20. Chapter 20
Adjusting to my med change meant I wasn’t up for much.
Summoner let me laze about. He woke up early every morning while I slept in.
When he wasn’t being a secret squirrel, tucking away his notebook at the sight of me, I curled myself around him.
I craved his touch. His closeness. The weight of him.
I was a little Summoner vampire creeping through his penthouse.
Thankfully, he welcomed my clinginess with a tempered smirk and a warm embrace.
We filled our nonsexual time with delicious meals prepared by Moore and pleasant conversation.
Summoner never shied away from spirited discussion.
We debated the validity of the true crime genre in the era of “all cops are bastards.” His strength lay in his ability to listen.
His ears were always open. With him, I had the time and space to surrender to my brain fog.
I zoned out and mulled over my mess of a life often, but Summoner was unbothered by it.
He understood. I was safe and cared for.
Ugh…
Sunday evening, I was in the middle of such a fog, half-watching The Princess Bride, when Moore walked into the living room.
“Boss?”
Summoner, who sat on the other end of the couch doing the New York Times crossword, glanced up from the paper.
“You’ve got a visitor coming up.”
His brows drew together. “A visitor?”
“Yeah…Uh, Miss Kay is on her way up.”
My stomach dropped. I was not in the headspace to be a punching bag for his family. Summoner’s nostrils flared.
“Pour her a glass of red in the kitchen.”
Moore nodded before hurrying off to greet her. Summoner took off his glasses and hung them from his collar. He ran a hand down his face before turning his attention to me.
“…Just going to see what she wants. Shouldn’t be too long.”
I nodded. There were a million questions I wanted to ask, but they sizzled painfully on my tongue. Summoner walked over and pressed a firm kiss to my forehead. I exhaled as his lips left my skin. Our eyes met. Serenity swirled in his green depths.
The hollowed clack of Kay’s heels echoed down the hall, and our bubble burst. Summoner shuffled to the kitchen, leaving me on my own. I pulled my legs closed and curled myself up into a Poppy ball. Not even the striking beauty of Westley was a proper distraction.
Why was I so pressed about a woman he had been divorced from for decades?
Maybe because the idea of romance pulled at my heart.
Maybe because the venom she and her son attacked me with cut me to my core.
With one glance, they had labeled and cast me aside.
I was nothing to these people, and their opinion had weight with Summoner.
Could she take him back?
The idea made me sick. I squeezed my eyes closed. In search of a distraction, I pulled out my phone. I had an unread text from dad.
Dad: How are you doing baby girl?
I let out a silent sigh. We had been distant since the chair incident. We often pushed and pulled each other away. Not the best father-daughter dynamic. Dad was stuck in his ways, in his pain, and he wasn’t open to change. My whole life I walked on eggshells trying to navigate our relationship.
Poppy: Im ok U?
Dad: Good. I’m alright. Are you coming down next weekend? Fetus has new stock and we can do up pot pies
My heart clenched. This was his form of an olive branch.
Pot pie was our thing. It was cheap, quick, and easy.
All very important things to a single parent.
Whenever he had to work late, which was often, dad would pick me up from the sitter and we’d eat pot pie in our pajamas.
Something about it screamed comfort to me.
Dad and I would always have a connection; I just wished it went both ways.
Simple. Why can’t things be simple?
Poppy: Id really like that
Dad: Awesome! I’ve got a new band I want you to check out.
Poppy: Cool! R they any good?
Dad: I’m really into it techno hip hop. Cant stop listening. I’ll shoot you an email.
Dad: Love you baby girl!
Poppy: <3
I set aside my phone and kicked the couch cushions.
Why is she here? What are they talking about?
Stupid curiosity. So stupid. Like the idiot I was and needed to just embrace, I crept down the hall and into the formal dining room.
I pressed myself against the wall beside the doorway to the kitchen.
It was the perfect spot for overhearing their conversation.
Kay seemed unable to keep quiet, so my ears didn’t have to strain.
She sighed. “Well, do you think you’ll make time to head out there this year?”
“I don’t know.”
“You never know. It’s been years. Don’t you want to check out the farm? Once you get there, you always love it.”
“That is true.”
Out where? What farm?
“I, Um. I was thinking maybe we could go together. Spend some time reconnecting. Invite the kids.” Although still loud, Kay’s voice softened with pleading.
“Kay.”
