1. Gigi
CHAPTER 1
Gigi
THE BEGINNING OF LUKE’S SENIOR YEAR AND GIGI’S SOPHOMORE YEAR
I’m pregnant.
As if our lives aren’t chaotic enough, as if Luke and I don’t already have enough baggage, I also had to add this to our list of things that might break our relationship.
Congratulations, Gigi. You’ve made a wonderful mess of everything.
“Luke, please say something,” I plead. Anything other than fuck . The only word that has left his lips ever since I broke the news.
I look around my dorm room before my gaze trails back to him, waiting for him to react.
With his mouth hanging open and his honey eyes wide, Luke slowly shakes his head. “How did this happen? I thought you were on the shot.”
I drop my chin to my chest. He’s going to think I’m trapping him . “I…I forgot to take the next one. Remember when my old phone broke?” No reaction. “Well, I forgot to put in a reminder on the new one for when I was supposed to get my next shot.”
Stupid, stupid Gigi. In my defense, not that I have any ground to stand on, having your first boyfriend die on you and your next boyfriend be your stepbrother can do that to a girl. It can make you lose your mind, not think straight, be more forgetful than you already are. I admit I was in a haze of grief, lust, and love. Thinking straight and keeping track of my appointments were not high on my to-do list. But I don’t say any of this to him. What good will it do?
“How far along are you?”
“I don’t know.” I tell him the truth. “My period was never regular with the shot.”
“Got it.” Luke crosses his arms over his chest while his eyes are still pinned to me. They’re angry and accusing. I get it. I truly do. I fucked up. Big time.
“Say something, Luke.” Even I don’t miss the hint of desperation in my voice.
“What are you planning to do, Gi?”
That’s a damn good question. My mother had me young and I vowed to never be like her. I saw firsthand the struggle that she and Dad went through, trying to juggle the start of their careers, growing up, all while also having a child to take care of. I had a plan. I have a plan. Go to school, go to grad school, and then become a therapist. I should learn by now that life rarely goes according to the Excel sheet that I use to organize my goals. I mean, look at me, I’m pregnant with my stepbrother’s child.
“What do you think I should do?” I ask. At this point, with all the guilt racking up, I’d do anything he wants me to do.
“It’s your body. I’ll support you whatever you do,” he says in a tone void of warmth.
“I have an appointment at the doctor’s office at the end of the week,” I say, my voice just about to break. “I’ll keep you updated.”
No matter how screwed up our situation is, the one thing I could always count on was how much we loved each other. How much we comforted one another. And I ruined it. I ruined us. This will be the thing that breaks us apart?—my stupidity.
Congratulations, Gigi. You've made a wonderful mess of everything.
I stand up from the bed and start sorting out the clothes in my laundry basket, needing something to do and not wanting to sit in awkward silence anymore. My heart is thundering in my chest, anticipating Luke to dump me any moment now.
Think of happy thoughts, Gigi. Picture the beach. Picture the park. Picture Luke petting that cat on your first date, not the Luke that’s pissed off, sitting on your bed in front of you.
I’m not sure which one happens first—my tears falling free or Luke grabbing my wrist—but I notice both happening at the same time. My sob breaks by the time he wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to his chest.
“I’m mad at you right now, Gi,” he says, his voice calm. “You were fucking careless. And I should’ve wrapped it the fuck up. But I’ve got you, alright?”
“I’m sorry,” I say. And then I repeat myself over and over again. It’s the only adequate thing I can say at this point.
“We’re in this together now. Whatever you want to do, I’ll be there.”
“Do…do you…do you…” I struggle to get my words out. “Do you even…want kids?”
I feel his body stiffen next to mine the moment his answer comes out in one long breath. “I’m not sure I want them right now .”
Every time Luke shares about his life and his future plans, he’s always talking about the different master’s programs he wants to apply to, the cities he wishes to live in, or the companies that he’s interested in working for. Never once have I heard him speak about wanting to start a family, let alone starting one in college.
Congratulations, Gigi. You’ve made a wonderful mess of everything. And Luke’s life.