CHAPTER 26
I closed the blackout curtains the minute Kilian left and crawled into the bed, hoping blissful sleep would take me.
But my mind was restless and kept turning over every piece of information he had lobbied my way.
Even worse, disjointed memories kept flooding through my brain with no context attached.
I saw the harsh, thin-lipped smile of a male who looked elven, but instinctively I knew was not.
A beautiful, dark-skinned female with thick hair and rose-tinted lips stood in a room filled with books.
She handed me something, but when I tried to look at the object it vanished in a swirl of color.
A crumbling house came next, on a burning island, the shingles on its roof faded blue and charred.
A burnished helmet fell to my feet, rippling sand in its wake.
Sizzling hot pain seared my leg as a hand inched up my thigh, and when I looked to my left there were only depthless teal eyes.
I shoved the covers off me. They smelled too much like Kilian.
Like Azrael. I was going insane in this bedroom, with nothing but questions burning inside of me.
I rose from the bed and began pacing, replaying my entire conversation with Kilian over and over again, turning each word and sentence in my head.
A knock issued through the room, and I paused mid-step.
Lana was outside, with a bottle of what looked like wine, two glasses and a cheese board held in her hands.
“I thought we could drink and commiserate the fact that you’re supposedly a goddess?” she said.
I snorted. Only Lana could make the ridiculous news seem casual. I held the door wide. “Come on in.”
She trooped inside, setting the cheese board on the middle of the bed, before plopping onto the covers. I nestled on the opposite side of the board and stuffed a pillow behind my head.
Lana reached for a glass, unscrewed the cap off the wine and poured a generous serving into each cup. She handed me one before clinking her own against mine.
I took a sip of the wine. It was fizzy and tasted slightly of apple. “Septimus told you everything, then?”
She popped a piece of cheese in her mouth. “Oh, yeah. We had a really long talk about all of it. In fact, he thinks I’m related to Augustine.”
My brows rose, and I looked at her with renewed perspective. She did resemble Augustine quite a bit, especially in elven form. With her pale hair and light blue eyes, she could have been his twin. I didn’t know how I hadn’t seen it before.
“How crazy?” she continued. “But not as crazy as finding out that Septimus is a literal god. I mean, I always thought he looked like a god, but more in a he’s so hot, I want to fuck him kind of way.”
I pinched her and she batted my arm away, saying, “I did not see the Azrael-slash-Aerie curveball coming my way, though.”
“How do you think I feel? I’m completely baffled by the entire thing. Part of me doesn’t even believe it,” I said.
“But then that means… part of you does believe it?” she prodded.
I hesitated for a second. “Ever since the transformation, I keep seeing these things. Images of faces and places. They feel so vivid and real. Almost like…”
“Memories?”
I took another sip of my wine, nodding. “It sounds so farfetched. I grew up in Serila. We prayed to the gods. And now, I’m being told I’m one of them. Some missing goddess. And that I’ve fallen in love with a death god!”
Lana gasped. “You love him?”
I realized how woefully behind she was on my love life. “That’s a story for another time.”
“Right,” she agreed. “More pressing issues at hand.”
“I just don’t understand why all this is happening.
If these… memories are real, and what Kilian told me is true, then why did Aerie – why did I – choose death over betrothal to a god?
Why did I wander Tarlor for so long that I forgot who I was?
Why did I choose a mortal body to occupy and not an elven one?
It all makes me wonder whether there was a purpose behind forgetting.
Perhaps, life as a mortal was more appealing than being a god?
Or maybe I wanted to run so far from that life that I could never be found.
” The words tumbled out as the thoughts formed, jumbled and messy. Nothing made sense.
“Except you have been found.”
“Yeah. And if that was a life I didn’t want, then what do I do now?”
Lana sighed deeply. “Nothing you don’t want to do.
No one knows about this except for Kilian and Septimus.
And Syrina, probably. You’re free to leave Lortan now.
If you want to go back home, you should be able to do that.
If you are this goddess that they say you are, then nobody will be able to make you do anything you don’t want to. ”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “But if I don’t do what Kilian wants… if I don’t release him from his curse, then the entire mortal race is at risk of being destroyed. Primus will eliminate everyone if he’s not stopped.”
Lana placed a hand on top of mine. “This is your choice, Lirah. And no one can tell you what to decide.”
I clenched the stem of the glass in my hand, frustration tensing my muscles as I remembered telling Kilian, moments before the Rite had begun, that not even Azrael could keep me from him. He had smiled in response. “I just feel so angry at the lies.”
