Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Back to work on Thursday morning, and an extremely grateful Sophie who looked like she’d worked for twelve weeks without a break, not just a few days. She threw her arms around Felicity’s neck as soon as she walked in, chattering away about the animals and her experiences and how ‘gorgeous’ James was and how ‘divine’ Andrea was and being super enthusiastic about the whole thing, but Felicity could see and feel that she was exhausted.
And then she bumped into Andrea, who’d had to put up with Sophie’s wafting about and general lack of common sense for an entire week. She looked tired too, and practically bear-hugged Felicity the minute she saw her, in a very unusual public display of affection.
The centre was a hive of activity. It seemed she’d picked the wrong moment to go away as they’d had phone call after phone call in her absence and the cages in the dog den and the cat nursery were now all completely full. It was bloody noisy in there too after her (mostly) peaceful time away, but she felt her heart gently warming as Andrea took her round and introduced her to some of the new arrivals. There were two bulldogs from the RSPCA, who had been neglected and starved and needed round- the-clock little-and-often feeding, three new cats including an ancient deaf white cat with only one eye –‘Hit by a car, they think. She’s super sweet. We’ve called her Little Miss Bump,’ said Andrea, wryly – and four lop-eared rabbits who’d been left outside the front door in a cardboard box on Friday night (‘Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton Tail and Whatsit’). They were currently occupying a makeshift run in the corridor and seemed to be living their best lives as Sophie was absolutely smitten and kept sneaking them carrots.
She had missed her favourites of course, and they were delighted to see her too. Bobby Charlton leapt at the bars of his cage in his eagerness for a cuddle, Freddy didn’t even growl when she walked in, and tiny Holly looked like she had grown three inches in the last week. Both Holly and Gennie were looking really strong, and Felicity was shocked at how much she had missed them.
‘This is why I never take a holiday,’ she whispered, nose to nose with little Bobby, taking in the digestive biscuit smell of his paws as he wriggled. She didn’t regret it really, of course, but this place truly felt like home.
And when Andrea and Sophie asked her if she’d had a good time, she didn’t quite know what to say. In some ways, yes, there was some healing, some closure. It had been very moving to see the house in real life after all this time. But the encounter with Adam had left her feeling peculiar. What had happened to him? He was a bit pathetic, and it was strange to see him in such a state. Had he really said he wanted her back? Was he serious?
She didn’t even know where to begin with that. No sane person would ever contemplate going back to him, would they? Not after everything. Tiffany ring or not.
The ring.
There was a thought.
What happened to the ring? Did she leave it at the pub? When had she last had it? Did she throw it out of the window after all? Felicity couldn’t remember. She made a mental note to search the flat when she got home. She felt a bit shocked that she hadn’t thought about it for over a week but hopefully that was a sign of her impending liberation.
It was a nice ring. She might like to try it on again. But it wasn’t on her nightstand, not behind the bed, nor down the side of the sofa, nor in any of the places she usually liked to drop important things. Maybe her subconscious had decided to ‘misplace’ it for her own good. Returning it would mean seeing him again, after all, which seemed to be becoming more and more dangerous.
She did manage to find her mother’s paperweight in a shoebox at the bottom of her wardrobe and decided it was time it went on display. The ruby red glass was striking and when she placed it on her mantelpiece the shape of it refracted light from her lamp around the room like a rainbow. It made her smile.
Something else was missing too. There was still no message from James. No text, nothing, and Andrea hadn’t even mentioned him. Felicity tried to tell herself this was perfectly normal but really his absence had been like a huge elephant – or penguin, maybe – in the room all day long.
What had happened? Where did he keep disappearing to? It was all very mysterious. She felt really guilty about letting Adam get into her head and so she’d already decided she needed to do something about the whole Penguin Man situation when she got back from her holiday – but now she couldn’t quite put her finger on what or how to make it right. Instead, the worry just nagged, nudged and niggled at her insides, and when she finally slept her dreams were lurid and unsettling. She woke with a start at 6am and sent him a text message she knew she would probably regret later even though it was as breezy as she could make it under the circumstances.
Hey you, just got back from the trip and I’d love to see you, hope you are doing okay, give me a shout when you are free, hope you’re okay F xx
Damn. Said ‘hope you’re okay’ twice there. This is why you should never send an impulse text.
