Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
By Tuesday, she was even starting to feel a little bit relaxed.
After breakfast – smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, if you don’t mind, thank you very much – she decided to head to the north side of the island. Sexy barman – whose name, she had discovered, was Colin – had advised her there was a great walk to Fort Pembroke right in the far north east where you could sometimes see gannets diving into the English Channel and where, usually, you had a beautiful stretch of coastline to yourself, and she was feeling peculiarly excited about it. She had even contemplated asking Colin if he’d like to join her.
Okay, total disclosure, she had actually asked Colin if he wanted to join her, but he’d given a wry smile and flashed her his wedding ring. Felicity immediately resolved to pretend that never happened as she backed rapidly away from the bar, muttering something about a misunderstanding under her breath.
Cringe.
Moving on.
The morning was bright and fresh and she lingered in reception looking at all the leaflets for local attractions, pretending it wasn’t nearly time to go home, before heading to her hire car. Her heart was feeling light with possibility as she skipped down the entrance steps, and then something stopped her dead in her tracks.
Leaning against the car, looking for all the world as if he owned the whole bloody island, was Adam.
Felicity’s jaw clenched shut. She was rooted to the spot.
‘Hello, you,’ said Adam, pushing himself away from the car with one foot as if this was a perfectly normal scenario.
‘What the hell are you doing here?’ said Felicity. Her voice had a definite wobble.
‘Well, would you believe it? I’ve been meaning to come over for ages. The firm has a very – shall we say “worthwhile” – client in St Peter Port – and when I found out you were here at the same time, it was too good an opportunity to pass up. What a coincidence, eh?’
When her face started working normally again, Felicity raised an eyebrow to the sky.
‘And you expect me to believe you’ve come all this way just for some property deal?’
‘Oh but this is not just any property. This is Guernsey property.’ Adam waved his arms around in the vague direction of the rest of the island, then grinned. ‘Fine. I wanted to see you.’
‘Yes, well, your timing couldn’t be better. I booked this trip specifically so I could bump into you.’
‘Ah. Sarcasm. There’s the Brooks I love.’
He took a couple of steps towards her and she pretended not to notice how good he was looking in his white shirt and jeans combo against the expansive blue Guernsey sky.
Her fists clenched. You’re mad with him, remember?
‘Seriously, why are you gate-crashing my lovely restful me-time? Don’t you remember what happened in the pub?’
He held his hands out and flashed her that Tom Cruise smile. ‘That’s why I wanted to see you. I wanted to apologise in person. I thought… well, I hoped you might have calmed down by now. But if you want me to bugger off, say so and I’ll go. No questions asked.’
‘Bugger off.’
‘But before you do that,’ he continued smoothly, ‘will you let me take you for a coffee?’
‘Because that worked out so well last time?’
‘Look, I’m here now.’
‘On my holiday.’
‘On your holiday. Well, it’s my holiday too. I mean work trip. It’s a work trip, did I mention that? It’s gone on expenses and everything.’
Damn, he’s good.
‘I don’t care what it is. Will you kindly go back to your whatever it is now, please? My trip was going just fine without you.’
‘It’s just a coffee. I read about this great little place in St Martin’s. And then I’ll go, I promise, and let you get on with your, er, holiday or whatever it is.’
She was relenting. She could feel herself relenting, dammit.
Half an hour later, they were sitting at an iron table in the grounds of the impressive Saumerez Manor, armed with two enormous coffees and the thickest slices of Guernsey Gache fruit loaf Felicity had ever seen.
‘I thought you said this place was little.’
‘I lied. It’s meant to be great though. Best Gache on the island apparently. Wait, that sounded wrong.’
‘I think you’ll find it’s pronounced “gosh”.’
He laughed knowingly. ‘My mistake.’
A smile tugged at her lips but she was determined not to let him win her over, especially not over something so childish. She looked around her instead until she got her face back under control. The sun had come out and was warming the terrace pleasantly. Birds were nipping in and out of the greenery on the courtyard walls. It felt like being in the South of France, or so she imagined anyway. In spite of herself, she began to relax.
‘I’m not sure if I’ve ever been here before.’
