Chapter 36 The Omen
The Omen
“Dad.” I open my eyes, feeling tears down my cheeks.
The downside of sleeping pills? Very vivid dreams. Yeah, my dad died in this one, and I was visiting his grave, just absolutely lost.
Then the fact that I basically realized that I loved Jake last night didn’t help. He owns me in such a dangerous way. I’m terrified.
And all my hopes that this day could turn around went to shit when the first thing I saw this morning, in the middle of the town square, was Amanda hugging Jake, an evident complicity between them.
What was I thinking? They have been each other’s person since they were twelve. I hated him throughout our lives and only became his friend this summer. I must be the only one who doesn’t want to see that they belong together. A deal is a deal.
I’m stuck in the middle of the road, staring down into the distance at them.
I hear a honk in the distance, and only when the driver starts shouting at me do I get out of the road.
When I look up again, Jake is jogging towards me.
Suck it up.
“Hey, is everything okay?” He frowns, looking at my face, and I pretend to rub my nose with my arm. “Were you crying?”
“Allergies.” I justify, hopefully convincingly. “What did Amanda want?” I ask.
“She was…” He looks behind and then back at me. “Begging to come back.”
“What you wanted, right?” I fake a smile, and he looks down, and then confusion crosses his face.
“Yeah, but last night-”
“Was a mistake.” I complete, and it’s like I just put up a barrier between us.
“Us kissing was…” I prepare myself for the blow.
“A mistake.” I let out, helpless. Something flashes in his eyes, but I’m too heartbroken to decode it.
“I was high on adrenaline, and it was the last thing on the list, so you’re officially released from your duties.
” I glance down, and he looks back at where he stood with Amanda and back to me.
“But before Coleman, you were saying something like I lo-”
“I loved that we jumped.” I take a deep breath in. “Closure, you know.” Except this is somehow the opposite of it. “She’s waiting for you.”
“Right.” He looks conflicted, and that kills me.
“I guess I’ll be seeing you, West.” I start walking backwards, and he watches me. “Later, for the talent show.”
“See ya, Brown.”
I turn around and the faucet to my waterworks breaks. Tears immediately start streaming down my face, and I start walking faster and faster.
I can’t come back home. They’ll start questioning everything. So I go to my comfort landscape, just a few roads ahead, where nothing but grass and trees will surround me. I text my dad quickly, telling him I’m going on a stroll.
When I get there, I choose my favorite tree, sit against it, and just let it all out.
But still in the quiet and away from all civilization, I can’t bear to cry out loud.
I’m too used to crying silently, which somehow hurts more.
It’s like I want to get everything out, but never can, no matter how hard I try.
I let my tears fall and stain my clothes until I feel like I’ve exhausted every single tear out of me. After this emotional discharge, I could never cry again, especially in the next few weeks, right?
…Wrong.