Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
‘Run that by me again,’ said Felicity, tapping her fingers on the table rhythmically to try and keep herself calm.
‘Your “friend” Adam, he came to see me a couple of weeks ago.’ James was methodically taking all the sugar packets out of the bowl and arranging them on the table by colour as he spoke. Pink sweeteners. Brown demerara. White caster.
‘To be clear, he’s not my friend. Came to see you where exactly?’
‘At my work. He came to see me at my office.’
Felicity made a mental note to ask him where he worked later. She had managed to glean that it was some kind of office job during their shifts together, but probably should have pried a bit deeper. Or, you know, a bit.
‘And?’
‘And he offered to take me for a drink.’
‘And?’
‘And I agreed.’
‘Yes, obviously, you agreed, although I have no idea why.’
‘The poor bloke was a mess. He wanted to talk, who was I to turn him down?’
Felicity had been making a mental list of all the questions this conversation was generating and it was already quite long. She rubbed her forehead with her thumb and forefinger and tried to focus.
‘And so, you met him for a drink? Then what happened?’
‘He said he was still in love with you, and he asked me to back off. Begged me, really. It was quite touching. He said I needed to end it now before it went any further.’ James took a deep breath. ‘He told me all about your story, how long you two were together, you were childhood sweethearts, all that jazz. He said it was destiny for you two to end up together and I would just be getting in the way.’
‘And you believed him?’
James looked sideways at her from under the cap. ‘Of course. Well, I mean, I didn’t know what to believe but there’s a code.’
‘I can’t believe that’s a real thing.’
‘Well, there is, it’s a guy thing. You and I had only ever had one kiss and so I didn’t really feel I had much claim over you or anything. I mean, it was a hell of a kiss…’
As he said this, he leaned forwards ever so slightly so she could feel his breath on her ear, and it made her whole body vibrate…
‘…but it was just a kiss and I wanted, I want, you to be happy. I really thought that if I backed off then you two could have a chance, and truth be told…’
He sounded strained, and Felicity sneaked a glance at his face.
‘Truth be told?’
‘Um… yes.’ James shifted uncomfortably in his seat. ‘And truth be told … I wasn’t exactly free.’
Felicity jerked in surprise, knocking her coffee cup properly sideways this time. There was a brief interlude while she mopped ineffectually at the resulting stain with a tissue she found in her bag. It bought her vital seconds to gather herself together.
Eventually Felicity stopped mopping and summoned the courage to ask the question she had to ask.
‘When you say “not free”…?’ she said quietly, staring at the table in front of her.
‘I mean, I had a small obligation to someone. I don’t anymore.’ This last part was added somewhat hastily.
‘A small obligation? I’m afraid, much as I’d like it to be, this is not the Victorian era. No one has obligations these days.’
‘Okay but I did.’
‘Okay. Who to?’
James swallowed. ‘It was a girl I’d been seeing… before Christmas.’
‘Oh, right.’ Felicity’s attempt at nonchalance came out like a high-pitched squeak. ‘Did she know it was small?’
‘She does now. Sorry, that was a bit flippant, wasn’t it? The poor girl. She was nice enough. Olivia, her name was. I just meant it was small in that we’d been out a couple of times… it was obvious it wasn’t going anywhere… but I hadn’t exactly broken it off. Do you know what I mean? I probably should have said something sooner.’
‘Maybe that might have been a good idea, yes.’
‘Sorry.’
‘It does explain a few things.’ She was pouting, she knew, but it was impossible to stop. ‘Before Christmas you say? You mean, you were still with her when you met me?’
James sighed. ‘I had been seeing her before I met you, yes. Briefly. Honestly it was just a couple of dates. She wasn’t really my cup of tea. I should have ended it straight away but…’
‘But she was keen.’
‘Something like that, yes.’
Bloody Andrea was always bloody right .
‘I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing.’
‘And now?’ she asked, gently.
He looked deep into her eyes and there was that lightning again, this time striking in the pit of her stomach. It felt delicious.
‘And now I realise I’ve made a huge bloody mistake.’
‘That’s not even the half of it,’ said Felicity. ‘Shall we get out of here?’
They bundled out of the booth, leaving the fug of the coffee shop behind them, and set off towards the town centre. It was a pretty place on a sunny day but today, through the mist and fog, the buildings loomed close on either side of them, pressed together and taller than usual, it seemed. It was like something straight out of a Dickens novel.
As they walked, Felicity proceeded to enlighten James on a few things about Adam. By the end of it, it was James’ turn to vibrate, this time with rage.
‘The absolute bastard!’
‘That’s about the size of it.’