‘Not even when you were a kid?’
‘I don’t think so.’
Adam put down his cup and looked across at her. His brown eyes looked hazel in this light.
Stop that, Felicity.
‘Have you been to the house yet?’
‘I went on Saturday.’
‘And? How was it?’
‘It’s… sad. Run-down. There’s no one living there even now and all the walls are losing their plaster.’
She began to spread the butter on her still-warm fruit slice, giving herself time to think.
‘Ah that’s a real shame.’
‘It is. It’s an amazing house but it’s going to end up in ruins if no one saves it.’ Felicity sighed. ‘Much like my family.’
‘I’m sorry.’
Adam took another sip of coffee and shifted in his chair.
He’d better not be thinking about how much it’s worth.
‘What are you doing here, Adam? I honestly can’t imagine what else there is to say.’
He took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry for turning up like that. Please forgive me for hijacking your holiday.’
Felicity sat back and crossed her arms.
‘I know how it looks but I genuinely do have to see a client tomorrow… honest. You can come with me if you don’t believe me. You’d really like his place.’
He paused.
‘But also… I had to see you.’
There it is.
‘Why? What else is there to say, Adam? Seriously.’
‘Well for starters, sorry. I’m so sorry for what I did. I know I’ve buggered everything up.’
‘Yes, you have.’
‘The truth is, Felicity…’
On reflex, Felicity took a bite of fruit slice. She chewed frantically without tasting.
Talk about emotional eating.
‘What is the truth?’ she said, mouth full.
Adam looked at her for a long moment. ‘The truth is, I just don’t think I can live without you.’
She stared at him. Waited. Chewed. Swallowed. Waited some more. Her heart was beating loudly in her ears, but she couldn’t tell if it was with anticipation or fury.
‘Please… give me another chance, Felicity,’ he blurted out suddenly, reaching for her hand across the little table. ‘I can be better; you make me better. I’m utterly crap without you, you of all people must know that.’
Felicity looked at his face, at his hand holding hers and she took a deep, determined breath. This man she had known so well, for so long. This man, who had steered her through so many choppy seas. This man, whose heart she broke and who broke hers right back.
‘I… I’m not sure I can–’
He broke in, his face serious, brow furrowed. ‘You can… it’s easy. Just give me a chance.’
‘I was going to say, I’m not sure I can trust you. Seriously. How could I ever trust you?’
Tears welled in her eyes out of nowhere, just when she was trying to keep it together.
Adam looked like he was about to deflate from the inside.
Say something else.
‘Okay. Fine. Here’s how it is. I can’t believe I spent all that time feeling guilty for kicking you out on Christmas Day. Three years, Adam! I thought there was something wrong with me, like, pathologically!’
‘I’m so sorry, Felicity. But it wasn’t exactly a bed of roses for me either after you left. I was a wreck. I had to sleep in my car, for God’s sake.’ He paused. ‘I guess I deserved it.’
‘You think?’
Adam took his hand from hers and drained his coffee cup.
‘Fine. Yes, I deserved it. I deserve a whole lot more than that, probably. It’s just, when I fall for someone, I fall hard. What can I say?’
Felicity chose to ignore this.
‘Tell me one thing,’ said Felicity. ‘This woman, you’ve apparently been with for the last… however long it’s been. The one you were cheating on me with.’
‘Tabitha.’
‘Whatever. What happened to her? I mean, how come you broke up?’
He put his face in his hands, revealing a very expensive-looking watch on one wrist. Felicity was determined not to show him any sympathy. The watch helped.
After what felt like an eternity, while Felicity got more and more cross that he was ruining her break with this emotional shambles, he spoke through his fingers.
‘Don’t be mad,’ he whispered.
‘Oh my God.’
‘I cheated on her too,’ he said, the words tumbling out of him. ‘I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me. I knew things weren’t right and I should just talk to her but instead I got drunk and met this girl in a bar and… well, you don’t need to know the details.’
‘Definitely not. I can’t believe this. What the hell is wrong with you?’
‘I don’t know. Honestly. I have no idea.’
‘And you were engaged.’
