Chapter 44 Past Tense
Past Tense
I wake up excited and motivated, for what’s happening at night, of course.
Linda and Patrick, who have been gone for a year, are going to babysit, and it’s going to be awesome.
The only downside is Jake. He’s so annoying.
I don’t know how he can be so rude and arrogant and self-confident. He’s literally my height.
I roll my eyes and push these very negative thoughts out of my head.
Isn’t that what I’ve been doing these past few months?
Ignoring problems until they go away? I read that that is a typical behavior of my sun sign.
Sometimes it sucks to be an Aquarius. Jake is a Leo.
You can already see what I have to deal with.
It feels like the world spins around him and that people exist for him.
His eyes are quite something, but that’s not a very good thing when they’re the only thing in your favor.
I take breakfast and lunch, and in the afternoon, I decide to go check on my sister.
Her bedroom door is halfway open, and she’s sitting in her bed holding a frame.
I know exactly what frame she’s holding.
A brown, wavy-haired woman holds a baby in her arms, smiling, like she’s never going to leave it. But she did. That baby, me, and dad.
My sister has struggled the most after my little incident.
She’s five, so she doesn’t understand many things, but honestly, this one I don’t understand either.
What I do understand is that she likes to waste her time suffering, thinking about a person whose thoughts are not worth giving any attention.
“Hey, Lindy.” I smile, and she looks up.
“Hi Maddie. Just looking at mom.” She shows me the frame, and I nod, slowly taking it away from her hands and laying it on her bedside table.
“Why?” I sweetly ask.
“Because I’m afraid I might forget her.” She frankly says. Not with sadness and not angry, just plain, simple emotionless.
I want to tell her that forgetting is good. That she doesn’t need to remember the woman who left us, but I can’t do that to her. I can’t ask her to defend herself the way I do. Because the way I do it is wrong. It works, but it’s so wrong.
“Did you shower, Maddie?” She asks, and I frown.
“Uh, I was about to.” I pout and cross my arms, making my little sister laugh.
“Thank god.”
I reach for a pillow and smack it in her face. She laughs even harder. I love to hear her laugh. I hug her, and she hugs me back, sending me to take a bath right after.
I put on my playlist, and She’s Not Afraid by One Direction plays through the bathroom. I sing happily. Or as happy as I can. Fake it till you make it, right?
I’m doing just fine, singing in the shower, when the bathroom lights go out.
“WEST!” I shout, enraged.
I hate him. I bet he’s laughing. That jerk.
I basically take the shower with the lights off, and when I put a towel around me, I quickly go outside the bathroom to turn on the lights.
I get dressed in some denim pants and a sweatshirt and go downstairs.
Unfortunately, I trip on the last step and fall on my face.
A laugh is heard. I look up, and Jake is on the door frame, arms crossed, looking down at me, like he always does.
“Missed me?” He questions, with too much amusement in his voice.
“You wish.” I say threatening.
Patrick comes rushing in and gets me on my feet. My eyes widen, and I hug him.
“I missed you so much.” I whisper.
“I missed you, too, Mads.” He kisses my cheek and takes me to the kitchen, scolding Jake on the way, for my benefit.
“Why did you just stand there?” He sighs, rubbing his eyes beneath the glasses.
“Why would I help her?” Jake asks with an astonished face, like helping me would be the end of the world.
Linda appears and smacks him on the back of his head. Jake rubs the spot angrily and goes to the living room.
“How are you, little sister?” She asks, hugging me. My eyes start to water, but I don’t let myself cry. I missed them so much.
“I’m okay, I guess.” Rubbing my head, we all return to the living room. “Let’s play Monopoly!” I suggest, excited.
They all agree, and we set it up. It seems like an hour passes, and right now I’m rich, Patrick and Linda are doing just fine, and Jake is poor. Like poor poor, which is kind of ironic.
“You are manipulating the dice!” He spits at me, angrily.
