Chapter 35 There’s No Going Back
There’s No Going Back
You know, when you do something so exhilarating, you black out, and it’s just a distant memory.
That’s what happens when my nerves consume me while Jake fast paces into his house to grab his bike and our helmets, when I get on top of it, and he makes us fly through the roads of Mailview.
This time, I just assume, I’m holding onto him instead of the seat, and halfway to the beach, I lose all sense of myself and just spread my arms, feeling the wind touching my skin, my hair flying around the helmet, and my heart beating and syncing with the engine.
So intense I can’t even feel it anymore.
When we get to the beach, he stops the bike, lazily parked somewhere, because no one comes to the beach at night.
He leaves the jacket on top of it and takes his shoes off, and I remind myself to do the same. We take them out as quickly as possible, as if we slow down, we actually realize what we’re doing. He loosens his tie, and I have to hold myself back from kissing him.
We lock eyes and just nod.
I start slowly running to the board, and he comes after me.
When we reach it, and as I’m climbing the first step, it hits me.
“This dress was really expensive, Aunt Lori is gonna kill me if I ruin it.” I look down at it, hesitation threatening to creep in, and Jake agrees.
“Yeah, this tux too.”
I glance at him and think, fuck it.
I slip off the dress, leaving me in my bra and briefs.
I lay my dress against a chair nearby, and when I come back, Jake is shamelessly staring me down.
When he finds my eyes, he doesn’t leave them.
Not when unbuttoning his shirt, opening it, and throwing it at the sand.
This time, I stare shamelessly. Something about him, bare-chested under the moonlight, is doing something to my insides.
He takes off his pants, and he’s wearing large briefs, as if he were wearing trunks.
It’s like we’re wearing bathing suits, keep it together.
But it’s not, and we both know that.
I take initiative and start climbing the steps before I lose sight of what I came here to do in the first place.
“Stop staring at my butt!” I shout without thinking, knowing him all too well.
“Oh come on, it’s right here, it’s impossible not to!” He shouts behind me and makes me roll my eyes.
You can do this; you are not going to die. Older kids do this every summer. You can do this. It’s like a mantra, safekeeping me in my head. I just have to dive correctly.
I finally reach the top, and he’s right after me.
Only the street lights from afar light up the beach around us and some of the water, but the water… It’s black. Dark. Scary.
Oh my god, what was I thinking?
“Mads?” My heart skips a beat at hearing my name coming from him. “You’re not getting hurt. Not on my watch.” He extends his hand, and I scrutinize it. Every edge, every scarp, every curve, until I take it, in one big breath.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
He remains facing me and makes us walk towards the end of the board.
“You want to do this?” He gazes deep into my eyes, and before my brain can interject, my heart does.
“Yes. Now or never, right?”
Which is stupid because I could just enter the stupid contest like a normal person. But love makes you do crazy things. I finally get it.
He nods. We inch to the very edge until we’re almost touching it.
“One.” He counts, and I take a deep breath.
“Two.” I say, and a familiar smirk slips into place.
“Three.”
We both jump, and he hugs me close to him, our bodies remaining straight as we fall. My heart beats wildly inside my chest, but I don’t have enough time to react because in no time, we hit the water, and I feel his arms slipping away slowly, releasing me.
I immediately start swimming up, an insane amount of rush inside me. When I reach the surface, I take in the air and look for him, who’s right in front of me.
“I can’t believe we just did that.” I mutter, shocked, the slowest smile arising in my face. Rush is still driving me insane. I throw my arms around him, and he hugs me right back.
I pull back, beaming, and our eyes trap each other, no way of getting out this time.
“Jake?” I almost whisper, our eyes never betraying us.
He hums, coming closer.
“That day… When you kissed me.” I look between his eyes, his lips, and his wet hair. “I wasn’t mad at you. I was,” I feel like I need to take a deep breath. “Mad at myself. For wanting more.”
His eyes dig into mine, and I feel the weight of this confession down my spine.
“Yeah?”
Gradually and almost unnoticed, he comes closer to me, nothing surrounding us but the dark water and street lights in the distance.
I nod and bite my lower lip, my eyes not sure where to look. Our noses touch, and I feel his mouth closer to mine, a grain of sand keeping the distance between them, I’m sure.
“What are we doing?” I whisper into his lips, eyes closed, and his mouth touches mine.
“Something I’ve been wanting to do for a very long time.”
My legs falter beneath me, and my breath does too.
His mouth covers mine, and my body gets infused with a rush of adrenaline I’ve never felt before, not even minutes ago, when we jumped.
My legs wrap around his body just so I don’t sink, and his arms envelop me, not leaving any space between us.
This kiss is different than the first one.
It’s slower, not so rushed, or to prove a point.
In my opinion, it’s even more breathtaking.
Even though the water is cold, I feel my skin burning, my cheeks about to combust. He moves down to my chin, and then my jaw, and then my neck to just below my ear.
I bury my fingers in his hair, and after one small bite to the earlobe, I turn his face to mine, not ready for it to be over.
This time, I take matters into my own hands and leave a trail of kisses over his mouth, on his laugh lines, on his cheek, on his jaw, and because I can’t take it anymore, on his lips again.
His hands grab my back like his life depends on it, and I refuse to let go of his hair.
He takes hold of my mouth once again and molds it to do whatever he pleases, and I let myself be.
I’ve read a lot of romances, and I’ve seen him kissing other girls, but somehow it seems like this tops every scene I’ve ever read and everything I’ve ever seen.
He does that thing with his tongue again, and I’m caught off guard and inexplicably laugh.
“I knew you liked that.” He grins against my lips, and I do everything in my power to stop laughing and let him go on. And so he does.
