Chapter 43
As soon as I crack my eyelids, I spring out of bed. I peek out of the curtains. Even though it’s early, Alaris is already gone. I didn’t hear him move at all last night, while I tossed for hours, frustration and heat keeping me awake.
I slip into the dressing room, press my palm against the mirror, and step through the shimmering surface. There are no noises but my own soft footsteps as I pad down the stairs into the dark basement.
I pause at the bottom, just in case Karns or Dashol are down here looking for something. The silence tells me I’m alone.
I creep to the far corner of the room and find…nothing. Only a blank spot where the banded wood chest usually sits.
Unsurprising. He wouldn’t make taking one that easy, but I had to check.
“You can’t hide your secrets from me,” I mutter.
As usual, when I step into the corridor, Alaris is already there, leaning against the wall.
He smirks and shakes his head slightly, like he knows exactly what I just tried.
His posture is casual, but his brows are low, his dark eyes intense compared to their usual calm.
They fall to my lips, linger, then lift.
I flush, but cover it in a scowl. I stalk down the hall, letting him follow. I’m going to get what I need. I’m not just a pale imitation of the flame. I am a different type of divinial. One with power. And whether he likes it or not, I’m going to use it.
I keep my head low over my maps as I consider where he’s moved the chest. This castle would be too big to search if I were starting today, but Alaris doesn’t know I spent over a month scouring most of it.
There are only a few good hiding places where a chest that size could fit—the compartment under the rug, the closet with the false back, the hollow column in the gallery…
Alaris would never guess I’d have come across any of them. I can check them all today if I hurry.
After the meeting, I don’t even look at Alaris. The back of my neck prickles until I close the door behind me.
“Escort to the aviary?” Dashol asks, waiting at the end of the corridor as usual.
It’s hard to lie to Dashol, his open face guileless. “I think I’ll take myself there today.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
He gives me a longer look, but in typical Dashol fashion, he accepts my answer. “Alright. A pickup then?”
I nod. As soon as Dashol’s out of sight, I head straight for the gallery, turning down a corridor I haven’t walked in what feels like forever.
Servants bustle past, carrying linens and trays.
The next hallway is quieter, with only one maid dusting.
The third is empty, the only sound my echoing footsteps.
I slow to a stop. My eyes dart from door to door. The masked man could be behind any one of them. My throat tightens around each breath.
He could not have gotten near the castle without the hawks seeing him, I remind myself. I’m safe. I just need to keep moving.
I make myself take a step. Then another. The gallery is just at the end of the hall.
But then…no one knows what he looks like. What if the hawks don’t recognize the threat?
I feel the phantom sensation of the slash across my arm. The garrote around my throat. The sickening feeling of falling. My mouth fills with the taste of iron.
Dying hurts. Tears prickle in the corners of my eyes. I don’t want to die again.
Something creaks behind me. I whip around, pulse pounding. It might be a footstep, or a hinge, or nothing at all.
But it’s enough to break my nerve. I run back the way I came, taking the nearest turn toward the aviary. I race past my old rooms, picking up speed as if he’s on my heels. I scramble down the stairs and shove through the doors out into the cold.
I gasp in the icy air, but I don’t stop running. Hawks cry and circle above me, following as my boots pound in the dirt.
I don’t slow until I reach the aviary, scurrying inside and slamming the door shut behind me. I slide down its wood surface, settling into the hay. I drop my head into my hands, waiting for my breath to slow.
A hawk swoops to the ground beside me, giving me a soft whistle.
“I’m fine. I’m just fine,” I say, trying to catch my breath. “I was just scared. Don’t…don’t tell him I was running from nothing, okay?”
I’m not even sure if the hawks can tell him things like that. This one clicks its beak and preens a feather back into place. I take that as a yes.
I stay in the aviary until Dashol comes, then let him escort me back to the castle with my head hanging.
I hoped to cross off the most likely hiding places today, but I can’t bring myself to search alone.
The masked man found me here, against all odds.
He could slip through these defenses, and if he catches me alone, it’s over.
Alaris is winning because I’m blocked by my own fear.
Alaris is winning, and that makes it so much more likely he is going to lose.
If I can’t search the castle myself, my only choice is to enlist help.
At the next morning meeting, as subtly as I can, I bounce my eyes between Dashol, Karns, and Nykiri. They’ve all known Alaris far longer than me. They probably know where he hides things.
Dashol has always been kind to me. I think I could get him to bend the rules, and he might even have fun doing it.
But if Dashol learns Alaris doesn’t want me to find the oraculi, or that they might hurt me, he won’t help.
He trusts Alaris will find a way. He won’t see the necessity of what I need to do.
Karns, on the other hand, is a realist, and he has a certain cold-blooded practicality. I think he would agree to let me use the oraculi on the chance it could get us answers. But he’s also a stickler for the rules. He will be the first one to run to Alaris if I even ask.
I accidentally catch Alaris’s eye and he gives me an infuriating smirk. I flick my chin away, looking out the window.
