Twelve
We rush back to my apartment, arriving in the parking lot outside my building at the same exact time. He pulls in next to me, jumps from his car, and immediately runs around the vehicle to open my door. His hands cup my face as he kisses me, and he tastes like relief. Like I’ve been holding my breath all day, and he’s finally allowing me the air I’m craving. Each time feels covert and brand new, as if at any second this could all fall away from us.
When we finally manage to make it inside my apartment, he pushes me against the door and pins my hands over my head. He kisses me until my mind turns fuzzy, and I’m aching to feel his hard body against mine. My hands slip from his grasp to touch his hair, and his move up my shirt. I let out an involuntary moan in his mouth, tugging him closer against me.
“This isn’t moving too fast for you, is it?” he asks, lips moving down my neck. I shake my head, and he smirks against my skin. “Thank god.”
He raises the hem of my shirt, and my arms go up of their own accord. My shirt is off and tossed to the floor in one fell swoop before we’re desperately grasping for each other in the dark. Our lips meet again, tongues clashing in the most addicting way. My hands are roaming under his shirt next, inching the fabric upward when the buzz of my phone vibrating in my pocket threatens to undo the moment. I pay it no mind as his shirt is peeled off and we’re skin to skin. My hands roam up his sculpted chest, fingers running through the indentations of muscle.
“Bedroom?” I ask, my voice raspy.
He nods vigorously, his head outlined by the dim glow through the blinds. My fingers curl in the belt loops of his jeans to pull him forward, but when my phone vibrates again, I let out a frustrated groan. I pull it out of my jeans pocket and throw it across the living room. Theo huffs a laugh against the side of my head before our lips meet again.
We don’t get very far across the room before Theo says, “Dammit,” and pulls his own phone out of his pocket. A picture of his brother fills the screen, and my heart jumps.
Damn him.
“Was he calling you, too?” he asks, holding out his phone.
“I don’t know. I didn’t bother checking,” I admit, biting my lip.
“Should I…?” He trails off.
The moment is officially killed. Good god, why does this keep happening to us? I nod, stepping away from him for my discarded shirt. It’s a miracle I’m able to find it through the darkness, the only trace of light coming from my Blu-ray player displaying the time. Once my shirt is back on, I flick on the hall light and step into the living room. Theo is seated on the couch, looking rumpled and annoyed. As he talks to his brother, I search for where my phone landed and find it wedged under the coffee table. Sure enough, there are two missed calls from Ben on my notification screen.
“Why do you wanna know?” Theo asks his brother. He rolls his eyes at whatever Ben’s reply is. “Because it’s none of your business.” Another pause. “Ben, let her make her own decisions. This has nothing to do with—” He lets out a frustrated noise before hanging up the phone. Dread creeps up my spine when he looks up at me and says, “Jesus.”
“What?” I ask. “What did he say?”
My heart races at the sight of Theo’s sunken form. He rubs a rough hand down his face, chest rising and falling fast with his breaths. I’m still breathing fast, but for a very different reason now.
“Did he talk to you about me?” When he looks up at me, his eyes pin me in place. “Before you came to see me?”
I mash my lips together, my eyes searching for any clue on his face that shows me what he’s thinking. But he might as well be carved from stone for how much he gives away. When I finally nod, he lets out a breath. His body deflates as he leans back on the couch.
“It’s not just because of you, though,” I say quickly. “Ben’s always been like this when I start dating someone. It’s protective, macho bullshit, but he just wants to make sure I don’t get hurt.”
“Believe me. It has everything to do with me.” He rakes his hair back from his face with a scowl. I clutch my stomach with both hands. This outright interference is a line I never expected Ben to cross, but I don’t feel good about it. Not at all. What would Alice think? And why is he so dead set against us?
“What did he say exactly?”
“He just… really doesn’t want me around you,” he says, a hand resting under his jaw. “Look, I’m not close with my brother. Alice has wanted us to change that for years. Ben thinks that I’m going to hurt you if we keep seeing each other. And apparently, he’d go as far as calling both of us past midnight to prevent that from happening.”
I frown. “Sounds sane.”
He laughs dryly. “He must really care about you to go that far.” But his eyes are narrowed in a way that says he’s entirely unconvinced of that.
I don’t say anything because I don’t trust myself to. But I feel his eyes on me, contemplating.
“You don’t have to leave.” I step forward, something like conviction drawing me closer. My hand braces his shoulder as I crawl on top of him. His eyes widen slightly as he realizes what’s happening, and then they go hazy with want. My knees straddle either side of his body as I deposit myself onto his lap. His eyes stay trained on my face as his hands settle on my waist. I lean into him, kissing his neck. He lets out a throaty groan, the motion vibrating against my lips.
“Stay,” I say. “I don’t have to do everything he tells me, you know.”
“He told you to stay away from me?”