“But can you blame him?” Lana asked softly. “Maybe he didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on you during the Trials. Or maybe he wasn’t even fully sure who you were. It would have raised too many questions if it hadn’t worked out how it had.”
Her words made sense, but that didn’t make them chafe any less.
I leaned my head against the pillows, considering everything. “I know what I have to do, but there’s something I need first.”
I found Kilian in the sparring room, taking out his anger on a punching bag.
Every inch of his exposed torso was taut, sweat dripping between the curves of his abdomen as it flexed with each powerful jab at the bag.
He hadn’t used gloves or tape. With my newfound crystal-clear vision, I could see his knuckles had split.
Blood pooled between his fingers and speckled the floor below.
He held the bag still as I approached, eyes wary.
I stopped a few feet away from him and folded my arms across my chest. “I need proof.”
His eyes narrowed. “Proof of what?”
“Of whatever you’ve claimed to be. Of what you think I am.”
Kilian rolled his eyes. He rolled his fucking eyes, and I nearly punched him.
“I already told you, Lirah, I’ve been cursed.
I only have a literal drop of my power. I cannot decimate entire cities as evidence right now.
As for you, the blood of the Goddess of War courses through your veins.
Go incite a rebellion if you need proof. ”
My jaw dropped. “Wow. Where did all that sass just come from?”
“I’ve been learning from the best.” He tipped his head toward me. “But seriously, I can’t give you the proof you’re looking for. If you believe it, you’ll feel it.”
“That’s a load of crap,” I hissed. “And you’re a lying asshole.”
Kilian strode purposefully toward me. I swallowed nervously but stood my ground. He stopped mere inches away. “Close your eyes.”
“What? Why?”
“Just do it.”
I could practically feel the annoyance radiating from him.
“So fucking bossy,” I muttered, but I closed my eyes.
He ran a hand across my bare arm, along my collarbone. My body hadn’t seemed to get the message that I was pissed at him, because it leaned into his touch.
“What do you feel?” he asked, his fingers still trailing delicately across my skin.
“You,” I answered truthfully.
“And do I feel any different to you?”
I licked my lips. “No.”
“Do I smell different to you?”
I inhaled deeply. Sweat, blood, leather, peppermint, him. All of it heightened now, but still very much familiar. “No.”
I felt the air stir softly around me, and then his mouth was on mine, his hands gripping my waist gently. My lips parted as his tongue licked at the seam, desire flooding through me.
“Do I taste any different?” His voice was husky and raw.
“No.” I pressed my lips back against his.
His fingers gripped my hip bone, digging into my flesh. One hand lightly traced the seam of my leathers, his mouth absorbing my moan, before tearing away to whisper, “Do I make you feel any different?”
He was doing something with his hands that made speaking very difficult. And all I wanted was for him to unzip my pants and take me right on the floor of the sparring room.
But his tongue was on my throat now and the sensation was overwhelming. “Answer me, Lirah.”
“No.” The word tore from my chest.
“I am not claiming to be anything other than what I have always been. I am Kilian. And I am Azrael. I am the same person you have fallen in love with. Can’t you see that?”
He set each and every one of my nerves alight. When he bit down on my earlobe, I whimpered softly. At this point, with the way he was teasing me, I was not above begging for more.
“I fucking love you,” Kilian said in my ear. “Does knowing everything make you love me any less?”
I finally opened my eyes and stared at him. His eyes were a silver beacon in a sea of chaos. And I knew then, I would never be able to stop loving him. “No.”
A sense of calm washed over me and the thing prowling beneath my skin yawned awake. Darkness unfurled inside my chest, and whispered, Hello, wicked lovely. Have you finally come to wield me?
I tensed but did not pull away from it. For so long, I’d thought the darkness was a manifestation of Kilian’s power.
A piece of him bestowed upon me through the link, but the link was gone, and it was still there.
It still called out to me exactly as it had as a mortal.
I wasn’t hearing voices. I was hearing the magic.
And the only reason was the simplest one. It had always been mine.
The shadows rippled through me, soft and familiar. Welcome back, Aerie.
I shivered, and Kilian ran warm hands up and down my arms. I blinked, my tether to the darkness disconnecting.
“What’s wrong?” Kilian’s brows were knitted in concern.
“Nothing.” I rose on my toes to kiss his clavicle before stepping back, the decision finally settling in my core. “Tell me what I have to do to break your curse.”