I’m about to lose myself completely for the third time since he kissed me when I stop us, foreheads touching, breaths faltering, greed wanting more.
“Jake, I think I lo-”
A flashlight blinds us.
We both stop, frowning and afraid to look at the light.
“Shit.” He utters, and I’m scared to look.
“I should’ve known it was you, West, but- Wait, is that Madelaine Brown?” Sheriff Coleman points the flashlight between us, with apparent concern and clear trauma on his face.
“Oh my god, this cannot be happening…” I look down, ashamed, my cheeks turning red for sure.
“Sheriff Coleman, long time no see!” Jake greets, and I push him.
“What?”
I narrow my eyes at him.
“Oh god, I knew this was a bad idea! There was a deep voice in my head telling me- But no! Amanda had to touch your arm and make me go all crazy!” I cover my face, and I feel Jake’s mouth close to my ear.
“Come on, you’ve never felt more alive.” I glance at his wild eyes. I hate how he’s doing something to me. And I can’t decide if I want to smile or drown him.
The second one.
I throw myself at him, and he’s so caught off guard that he sinks immediately, so I push his head down for a few seconds, that is, until he gets hold of my legs and pulls me under too.
He grabs my head underwater, and his thumb touches my lip, and then so do his lips, for a quick peck.
As soon as he breaks apart, I get over myself and swim upwards.
“Stop that! What’s wrong with you? The sheriff just caught us making out, and you’re-”
“Your turn.” And then he dunks me underwater, and I just aimlessly throw my arms around. He only keeps me there for a few seconds, and then I come back up.
Before I can do anything, the sheriff reminds us of his existence.
“I assume this is yours.” Coleman grips our clothes in his hands, and I suddenly remember that I’m only wearing underwear.
“This couldn’t get any worse…” I push him aside and cover my face.
“I’m sorry, officer, she’s not used to this life, as you can see.”
“I’m going to kill you!” And just before I throw myself at him again, the sheriff intervenes.
“Kids, just get in the car!” He orders, and we stop bickering, but he still throws water in my face and into my nose. I cough, and he runs in front of me.
“West!”
I swim towards the sand, and he’s already up, being covered by a towel the sheriff brought us in the meantime. Before I can get out of the water, the sheriff immediately turns around, but Jake remains the same.
“Do you mind?” I look pointedly at him, and he smirks.
“Not at all.”
“West!”
“Fine! Jesus, it’s not like I haven’t seen anything before!” He turns around, and I get out of the water, grabbing the towel at my feet. When I look up, I catch Jake glimpsing, and I, of course, shove him.
“Pervert.”
“Didn’t stop you from jumping me now, did it?”
The sheriff breaks us apart, each on each side, and gets us into the car.
We sit in the back, and the sheriff turns on the car.
“Who will we be taking first?”
“Wait, you’re not talking to my dad, are you?” I interrupt, and he grimaces.
“I’m sorry, kid, but swimming in your underwear at night is not allowed at the beach, you know that.”
Right. Fuck.
“I’ll leave details out.” He clears his throat, and I have this urge to hit my head against the window until I wake up from this nightmare.
“Well, I think ladies first, and we live on the same street, so I’m just a house ahead.” Pause for stupidity to sink in. “Unless you want me at yours.” He winks, and my face morphs into disgust.
“Don’t talk to me.” I warn, directing my last words to him.
“I’ll take that as a no.” He leans back against the seat and starts striking up a conversation with Coleman.
This is it. My dad’s gonna kill me, and on top of that, this was simultaneously the highest and lowest point in my life.
But is it bad that I still feel excitement in the depths of my heart? I was never crazy enough to do something like this, and now, Jake’s right. I’ve never felt more alive.
I sigh and look out the window, counting my days. After 15 minutes, we reach my house.
We get out of the car, and the sheriff rings the gate.
Waiting for my dad feels like torture every second that passes.
Finally, after a couple of minutes, there he is, still in his tuxedo, rubbing his face — surely he was sleeping on the couch waiting for me — and trying to make out the image in front of him.
I grip the towel, not sure if I can look at him.
“Maddie, what- Are you okay?” He rushes to the gate and lays eyes on Jake. “Jake?”
“John, I’m sorry to disrupt your sleep, but I caught your daughter and Jake skinny dipping at the beach.”
I can see the moment the color drains from my dad’s face.
“We were in our underwear!” I blurt out. “Not naked…” I flinch, waiting for the response.
“Toby, leave them here. I’ll call Jake’s parents.” I see something stormy inside my dad’s eyes when he mentions Jake.
“Sure thing. Goodnight.” He leaves us, and my dad waits until he’s gone, to, well-
“Are you out of your minds?!” He opens the gate, and I get in. “And you! Skinny dipping with my daughter? At night? I know you, Jake, you’re the same as your dad, and you better hope I’m wrong or things won’t turn out in your favor.”
For the first time in my life, I’m seeing my dad genuinely mad. He scolds Lindsey and me, but he never yells or that vein that’s popping in his neck? I didn’t know it was there.
“Dad-”
“You’re grounded.”
Yep, fair.
“And I’m going to call your mom, right now, just so I don’t rip your head off myself.” He points a finger at Jake and then turns towards the house.
I walk slowly behind him, and Jake catches up to me and pinches me in the stomach.
“Jake!” I whisper-yell, trying not to laugh. “Do you wanna die?” I smile up at him, and he smirks.
“Well, if dying is what it takes to touch you, then kill me now.” He kisses my cheek just before my dad turns around, and I try not to grin like a fool.
I tried to be mad at him, I really did, but…
As I’m looking at him, trying to keep his act together in front of my seething dad, and he winks at me, my heart skips a beat.
I never thought that would happen to me.