‘Yes, we were engaged. God, I’m such a mess.’
He looked up at her, his dark eyebrows knitted together.
She so wanted to help him. She thought back over the years to all the times she had helped him, had made him feel good about himself when he was low, had stroked his ego.
I am so not going there again. I just can’t.
‘ Adam, look, I know I like to rescue things and I think you think I’m going to rescue you in some way. That I’m the person who can prevent you from ending up alone. Because of course that’s what you’re afraid of. I can’t believe I haven’t seen it before.’
Adam visibly winced, as if he’d been struck.
‘Yes, I know that’s what this is all about. I’m not as dumb as you think. I know, we were each other’s first love and everything that comes with that. And I always thought you were someone I could trust completely. But now? It’s totally different now.’ She was shaking with the force of her own words, her own truth.
‘As much as anything else, you tried to fob me off with a ring you bought for someone else. Don’t you realise that’s verging on sociopathic? It’s just not normal.’ A tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away with the back of her hand. ‘And the thing is. I deserve better.’
‘You’re right, you’re right, of course.’ He nodded. ‘But I swear, the only time I’ve ever functioned properly in my entire life… was when I was with you.’
‘Well, now you’ll have to find someone else who makes you feel like that. I’m sure you won’t have any trouble. Girls seem to flock to you, after all.’
That last bit sounded more jealous than she had intended it to.
She stood up, her chair making a grotesquely noisy sound on the gravel, causing several heads to turn their way.
Adam reached for her hand again but she pulled it away.
‘Wait. Can’t I see you, sometimes, maybe? Just as friends? I miss you, Fliss. We’ve been through so much.’
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, do you?’
‘Will you at least think about it?’
She sighed. ‘I’ll think about it.’
What the hell is wrong with you, girl?
‘Thank you. And you’re right, by the way,’ he said. He was squinting at her in the bright sunlight, which at least meant his gorgeous eyes were not functioning at their full intensity.
‘I know I’m right,’ she said, arms crossed. ‘About which part, exactly?’
‘You do deserve better.’
He looked as though he might say something more. Then the moment passed. He gave a curt nod as she left the table and walked under the archway into the manor grounds. As she got halfway across the immaculate lawn she turned back, wondering if he might have followed her. Almost hoping he would for some twisted reason.
But no, she was alone again.
Alone, and confused.
Nothing new there then.
There were no more Adam incidents but she did spend the rest of the day wondering if he was going to show up again. Which was super annoying. And then most of the night running through their conversation over and over in her head.
Bloody man.
The next morning on her way to the airport, and still looking over her shoulder the whole time, she took a detour and knocked on the Bissons’ door.
Cherie answered it. She looked tired.
‘Oh, hello, my dear,’ she said with a weak smile. She sounded tired too.
‘These are for you,’ said Felicity, handing over the flowers and chocolates she’d hastily bought from the petrol station on the way.
‘Thank you, they are beautiful,’ said Cherie, not looking at them.
‘I just wanted to give you something…’ Felicity tailed off. ‘Um. Are you okay?’
‘Me? Oh yes, my dear, thank you, I’m fine.’
‘Thank you so much, for everything. You’ve changed my life. I mean that.’
Cherie looked at her for a long moment. Or past her, perhaps.
‘You are welcome, my dear.’ Then, after a pause, ‘He’s still in love with your mother.’
‘Yes,’ said Felicity. What else could she say? And then, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s okay,’ said Cherie. ‘I think I always knew he was, deep down. I suppose I asked for it really. I poked the bear. I could have just walked past you that day, couldn’t I? You would have been none the wiser.’
‘You were so kind to me, madame, I am just so grateful to you. I’m so sorry if it’s caused problems for you.’
Cherie shrugged in a way that was already so familiar. ‘You coming here, someone coming for the house, it was always going to happen. I am glad you did. Honestly.’
‘But you’re also glad I’m going home?’ said Felicity with a grin.
‘Yes. Yes, I am also glad you are going home,’ said Cherie gently.
‘Will you be okay?’
Cherie gave her a tired smile. ‘How do you say in English? We “rub along okay together”. We’ll be fine.’