CHAPTER 25 #3
Kilian said slowly, “It’s why you were able to process the current.”
I shook my head. It didn’t make sense. None of it did. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“Lirah…”
“I’m mortal!”
“You were mortal. Because that is the body you chose to occupy. Your soul has spent so long stuck between the spiritual and physical realms that you have forgotten who you are. You are not mortal, and you are not elven. You may occupy an elven body, but make no mistake, you are no more elven than I am. The Rite has transformed you into your true form.”
“I’m not Aerie,” I said. “You’re delusional. I don’t believe any of this!”
Kilian gave an exasperated sigh. “The fae in Cosanus… he didn’t speak to you in Grilish.
Calendula told me. That’s why Caleb didn’t understand it.
It was the old language of the gods – a language you understand because it is ingrained into the very fiber of your being.
Your power manifests as darkness, an unusual manifestation of mine, which usually presents as lightning.
Darkness was always Aerie’s specialty. It’s why you’re drawn to my energy.
I’ve had my theories about you since that day in the park; I just didn’t dare to hope it might be true. ”
“If you had these theories, why didn’t you want me to participate in the Rite?” I retorted.
“I didn’t want to risk you if my theories weren’t correct. Loving you has clouded my judgment somewhat.”
I clutched at the sides of my head as the images stirred again. No, not images, I realized. Memories. Faces I no longer recognized, a crumbling house, a forgotten land. A male whose face was so twisted and cruel that I shuddered at the fleeting image.
“What if I had died during the earlier Trials? Before you ‘loved me’?” I flung my words at him, hoping they would cut. There were so many times I had come close to death. It seemed like an awfully risky gamble to take on finding someone so important.
Kilian shook his head. “Aerie would know how to survive.”
“Right. Of course. I suppose this is why you seduced me, then?” I spat. “On the off-chance I might be this missing goddess you’re looking for? All to break your curse?”
Kilian winced. “Of course not. I had my theories, and still, I told you not to participate in the Rite, with all that is at stake, despite this being centuries in the making. There was a chance you were Aerie and would pass the Rite, but I did not want to take it. Because if you weren’t – if I was wrong – I would lose you.
And I cannot lose you. I love you. You know that. ”
“I don’t know anything about you!” Bitterness colored my words, anger licking at my flesh.
Hurt flashed through Kilian’s eyes, but it vanished in a second. “I have never lied to you about my feelings, Lirah. But you don’t have to be in love with me to break the curse. If you won’t do it for me, do it for everyone Primus will decimate if he ever finds his dagger.”
“How can you even be so sure I am Aerie? What if it’s Lana?” It made more sense for it to be Lana, who was so brave and strong-willed. I was just Lirahna Aldhur, scullery cook in the governor’s house. I couldn’t be a missing goddess. The thought was preposterous.
“I can feel your energy. It’s a distinct impression that belongs only to you,” Kilian said softly. “I scented it on you after the Rite. It’s similar to what I feel from Septimus and Syrina.”
My eyes snapped to his and he nodded. “Primus cursed them too, when they aided me in the rebellion against him and Kadax.”
My brain was going to explode. “Septimus and Syrina… are both gods?”
“Like me. Cursed with only a kernel of power,” Kilian confirmed.
“Septimus controls luck and favor. Syrina, the arts. We’re still gods, but just…
weakened, unable to break each other’s curses.
We’re shadows of who we once were in this form and bound to most of its limitations – like the inability to cross rock salt.
Even if I had Primus’ dagger, I’m far too weakened as is to even get close enough to him to use it. ”
I sank to the ground, my thoughts a jumbled mess. Nothing made sense. Not the foreign memories roiling through my mind, nor the idea that Kilian was the God of Death. Even more ludicrous was the fallacy that I was the Goddess of War.
“I know it’s a lot to take in,” Kilian said, and I let out a harsh scoff.
“But the future of everyone really is at stake. If I am not released from this curse in time to stop Primus, if we do not find his dagger before he does, he will exterminate the entire mortal race to make way for Winipyr to create a more malleable species. And when he’s done with that, there’s no telling what he’ll do. I’d rather we didn’t find out.”
His eyes searched my face, like he was hoping for some sort of understanding.
I gave him nothing.
“Take some time to let it soak in. And when you’re ready, come find me.”
I stiffened as he walked past me to the door.
His hand curled around the frame, and he paused, looking back at me.
“I may have omitted the truth, Lirah, but I didn’t lie to you.
What I feel for you has nothing to do with the curse or the gods.
I love you for who you are. And I really hope you make the right decision. ”
And then he was gone, leaving me alone in the bedroom with only my reeling thoughts and a sour taste in my mouth.