A grin forms in my mouth, and my face goes close to his, just to gloat.
“That’s kind of your thing, not mine. And even that, you can’t do it properly.” I snort, and he grabs a pillow and throws it at my face.
He did not. I throw myself at him and pull his hair, resulting in his hands also going up and pulling my hair. Linda wraps her arms around my waist and gets me off him, whilst Patrick does the same with Jake.
“How many times do we have to say this?” Patrick sighs, his fingers holding the bridge of his nose. Jake and I are on opposite sofas, just in case.
“Violence is not the answer.” Linda bursts, exhausted.
“Come on, look at that face,” Jake starts, “you can’t tell me that it isn’t very attackable.” He excuses.
“Asshole.” I mutter, my hair looking like I was attacked, which technically I was, and my arms crossed.
“I heard that!” He warns, his smug look being replaced by an insulted one.
“You were supposed to.” I scrunch up my nose, and his tongue gets out of his mouth. How mature.
Patrick and Linda look at each other and close their eyes for a second, realizing that they still have to feed us and keep us entertained for another three hours. I pity them, honestly.
After giving us pizza and putting on a movie, Linda and Patrick fall asleep in each other’s arms. I love their relationship.
For several moments throughout this year, I thought they were never coming back.
But they’re not like that. I can only imagine their wedding!
I bet it will be so cool. And if I go to their wedding, I might bring a plus one.
Will I have a plus one by then? I would like to…
I fantasize about it for a second. I’m in a beautiful dress, which will have to be fairytale-like, and my hair straightened.
My date will be so perfect. He will have to be kind and tall and charming…
Basically, the opposite of the guy who is currently sitting in front of the couch, looking at his hands, bored.
I can’t daydream with the movie playing in the background. I move my hand to the remote and turn off the TV. The couple doesn’t notice, obviously, because they’re deep asleep, and he doesn’t complain. Just continues to look at his hands, like they’re so interesting.
I let my head fall backwards on the couch’s cushion, also sitting on the floor, and breathe out, a bit irritated for losing my thoughts and being stuck in a living room with nothing to do, with West.
“So… Your mom left.” He drags, a casual tone.
He’s no longer looking at his hands. He has his head the same as mine.
“Observation on point.” I sarcastically utter, my voice a bit in shock with his bold self.
Up until now, everyone says Sorry or avoids the subject, which, after a while, became unbearable.
Like the elephant in the room. He just says this, neither sadness nor pity in his voice.
I guess when you’re a child, and you’re not very close to another, you can just be blatantly honest. But what’s curious is that I’m not mad.
I become more pissed off when they try to comfort me than when he said what he said.
“That sucks.” He says, again, neither sadness nor pity in his voice, and completely ignoring my comment.
“It does.” My head pushes itself down, and my eyes travel to his face.
Nothing. Not even his face shows it.
His head lowers too, and he looks straight into my eyes. That’s a bit intimidating, not gonna lie.
“Not even you deserve that.” He huffs empathically.
I only retain one thing from that sentence. A strange one.
“Why are you being nice to me?” I ask hesitantly, completely ignoring the emphasis he had on that you.
“I know, right?” He chuckles, letting those rare dimples appear. “I felt it too.” He makes a dorky, engrossed face, and I can’t help but laugh.
A bit of resistance comes from him, but in a matter of seconds, his laugh also invades the living room.
I don’t think West ever made me laugh, but I’m not complaining.
This is part of one of those rare moments.
Unique, if you will. Our laughs have never been heard in the same room before.
At least, never caused by the other. It’s nice to change a bit from our screaming and fighting.
Not that this will change anything between us.
We will always be Madelaine and Jake, Brown and West, fighting for everything and for nothing.
Usually his fault. Right now, I let this moment tape itself as it happens, because one day I might want to play it and remember it.
Perhaps when he and I go into another fight, or when we stay mad at each other.
I will remember that there actually was a moment when we were at peace.