2. Luke
CHAPTER 2
Luke
The fluorescent light and the sound of keyboards clacking are doing nothing to calm my nerves. In fact, it’s making my leg bounce up and down faster. I don’t think anybody minds, though; everyone is stuck in their own heads. Gigi is staring at the wall next to me, no clue what she’s thinking about, while the other two pregnant women and their partners sitting across the room are playing with their phones. It’s not lost on me that they look older than me and Gigi. Way older. Late twenties or early thirties, maybe.
“Miss Bankowski?” a woman in scrubs holding a clipboard calls out to Gigi.
I guess that’s our cue .
I squeeze Gigi’s hand, causing her to come out of her trance. Gigi gives me a tight smile in return, one that doesn’t reach those gray eyes that have been crying constantly since she came back from New York.
As we walk down the hallway to the examination room, I kiss the crown of her head. “Whatever you want to do, I’m here, Gi.”
What does she actually want to do? Our browsers have been working overtime these past few days. We’ve Googled everything under the sun, from termination to daycare hours. If anything, we’re more torn after the research than we were before. On each end of the spectrum, someone always has something good and something bad to say about whichever decision you make.
“The doctor will be with you shortly,” the woman says while handing Gigi something that resembles a hospital gown.
Fifteen minutes later, the girl that holds the fate of my future lies down on the examination chair, her feet resting on stirrups. The OB/GYN that introduced herself as Dr. Patel is probing Gigi, doing something called a transvaginal ultrasound, and I can’t help but feel out of place. I never knew what an appointment with the gynecologist looked like before this.
“You’re almost eleven weeks along,” Dr. Patel announces as she moves a long-ass stick inside Gigi. “I take it your period was irregular with the shot?”
“Uhm, yes, but eleven weeks? Are you sure?” Gigi asks, her eyes questioning. I don’t dare say anything, but eleven weeks would mean that for almost half of our relationship, Gigi was already pregnant.
This is fucking insanity.
“We always count from the day of the last period.” Gigi leans her head back, and the doctor watches the screen some more, marking things with her mouse that, again, I have no clue about. All I see are gray and black spots on her monitor. Nothing baby-shaped yet. “Oh, my!” Dr. Patel suddenly says, a small smile tugging her lips. “Miss Bankowski and Mr. Palmer, is it?”
“Yeah,” I answer.
“Congratulations, you’re having twins.”
She did not just say that.
Gigi looks up to me so I squeeze her hand again to show her support, but I can’t focus on anything right now with my scattered brain.
Twins.
Just like my grandma had a twin.
Just like Dad had a twin.
Just like my cousins were twins.
Dr. Patel points at two gray things on the screen that look more like blurry peanuts than babies, and for the first time in a long time my eyes are burning from something that’s not despair. If Gigi keeps the babies, we’re going to have twins.
“Your due date is April 4th,” Dr. Patel says the moment me and Gigi are sitting across from her. “Everything looks good, but we always categorize multiple pregnancies as high-risk pregnancies.”
“What does that mean?” Gigi looks like she’s about to cry.
“High risk?” I ask at the same time.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything. But when you carry twins, you have a higher risk of certain complications. High blood pressure, for example, or preterm labor.” The expression on Dr. Patel’s face softens when she sees Gigi’s lips quiver and me rubbing Gigi’s back. “Scary terms, but let me assure you both, a lot of my patients had multiple pregnancies, and I have yet to lose a baby or a mom. We will always stay on top of things. That’s what the checkups are for.”
The two of them talk some more, and by talk I mean Dr. Patel doing most of it and Gigi nodding along. She looks like a frightened puppy, and I feel something whirling in my stomach. What if Gigi wants to terminate? Would I be okay with that? Is that what I want? She doesn’t look like she’s happy. She looks zoned the fuck out. How am I going to provide for twins? How much money does a baby need? As a matter of fact, who’s even paying for this appointment right now?
“Alright.” Dr. Patel clicks the top of her pen. “I’d like to see you again in two weeks. Usually the visits are four weeks apart in the beginning, but I’ll be going on a vacation until mid-October. You can also set up an appointment with my colleague during that time, if you prefer.”
I wait for her to say something once we’re in the car. Anything. But Gigi’s just staring out the window, her fingers tapping the screen of her phone.
“Gi,” I start. Gi, what?
“Can you take me back to campus?” Her voice is only above a whisper. Hoarse, probably from all the crying she’s been doing lately. “I have class in an hour.”
“We need to talk about it,” I say, but I start the car, anyway.
We’re already at the parking lot in front of the social sciences building when Gigi finally looks me in the eye as she unbuckles herself. “What do you want me to do, Luke? And please, spare me the it’s-my-body-it’s-my-decision talk,” she croaks. “I don’t know what to fucking do. So tell me the truth. What do you want? And don’t lie to me to make me feel better.”
“I want you to keep them.”
There. I said it. I fucking said the truth. Would my life be a lot easier if Gigi wasn’t pregnant right now? Absolutely. But the moment I saw them during the sonogram, though, I knew. I have never wanted anything more in my life. All the jumbled-up feelings muted themselves, and I only felt one thing for Gigi when I saw the two gray alien-looking blobs on the screen. Gratefulness.
Our lives might be a mess, but in the midst of it all, Gigi might be giving me things I haven’t dared to dream of in a long time. Love. Family.
“Oh, thank God.” Gigi’s still not smiling, but she breathes out a breath of relief. I chuckle when I hear her, feeling some weight being lifted off my shoulders, as well. Gigi looks at me as she bites her bottom lip. “There are two of them, Luke. We can’t even afford one baby. How are we going to afford two? We don’t even have the space. I live in a dorm, for God’s sake. What am I going to do with my classes? I had a plan! I had a freaking plan with yearly milestones. But I saw them, Luke. I saw the two of them. I want to do this. How are we?—”
“Shhh.” I stop her the moment she starts hyperventilating, pulling her close to me as I rub her back. “Picture it, Gi. Picture us. Picture us playing with them. I know the timing sucks, but I promise you, if you’ll let me, I’ll take care of you three. I got you, Gi.”