When her alarm buzzed at 7.30am she immediately checked her phone but there was no reply.
It’s still early , she told herself.
‘What the hell did you do to Adam?’ said Bex without preamble when they finally met for coffee a couple of days later.
Felicity slid gingerly into the booth beside her, clutching her huge mug of peppermint hot chocolate. Man, she loved the winter.
‘What do you mean?’ she said, blowing on its surface and poking at the marshmallows with one finger.
‘Well, I saw him yesterday and he’s in bits. Absolute bits. I was tempted to take him home and adopt him, I’ll be honest.’
‘You should,’ said Felicity, wryly. ‘He needs taking in hand.’
She looked up in time to catch a slight flush creeping across Bex’s neck. Bex quickly moved her scarf to cover it, but she was a nanosecond too late.
‘You want to take him in hand!’ said Felicity, and as she said it, it made perfect sense. Bex and Adam. How had she never seen it before?
Bex looked down at her coffee. She tapped a sugar packet an excessive number of times before she finally ripped it and tipped it into her latte. She stirred it ferociously, staring straight ahead of her. Felicity waited patiently, feeling faintly amused for some reason. When Bex finally spoke, though, it was little more than a whisper, and it shocked Felicity to her core.
‘Been there, done that,’ she said.
‘I’m sorry, what?’ said Felicity, leaning in.
‘I said, I’ve been there, done that,’ said Bex, a teeny bit louder, taking a sip of her drink and giving her friend a sideways look.
‘You never…?’ Felicity’s eyes widened and her stomach dropped all in the same moment.
What the hell…?
‘Just once, mind.’
‘When?’
‘Just after you broke up.’
Felicity shot her a look.
‘No, not then,’ said Bex hastily. ‘The first time. When you went to university. It was a one-time thing. Never to be repeated.’
‘Never?’ said Felicity, raising an eyebrow.
‘No! Never. I would never do that to you.’
‘It sounds like you already have!’
Bex ducked her head, sheepishly.
‘I actually wouldn’t mind,’ said Felicity, to her own surprise. ‘Genuinely. In fact, you two would make more sense in a lot of ways. But I should warn you, he’s a serial cheater.’
Bex looked up at her then, her eyes shining, but her voice steady. ‘I know. And that’s not even the main issue.’
Oh God, Bex was actually in love with Adam. This was… unexpected.
‘Er, I know I’ll probably regret asking this question, but what is the main issue, exactly?’
‘Surely you know what I’m talking about.’
Felicity took a sip of hot chocolate and then shrugged.
I don’t dare guess.
‘Come on, Felicity. The main issue is that he will never get over you. He’s obsessed. He always has been. Even when he was with that Tabitha girl. He never got over you completely. I could never compete with that.’
Felicity flushed in spite of herself.
‘Oh nonsense. It’s not me he’s obsessed with. It’s just the idea of me. Not even that. The idea of someone. Anyone. I think the truth is he’s just scared of ending up old and saggy and alone.’
Bex giggled.
Best not mention he came all the way to Guernsey to see me a couple of days ago.
‘He’ll move on soon, he’s only ever been in love with himself, truth be told.’
Felicity stared at her own reflection in the coffee shop window. She wondered why she didn’t feel more upset.
This was their favourite bijou independent café – there wasn’t a Costa or Caffè Nero or any such chain in sight on this elegant street – and this was their favourite spot, wedged at the front of the shop in a leather booth, their backs to the baristas, with a perfect view of the lane, just right for people watching. Today, though, she was seeing a flashback of sorts as she stared into the glass. Adam and her, his face when she told him she was going away to study. His all too frequent and sometimes surprise visits to her in halls of residence. The way Tom the handsome barman had stepped aside so quickly when Adam came to see her that weekend.
They had always had something.
Before she could take that train of thought any further, Bex decided to drop the bombshell of all bombshells. She did it ever so casually, didn’t even look up, almost delivered it under her breath, but Felicity heard every word.
‘I didn’t know Adam and that lovely penguin guy knew each other, by the way.’
Palms sweating instantly.
‘Who? What?’
‘The penguin guy, the one you met on the doorstep. The one you went on that date with.’
