Chapter 43
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
The following Saturday, Felicity – a new, and improved Felicity, she liked to think, one who was quick to forgive and generous enough to donate an ex-boyfriend to her best friend; a Felicity who was free of the past and refused to carry the weight of three years of guilt around with her anymore; yes, that Felicity – elected to spend a luxurious Saturday morning in her PJs watching cartoons and eating cereal.
At lunchtime her phone buzzed.
James: Hey you, what you up to? J xx
Felicity grinned on reflex.
Hey yourself. I’m literally channelling my 12-year-old self. What about you? Xx
Intriguing. I’m watching cartoons in my pants. Is that too much information? xx
Me too! How funny!
Ooh, in your pants? Want some company? ;-)
Pyjamas, sorry to disappoint. But sure. Come on over.
PS. Bring pizza.
I’m on my way.
Later, they lay side by side in Felicity’s bed, looking up at the ceiling, hands clasped.
‘Jaaaaaaaaaaames…?’ said Felicity after a few minutes.
‘Yeeeeesssss?’
‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Well, I imagine you’re going to anyway.’
‘Yes, well, it’s just that I can’t help wondering how someone who works for GCHQ gets to have so much time off to help at an animal sanctuary.’
‘Ah.’
‘I mean, I hope you don’t mind me asking.’
‘I don’t mind you asking.’
Silence. A long pause. Felicity wondered if he’d fallen asleep. She was just wondering if she had time to sneak off to the bathroom when he began to speak.
‘I had to deal with a very unpleasant case a few months back.’
Felicity sat up on one elbow and looked down at him. His jaw was set tight. She waited, hoping she hadn’t completely ruined the moment.
‘I can’t say much about it… basically it started as an investigation into a hack but ended up something much darker. I was, well, right in the middle of it all.’
There was another long pause.
‘I’m sorry,’ said Felicity.
James ran a hand across his brow. ‘Thanks. It was incredibly hard. It involved connections to human trafficking which we had no idea about when we started the investigation. I had to help the police go through a lot of extremely unpleasant websites and it was really, really tough.’
‘I can imagine. Well, not really. I can’t imagine at all… that’s awful.’
‘It wasn’t good. I mean, it was successful in the end. We caught a ring of nasty individuals which was a huge result… but it took its toll on me and the rest of the team.’
He rubbed his eyes.
‘The hardest thing is that you can’t really tell anyone. We were given some therapy, of course, but they also told us to take some time off if we needed it. I hadn’t taken any, I thought I could handle it, stupid idiot that I am, but then, when I met you – and, well, the cats – I thought it would be the perfect place to take my mind off things.’
‘Cats are the best kind of therapy,’ said Felicity, smiling down at him even though her heart was hurting on his behalf.
‘They really are,’ said James, turning to look up at her. ‘And not just the cats. You’re bloody great therapy too.’
She leaned down and kissed him, very gently and slowly, her heart thumping. She contemplated telling him about Hattie, but it didn’t seem like the right time, somehow. Instead, she wrapped him in her arms, and they lay like that for a long time.
‘Did it work?’ murmured Felicity, a bit later.
‘What?’
‘Us? The therapy?’
‘I’ll tell you in the morning.’