They had reached the park without really meaning to, and both automatically slowed as they entered greener environs. Trees and bushes with misty tops surrounded them on all sides and the air was damp and thick as if they were walking through a cloud. They wandered for a few more minutes in heavy silence, eyes trained on the ground in front of them. Then, as if they were responding to an off-stage cue, they both stopped at the same moment and turned towards each other.
‘The thing is,’ said Felicity, looking up at her companion, ‘he never really wanted me, but he never wanted anyone else to have me.’
James looked down at her, his eyes wide, his fists flexing. ‘The man’s a bloody idiot.’
‘Well, that’s a matter of opinion. He’s definitely a bastard, that’s for sure. But I think, deep down, he’s afraid of being left alone.’
‘We’re all afraid of that. I’m sorry but that’s no excuse. He’s a bastard for cheating on you and a bloody idiot for letting you go.’
Felicity suddenly felt a bit hot and bothered. She held his stare for as long as she could manage and then dropped her eyes to his shoes.
‘So, I have a question,’ she said. ‘This obligation. This Olivia. ’
‘Yes…’
‘Is it definitely over?’
‘It’s over. It never really began. She was a nice girl and all but…’
Felicity held up a hand. ‘That’s enough detail, thanks. So… was there ever a black-tie party? On New Year? Or was that just your escape clause?’
James looked blank for a second before realisation spread across his features and lifted his eyebrows just a fraction.
‘Oh that. There was a party. There was definitely a party. I just found myself not particularly wanting to go to it.’ This in a low voice.
‘Oh.’ Felicity was properly blushing now. ‘Oh, that’s good, I mean. I like that answer.’
‘Good.’ James began moving towards her but Felicity put up a hand and he stopped obediently, an amused look on his face.
‘Can I ask something else?’
‘Do I have a choice?’
‘What do you do for a living, exactly?’
James laughed out loud. Actually laughed. ‘How do you not know that?’
‘I don’t know! I think we went too far down the line and then it was too late to ask. Like, you know, if you’ve met someone three or four times at a party or something it’s far too late to ask them what their name is so you just have to pretend to know it? Or wait for someone else to say it? Like that.’
‘I feel like whatever I say is going to be a huge disappointment at this point.’
‘You’re right, it will be. A horrible disappointment. On second thoughts, don’t tell me, I’ll just make it up instead.’
‘Go on then. Can we walk though? It’s bloody freezing.’
‘Fine, let’s walk,’ said Felicity, slipping her arm through his. It felt deliciously solid through his thick coat.
They walked down the central path towards a large ornamental pond. Despite it being a busy Saturday, the place felt as if it had been abandoned, apart from one nuclear family at the water’s edge. They could just make them out through the mist. There was a young mum and dad shepherding a tiny toddler, who was wrapped in a thick body suit and hood. He appeared to be feeding the ducks or was he torturing them? It was hard to tell. Ducks were scattering in all directions, that much was for sure.
Surveying the scene, feeling the solidity of that arm under her hand, Felicity’s face began to ache. She was grinning like an idiot. She sneaked a look up at James and saw he had a huge smile on his face too.
‘So, go on then,’ she said, feeling it might be helpful to exercise her face a little. ‘What do you do, exactly?’
‘Ah no, that’s cheating, you said you were going to guess.’
‘Actually, I said I was going to make it up.’
‘Go on then, give it a go.’
‘Spy?’
‘No.’
‘Astronaut?’
‘Nope.’
‘Um… mortgage adviser?’
‘Ha, no!’
‘Oh, that’s the one you scoff at. Right, so I was obviously closer with astronaut, how intriguing. Okay, fine. Erm, hedge fund manager?’
‘Do you even know what one of those is?’
‘No. Do you?’
‘Not a clue.’ James laughed. ‘But I’d guess I’m about as far from that as you can imagine.’
‘How on earth am I meant to know what the opposite of a hedge fund manager is when I don’t know what a hedge fund manager is?’
‘It’s a conundrum that’s for sure. Why don’t you stop guessing and just kiss me instead?’
And with that James somehow managed to extricate his arm from hers and sweep her in front of him in one motion. It was smooth and took her so by surprise that a ripple like static rolled down her back and into her legs and made her knees feel suddenly completely unreliable.
‘Um, isn’t this against your code?’ she managed to squeak as she looked up at him.
‘Oh, for sure. One hundred per cent,’ he replied, with a grin.
And in that moment when James the Penguin Man wrapped his arms around her and looked deep into her eyes, Felicity felt like she never wanted to be anywhere else again.
As he bent to kiss her, she almost swooned. It was that good.