“What?! It’s been ages since we’ve done anything, you and I. Besides, since I literally walked in on you fucking some whore—”
“Watch your mouth, Kay.”
She scoffed. “You cannot be serious right now.”
“I am. Her name is Poppy. She’s my girlfriend and I can’t have you disrespecting her.”
“Girlfriend?! How old are you?”
“Kay.”
“How much money has she gotten out of you? Are you paying her rent? Buying her red bottoms?”
She screeched out red bottoms like Louboutions anywhere near me was sacrilege. My fists balled at my sides.
“I don’t think Poppy is a Louboutin type of girl.”
“You’ll have to excuse me. I’m trying not to laugh. You don’t enter a relationship with someone like that, Summ.”
“Why not?”
Yeah! Why not?!
Kay laughed. “I never would have thought you so na?ve. She’s using you.
A girl that young should be with someone her own age, and the fact that she’s not raises a red flag.
It’s shocking she hasn’t leaked everything to TMZ or whoever.
Wake up. We’re family, and we’re trying to keep you safe.
I don’t want you getting hurt. I care about you.
Your family cares about you. That girl doesn’t. ”
The venom in which Kay spit her facts about me was enough to burn the flesh off my skin. But the overwhelming sound of Summoner’s silence rang loudly. I swallowed.
Where was my knight in polished armor?
Why isn’t he defending me?
My shoulders slumped against the wall as an overwhelming realization washed over me. Summoner’s lack of defense hurt so much because I’d fallen in love with him.
I love him.
This was different from being a fan. This was a weight that spread through my bones, reminding me of its presence with every movement.
Love was a brightness that burned my eyes with its honesty.
Summoner saw me, from those first moments in the coffee shop.
His green eyes exploded my world. He upset and disrupted my normal.
He pushed me from my comfort zones, all while providing me enough slack to retreat to safety.
I love him.
A part of me always had. He had always pulled me to him, and he had no idea.
Memorizing all his lyrics. Doodling pictures of him in the margins of my notebooks.
Collecting bootleg records of his concerts.
Off-pitch singing to his songs on road trips.
Crying my eyes out after a breakup and listening to his albums on repeat.
Summoner was woven so seamlessly into my life.
He was always there. An overarching presence. My chest ached.
I love him.
Love was a warmth that coursed through my veins. Terrifying in its unexpectedness. Jolting when one least expected it. My mouth dried. Love snatched my soul and left me hollow. I was empty and full at the same time.
I realized I couldn’t tell him. Uttering those words would only lead to pain.
Summoner could never love me. We were too different, worlds apart—years, decades apart.
Ships in the night. Kay was right, and deep down, Summoner had to know it, too.
That’s why he hesitated to defend me. His family kept him functioning and alive all these years.
And I barged in, this loud and disrupting wild card.
But love was irrational. It consumed every single part of me. I had no choice. I would continue loving him just like I’d always done, and he’d never know.
I love him.
We had the present.
We had these moments together.
And it had to be enough.
I love him.
“Sweetheart?”
I looked up to a bewildered Summoner standing at the opposite end of the dining room.
Shit.
“I’ve been looking for you. What are you doing?” he asked.
My revelation still had me struggling with breathlessness. Blinking, it took me an embarrassingly long moment to respond.
“…Eavesdropping…” I mumbled.
“Ah, fair enough.”
Summoner’s long legs made quick work of the length of the room.
“Why does your family hate me?” I asked, dodging my nosiness and turning things back on him.
“Stupid idiots, most likely.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
My nose twitched. The heaviness of a woman’s perfume invaded my space. My jaw clenched. Kay had her chance. She had her marriage. She couldn’t have him. This time with him was mine.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that, Poppy. That’s how Kay is. She’ll tell you her opinion if you want it or not.”
“I don’t like her opinions about me.”
“She’s gone now. Let’s decompress.”
“Decompress?”
“We’re taking a bath.” He grinned seductively.
Summoner led me up to the master bath. The bathroom was minimalist, with light gray walls and gray marble floors.
A large walk-in shower built directly into the wall filled the far end of the room.
With much more effort than necessary, I planted my ass on the countertop in between the double sinks while he turned on the bathtub.
The bathtub was a thing of glory: oval-shaped, deep, and wide, made of the finest porcelain.
Summoner added a couple drops of oil to the water, and the sweet smells of jasmine and lavender filled the room.
“It won’t cure anything, but essential oils smell nice and make the skin soft,” he noted.