He pulls away slightly, eyes creased as he looks up at me. I rub a thumb over his brow, as if to smooth out the worry from his face. I shake my head, even though that’s exactly what he said if you read between the lines. Our foreheads touch when I lean toward him again, my hands roaming over his broad chest. His heart is racing beneath my palm, a hard drumbeat that makes my own thump wildly. Is this nerves, or something more?
He says my name inside a sigh. I’m hardly able to make it out, even though we’re sharing the same breath. Even though I can’t stop staring at his mouth. Or wishing it were on mine. His hands move up to my hair, sinking into the curls as he brings our faces even closer.
Our lips graze, ever so slightly, when he says, “Don’t lie to me, Marcela.”
My heart stutters as I rear back from him. I’ve already lied to him once tonight, but the guilt of it hasn’t sunken in until now. How would he feel if he knew the guy I’m pining over is his brother? Part of me thinks he’d understand, given his situation with Alice. But even the thought of telling him the truth makes my stomach clench.
Theo senses my hesitation right away. His hands move down to cup my cheeks, pushing me just far enough that I’m able to breathe properly. I gulp in a shaky breath of air.
“We don’t have to do this, Marcela,” he says. “I’m not expecting anything from you. And if my brother’s warning got to you… we can stop. I don’t want you to…”
“Theo—”
“Marcela, it’s okay.” He raises himself from his spot on the couch, lifting me off him in one swift motion before plopping me back down on the sofa cushion. The movement doesn’t even wind him.
For a moment, I’m stunned. Freshman year of college, I was with Ben when I sprained my ankle outside the main building after class one day. He sprang to life, got a passerby to get a bag of ice from the food court and something to wrap my foot with. But when he tried to lift me, his face lost color. He’s lanky, and he was even skinnier back then, which was why I’d tried to stop him. The moment was mortifying for both of us, for very different reasons.
Ben liked to be the hero, I realized later. When the passerby returned with the campus medic and all the works—
bandages, cotton balls and rubbing alcohol for the scrape, a pair of crutches—I studied Ben’s face when he thought I wasn’t watching. At the time I thought he was worried about me, but I realize now that something had clicked into place for him. That medic fussed over me the way Ben had moments before he called for help. Before he tried to lift me off the ground with the physical strength he didn’t have.
Two days later, he laid that “better off as friends” line on me. For years, I’d tried so hard not to connect the two moments to each other. But—
I shake my head clear of the intrusion in my brain. This is the last thing I want to be thinking about right now, when his brother is in my living room already talking about him.
“I get it,” Theo is saying, trying to be understanding. “You’ve known him longer than you have me. Of course you’d trust he knows what’s best for you over me.”
Trust has nothing to do with us. Theo and I don’t need it for what we’re doing. There are no strings, no feelings, and nothing close to a real attachment between us.
As for Ben, well, I trusted him once. Maybe too much, when I should’ve known better. Every time he rebuilds that trust with me, it’s always followed by stark reality knocking it back down. Breaking up with me, but proving I’m still a priority in his life. Getting together with Alice, but assuring me I deserve so much more than what the guys I’m dating have to offer. Proposing to Alice was the final blow.
I don’t trust Theo to not try something stupid again, but I also don’t share the distrust Ben has in him. Nothing Theo has done warrants the amount of disdain his brother seems to have toward him.
My heart sinks when Theo stands up. He’s leaving. I get up, walking him to the door as my mind races with ways to make him stay.
“This doesn’t have to change anything,” I tell him. “I’m a grown woman for fuck’s sake. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Ben doesn’t know this is just a…” My mind spins for the right word.
“Fling?” Theo offers. “Rebound?”
“Either or.” I shrug. “We’ll figure it out. But besides all that, we’re friends, aren’t we?”
He melts a little at that. “I hope so.”
It’s a relief to hear him say that.
“Of course we are.” Despite the exhaustion settling in my shoulders, my lips pull up into a smile.
Physical stuff aside, it really does feel like we’ve become fast friends since the engagement party. I’m surprised at how much I’ve grown to care for his well-being since Saturday. I don’t want to lose our friendship when it’s only just begun. I ignore the intrusive thought at the back of my mind, that’s not the only thing you don’t want to lose, and step forward.
“Ben thinks I’m expecting something more from you. He doesn’t know what this is. That’s why he’s going through all this trouble.”
Theo squints in thought. He nods suddenly, as if realizing what I’m saying makes sense. Perhaps it is the truth, and not the jealousy I selfishly want it to be. But I’m also not ready for Ben to know the truth, or at least, a glimmer of the truth of my relationship with Theo.
“Let’s figure out what this is first,” I say, thinking on my feet. “And then we can decide what to tell people about us. Okay?”
“That sounds good.” He nods, mouth curling up in a smile. I’m relieved just at the sight of it.