The glass is frosted, obscuring the grounds. Solstice is two days away. There is no time to be cautious. I have to use the best option available to me: Nykiri.
After Alaris dismisses us, I make sure to leave first.
“I’ll walk again by myself today,” I tell Dashol.
I wait another moment for Nykiri to stalk out into the hall. As soon as her eyes land on me, her face twists in disdain. That’s fine, as long as she lets me speak.
“I need to talk to you,” I mutter to her. “But not here.”
She wrinkles her nose. “Why would I…”
“If you care about this mission succeeding, and I know you do, you need to hear this. Meet me in the wine cellar in ten minutes.”
I march away before Karns comes out. I know Alaris will interfere if he catches any hint of my plans, and at this point, I only have one.
I stick to the largest, most populated corridors. They’re light and bright, with plenty of people in view. But I can’t shake the feeling that the masked man could be watching. I speed my steps past every doorway and window.
I wait until the hallway alongside the kitchens is clear, then sneak into the wine cellar and shut the door.
I hold my breath in the dark. Luckily, I don’t have to wait long.
Dust stirs when the door opens again, the stale smell briefly broken by fresh air as Nykiri enters the cellar. Everything about her posture is aggressive, as she takes a wide stance on the stair and crosses her arms.
“You have two seconds,” she says as a greeting.
“I need your help.”
She lifts a brow. “Why would you think I would be the person to help you?”
“I know you put your life on the line to gather the intel you brought. And I know you don’t like me because I shot it down—”
“That’s not true.” She studies me with that piercing gaze. “There are plenty of reasons I don’t like you.”
I drag in a breath. “Fine. But you care about stopping the wither. You’re willing to do what’s necessary.”
She raises her chin but doesn’t respond.
I take that as an invitation. “I grew up in the palace. But there are things that happened to me there I can’t remember. They could tell us exactly what we need to know. I need an oraculi to help me fill in those gaps.”
“Then go get one. If Alaris trusts you at all, you should know where he keeps them.”
“Behind the mirror in a chest. I know.” I let out a long breath. “He moved them.”
“Then it’s clear that he doesn’t want you to have one. Matter settled.”
She reaches for the door, and I step forward.
“Do you get the sense we are close to a successful plan? Because from what I’ve seen, failure is a very real risk.”
She doesn’t confirm it, but she doesn’t move to leave either.
So I keep going. “Alaris is worried about what using an oraculi might do to me. The last time I used one, I had a bad reaction.”
She tilts her head, her face stone.
“I’m not trying to look into anything I shouldn’t,” I blurt. “It’s my own memory. He’s only stopping me because he thinks I’ll get hurt—”
“I’ll give you this,” she interrupts. “I’ve gotten the sense he is not thinking clearly when it comes to you.”
She says it like an insult, like only impaired judgment could explain his concern for me.
I grit my teeth. “Then help me. You don’t care if using an oraculi hurts me. It’s worth it to try to remember something we can use.”
Her mouth loosens a fraction.
I push. “You’ve known him longer. You would know where he would hide them.”
“You’re right about all that, but he couldn’t hide them from me if he tried.” Her irises catch the low light. A faint golden ring flares around them. “Who do you think collected half of them for him?”
“Sophirian,” I whisper. I noticed the yellow in her eyes but didn’t put it together. No wonder she makes a good spy—she’s a divinial of the goddess of truth. “You’re noble?”
She smirks. “A forgotten bastard, but sophirian nonetheless. I can sense oraculi. I can also sense truth.” She leans closer, our positions on the stairs giving her the height advantage.
“Which is why I don’t like you.” She sniffs, and I work hard not to flinch.
“You reek of lies. Even your name. Lyra. Lie.”
“Then am I telling the truth now?” I hold her gaze. “I want an oraculi, despite the danger to myself, solely to help Alaris’s plan succeed.”
Her mouth presses into a hard line. “Right now, it seems that way. That’s why I’m still standing here.” She settles into one hip. “Alright. I’ll get you one.”
I can’t hold back my smile. I know this isn’t a game. It will hurt to remember…to die again. But I can’t deny that it would feel really, really good to best Alaris.
She glares at my smile, so I clear my throat.
“We’ll have to be discreet. Alaris will stop me if he finds out.” I don’t know if she knows the connection between Alaris and the hawks. “Don’t hand one to me in the open, okay? Especially near the aviary.”
“Where you play with birds all day?” She clicks her tongue. “You do your job, hawk keeper. I don’t need to be told how to do mine. I know how to do a handoff.”
“It’s just…not private.” I pause a moment, feeling obliged to offer a warning. “I don’t think Alaris will be happy with you if he finds out you helped me with this.”
Her eyes drag down my frame, assessing. “I’ve only been back a few days, and I’m pretty confident that if you die because of this, he’ll kill me.”
That causes an unwelcome pang in my chest.
“I won’t die,” I say, swallowing the emotion. “I think.”
“Fine by me if you do.” She shrugs, opening the cellar door. “Just deliver answers first.”