‘Yes, I know the penguin guy. Penguin Man, I mean. But how do you know him? I mean James, his name is James.’
‘Oh, I met him once,’ said Bex, vaguely. ‘I popped into the centre looking for you one day and he was there. He’s gorgeous, by the way, but I think you’re missing the point rather, darling.’
‘Fine, okay, we’ll come back to that. Anyway, James doesn’t know Adam. I mean, he has met him, but I wouldn’t say he knows him.’
‘Oh.’
‘What do you mean, “oh”?’
‘Oh, well it must be my mistake. I could have sworn I recognised him the other day.’
‘And?’
‘And…’ And here, Bex took a long slurp of her latte, presumably to eke out the drama. She did love a drama. Felicity rolled her eyes in mock jest at her friend, but her heart rate had definitely increased.
‘And what?’
‘And he was sitting in the pub. With Adam. I have been trying to tell you this, darling. You do keep ignoring my messages.’
There was a pause in the space-time continuum as Felicity processed this.
‘He can’t have been.’
‘He was. I’m sure of it.’
‘But he can’t have been.’
‘I know. You’ve said that a few times now.’
‘But he can’t have been sitting in the pub with him. They don’t know each other. I mean, they’ve met in passing but that’s it. It must have been a mistake. You must have made a mistake.’
‘Fine.’ Bex lifted her hands in surrender. ‘I made a mistake.’
‘When was this, exactly?’
Bex gave a long sigh and drained the last of her coffee. She picked up her phone and started scrolling idly, her beautifully manicured purple and silver nails tapping lightly on the screen.
‘Like I said, it was a while ago.’
‘But. What. Day. Was. It?’ said Felicity through gritted teeth.
‘I have no idea, a Friday, maybe…’ Bex said breezily, while Felicity contemplated throttling her with her own Liberty scarf.
She put her head in her hands. ‘It’s important,’ she said quietly, through her palms. ‘It’s really important. Can you remember anything else?’
Bex stopped staring at Facebook and made a show of concentrating. She pulled up her text messages.
‘Okay, um, I don’t know… I guess it was probably about two weeks ago.’ She scrolled for a moment and then poked at her phone with an elegant finger. ‘Look,’ – tap tap tap on the screen – ‘here’s the first time I texted you. That’s what I wanted to tell you. I’d nearly forgotten about it, it’s been so long.’
‘Two weeks ago,’ said Felicity, flatly. ‘The Friday night, you say?’
‘Yes. At least, I guess so.’
The night before the Saturday no-show.
‘They didn’t look friendly, that’s what made me wonder. I didn’t think they knew each other at all so it was surprising to see them together. And, well, James didn’t exactly look comfortable.’
Felicity lifted her head and looked at her friend. ‘How not comfortable?’
‘Really not comfortable,’ said Bex. ‘Cross. He looked cross, to be honest, but then Adam does have that effect on people.’ An attempt at another giggle which Felicity ignored.
‘I have to see him.’
‘You don’t think… I mean, Adam wouldn’t say anything awful, would he? He wouldn’t do that would he?’
‘He would,’ said Felicity bitterly. She could feel the tears looming. ‘And by the way, if you love Adam so bloody much, have him. You’re welcome to him.’
She wrapped her coat around her and blundered out into the cold street.
Let’s try this again. Keep it light, remember.
Hey there, Mr Penguin Man, I’m back! How are you?
Just wondered if you fancied meeting for a drink or something? Missed you at Saviours this week.
x
James (two hours later – two hours!):
Hey there CCL, great to hear from you, hope you had a lovely time away. We missed you at Saviours too! Sorry I didn’t reply the other day.
No worries at all, I know you’re busy.
A drink sounds great, but I’m swamped at the moment I’m afraid.
Okay, maybe another time.
Ruined it.
But how about a quick coffee next Saturday? Could meet you at that little place in town you’re always going on about? 10.30?
Felicity (a little too hastily):
Sounds perfect, see you then.
Thank God.
But how was she going to wait another week? And why was he being so cagey? As if she didn’t know. Bloody Adam had a lot to answer for. Felicity lay awake for a long time that night. At 3am and really just for something to do that didn’t involve men, she emailed a local therapist to make an appointment.
At least I’ll have something to regret in the morning.