’t have taken all the magic from me; I still feel the link.”
“No, you crossed over in time. There’s still trace elements of magic left in you.”
“I just don’t understand any of it.” I dropped my gaze to the daggers gleaming side by side. “Why is it that a weapon worn around the neck of a fae is a twin to the dagger my mother gifted me?”
“It’s not a twin, technically. It’s part of a larger set. Thirteen, to be exact. You brought this one with you from Serila.”
“Yeah. My mother gave it to me right before you took me. There were seven others just like it in the kitchen.”
“I know. I went back and found them when I noticed yours, the day after we took you.”
“You went back… to the governor’s house?”
“Yes. I needed to make sure the one I’m searching for wasn’t part of that lot.”
“Okay, but what’s the connection? Why would a weapon – a very important one, I gather – be in a kitchen of the governor’s household?”
“Some of the set were stolen by the fae a long time ago. I can only assume the possession changed hands a few times after, got lost through the passage of time. Some ended up in Serila, one on Cosanus, who knows where the remainder are.” He shrugged.
“The Serilan governor always had his hand in the black market. Probably didn’t even know what he was buying. ”
I leaned back, exhaling in the direction of the blades. I eyed Kilian. “Still not going to tell me what makes them so special?”
A troubled look flashed over his face, his eyes darkening as he stared at an empty spot above my shoulder.
I cupped the side of his face. “Hey. Where’d you go?”
He shook his head, the storm clouds parting as if they had never been there. “You should get some rest. We can talk more in the morning.”
I sighed, shaking off the sorrow and stress, the endless questions and confusing answers that gave me a headache the more I thought about them. Resting sounded good. The Trials, the puzzlement and pain surrounding it, would still be here for contemplation tomorrow.
My gaze slid to the bed. “There’s only one bed. Where will you sleep?”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re concerned about propriety now?”
I huffed a short laugh, extricating myself from him. “I suppose not.”
“Here.” He strode to the cabinet, drawing out a white button-down. “It’s all I have on hand. Although, I wouldn’t be opposed to you sleeping in nothing at all, if you’d prefer.”
I snorted, yanking the shirt over my head and letting the towel drop. “Bet you’d love that.”
“I really would.” He moved the food tray and held the covers open. “But it won’t happen. You’ve got a thing for making me suffer.”
I cast a smile at him as I got into the bed, watching as he kicked off his boots and unbuckled his bandolier. His breastplate went next, falling to the ground, and then his shirt. I hadn’t seen him shirtless since the day I trashed his room. That felt so long ago.
He was all golden skin and battle scars.
I wanted to kiss each one. Longed to know the stories behind them.
More than anything, I wanted him to open up.
To tell me the whole truth, leaving no gory, messy, shameful part behind.
He was always asking me to trust him, but he needed to trust me too.
Enough to let me know him. I wanted to tell him it was okay to show me whatever darkness lived inside of him.
That there could be no light, no stars, without it.
But then he was pulling off his pants and slipping into the bed beside me and the moment passed. He drew an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I breathed him in, reveled in his warmth, the acres of skin I couldn’t help running my hands over.
He pressed a kiss to the crown of my head and my eyes shuttered.
“I’m never letting you go,” he murmured tenderly. Repeatedly. As if he was speaking to himself, making a promise only he could keep.
It was right then – wrapped in his arms, his whispered words gently lulling me to sleep – that the realization hit me. Like the sharp rays of the sun, half-hidden behind a cloud which had suddenly parted, clarity dawned.
I had fallen in love with Kilian Valhan, and there wasn’t a godsdamned thing anyone could do about it.