19. Kamryn
Do you ever get that feeling in the pit of your stomach like something bad is about to happen? You have absolutely no idea what it is, but when that feeling comes true it all makes sense? It’s the timing of the inevitable that’s eventually going to move towards warp speed.
It’s been three days since me and Liam’s argument. Three days and not once have I seen his truck in the parking lot when I drive by to go to work. I haven’t talked to him. He also hasn’t reached out to me. That hurts more than I’d like to admit.
I’ve avoided going to all the cute little shops we would frequent together, knowing that he’d probably be there to talk to me. When I told him I needed space, I quite literally meant that I needed space. But everyone thinks we’re great together. Sure, we’ve had some good laughs and some intense moments. But every couple is different behind closed doors.
When I finally catch up with Emily and tell her all that’s happened, she’s just as shocked as I am. Emily and I have been friends since she moved to Philadelphia from New York in high school. But we got even closer once she started dating James, Liam’s best friend.
“He did not say that!?” Emily exclaims in surprise.
“He did. I know what I want. He wanted it too, but something changed with him. It’s like when his dreams failed mine should too. Am I overreacting? Am I being too hard on him?” It’s the questions that have been rolling around in my head for the last few days. But I need to voice them outloud.
“Kam, you know that boy adores you. I’ve talked to Liam and it looked like the stars were put in his eyes every time someone mentioned you. You also have a right to feel the way that you do.” Emily says as my phone rings with Liam calling.
For the first time in three days, my heart drops.
“It’s Liam.” His smiling face looks back at me as my phone is lit up.
“Answer it!”
“Hello.”
“Kamryn, you’re right. I feel like I’ve messed up everything with us!” Liam says and I hear the whooshing of cars and trucks going by. “Kamryn, baby, I’m so sorry.”
“What the hell man?!” James says in the background.
“Liam. What are you doing? Where are you? Is that James with you?” I’m now completely curious and a little nervous.
“You wanted space, so I think I’ll give it to you permanently.”
He’s so matter-of-fact about our break that it tears me up inside. “That’s not what I meant Liam, you know that. I don’t want it permanently.”
I hear the acceleration of his truck.
“Well, that’s what you’re getting Kamryn.”
“Liam, what are you doing?! That’s not what I want! Liam stop the truck!” I yell into the phone. Emily, sensing my fear, is gripping my hand and looking at me with wide eyes because her fiancé is in the truck as well.
“You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore Kamryn. You’re done with me. You made that perfectly clear.” Liam cries into the phone.
“I’m not done with you Liam! I will never be done with you. I just wanted space…time to think. Time for you to think.” I say trying to plead with him to stop the truck.
“Hey, man.” James timidly started. “Why don’t you pull over and let me drive?”
Emily starts crying because she is just as scared as I am. I heard the roar of his trucks engine and the honking of horns as I’m assuming he’s speeding past cars.
“Liam please!” I pleaded with him. “I want you in my life. I need you in my life, just not like this!” I tell him. Plead with him to just see reason.
“It’s always up to you. And what you want Kamryn. Well, I’m done thinking about what you want. Doing what you want.” Liam sneered.
“Pull the truck over!” James said at the same time I said, “Liam stop the truck!”
The line was quiet for a minute but then we heard it. The sound of James swearing, the screeching of the tires, the crashing, and the crunching of metal hitting something.
And then nothing.
Nothing moves slower than time. Take a minute on the treadmill. What’s actually thirty seconds feels like one whole hour. A microwave minute feels like an hour-long lecture class. But in this case time stopped. That moment in TV shows when something monumental happens to one of the main characters and the world moves in warp speed around them, but instead it’s all moving at a normal pace.
Time, in this exact moment, has stopped.
10 seconds.
My phone dropped from my hand.
10 seconds.
I couldn’t move.
10 seconds.
I couldn’t speak.
10 seconds.
I barely registered Emily hysterically crying next to me. And I vaguely hear the sound of Liam’s ringtone and it takes a few seconds for me to move into action.
10 seconds.
I scramble to pick up the phone and answer breathlessly. “Liam?” Hoping with every fiber of my being that it’s him on the other end of the line.
“Uh, no ma’am. This is Officer Lake. I was the first on the scene of the accident. Are you a relative?” he asked me. My mind was a cloud of nothing.
“Uh…um. No. I’m his girlfriend.” I finally respond. A cold sweat spreads over my body.
The officer cleared his throat. “I’m not supposed to do this over the phone. But ma’am your boyfriend was doing twice the posted speed limit. I chased him as much as I could. As soon as I radioed for backup that’s when it happened. We’re transporting both passengers to Covington Memorial Hospital if you want to meet them there. But I will warn you, it doesn’t look too good for them.”
10 seconds.
It was just 10 seconds.
I say nothing in response as I hang up the phone. “Em, they’re being transported to Covington. The officer said it doesn’t look good for either of them.”
10 seconds.
That was all it took for our lives to change forever.
It’s the funny thing about time. It either passes you by in the blink of an eye. Or it draws out to where it’s moving so slowly that you feel like you’ve aged at least five years.
But what about when time ceases to exist? You can’t go back. You can’t magically find the rewind button in hopes that words that already left their mark could be undone.
In this case, time was my enemy. Whatever deity or cosmic God heard my plea just laughed in my face. In this case in time, I had hoped that whatever deity or cosmic God was listening, I hoped that this was some sick and twisted joke.
10 seconds was all it took for me to stop believing in time and the great timing of life.